Am I being unreasonable?

[puzzleddad67]

It seems the ones who get out quick do much better than those who try and salvage the marriage.

 

I hope when the Karma bus hits and she ever shows back up you graciously turn her down.

 

That happens pretty frequently. There's just too much garbage at that point you'd be better off taking a chance somewhere else when the time comes.

 

I dont want her to come back crawling. My kids mom but the answer is no. Simply I would feel compelled to check up on her. No thanks.

 

Meh. I dont wish really anything bad. Except on the other man who has destroyed ?3? or more marriages. Yes I know SHE cheated on me, but this is this a******'s MO. Maybe Im stupid but Im finding easier to get past her stupidity than his blatant targeting. I have no idea what happened with the other local woman involved in the mess. On the charges, a friend says it will just be fines all around and perhaps a weekend of community service for my ex.

 

Had my kids again past weekend tho it was my weekend anyway. My ex is declining taking the kids more lately during the week. Son says his mom is trying to hide it but cries a lot. I just shake my head and roll my eyes. No malice, just.. she is 40+ and fell for an obvious player.

 

Im mostly okay. Once in a while something will remind me of her and the future we lost together. Started going to the gym more lately lifting. Lost a bit of waist and gained a bit of arm.

 

A couple friends wives tried to set me up with their friends. I declined. Yes very politely. Im flattered... I think?? I dont know what to make of it. Perhaps the females here can clue me in.

[turnera]

The ex made the newspapers. Police blotter section. Jerry Springer style of course. She showed up unannounced at lover boys house last week only to find ANOTHER woman departing his place. Much yelling and screaming ensued. NE suburban police have no sense of humor about disturbing the peace. They ticketed the lot of them with a summons. Id gloat but my kids told me the other woman is another local mom. Some poor bastard is going probably through what I did last fall.

 

Meh. I dont wish really anything bad. Except on the other man who has destroyed ?3? or more marriages.

Cheaterville.

[puzzleddad67]

For anyone reading this in the future.

 

Yes life does return to something resembling normal.

 

The great thing about this last weekend is that as Im writing this, I realize there was nothing unusual about it.

[Lady2163]

It is kind of shocking to read this start to finish.

 

You seemed a bit surprised that your couple friends would rally around you. I think in a lot of instances, wives choose socialization - or they make it easier to socialize with some people and not with others.

 

I want to be honest here - I am a former OW. Nothing like the other in your story, I just wanted to tell you that because there's NO WAY I would ever let any of my female acquaintances know that. The friendship and relationship among women drastically changes when they know a woman is either a cheat or will sleep with someone taken.

 

It is a trust and (possibly) insecurity issue. "If she will cheat with a stranger, what's to stop her from sleeping with my man, who she has an acquaintance rapport with?" By "picking" you, they keep you Ex from socializing with them and keep them away from their husbands.

 

I had a good friend for 35 years. But she was a total tool when it came to men. She would throw women under the bus just to talk to a man. If she went shopping and it was a male salesman, she was buying whatever he was selling. I'm not making that up. She was fully prepared to buy a $4000 vacuum cleaner she didn't need, with many payments and massive interest charges when her mom stopped by her house and redirected the salesman with, "We're going to think about this." She has issues. In our adult lives she did actually say to me, about a man, who in retrospect probably was "the one": "He likes me better than you. You need to back off and get over it." She never actually met the man, he was long distance and a friend of mine. I did back off, never fully repaired the friendship with her and took years to get back to a comfortable friendship with my Army buddy. No chance of us ever getting together, since I can't be comfortable he may find someone he likes better.

 

Anyway, that was 20 years ago. This female friend circles in and out of my life and I have never let her meet any of my boyfriends or men I'm dating since that event. Her latest stunt was to poach her current best friends husband. Best friend was done with the marriage, but it was still a shock when this woman swooped in and scooped up her husband. Within two weeks they were in love. Because she is a poacher, she now wants nothing to do with her friends who are single. In her mind, we might poached the man she poached.

