random text from ex, guilty

[kjackson1]

Hi Guys I haven't been on this site in some time but the people on this site really helped me through my break up with my ex. Just a quick synapse. I am currently still in business school and have been under a lot of stress that has caused some bad anxiety. I'm currently seeing a psychologist for this. I have been dating a girl for a year now and we are relatively happy besides the last month which has been rocky. I hadn't talked to my ex since May and she randomly sent me this text message yesterday. I haven't really been thinking about her but this message brought up some old feelings. I guess I still have some residual feelings for her. I honestly felt like a jerk for thinking about getting back with her but she was a big part of my life for three years. The way I felt about her I haven't felt since. We have been broken up for nearly two years now.

 

I just want to get some insight on what does this text mean.

 

Look I know you have a gf. So i'm really sorry for texting you but i just want to let you know that our relationship wasn't perfect but it was the greatest one ive had. I can't explain what we had. We were literally best friends and being with you felt like an actual team. you always had my back and I always had yours. Im sorry i just had to get this off of my chest. You truly dont know what you had til its gone. I don't want to get back, thats not what this is. Its just when I look back at us, we had an incredible friendship.

 

 

I decided to just text her to ask if she wanted to meet up to talk and I havent got a reply. Its been two days. I'm going through a lot in my life right now and the last thing I need is more stuff to bring on anxiety. Any insight would be great.

[Nolan 93]

At the end she says incredible friendship.... And she says she doesn't want to get back. Should have never texted back was definitely a guilt trip card. Ignore and black and enjoy your time and energy with your current gf.

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't meet. Why would you meet with your ex girlfriend if you have a girlfriend? Don't be that guy. Your ex doesn't want to get back with you, she just wanted to relieve some guilt and get validation. By not only responding, but asking her to meet you've given her that and then some.

 

Concentrate on your current girlfriend and stop circling back to the past.

[kjackson1]

At the end she says incredible friendship.... And she says she doesn't want to get back. Should have never texted back was definitely a guilt trip card. Ignore and black and enjoy your time and energy with your current gf.

 

thanks for your insight. I don't really see the point of her texting that after so long but everyone has different motives.

[kjackson1]

Don't meet. Why would you meet with your ex girlfriend if you have a girlfriend? Don't be that guy. Your ex doesn't want to get back with you, she just wanted to relieve some guilt and get validation. By not only responding, but asking her to meet you've given her that and then some.

 

Concentrate on your current girlfriend and stop circling back to the past.

 

We have been having problems and temporarily broke up a week ago and I guess that message got to me more than it should have. I decided to message her to meet up to see what her intentions were. I guess I got my answer by no response.

[Nolan 93]

I mean it was a nice letter that was too little too late you yah know. But if she never said "I don't want to go back this is not for that" that right there killed all of the other lies she just said. So pretty much a worthless letter she sent. Selfish much lol

[Simon Phoenix]

We have been having problems and temporarily broke up a week ago and I guess that message got to me more than it should have. I decided to message her to meet up to see what her intentions were. I guess I got my answer by no response.

 

Never do that again. You make the rookiest of rookie mistakes. If that message means anything more than what it says, she'll tell you in time. All you did was basically validate her feelings. Due to that, there's no reason in her mind to talk to you. Your breakup now has a nice little bow on it in her mind.

 

Do not talk to your ex until you are completely over the breakup and couldn't care less about what her motivations could be. If you are trying to figure out what she's doing, you shouldn't be in contact. Lesson learned.

[kjackson1]

Never do that again. You make the rookiest of rookie mistakes. If that message means anything more than what it says, she'll tell you in time. All you did was basically validate her feelings. Due to that, there's no reason in her mind to talk to you. Your breakup now has a nice little bow on it in her mind.

 

Do not talk to your ex until you are completely over the breakup and couldn't care less about what her motivations could be. If you are trying to figure out what she's doing, you shouldn't be in contact. Lesson learned.

 

It was an impulsive decision for sure. I know before she was playing games so I decided if she really was serious about it she would meet up. I got my validation in that sense. What do you mean by me validating her feelings?

[Simon Phoenix]

It was an impulsive decision for sure. I know before she was playing games so I decided if she really was serious about it she would meet up. I got my validation in that sense. What do you mean by me validating her feelings?

 

I mean she threw out an "apology" out of guilt and not only did you accept her apology, but you chased after her like a puppy by asking her to meet. Now she knows that not only is she in the clear because you accepting her apology, but she knows that you are on the hook and pining for her still. She knows she has the power over you, therefore she has no desire to talk to you again.

 

She played you like a fiddle and you foolishly fell for it.

[kjackson1]

I mean she threw out an "apology" out of guilt and not only did you accept her apology, but you chased after her like a puppy by asking her to meet. Now she knows that not only is she in the clear because you accepting her apology, but she knows that you are on the hook and pining for her still. She knows she has the power over you, therefore she has no desire to talk to you again.

