I regret breaking up with my ex boyfriend?

[xoxoheather]

Ok I get that but its hard to accept it when EVERYONE on this website is making it seem like I'm the worst person in the world for being confused in my previous relationship. It kinda makes it feel like you have to justify your actions when everyone is being so god damn harsh.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ok I get that but its hard to accept it when EVERYONE on this website is making it seem like I'm the worst person in the world for being confused in my previous relationship. It kinda makes it feel like you have to justify your actions when everyone is being so god damn harsh.

 

It's ok to be confused. But cheating is never OK. So just stop spinning that part of it. You screwed up -- don't double down on that screw up by justifying or explaining why you did it. Sometimes people do things they shouldn't. It's a heck of a lot easier to forgive people who don't make excuses than it is people who do. So no more excuses about the cheating. It was a s--tty thing to do. And while I'm guessing you're sick of people pointing it out, it's going to continue until you stop trying to spin it.

[mightycpa]

OMG I have had enough of people on this website. I was just trying to explain why I cheated because some people made it seem like I committed a heinous crime. I cheated and regretted it. I broke up with him because of it and regretted it. I've been miserable for the past three months over it so I think I'm getting what I deserve for being such a horrible girlfriend to him.

You know, one time I got cheated on, and to detach herself from me, my GF banged this guy at work like a steel drum. Then, the next morning, she made sure that I found out about it.

 

At first I was angry. Then I started thinking about her and the future and the honest truth is that I was never going to marry her, so then I thought, so what's the big fuss about? So what if she did things in the wrong order? She was going to end up in his bed anyway, and I wasn't going to try to get her to change her mind either way. I loved her at the time, but not enough.

 

I guess she felt bad about it because she came to see me later that day. I told her to forget about it, no big deal. Then I explained my thought process to her and we agreed that while we cared for each other, it really wasn't going to last. At some point, we were coming to an end. It might as well have been then.

 

So what's my point? My point is that on cheating scale of 0 - 10, you might have hit a 2 or a 3, depending on the kiss. If you realized that this was unfair to your ex, and broke up with him immediately, then that sounds like you made the right decision, given the circumstance. I mean, you couldn't put that genie back in the bottle, right? So you did the next best thing. Most people wouldn't admit to it, so good for you for not compounding the error.

 

But it really doesn't sound like you regret breaking up. It sounds like you regret what he became, that you wanted the BF that you met, not the one he grew into. That's ok too. I will just gently suggest that you didn't exit in the most honorable way possible.

 

So for next time, when you're ready for some new guy to lick your tonsils, stop and consider your BF for a second. Write down your phone number, and tell the new guy that you've got something you have to do first, and to call you tomorrow. Then go break up with your BF, because if you feel that way about somebody new, then it's time to break up. His feelings need not be considered about that. But they do need to be considered about the cheating. A lot of guys have their ego really wrapped up in that. Maybe ghosts of the past haunt them when yet another girl does it. There's really not much difference in that 24 hours for you, but there can be a lot of difference in the mind of the ex. He may not like it, but in the end, he'll feel he got treated fairly... and if he doesn't? It's his problem, not yours. You'll know the truth.

 

That's it. I don't think you have to take a 100 lash scourging over something like this. If you want out, then you want out... it's not a horrible thing, other peoples' opinions notwithstanding. But if you can make your exit with clean hands, you'll feel a lot better about yourself after, and you'll be less regretful.

[Draper]

You aren't the worst person in the world. You acknowledge that you made a mistake, and you let him go because of the guilt. You regret what you did and I think you have learned from it going forward.

[Simon Phoenix]

Basically, right now you're the kid who forgot to turn in their homework and we're the teacher. We'd much rather hear you say "sorry, I didn't do it" than what you are doing now, which is basically telling us that your dog ate your homework.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

OMG I have had enough of people on this website. I was just trying to explain why I cheated because some people made it seem like I committed a heinous crime. I cheated and regretted it. I broke up with him because of it and regretted it. I've been miserable for the past three months over it so I think I'm getting what I deserve for being such a horrible girlfriend to him.

 

I wouldn't take offense from anyone here; although, I see why you took a defensive stance. Most people here are the ones that got dumped, hence all the 'you shouldn't be hurt' remarks. But, usually when someone pops up on here with a post similar to yours it involves some details they "conveniently" left out... they cheated on their partner. They then try to get the sympathy treatment and get angry when someone calls them out. There's some good information to learn from in this thread if you drop the defensive mindset and look for it.

 

And guys... Calling someone out is fine. But when you see someone being called out don't just jump on the bandwagon with your torch and pitchfork. If you posted a thread looking for help and 3 to 5 people "call you out" on something you ARE going to feel like you're being attacked. Which will lead to taking on a defensive stance, altering/withholding information that could be important.

[bluefeather]

This song goes out to you Heather! (seriously, it's a good song.)

 

 

 

If you don't get scared away, we can help you accept the consequences of your actions while you can help us understand the other's perspective.

[Christos]

We are doing you a service by calling you out on your behaviour. Right now, you haven't regretted your decision, you don't really believe you did anything wrong, you think you deserved to cheat because you didn't get what you think you deserved from your ex.

 

I am sorry, but if i sympathize with you, i am doing both you and society a huge diservice. Cheater shaming exists for a reason...

 

With each new message you post, you make me sympathize with you less, because you reveal you are a spoiled little girl, selfish and selfcentered, out of touch with reality. All that matters to you is how you feeeeeel. You don't care about anything else.

 

In what world, having no car or job is a valid reason to be cheated on and dumbed? Seriously? That's what love is all about? Having material wealth?

 

Also, the timing is right. 2 years. The lust and passion dissappeared, as they always do, and instead of growing up and taking the relationship to the next level, you missed that feeeeeeeling and decided to cheat.

 

You are selfish. Too much selfish. I seriously wouldn't wish to my worst enemy, to love someone like you.

 

Am i evil for saying that? Am i mean? Ok, i am mean, evil, and whatever else you want to call me. I don't care about a selfcentered person's opinion of me anyway.

Edited September 18, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[xoxoheather]

Wow what's your problem Christos? You don't even know me and you're calling me self-entered and selfish based on a few posts? I'm sure you get a big ego boost by calling people out on the Internet.

Edited September 18, 2015 by xoxoheather