Do some prefer to look for a mate while in seclusion?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I am starting to wonder , are some people preferring to seek dates via the internet as opposed to in person because most people they've met in person aren't someone they are attracted to?

 

Will some even forgo a night on the town with their friends and prefer to stay within the confines/protection of their own home, logged into a dating site...seeking their match without the confrontation of a man, of which they would likely not be interested, in person?

[MissBee]

As for me, I don't prefer OLD at all, but what it does provide is something direct and to the point in that when you get on a site everyone there is looking for something so it's not an awkward scenario of figuring out if they are single and all that.

 

I would much prefer to meet someone in day to day life; however, the reality is, in day to day life it's not always direct. For example, if I go out tonight there is no real guarantee I'll meet someone I'm into. I might. But I don't approach real life social interactions like OLD...there is a lot more involved and it's more about chance IME. All the guys I've dated from meeting them in real life were more or less chance encounters or I knew them in some other context and it developed into more....that can be frustrating for some, waiting for the chance encounter, whereas going online feels like directly taking matters into your own hands and is a more active process of searching.

 

When I OLD I do both: I OLD and I still keep my eyes open in real life. This seclusion you're talking about in unfamiliar to me, it sounds like you're asking if people run away from real life encounters and prefer to stay home and date online...some really might but as for me, no way. RL is my preference and sometimes I take breaks from OLD and just wait for the chance encounter or even when OLD it never means I'm not still open and looking for offline connections to occur.

Edited September 18, 2015 by MissBee

[Rejected Rosebud]

some people are not naturally inclined to "a night on the town." So if they don't like that, they probably aren't going to meet a compatible man out on the town either.

 

Also spending time with your friends is often just about doing that - not looking for a man, and even if you're single and looking you might not be open to talking with a stranger while you are having a great time with people close to you.

[casey.lives]

Im single and im secluded because i need to be alone, at the moment. I don't internet nothing to do with love. THE Internet is hacked.

[LookAtThisPOst]

As for me, I don't prefer OLD at all, but what it does provide is something direct and to the point in that when you get on a site everyone there is looking for something so it's not an awkward scenario of figuring out if they are single and all that.

 

I would much prefer to meet someone in day to day life; however, the reality is, in day to day life it's not always direct. For example, if I go out tonight there is no real guarantee I'll meet someone I'm into. I might. But I don't approach real life social interactions like OLD...there is a lot more involved and it's more about chance IME. All the guys I've dated from meeting them in real life were more or less chance encounters or I knew them in some other context and it developed into more....that can be frustrating for some, waiting for the chance encounter, whereas going online feels like directly taking matters into your own hands and is a more active process of searching.

 

When I OLD I do both: I OLD and I still keep my eyes open in real life. This seclusion you're talking about in unfamiliar to me, it sounds like you're asking if people run away from real life encounters and prefer to stay home and date online...some really might but as for me, no way. RL is my preference and sometimes I take breaks from OLD and just wait for the chance encounter or even when OLD it never means I'm not still open and looking for offline connections to occur.

 

That's great insight there. I just think there's a certain population..don't mean to single out women, but it leans towards them.

 

I mean, before the internet though, why do you think, and they still do, have "Ladies Nights" in bars/clubs? To coerce women to come out.

 

I hear about women complaining on either these forums or other dating forums that if they are out at the grocery store or Home Depot or Bookstore...etc. (the same way our parents used to meet), they poo-poo it and say "I'm there to shop and get out, not to have conversations started with me by some strange fellow."

 

I'd even try waiting in line at a coffee shop in a bookstore, I was met with rather non-engaging eyes...mostly looking forward as she answered briefly my questions, got her coffee and left.

 

Women are typically "in and out" when running errands at public venues and when I go to say, street parties, flea market extravaganzas, etc. There are usually couples and I wonder, "Where are the single women?"

 

I've even heard of some women complain "They cannot meet any single men in their area." or correction, "Decent single men" as if they've reached the finite amount that's available to them and the internet somehow is their untapped source of almost unlimited amount?

[Popsicle]

I don't get out enough and that is why I used OLD when I was on it. I am taking a break right now from dating to focus on some personal goals, but once I'm done with those, I don't plan on joining OLD again, I will just get out more. And yes, the top advantage of OLD is that just about everyone is single and you don't have sift through married flirts like you have to do in person, but I'm sure I'll come up with a plan on how to deal with that by that time.

[spiderowl]

I am starting to wonder , are some people preferring to seek dates via the internet as opposed to in person because most people they've met in person aren't someone they are attracted to?

 

Will some even forgo a night on the town with their friends and prefer to stay within the confines/protection of their own home, logged into a dating site...seeking their match without the confrontation of a man, of which they would likely not be interested, in person?

