Upset about my wifes past

[jh21]

Thank you for posting the whole truth of how you're feeling. It all makes so much more sense now. I agree with telling your W what you wrote in that post. Leave out the divorce stuff though...

 

I don't think that anyone should mention divorce unless they are really, REALLY serious. I mean well up in the 90%s that it's over.

 

The mention of divorce before even mentioning that he was unhappy or had problems with our M devastated me. If you asked me on 31st December if I thought I would grow old & die with my H I wouldn't of hesitated, 100% yes! Since New Years Day...I truly don't know.

 

After giving-up my career, moving to a foreign country to support him. After 25 years & 2 beautiful children. After holding eachother up through terrible funerals & life changing stuff... I had defined myself as his W & a mother. My FAMILY was everything to me.

 

"I'm very unhappy & we need to do a LOT of work on us" is something to be expected at some point in a life long relationship.

 

"I'm thinking about divorcing you!" is a completely new reality. It's a pain, a vulnerability, that changes everything. For me, it caused so much damage to our M. (The fact I read it on my public forum didn't help!)

 

I stopped seeing my H as FAMILY, permanent, unconditional, safe. I started to see him as just a man. A man who can walk out the door & leave me & my kids destitute at any moment.

Problem is, if he's "just a man"... couldn't we have a far better man filling that role? If its NOT about family, forever, it's about 'What do I get from this relationship?'. Whole new way of looking at my life.... I'm not 'safe'. At this time in my life safety & security is very, very important to me & our children.

 

"Divorce" is a horrible, dangerous word to bomb a marriage with. I know it's the ultimate threat. A way of saying 'I'm really serious'. Just think about EVERYTHING you're saying by using that word before you throw it out there.

 

It has already been mentioned. More than once actually since I caught her searching for that guy back in 2013.

[jh21]

That's not about love, marriage, trust or family. That's about money. So, decide if the money part is important enough to you, especially for your kids' sake.

 

Also, it sounds as though you rip into your wife too much, and did so even before you had this particular reason.

 

Its not easy when you have young kids. Things change. Where do your views about family and whether you want to be a family man fit into this? How do you define family man? How does a family man live and act in your mind?

 

Money? Maybe. But I don't really feel like paying child support. Add to the fact that I got an inheritance from my mom and bought a 50k SUV, put 200k on our house and paid off 45k of loans. So ya. It is about money. I would lose that all and she would go on to get half of it as well as her 2 parents inheritance while I would be stuck in an F'n basement suite because she cant help reminicing about the one damn guy she shouldn't be thinking about.

 

As for family? Well, thats the biggest reason I haven't left. I grew up in a split family. It wasn't fun. I don't want to leave my kids. I'm trying to be a respectable man but half the time I'm depressed and miserable when I think about the things she has done or what I remember reading in those journals. So I don't know if I am doing the right thing by sticking around.

 

Like I said, I wish she wouldn't have pulled all this crap so it would be easier right now.

[Poutrew]

Umm... Maybe the laws are different where you live jh21, but family inheritances are usually off limits in a divorce. As is all monies accrued before you got married. Now, the interest you earn after you are married on the family estate is included in the settlement. So if you can prove you bought your car and paid off your house with estate monies, it should still be yours. Otherwise, you may need to wait a while to divorce - at least until her side dies off and you are eligible for part of her estate as well... as in all things lawful, consult with an inheritance attorney before you do anything rash.

[Mr. Lucky]

Again, I always knew she would look for him. 8 years of me spying on her and she finally did it. It hasn't been healthy.

 

This says it all right here, you were always going to find her guilty of something.

 

It takes a degree of humility to accept a spouse as your partner in life, warts and all. They've made mistakes in the past. They will err today. There will be issues tomorrow. An unhealthy - both for you and your marriage - situation occurs when you focus on one aspect in isolation out of the context both of your own conduct and joint marital history.

 

Were I to look at your situation selfishly, I'd say you're doing yourself the biggest disservice of all...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BlueIris]

Money? Maybe. But I don't really feel like paying child support. Add to the fact that I got an inheritance from my mom and bought a 50k SUV, put 200k on our house and paid off 45k of loans. So ya. It is about money. I would lose that all and she would go on to get half of it as well as her 2 parents inheritance while I would be stuck in an F'n basement suite because she cant help reminicing about the one damn guy she shouldn't be thinking about.

