New relationship goes LDR fast... Any tips?

[Artscrafter]

I just got together with my girlfriend over the last few weeks of college. We're both each other's first significant others, we're taking it kind of slow as a result, and so on. I think I love her, but I'm not entirely sure since all the other times I'd thought I was in love, it turned out to be a crush I later regretted having, but this one is somewhat different (not quite as intense, for one thing.) Anyway, I'm rambling.

 

As college will have a tendency to do, we had to go our respective ways for the summer. Now we're living 1000 miles apart and are unlikely to see each other for 3 months. I've at least known her for longer than that in some capacity or another, but we'd only just made the jump from friends to dating within the last little bit (mostly because my desire to have closure on the "does she like me as more than a friend or not" issue before the year ended finally won out over my shyness.)

 

Here's the thing. I'm feeling pretty good about the outlook of this one, since we were both talking about looking forward to coming back together in the fall. My concern, though, is that there's such a big space of time from now till then compared to how long we've actually been dating. I want to keep it alive over the summer so we don't go back in the fall and basically be like, "Remember right at the end of last year when we were dating?" "Yeah, that was interesting. Oh well."

 

So do any of you LDR veterans have any tips for keeping something this young alive for this long? Keeping in mind that the extra-sappy romantic stuff is probably a bit further along than we've gotten so far. (To give perspective, we'd only gotten to serious kissing on the last day we had.)

 

Oh, and if it helps with the suggestions at all, I've got her home address and phone number and she's got mine, and we've both got blogs set up so we can post and have just the other person read it.

[haywood]

keep lines of communication open. go visit her once a month. good luck.

[Artscrafter]

Allow me to restate that she lives 1000 miles away and we're both college students. If you've ever been able to spare several hundred bucks a month to go visit someone on effectively zero income, please tell me how you did it. Failing that, I just don't think monthly visits are possible, much as I'd like to do them.

 

Okay, keeping communication going. Anyone have something more specific or is that it?

[prisoner]

for get convention. There is no normative value. the truth is that there is no one way to make it work.

 

I can offer this, though:

 

Beyond letters. beyond blogs. beyond the late phoine calls that start and end with 'i miss you' there is something about knowing that being apart must be temporary.

 

Unless the hope is real. Unless it is the truth that one day you will be together no matter what the consequences (even disappointment) and there is a point to being apart.

 

Now you have a r3eason to be apart but do you have a reason to be together? Do you KNOW that you will be together one day, sharing one life rather than catching the other up on two?

 

I say do not hold back. Go beyond blogs. Send postcards that say nothing. Send photos. Do not hide behind distance.

 

It is so easy to think that the other person is having a better time. It is so easy to fall in to believing taht you are not a priority.

 

Know that you are and that the distance is simply a boundary that will be crossed over time.

 

Sailors talk about the ocean being like an hourglass. they get closer to home with tevery movement no matter what the outcome.

 

Now as far as knowing goes or practically goes, anyone who says that they know is filling the space.

 

There are no rules.

 

As cryptic as it may seem: there are no rules. make up your own. do what fills the void. only you know what that is.

[haywood]

1000 miles....it could be worse. have you heard "out of sight, out of mind"? i'm not saying you guys are gonna break up or anything, i really hope the best for you. with what prisoner was saying, i think visiting her will make more of a statement than any letter could make.

 

it's gonna be tough. knowing that you guys will be able to see each other when school starts back up, takes a lot of pressure off of this temporary distance.

 

yeah i know it's hard to scrape up some money. but i don't think coming up with a couple hundred bucks isn't that tough. ask your parents or take on a part time job. women want a guy that knows what they want. so show her. just my .02 cents. wish the best for you.

[Artscrafter]

Originally posted by haywood have you heard "out of sight, out of mind"?

Yes, and that's exactly what I'm afraid of.

but i don't think coming up with a couple hundred bucks isn't that tough. ask your parents or take on a part time job.

I'm trying, but nobody around here wants to hire anyone for just the summer. Just applying for stuff (and invariably not hearing back from anyone, ever) is more than a full-time job itself. I certainly hope I'll get something, and then visits won't be nearly as much of a problem.

 

Well, I got a little bit of that from prisoner's post... Is there a reason for us to be together? ...Well, I can honestly say she's one of the best things that's happened to me so far. Will we be together again? Well, yes, in the fall. "It's so easy to think the other person is having a better time." - Well, she probably is - she already has a job.

 

I'll try the postcards and such at least. (Sorry, unrelated pessimism from the job search crept into all that...)