 

Yes, exactly that! I've got fed up of going to the same social places, meeting the same people (who I happen to be very fond of but don't feel attracted to in that way) and yet not meeting someone I could feel attracted to. I feel like I might as well stay at home and browse the internet. In actual fact, it would be better to go out to different places with different types of social group to have a better chance of meeting someone special, but that is something hard to build.

[Imajerk17]

That story about the poor woman at the coffee shop taking a break from her holiday shopping, you've been telling that story several times a year for what, 3 years? You're gonna make this woman Almost Famous

 

I talk to women out and about all the time, and I just don't have these problems that you keep bringing up. For one thing, when it is clear they aren't interested--3 exchanges AT MOST, I drop it no hard feelings. I don't keep badgering her. No one owes us a conversation LookAtThisPost. I think this is a huge reason why you get unfriendly responses--you don't pick up their signals that the woman you are talking to isn't interested so she feels the need to be rude to you.

 

Women will be interested in you a lot more often if you don't come on too strong.

Edited September 19, 2015 by Imajerk17

[mrldii]

I signed up for OLD when, at 50 YO, I ended my LTR and moved to a new town, which is pretty damned small and pretty economically-depressed and I knew no one (except my adult son). I thought it would be a great way to meet people and get the lay of the land.

 

I was wrong, so I stopped using OLD as a source for meeting men. I prefer the old-fashioned way...yanno, actually meeting a man in real life, while doing real-world things and relating in a real-time, face-to-face, withOUT his wife hovering in the next room, just out of view of his computer screen.

 

[mavendark]

I recently got into OLD because I needed something to take my mind off of my messy breakup. That is, I'm still living together with my ex two months after we broke up. That's a lot of emotional stress and tension on me everyday and I just needed to break out of that and find easy ways to meet other people.

 

I think some people expect it to be some kind of cure-all for their problems. But I noticed that it takes a LOT of time to peruse and talk to all the people on OLD. I'm about a month into it and I'm growing bored. I would love to go out and meet guys, but I can't always find the time to with my busy work schedule. Also, besides going to bars and clubs (which I don't think is a great place to meet men anyway), I'm actually lost as to where else I could go to meet men in person. Should I sit myself down at a coffee shop or a bookstore for a whole day and hope I see someone I may be into?

[scorpiogirl]

That story about the poor woman at the coffee shop taking a break from her holiday shopping, you've been telling that story several times a year for what, 3 years? You're gonna make this woman Almost Famous

 

I talk to women out and about all the time, and I just don't have these problems that you keep bringing up. For one thing, when it is clear they aren't interested--3 exchanges AT MOST, I drop it no hard feelings. I don't keep badgering her. No one owes us a conversation LookAtThisPost. I think this is a huge reason why you get unfriendly responses--you don't pick up their signals that the woman you are talking to isn't interested so she feels the need to be rude to you.

 

Women will be interested in you a lot more often if you don't come on too strong.

 

What about the women at the infamous meetup who forewent a conversation in favour of browsing their POF app?

[LookAtThisPOst]

That story about the poor woman at the coffee shop taking a break from her holiday shopping, you've been telling that story several times a year for what, 3 years? You're gonna make this woman Almost Famous

 

I talk to women out and about all the time, and I just don't have these problems that you keep bringing up. For one thing, when it is clear they aren't interested--3 exchanges AT MOST, I drop it no hard feelings. I don't keep badgering her. No one owes us a conversation LookAtThisPost. I think this is a huge reason why you get unfriendly responses--you don't pick up their signals that the woman you are talking to isn't interested so she feels the need to be rude to you.

 

Women will be interested in you a lot more often if you don't come on too strong.

 

Hey, some haven't heard the story, why do you keep gunning for me personally?

 

Anyhow, not sure what makes you think I came on too strong with this woman. I never badgered her in the least.

 

It's just that some women just don't like being approached in public by a stranger. I've heard them say it themselves in these forums. They are task oriented, prefer to run their errands...get in and get out, nothing more.

 

Had I met this woman in say, a Meetup event or some persons housewarming party, she'd probably be inclined to talk with me more.

 

It's 2015 and "stranger danger" is a concern for women.

 

What about the women at the infamous meetup who forewent a conversation in favour of browsing their POF app?

 

Oh yeah, the irony in that, right? Attempting to online date WHILE at a Meetup, pathetic.

Edited September 19, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[nic05]

When I'm out with my friends, I'm out with my friends. I'm not looking to abandon them to spend a night with a guy I don't know. I value their time more than that.

 

Internet dating is more convenient, and you're not limited to a Friday ( or whatever weekend day) night, when you're judgement might be clouded my a martini or two.

[MidwestUSA]

What about the women at the infamous meetup who forewent a conversation in favour of browsing their POF app?

 

Is she the same one who took her food to go to go hit another meetup?