 

As for family? Well, thats the biggest reason I haven't left. I grew up in a split family. It wasn't fun. I don't want to leave my kids. I'm trying to be a respectable man but half the time I'm depressed and miserable when I think about the things she has done or what I remember reading in those journals. So I don't know if I am doing the right thing by sticking around.

 

Like I said, I wish she wouldn't have pulled all this crap so it would be easier right now.

 

Start owning your own actions and attitude. That’s what a responsible adult does.

 

You admit that you were spying for years and have picked fights frequently before this even arose. You’re damaging your wife and your children with your attitude and actions.

 

Maybe work through your parents’ divorce in therapy. Is one of your parents a finger-pointing blamer who accepts zero responsibility?

[Mr1oyalty]

Start owning your own actions and attitude. That’s what a responsible adult does.

 

You admit that you were spying for years and have picked fights frequently before this even arose. You’re damaging your wife and your children with your attitude and actions.

 

 

Op if this is true, you are perhaps about to indeed make a catastrophic mistake! Listen, if you been keeping an eye on your wife for cheating in all this time, even just a little eye on her, and all you found are old journals and one facebook search. Either you are the most oblivious husband ever or your wife very, very likely has been faithful to you. It would not matter if she was a "working girl" in the past you don't wanna throw away a good mother and a faithful wife bro. There is an advantage to be had from a woman who has tasted the wild side and knows she does not want it anymore. I would seriously consider that evidence. If she was that same woman she was you would have seen something more concrete.

 

This is what I meant by the past being context, if she was able to go from the person in those journals to a good mother and totally faithful that shows growth. Think about that as there are people with relatively favorable pasts that don't have the ability to grow or change. We don't know all the info but you should count the cost, and I am not talking about the money.

[lolablue17]

YOU have a bigger problem than you think. Your wish to have a wife with a perfect past that suits 100% to your needs, is sympathetic, but very suicidal.

 

You won't find any happyness by leaving your wife. Your wife is 1 of a million to you and you just working very hard to find and extremely increase one flaw, that is not really exist, just to fulfill your sick desire to have it 100% reality tailor maid for you.

 

I can just imagine how would it be if you'd marry a virgin. By now she might have been unsatisfied, knowing only one man in her life, so she could have been searching for other males attention. Who knows? But your wife had her past (that you hates), and only her past taught her to really appreciate the man she'd decided to marry - you!

 

You could have gotten a so many other kinds of wives, that could have supplied you a big pile of real misery. So instead of thanking god that you have a wife that accepts your spying, obsessing, unfair and false accusations, investigations, drama drama drama from her drama king husband, you consider to leave her???!!!! Listen to me - YOU WILL NOT FIND A WOMAN HALF BETTER.

 

Don't think i'm lecturing you. I'm on your side and I want only the best for you. As a man who knows something about obsessions, and the difficulty to let go - Go and get some help - not with your wife. Alone! You are the problem... She is the cure for you, for your misery, and the therapy will help you to keep her, because she might leave you... Beware...

Edited October 5, 2015 by lolablue17

[pteromom]

It wears me out just imagining being in your wife's shoes.

 

I've looked up men from my past on FB too. Is it because I still want them, want to reconnect, still enjoy fond memories of them? NO. It's just because I am curious where they are, what they are doing. Nosy. That's it.

 

She looked him up over 2 years ago, and you still can't let it go.

 

You have spied on her, used a keylogger, lived in a state of paranoia, not trusted her.

 

Your roadblock to intimacy has NOTHING to do with her past or what she will or won't do with you sexually. It's your distrust! She can't be vulnerable and submit to you, because it is simply not safe for her to do so. You will assume she is up to something - "A new move!!! Who has she been with!" "Why is she horny all of a sudden!?! Who is she thinking about!!! It's HIM, isn't it?!?!?!"

 

I mean, ffs... what do you expect here?

 

Now it's the journals. You found out that long ago she had FEELINGS! And those FEELINGS are different than the feelings she has now, so many years later! So she must be a liar! A manipulator! She must not love you!

 

Come on.

 

It actually breaks my heart that she is burning her journals and photos in some desperate attempt to prove her love and trustworthiness, while you are on here talking about leaving her anyway.

 

I still have journals and photos. They are a part of me... my exes are a part of me too. That doesn't mean I want them back.

 

I did crazy sexual stuff in my past. That doesn't mean I was hungering for that stuff. I was just figuring out who I was. Trying to be who I thought guys wanted. Stupid and young. That's all that was.

