Tostaymarriedornot Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I have been married for 7 years and I don't know where I stand. My husband and I are constantly fighting but I don't really fight or engage in conversation I shut down and he says I don't care. It really all started about 2 years into out marriage when there was an situation of infidelity on his part and to be honest I never recovered form the situation. Things kept piling on and getting pushed aside and then I ended up pregnant. I think that made everything worse because I couldn't handle it. He says he wanted a baby but at the time with everything that was going on I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I was on birth control so when I found out it was kinda upsetting. I love my children and would not change them but my relationship has suffered. I do not trust my husband and it doesn't help that he hides the stupidest things from me or when I ask about money I'm treating him like a child. I don't know how much longer we can last without ending it with hate. I would love to make it work but I can't get past all the small things. He has tried he stopped going out converted religions and has requested we see a therapist but I thing the damage is done and I can't let go of the past. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I have been married for 7 years and I don't know where I stand. My husband and I are constantly fighting but I don't really fight or engage in conversation I shut down and he says I don't care. It really all started about 2 years into out marriage when there was an situation of infidelity on his part and to be honest I never recovered form the situation. Things kept piling on and getting pushed aside and then I ended up pregnant. I think that made everything worse because I couldn't handle it. He says he wanted a baby but at the time with everything that was going on I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I was on birth control so when I found out it was kinda upsetting. I love my children and would not change them but my relationship has suffered. I do not trust my husband and it doesn't help that he hides the stupidest things from me or when I ask about money I'm treating him like a child. I don't know how much longer we can last without ending it with hate. I would love to make it work but I can't get past all the small things. He has tried he stopped going out converted religions and has requested we see a therapist but I thing the damage is done and I can't let go of the past. The short answer is yes. Your marriage is salvageable. but it takes a lot of work from both of you, and the help of a 3rd party. But you have to first understand if you WANT to salvage it. No way around that. Link to post Share on other sites
beanie66f Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I would love to make it work but I can't get past all the small things. He has tried he stopped going out converted religions and has requested we see a therapist but I thing the damage is done and I can't let go of the past. If he wants to go to a therapist then GO! You say you would love to make it work. The therapist can help you sort out these small things, as well as help you let go of the past (if you really do want to let go of it). My thought on most damage - if 2 people really are sorry for past transgressions, and they both want to make things better.... that past damage can be repaired. It won't mean its "gone" ... but it just becomes part of the foundation for what you move forward to create a future with...and you can look back and then say ' that was some tough shyte we worked through" marriage is not easy. It takes ton of communication and work! I guess I totally agree with Trusted that you need to decide if you want to salvage it! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I guess I totally agree with Trusted that you need to decide if you want to salvage it! Looks like it's unanimous. You've done the easy part - fighting, arguing, building resentment and ignoring the steps needed to recover from his cheating. Now it's time to decide if you want to roll up your sleeves and tackle the hard part. You'll have to be committed, proactive and motivated. Only you know if it's possible but doesn't seem much downside - and considering you've involved a child - there's much upside to trying... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Getting past the hurt and betrayal , isn't something EVERYONE can do. Some are okay with carrying on especially with a very remorseful spouse and a few claim that the marriage is even better. Others stay and years later, wish they'd left earlier. Ask what you need from him to make it work. Let him know how you feel and what he can do to improve things. If he brings down the heavens and it's still not the answer, then maybe reconciliation is not for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Theoretically yes. In reality, no. The sooner you deal with it, the sooner you can a better partner who won't cheat on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 It sounds like you have young children, so you will probably stay married for them, so why not give therapy a try to, at the very least, make things peaceful and help you to live more peacefully. Link to post Share on other sites
Everalei Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 It sounds like you have young children, so you will probably stay married for them, so why not give therapy a try to, at the very least, make things peaceful and help you to live more peacefully. I know I'm not the best tool in the shed, but I don't agree with the idea of "living more peacefully". I understand that children weigh a lot in the decisions of a couple to stay married or not, but in the long run things may get really bad. I remember my parents' relationship: they lived together, but they just tolerated each other; there was no love or affection. My dad had had some affairs and drinking problems, and my mother was broken hearted (actually, I can say she still is, even after so many years). You could almost touch the tension in the air. Not a nice place for a kid to learn about relationships, marriage and family. It would have been better for everyone if they had split up and found someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I know I'm not the best tool in the shed, but I don't agree with the idea of "living more peacefully". I understand that children weigh a lot in the decisions of a couple to stay married or not, but in the long run things may get really bad. I remember my parents' relationship: they lived together, but they just tolerated each other; there was no love or affection. My dad had had some affairs and drinking problems, and my mother was broken hearted (actually, I can say she still is, even after so many years). You could almost touch the tension in the air. Not a nice place for a kid to learn about relationships, marriage and family. It would have been better for everyone if they had split up and found someone else. Well, then, do it, and don't just talk about it or cite excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
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