Pantuuf Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Hello, I have a question/issue for input of the masses, my husband told me that he sees thousands of sexy things/people/images in the world each day but that those things are shallow and nothing compared to the feelings he has for me, this came up during a conversation where I was asking him if he still thought I was sexy after all these years. Although, I believe he meant this as a compliment, somehow I cannot seem to shake being bothered by the thought of him and all these sexy things/images/people. I feel a little threatened by this and don't know why. Does anyone have any thoughts/insight on this topic? Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 What are you worried about? Sure he thinks other 'things' are sexy. But they are just what you said.Images/things/people. Nothing of real value. Just something to look at. What gets his motor running is you!! Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 ................ Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Thousands? Is he into porn or something? Anyway, I think the world today is a sad place. Even the kids are attempting to look sexy. The image of the 'perfect woman' (girl, whatever) is one in which I believe is rather common. It's the sorority girl type look where everyone has the same color hair (dyed), the same fake nails, the same boob jobs, the same hip hugger jeans...what's so fun in everyone looking the same??? I can kinda see what he means....but surely he was exaggerating a little? It seems like everything now is about sex. It gets old. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pantuuf Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 Hello Tiki, Yes, he is into porn actually (and has been since he was about 11, not an addiction just a habit) which I have been working hard (even going to therapy) to understand and come to peace with. He is a wonderful man and I belive he would not cheat but we have had issues whereas he "goes to himself" for sex rather than with me. He is very used to masturbation and we have been working on this and trying to strengthen the marriage. I am always willing and hoping by the way so the masturbation issue is not due to my lack of interest, it is more due to his old habits, stress, not wanting to deal with full fledged sex, etc. I am currently pregnant so am feeling a bit vulnerable, I don't usually go fishing for info but did ask him if he still thought I was sexy and he got annoyed. He said, 'sexy, why do you care about sexy' and then went on to say he sees thousands of sexy things in the world but that they are shallow and meaningless, just passing thoughts but what we have is real and so much deeper. I guess what is bugging me is that we still have the issues with him "going to himself" rather than me and I wonder what the root of things are (talking to him and even therapy has not helped reveal anything on this yet). I just wondered what others thought about this. Thanks again, Pantuuf Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 see.....once you give us a little more insight on the prob. Pantuuf.....it helps with the response........ Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by Pantuuf Yes, he is into porn actually Originally posted by Pantuuf He said, 'sexy, why do you care about sexy' and then went on to say he sees thousands of sexy things in the world but that they are shallow and meaningless, just passing thoughts but what we have is real and so much deeper. If he's in it for deep (vs. sexy or shallow), then why does he continue to look at the porn? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pantuuf Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 Tiki, good question, that is one I would love to have answered. I think if I have to guess, the answer is because he likes it and thinks there is nothing abnormal or wrong with it, though he knows it hurts me (his remedy is not to rub it in and ensure there is not evidence left around). I sure wish it weren't that way but it is not a perfect world. I guess what I have comes pretty close and I should be happy but it is hard sometimes to quiet my mind about such worries/outside stimulus/ the world at large. That is when I come to this site and look for comfort in neutral parties that can share some wisdom. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 The only thing you can do, really, is to talk to him. Ask him why if this sexy stimuli does nothing for him, why he continues to view it. Of course it does something for him, he's full of crap. He's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear. He's going the best route possible. I mean, wouldn't you like to have your cake and eat it too? Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by tiki The only thing you can do, really, is to talk to him. Ask him why if this sexy stimuli does nothing for him, why he continues to view it. Of course it does something for him, he's full of crap. He's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear. He's going the best route possible. I mean, wouldn't you like to have your cake and eat it too? Exactly! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pantuuf Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 I don't think he's implying that these stimuli do nothing for him, he likes it but is saying it is shallow and what he feels for me is deeper. We have talked ad naseum in the past about such things and I did not always handle the discussions well, I have come a long way and I belive he has too. I don't want to take steps backwards but need to find some peace with this. He does not think he is doing anything wrong and we are both in counceling and the councelors agree. I feel like I then am the one who has these issues and need to find a way to cope. I guess there is no answer, I do not wish to control him. He knows these things bug me and he tries not to rub them in, but he won't stop being himself. I just wish I could find a way to feel good enough about myself and trust that all is okay. Link to post Share on other sites
mymojo Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by Pantuuf I don't think he's implying that these stimuli do nothing for him, he likes it but is saying it is shallow and what he feels for me is deeper. We have talked ad naseum in the past about such things and I did not always handle the discussions well, I have come a long way and I belive he has too. I don't want to take steps backwards but need to find some peace with this. He does not think he is doing anything wrong and we are both in counceling and the councelors agree. I feel like I then am the one who has these issues and need to find a way to cope. I guess there is no answer, I do not wish to control him. He knows these things bug me and he tries not to rub them in, but he won't stop being himself. I just wish I could find a way to feel good enough about myself and trust that all is okay. I've got to ask this question, if you feel this badly and shaky in this marriage, why on earth did you get pregnant ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pantuuf Posted May 17, 2005 Author Share Posted May 17, 2005 Hello MyMojo, It is not that dire, we've been together 7 years now and decided to have a baby after 5 years of marriage. We are very happy in all areas, I am just trying to come to terms with my expectations of what is "normal" vs. what is really normal. We will be just fine and are best friends, we are very excited to be parents and are happy to be expecting. Thanks, Pantuuf Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Ive asked similar questions to guys and they all say basically the same thing. Once a guys gets into porn the more raunchy the porn gets,....the raunchy and nastier he needs it to be to "get off". Like after a while even nasty porn, becomes "tame" to them. Too much of a good thing being bad I guess. We only have so many orifices after all. ( yeah,..sorry,........I took that too far,.............lol ) Link to post Share on other sites
mymojo Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones Ive asked similar questions to guys and they all say basically the same thing. Once a guys gets into porn the more raunchy the porn gets,....the raunchy and nastier he needs it to be to "get off". Like after a while even nasty porn, becomes "tame" to them. Too much of a good thing being bad I guess. We only have so many orifices after all. ( yeah,..sorry,........I took that too far,.............lol ) Personally I think porn and self-pleasure is 100x more satsifying and exciting than the type of sex one has in a long term marriage/relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 do you mean you'd rather pleasure yourself than be pleasured by someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 What he meant was that there are so many bodies that are objectively sexually attractive, but none of them is as alluring as you, because he has deep feelings for you. They are just vaginas, tits, asses, lips, legs, etc. Shallow visual things, no emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
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