 

Eh, I'm just glad to not be in the drama.

 

I rambled way too much, but from your posts, you sound like a good guy. Definitely a realist and pretty logical. You have your emotions, but you aren't letting the negativity affect what is truly important. Don't be so surprised they chose you and are trying to set you up - you just might be a good guy as far as they are concerned as well.

 

Good luck and best wishes, being sent your way.

Edited February 29, 2016 by Lady2163

[puzzleddad67]

Thanks Lady.

 

That makes sense about them not trusting my ex. I guess I figured all women stick together but I was wrong.

 

She has a court date later this month. Word is a fine and a day at a homeless shelter or litter picking.

 

Mostly things are good. Last weekend was kind of crappy because a group of our couple friends all went into the city and I (we) were not there. Last year me and my ex were there. I saw FB posts and got a text from a buddy "Wish you were here" Not crushing but kind of made a good day blah. Im over it now. Otherwise life is just lots of normal.

[puzzleddad67]

For anyone reading this in the future. Lots of normal so life does indeed get there.

 

My daughter got accepted and half an academic ride at a state school which she accepted. Tentatively for accounting and going for the CPA. She also scored $500 more from a trade group Im involved with. Call me proud.

 

Relationship between both kids and mom appears normal at least. Yes I really am glad of it. For my kids sake. My kids told me she is seeing some kind of shrink or something after her court date. She also did a weekend of community service on my kid weekend according to my kids. Dont really know much else.

 

I was wondering, but, now my friends wife appears to have told me (some of her?) her motivations on still trying to set me up. I decline politely.

 

When they were in the city on the weekend I alluded to, her husband was kind of bumming when they went separate of the women shopping and wished I was there but it was a couples thing and I am of course, unattached. I guess? Make sense? She wanted me attached so I could come along and not be a third wheel amongst the couples. Kind of felt good and bad at the same time. I find I kind of miss having someone having my back like that. Good that I have friends, real ones.

 

Still kind of fearful of actual dating though not like before . Time will tell.

[kgcolonel]

Puzzled

 

Thank you for the update....hang in there and I can tell that you are healing and doing really well. You will know when the time is right for you to reenter the dating world but for now....maybe you can find a "friend" (female) that would like to join you in the couples activities with the understanding that this is a social thing, non-romantic. I have to believe that there are others out there that are in the same predicament. Just a thought but that too may be too early.

 

Keep posting as we all learn from your posts.

 

KG

[sempietok]

I am23 years of age but I think she is acting more immaturely than me and my age people. She should understand that you are not 2 teenagers with your own life and just dating. You 2 built a life together where you 2 should both feel comfortable and co-operate. What she does will affect your life and visa versa. It is not controlling to tell her that you don't feel comfortable with her sudden new behavior. Of course she has the right to have her own friends, but she should act according to her age and responsibility in the marriage. Try to compromise.

[puzzleddad67]

Well I guess no news is truly good news. Sorry for the lack of drama. The most exciting thing is several Memorial Day parties at my friends homes coming up. Been fishing lately.

 

Sam Adams + burger + assorted other things bad for me = good upcoming weekend.

 

Kids are getting along with their mom. (With my support and blessing). I dont have episodes much. Still want the OM to try bedding the girlfriend of a member of the Pagans and get caught. Guess I can get mostly past it but not truly forgive it. Eh well dont think about it much.

 

Net net. Normal does return, or at least some decent version of it.

[puzzleddad67]

Life is funny. Went to one of the Memorial Day parties, met a woman, we got along great, and set up a date this Friday. Yes first real date. Of course it was one of the women my friends wife was trying to set me up with in the first place.

 

My friends wife wont stop gloating both to me and my friend. He says I owe him beer because of it.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Sempietok, I guess you came in late. Puzzled dad is already divorced since his wife was cheating on him. I guess he is doing well considering the great emotional upheaval he has gone through. Keep it up Puzzled! Cheers.

[puzzleddad67]

Enigma. Actually I meant he said I owed him because he has to deal with her gloating.