 

Some many womenz. I'm confused.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Is she the same one who took her food to go to go hit another meetup?

 

Some many womenz. I'm confused.

 

Not sure where you're going with this. Let's stay on topic, please.

[Imajerk17]

It is not my intention for you to feel targeted LATP. But try as we might, it is impossible to weigh in on a thread without considering the posting history of the thread starter.

 

To answer your question, women are not averse to meeting a guy in person; if you are encountering so much difficulty, it is probably YOUR approach that needs to be fixed. You get so much heat on here because, despite all the threads you write, you seem unwilling to consider this.

 

Reasons why "the woman in the coffee shop" was chilly to you include a. she has a boyfriend or started seeing someone she really likes, b. she wasn't physically attracted, c. she was just having a tough day. As long as you respected her space and didn't badger her there's no need to take it personally. There certainly is no need to keep bringing her up so many times.

Edited September 19, 2015 by Imajerk17

[LookAtThisPOst]

There certainly is no need to keep bringing her up so many times.

 

Sometimes it bears repeating in a thread such as this, at least I'm not starting a post repetitively about the "coffee shop approach" where the OP may not have heard of my situation.

 

Sorry, dude, but you may have heard of it, but the OP and other hears have not, and thus it bears repeating.

 

You seem to enjoy throwing me under the bus in an attempt to discredit me to others that may not have heard my example.

[ZA Dater]

some people are not naturally inclined to "a night on the town." So if they don't like that, they probably aren't going to meet a compatible man out on the town either.

 

Also spending time with your friends is often just about doing that - not looking for a man, and even if you're single and looking you might not be open to talking with a stranger while you are having a great time with people close to you.

 

 

Thank you for a brilliant post, sincerely he first paragraph is just brilliant and true, people with no friends and who aren't into clubs and bars, the only thing left for them is the internet.

 

 

Simple as that.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Thank you for a brilliant post, sincerely he first paragraph is just brilliant and true, people with no friends and who aren't into clubs and bars, the only thing left for them is the internet.

 

 

Simple as that.

 

Right, I mean if a woman isn't open to chance meetings out in public, the way our parents and grand parents used to do it, chances are for her, opportunities are rather slim.

 

When I think if they mention in their profile, "Love to curl up with a good book" with, "Love to curl up to my Match.com account and see what's out there."

[LookAtThisPOst]

There's this one woman I know, female friend, that is just that. She purposely comes up with excuses to stay home on her nights off.

 

She's always saying how badly she wants to make new friends (as she has none), but when she's invited out, she doesn't want to go. She's made some aquaintences through Meetup that would invite her out dancing (outside of Meetup) whom are attempting to befriend her, but she says she hates it when drunk guys hit on her at these establishments.

 

I told her to pretty much suck it up and deal with it if she really wants to establish a network of friends.

 

Her problem is she's so used to networking on a professional level, that she isn't really the social type...even though she claims she wants to be social. I think she's a bit socially awkward, as she is rather stiff in her body language.

 

I mentioned the next time she's invited out to let me know, and that we can all Meetup at the suggested place to do go dancing, but she isn't into it.

 

Apparently she's "preparing her taxes" , but guess what its no where nears April 2016 and claims she has home projects that she's not touched.

 

She even suggested about going to a big Halloween related event she's been raving about, we almost got tickets until at the last minute came up with a work related excuse.

 

I mean, if you're going to be so wishy-washy, how are you going to make friends or even meet new people.

 

So she just winds up cooping herself up in her own home.

 

Now just imagine tons of single, available women like her doing this?

 

Thank you for a brilliant post, sincerely he first paragraph is just brilliant and true, people with no friends and who aren't into clubs and bars, the only thing left for them is the internet.

 

 

Simple as that.

 

Right, in fact I knew of a single woman that was on a dating site, Christian single, that mentioned a big church she went to that's known for its in-person, real life singles events/groups.

 

She said she prefer the online dating venue as the men at these real life events, well...she claimed were a "bit off" or socially awkward...also weren't all that attractive to her.

Edited September 20, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[Rejected Rosebud]

It's just that some women just don't like being approached in public by a stranger.

 

If she is single and looking, she MIGHT be open to it ONLY IF SHE FEELS ATTRACTED TO THE GUY. Now don't get all mad about that, it's not wrong to ONLY be interested in getting to know people you find interesting!! Playing Letterpress on your phone is more fun than trying to talk to a stranger you have no desire to talk to is that hard to understand?

 

Like IMJ said, if it's clear she is not interested, just move on and never give it another thought, and especially don't bother writing threads about each and every one!! It sure doesn't mean that EVERY woman would not be open to talking with you!

[impatiently_patient]

You ask a lot of random questions, O.P.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You ask a lot of random questions, O.P.

 

If it weren't for people like me, people wouldn't read nor respond to threads like this. :-)