 

She played you like a fiddle and you foolishly fell for it.

 

So if I hadn't what is the difference? Dignity on my part? If like you said this was just an apology of guilt then its just that. I was confused on her message because it seemed to have two sides. Asking her to meet up was my attempt to see what those intentions were. What would you have suggested?

[marcusdevilliers]

dont let her get to you man.. you have a new gf whatev problems you all are having now focus on it and work on it. dont let your ex get to you, theres a reason shes your ex. all couples have incredible friendships but once the relationship is over so is the friendship. trust me i know. you will always have feelings and care for your ex but shes your ex and your broken up a while now. leave it right there. u made a mistake my replying to her because that message wasnt worth a reply. if she wanted to be with you again she would make it clear. so forget her ok and dont reply to any messages. try and remove her from your life again. and remember this, if she cared, you wuldve gotten a reply right after u messaged her. dont fall in the hole u climbed out of. be strong.

[Simon Phoenix]

So if I hadn't what is the difference? Dignity on my part? If like you said this was just an apology of guilt then its just that. I was confused on her message because it seemed to have two sides. Asking her to meet up was my attempt to see what those intentions were. What would you have suggested?

 

Dignity on your part, lack of validation on her part. I would have suggested not responding at all. She's an ex, she's the past. Keep her in the past. Move forward.

 

Basically, asking her to meet made you look like a schmuck.

[kjackson1]

Dignity on your part, lack of validation on her part. I would have suggested not responding at all. She's an ex, she's the past. Keep her in the past. Move forward.

 

Basically, asking her to meet made you look like a schmuck.

 

so if she does respond to it or send another breadcrumb just shake it off? In any instance should I entertain her? Like I said before the last thing I need right now is more drama in my life.

[Simon Phoenix]

so if she does respond to it or send another breadcrumb just shake it off? In any instance should I entertain her? Like I said before the last thing I need right now is more drama in my life.

 

if you don't need more drama why the heck would you answer an ex-girlfriend? Unless she says she screwed up and made a mistake and WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER do not answer anything. Don't be your own worst enemy by feeding into this drama.

[kjackson1]

if you don't need more drama why the heck would you answer an ex-girlfriend? Unless she says she screwed up and made a mistake and WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER do not answer anything. Don't be your own worst enemy by feeding into this drama.

 

Thanks Phoenix. I guess I'm reminiscing a bit myself. Although I'm entertaining the thought of us getting back together and it doesn't seem like she is.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks Phoenix. I guess I'm reminiscing a bit myself. Although I'm entertaining the thought of us getting back together and it doesn't seem like she is.

 

And by you asking her to meet with you she knows that you want her back bad. And she told you in that message that she didn't want that. Like I said, you screwed up, but lesson learned. Don't do it again.

[kjackson1]

And by you asking her to meet with you she knows that you want her back bad. And she told you in that message that she didn't want that. Like I said, you screwed up, but lesson learned. Don't do it again.

 

Just curious why would she need such validation? I talked to her a few months ago because we worked at the same company and she needed some advice on advancing in the company. Then she kept randomly calling me and we would talk about random stuff. The chemistry was still there so I guess I just went with it. The last time I talked to her she told me she was dating this guy but he was boring and he wasn't like me. Eventually I just asked her what was the point of her telling me this and then I asked her if she was thinking about us getting back together and she said she couldnt answer that question because we were both dating. Whats the point of her random text message? To see if im on the hook? Why does she need validation?

[Simon Phoenix]

Just curious why would she need such validation? I talked to her a few months ago because we worked at the same company and she needed some advice on advancing in the company. Then she kept randomly calling me and we would talk about random stuff. The chemistry was still there so I guess I just went with it. The last time I talked to her she told me she was dating this guy but he was boring and he wasn't like me. Eventually I just asked her what was the point of her telling me this and then I asked her if she was thinking about us getting back together and she said she couldnt answer that question because we were both dating. Whats the point of her random text message? To see if im on the hook? Why does she need validation?

 

Dude, who cares? Honestly, you need to get your head straight and stop trying to psychoanalyze her. There could be a million reasons but none of them mean a single thing as far as YOUR recovery and YOUR life is concerned.

 

Stop getting distracted by the white noise and colored bubbles.

[kjackson1]

Dude, who cares? Honestly, you need to get your head straight and stop trying to psychoanalyze her. There could be a million reasons but none of them mean a single thing as far as YOUR recovery and YOUR life is concerned.

 

Stop getting distracted by the white noise and colored bubbles.

 

You are right I'm overthinking her motives. I hadn't even thought about getting back with her until she texted me. My current relationship has been good and I think it being rocky the last few weeks had got me thinking. Thanks for your input.