 

And in order for women to be open and intimate and "wild", we have to feel safe, loved, appreciated, trusted. We have to be able to be vulnerable and know that it won't hurt us. You are not giving her that environment.

 

Until you learn to get over your paranoia and fear, and trust the woman who is standing in front of you, you will never never have what you want.

[deadelvis]

...And in order for women to be open and intimate and "wild", we have to feel safe, loved, appreciated, trusted. We have to be able to be vulnerable and know that it won't hurt us...

 

This is not always true. For some women it's the opposite. My partner only enjoyed being wild and kinky with ONS's. Boyfriends don't get to see that side of her. The unattached nature of a ONS often brings out the "freaky side" of a woman that her husband will never see. The classic example of this is when the OM gets all the crazy sex acts she's been denying her husband.

[Grumpybutfun]

It wears me out just imagining being in your wife's shoes.

 

I've looked up men from my past on FB too. Is it because I still want them, want to reconnect, still enjoy fond memories of them? NO. It's just because I am curious where they are, what they are doing. Nosy. That's it.

 

She looked him up over 2 years ago, and you still can't let it go.

 

You have spied on her, used a keylogger, lived in a state of paranoia, not trusted her.

 

Your roadblock to intimacy has NOTHING to do with her past or what she will or won't do with you sexually. It's your distrust! She can't be vulnerable and submit to you, because it is simply not safe for her to do so. You will assume she is up to something - "A new move!!! Who has she been with!" "Why is she horny all of a sudden!?! Who is she thinking about!!! It's HIM, isn't it?!?!?!"

 

I mean, ffs... what do you expect here?

 

Now it's the journals. You found out that long ago she had FEELINGS! And those FEELINGS are different than the feelings she has now, so many years later! So she must be a liar! A manipulator! She must not love you!

 

Come on.

 

It actually breaks my heart that she is burning her journals and photos in some desperate attempt to prove her love and trustworthiness, while you are on here talking about leaving her anyway.

 

I still have journals and photos. They are a part of me... my exes are a part of me too. That doesn't mean I want them back.

 

I did crazy sexual stuff in my past. That doesn't mean I was hungering for that stuff. I was just figuring out who I was. Trying to be who I thought guys wanted. Stupid and young. That's all that was.

 

And in order for women to be open and intimate and "wild", we have to feel safe, loved, appreciated, trusted. We have to be able to be vulnerable and know that it won't hurt us. You are not giving her that environment.

 

Until you learn to get over your paranoia and fear, and trust the woman who is standing in front of you, you will never never have what you want.

 

OP, read this until it gets through grey matter....ptero is a smart lady.

Good luck,

G

[road]

It wears me out just imagining being in your wife's shoes.

 

I've looked up men from my past on FB too. Is it because I still want them, want to reconnect, still enjoy fond memories of them? NO. It's just because I am curious where they are, what they are doing. Nosy. That's it.

 

She looked him up over 2 years ago, and you still can't let it go.

 

You have spied on her, used a keylogger, lived in a state of paranoia, not trusted her.

 

Your roadblock to intimacy has NOTHING to do with her past or what she will or won't do with you sexually. It's your distrust! She can't be vulnerable and submit to you, because it is simply not safe for her to do so. You will assume she is up to something - "A new move!!! Who has she been with!" "Why is she horny all of a sudden!?! Who is she thinking about!!! It's HIM, isn't it?!?!?!"

 

I mean, ffs... what do you expect here?

 

Now it's the journals. You found out that long ago she had FEELINGS! And those FEELINGS are different than the feelings she has now, so many years later! So she must be a liar! A manipulator! She must not love you!

 

Come on.

 

It actually breaks my heart that she is burning her journals and photos in some desperate attempt to prove her love and trustworthiness, while you are on here talking about leaving her anyway.

 

I still have journals and photos. They are a part of me... my exes are a part of me too. That doesn't mean I want them back.

 

I did crazy sexual stuff in my past. That doesn't mean I was hungering for that stuff. I was just figuring out who I was. Trying to be who I thought guys wanted. Stupid and young. That's all that was.

 

And in order for women to be open and intimate and "wild", we have to feel safe, loved, appreciated, trusted. We have to be able to be vulnerable and know that it won't hurt us. You are not giving her that environment.

 

Until you learn to get over your paranoia and fear, and trust the woman who is standing in front of you, you will never never have what you want.