 

Been out multiple times with her now. Cool as sh**. Smart as hell. CPA. Successful. Sassy.

 

Heard a song that pretty much IS my life. Struck me strongly.

Good Charlotte. Dance Floor Anthem. Not the "I dont wanna" part but the (bold) story inside.

 

She's going out to forget they were together

All that time he was taking her for granted

She wants to see, if there's more

Than he gave

She's looking for

He calls her up; he's trippin' on the phone now

He doesn't want her out there and alone now

He knows she's movin' it

Knows she's using it

Now he's losing it

She don't care

 

Everybody, put up your hands

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

Feel the beat now, if you've got nothing left

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

Back it up now, you've got a reason to live

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

Feelin' good now, don't be afraid to get down

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

 

He was always givin' her attention

Working hard to find the things she mentioned

He was dedicated, by most suckers hated

That girl was fine, but she didn't appreciate him

She calls him up; she's trippin' on the phone now

He had to get out and he ain't coming home now

He's tryin' to forget her; that's how he got with her

When he first met her, when they first got together

 

Everybody, put up your hands

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

Feel the beat now, if you've got nothing left

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

Back it up now, you've got a reason to live

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

Feelin' good now, don't be afraid to get down

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

 

Feel the beat

Feel the beat

Feel the beat

You got nothing to lose

Don't be afraid to get down

We break up, it's something that we do now

Everyone has got to do it sometime

It's okay, let it go

Get out there and find someone

It's too late to be trippin' on the phone here

Get off the wire; you know everything is good here

Stop what you're doin', you don't wanna ruin

The chance that you got to find a new one

 

Everybody, put up your hands

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

Feel the beat now, if you've got nothing left

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

Back it up now, you've got a reason to live

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

Feelin' good now, don't be afraid to get down

Say: "I don't wanna be in love

I don't wanna be in love"

 

Love...

Love...

Now you know what to do

So come on, feelin' good.

 

Half a year ago I could only see my life crashing.

There is life after. Feelin good.!

[GorillaTheater]

This thread ought to be a sticky as an example of the mindset a BS wants to shoot for in going through a mess like this.

 

 

Just absolutely phenomenal.

[puzzleddad67]

This thread ought to be a sticky as an example of the mindset a BS wants to shoot for in going through a mess like this.

 

 

Just absolutely phenomenal.

Thanks but I am also insanely lucky.

She did not take this to a big court mess.

Money was a small issue for both of us.

My kids grades did not tank.

 

Oh and trust me. Early on, I had my very bad moments. Friends and family supported me and kept me from a breakdown that could easily have happened without them.

[salparadise]

The ex made the newspapers. Police blotter section. Jerry Springer style of course. She showed up unannounced at lover boys house last week only to find ANOTHER woman departing his place. Much yelling and screaming ensued.

 

 

I just saw this one! Ha! Sometimes, what goes around comes around - for real.

 

Glad you seem to be doing okay puzzleddad. Congrats on a successful transition and moving forward with your life. You've faired better than many. Glad your kids seem to be doing okay too - the kids give us focus and purpose and a reason not to go off the rails.

 

Wishing you the best for the future-

[puzzleddad67]

Its been over a year since I came here.

I received an apology email from my ex. I find it odd I accepted it and still only talk to her about the kids but think I am less cold to her.

 

 

The woman I dated a few times I mentioned became a girlfriend of a few months. She is great but moved away several weeks ago. It stung but sure gave me my mojo back. It was just nice and normal.

 

 

Im in a good place. Friends wives are still lining up their friends. Ill just take it as a compliment. Not dating anyone tho. Whatever happens, happens. My new place is great. Smaller, but I don’t need the Mcmansion anymore anyway.

 

 

Kids are doing great. My daughter is doing well in college.

Guess the total take is: My retirement is going to look nothing like I imagined it a year ago. My attitude about dating/women is nothing like it was ten months ago. I will survive and life goes on.

 

 

 

Overall: IM GOOD!