 

 

 

 

Though why leave these journals around for a husband to find and then cause problems?

 

 

Is it not better to prevent problems from happening then having to put fires out after?

 

 

As to looking at EX's on FB. I have seen too many affairs start from that. Why play with a match, do you have to get burned before you agree to do so is a bad idea?

 

 

There is a reason why NC is a must with EX's. They are Ex's for a reason so who cares who the married, gives a crap about their career, and that their kid is a chip off of the old block, they are an EX for a reason.

[jh21]

Though why leave these journals around for a husband to find and then cause problems?

 

 

Is it not better to prevent problems from happening then having to put fires out after?

 

 

As to looking at EX's on FB. I have seen too many affairs start from that. Why play with a match, do you have to get burned before you agree to do so is a bad idea?

 

 

There is a reason why NC is a must with EX's. They are Ex's for a reason so who cares who the married, gives a crap about their career, and that their kid is a chip off of the old block, they are an EX for a reason.

 

Exactly. Why even put yourself in a position to create temptation? I don't have facebook and that is one reason. Yet alot of women in here say it's no big deal to creep on Ex's. I think it is a load of crap. I could care less about any of my ex's never-mind what they are doing now.

 

As for the journals...I had a black book back in the day but as soon as I got serious with my ex I got rid if it because nothing good would have come out of it if she found it. And lets get real here, those journals I read weren't just day to day talk. It was basically when and who she was screwing at the time. That's it. Keep that around?? For what? So that when we are long gone and buried my kids can find them in some box and read about what random guy came inside her in the back of a car or the 6 guys she slept with in 5 months and that someone unknown gave her an STD?? Fantastic idea.

[jh21]

It wears me out just imagining being in your wife's shoes.

 

I've looked up men from my past on FB too. Is it because I still want them, want to reconnect, still enjoy fond memories of them? NO. It's just because I am curious where they are, what they are doing. Nosy. That's it.

 

She looked him up over 2 years ago, and you still can't let it go.

 

You have spied on her, used a keylogger, lived in a state of paranoia, not trusted her.

 

Your roadblock to intimacy has NOTHING to do with her past or what she will or won't do with you sexually. It's your distrust! She can't be vulnerable and submit to you, because it is simply not safe for her to do so. You will assume she is up to something - "A new move!!! Who has she been with!" "Why is she horny all of a sudden!?! Who is she thinking about!!! It's HIM, isn't it?!?!?!"

 

I mean, ffs... what do you expect here?

 

Now it's the journals. You found out that long ago she had FEELINGS! And those FEELINGS are different than the feelings she has now, so many years later! So she must be a liar! A manipulator! She must not love you!

 

Come on.

 

It actually breaks my heart that she is burning her journals and photos in some desperate attempt to prove her love and trustworthiness, while you are on here talking about leaving her anyway.

 

I still have journals and photos. They are a part of me... my exes are a part of me too. That doesn't mean I want them back.

 

I did crazy sexual stuff in my past. That doesn't mean I was hungering for that stuff. I was just figuring out who I was. Trying to be who I thought guys wanted. Stupid and young. That's all that was.

 

And in order for women to be open and intimate and "wild", we have to feel safe, loved, appreciated, trusted. We have to be able to be vulnerable and know that it won't hurt us. You are not giving her that environment.

 

Until you learn to get over your paranoia and fear, and trust the woman who is standing in front of you, you will never never have what you want.

 

Women who are married need to feel safe, loved and appreciated to be open and wild yet when they are dating some dude for 1 month or picked up some guy in the bar for a ONS they will be 100 times more open/wild or basically more hornier than they will with their husband. Good stuff.

 

As for the rest, it's a load of crap. I told her what had to be said and I'm the bad guy?

 

She lied about having an STD. She lied about ONS and the amount of guys she was with. She left journals around that proved it. She has albums full of pics of all her ex's. I got rid of everything. I have no longing to search, read or look at people who should be long gone.

 

And I wasn't the one to go searching for the person who was almost the reason we aren't together today. The one guy I said there could be no contact with and she still searched him out..and lets get real here.....we were real close to a divorce when she did it and it became 10x worse after she did. Things weren't exactly all roses. So what does she do? Go looking for the guy who I made damn clear that if she did, it would be a deal breaker. But here I am. Sticking it out, trying to make it work and yet it's still on me yet I did absolutely nothing to cause this. F me. No wonder alot of guy say never to get married. It's a lose/lose situation. She pulls all this crap yet Im the bad guy and she is the victim.

 

But mean old me. My poor wife and how hard I am for calling her out for all the BS that has been happening.

 

Good god.

Edited October 8, 2015 by jh21

[Mrs. John Adams]

if you cannot get past this...you owe it to the both of you to divorce.

 

I am not saying you are right...or wrong. This is a personal call. No one has any right to tell you how you should feel.

 

you can either accept things for what they are...or you can't.

 

If you can...GET HELP

 

If you can't...GET A LAWYER

[m.snow]

I feel for you, Some people are just Liars.

I understand that we cant do anything about that now.

What we can do is grieve for those deceitful moments, probably the only thing we can do.

 

Trust is the foundation of a marriage an that trust was shattered.

but that does not mean, It can be rebuilt upon.

It may not be as sturdy as it once was, hopefully it will suffice.

 

I say things happen in life you cant control.

 

The best you could do is live out your life pursuing happiness

 

Should-a could-a would-a. Its in the past now. Its just time to move forward.

If nothing can be done, then move forward.

 

Pursue what makes you happy, all of this you found out is putting a lot of negative energy on you! rem

 

Its time to let that all go, and Let it be.

 

If you divorce you wife because, coz you no longer trust her. No one is entitled to take that against you.

 

Peace out, live a happy life!

[m.snow]

You have a grudge against your wife that you are unwilling to get past/over.

YOU are killing the marriage!!!

You expect perfection - you should have married a nun!

 

every one has a grudge on something, but a great thing is that if we are married and i do love her, I will hate her of course. but since I truly love her I will get over it. It may take sometime but I will get there!

 

if you cant understand your spouse grieving over stuff like this, now that person doesn't understand love and marriage.

 

 

Your outlook and attitude is exhausting. Think how she must feel under your microscope...?

 

gee wiz its only been a month, already exhausting?

 

dont you think he'd at a phase now?

 

you expecting some in human behavior that you can get over this with one night or a few days. barely been a month?

 

what you expect wake up. and it all will be over.

 

Let the poor guy grieve and just be there to listen, will you

 

Let me tell you it takes time to get over things. Give a year or two this will all be behind.

 

 

 

You expect perfection - you should have married a nun!

 

Its just the luck of the draw.

 

You don't have to be a nun, to be an honest to goodness person.

There are just people who are dishonest and people who are honest.

Edited October 8, 2015 by m.snow

[Mr. Lucky]

Women who are married need to feel safe, loved and appreciated to be open and wild yet when they are dating some dude for 1 month or picked up some guy in the bar for a ONS they will be 100 times more open/wild or basically more hornier than they will with their husband. Good stuff.

 

As for the rest, it's a load of crap. I told her what had to be said and I'm the bad guy?

 

She lied about having an STD. She lied about ONS and the amount of guys she was with. She left journals around that proved it. She has albums full of pics of all her ex's. I got rid of everything. I have no longing to search, read or look at people who should be long gone.

 

And I wasn't the one to go searching for the person who was almost the reason we aren't together today. The one guy I said there could be no contact with and she still searched him out..and lets get real here.....we were real close to a divorce when she did it and it became 10x worse after she did. Things weren't exactly all roses. So what does she do? Go looking for the guy who I made damn clear that if she did, it would be a deal breaker. But here I am. Sticking it out, trying to make it work and yet it's still on me yet I did absolutely nothing to cause this. F me. No wonder alot of guy say never to get married. It's a lose/lose situation. She pulls all this crap yet Im the bad guy and she is the victim.

 

But mean old me. My poor wife and how hard I am for calling her out for all the BS that has been happening.

 

Good god.

 

Yoda would say the anger is strong with this one. And honestly, doesn't matter if anyone here, me included, feels you have a right to see things this way.

 

What is true is, as crippled with resentment as you currently are, you should talk to your wife about a separation while you evaluate your priorities. You're in no shape to participate in a relationship, especially with someone who's character you clearly feel is deficient. Tell her the truth and take a break to figure things out.

 

Time and distance might give you a perspective you lack now...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Rejected Rosebud]

But mean old me. My poor wife and how hard I am for calling her out for all the BS that has been happening.

 

Good god.

You're right. Please please please divorce this terrible strumpet and move on. You don't deserve all the hell she has put you through by having all that wild sex 79 years ago and writing it in journals, hell no!!! Get a nice virgin and stop this craziness please!

[jh21]

You're right. Please please please divorce this terrible strumpet and move on. You don't deserve all the hell she has put you through by having all that wild sex 79 years ago and writing it in journals, hell no!!! Get a nice virgin and stop this craziness please!

 

Yes. Because that is all this is about.

[autumnnight]

What I am hearing is that forgetting she had old journals around, being more wild in her past, and looking at someone's profile picture on Facebook in 2013 is worth tossing your decades of marriage.

 

Honestly, if this is how you feel, the best thing you can do is divorce.

 

This is a woman who will be wearing a "Lesser being scarlet A" for ther rest of her life if you stay.

 

It isn't fair.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Honestly, if this is how you feel, the best thing you can do is divorce.

After all this vitriol I am def getting the feeling that OP is wanting out of his marriage and the only way he can muster up the gumption / justification to do this is to totally trash his wife. :sick: Please man up and just say goodbye and STOP the emotional abuse I am asking you sincerely! It is hurtful to even read this!! I imagine she thought she could trust YOU. :(

[deadelvis]

OMG. we have now reached the point in the thread where women are pleading with him to leave this poor abused woman. and talking about how he makes her wear a "scarlet A" on her sleeve. Yep. You got it all right. SMH...

[autumnnight]

Adultery is horribly wrong. Cheating is horribly wrong. Looking at a picture on facebook of someone you used to date is dumb. Keeping a sexual journal makes no sense to me, and not tossing it once you're married is weird to me.

 

Honest question: If a wife has been faithful for a couple of decades except for one FB glance, and she forgot she had some 20 year old journals...do YOU think that is worth all this?

 

What if she accidentally forgot to throw away her AA big book or DUI tickets?

 

Would that be worth all this?

Edited October 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[warshaw]

She has albums full of pics of all her ex's. I got rid of everything. I have no longing to search, read or look at people who should be long gone.

 

I've got folders on my computer full of photographs and emails from ex's. Why do I keep them? I dont know, sentimental value, OCD, maybe I like to remember good times in my past life. My live in girlfriend of 4 years has no issue with it, I've given her free access and she's read all or most of those emails and looked at most of the pictures. If she told me to get rid of them, I'd decline- and think she was very controlling to make such a request- just as you are. You say it's wrong to keep those things around- well that's your opinion, and you're entitled to it- but you have no right to make her get rid of them. I'll bet she deeply resents you for making her burn them- and she's got good reason. Regardless of the fact that some therapist suggested she do so.

 

The one guy I said there could be no contact with and she still searched him out..So what does she do? Go looking for the guy who I made damn clear that if she did, it would be a deal breaker.

 

You said there would be no contact. You made it damn clear if she went looking it was a dealbreaker! You sir are a controlling ass. People sometimes get curious about ex's who they have shared part of their lives with. Ive occassionally looked at FB pages of my ex's on a slow day, just "because". I have no interest in meeting with them, talking to them, or having sex with them, but no one, including my significant other has any right to tell me what I can and cannot do.

 

She pulls all this crap yet Im the bad guy and she is the victim.

 

She "pulled all this crap" before you were in an exclusive relationship. 10 yrs ago, and yet you treat it.. you treat HER like it's happening right now. The ONLY thing she did in the past 10 years was try to lookup an ex's FB page.

 

But mean old me. My poor wife and how hard I am for calling her out for all the BS that has been happening.

 

Yes, you're mean, controlling, paranoid, unreasonable, and very insecure.

 

I could see where even very secure guys would have a bit of an issue with her rather wild past, the constant cheating on boyfriends and perhaps most importantly, the lack of sex in your relationship which needs to be addressed.

 

But your actions, your responses to things that mostly happened relatively long ago.. are way over the top and you are making the situation undescribably worse.

 

You never trusted her, for your entire marriage you've been checking up on her and you'll continue to do so for as long as you're together, there's no therapy or medications that will change your course of action as long as you're in a relationship with this woman.

 

Its only a matter of time before this whole thing crashes and burns, so you might as well start thinking in that direction rather than "how to save it" because you're not capable of what it would take to turn this around, and I think you already know this.

[Rejected Rosebud]

OMG. we have now reached the point in the thread where women are pleading with him to leave this poor abused woman. and talking about how he makes her wear a "scarlet A" on her sleeve. Yep. You got it all right. SMH...

Yes! I'm so happy you GET it!! :bunny: