I'm p*ssed off!

[JadeStar]

Ok I'm gonna vent some, sorry. I'm also gonna make a long story short, if possible. Husband has been acting strange the past week or so, like he was up to something. I had suspected for about a week or so, something wasn't right. I figured it had to do with the phone and computer. Meaning I had seen in the files something about a phone dialer and a call log in his name. You can actaully read peoples phone coversations online. Not sure really how it works but that is what I found. Stores them in a notepad etc.

 

Anyway we talked yesterday, and he tells me he doesn't appreciate me talking to my best friend of 12 years about what has been going on in our life. We always talk about things, me and my friend. You know women have g/f's they confide in, vent too, someone to be there have a shoulder to lean on etc. I have never said anything out of the way or in a mean way about him etc.

 

He actaully told me some of the things I had said to her on the phone. However, when I asked him how he got is info on what we talked about, he wont say. He says it doesn't matter, and for me not to worry about it. Well in my book thats a dead give away right there for my intuition of the whole phone/computer thing. I mean how else would he tell me word of word some of the things me and her talked about?

 

Hes a very insecure man anyway, but it wasn't good enough to already know me and her talk about things, we talk about lots of things not just whats going on in our relationships etc. He has always known this. Guess that wasn't good enough though. So instead hes got to go and find a way to listen/read what it is we are saying. I had it out with him and told him I was sick of his insecurity issues and needed some help for it! I also told him that within the last 2 years I have a few doubts here and there about him, but I didn't go to the lengths of doing what he was/is. I think over the years his paranoia has gotten way out of hand. I told him that it was the principal of the thing, what he was doing. I also told him I felt it was kind of controling, I felt I couldn't even talk to my friend or maybe anyone for that matter because he wants to know so damn bad whats being said.

 

I also told him if he could stoop to the level he has to do this, whats next? I mean knowing him and his insecurity its no telling what hes gonna do next. Have me followed, etc. I dunno, but I do know that I'm not a happy camper right now. To top it all off, after everything was said and done, he wanted to be loving to me. He wanted to kiss me. Then when I wouldn't because I'm pissed, he gets mad at me for acting this way, sheesh!!! I don't understand. He expects everything to be ok, he thinks I need to just go on about my business and be loving to him like he is to me. I'm sorry, but I feel like what hes doing is like a form of deception or betrayal, and yet he pretends things ok, and gets pissed at me if I don't too. He still refuses to tell me how he got his info, but I know. GRRRRRRRRRR!! Sorry just had to vent! I thought it was gonna be short, but guess not sorry.

 

 

Jade

[PatientOne]

You were probably using a land line and he has it tapped. All you need is a cheap phone tap and a tape recoreder to listen in on any line.

 

Cell phones can be listened to, but the equipment is much more expensive.

[JadeStar]

Yeah well reguardless of how it was done, it doesn't lessen the fact that it wasn't right.

 

 

 

Jade

[tiki]

Atleast you weren't blind-sided by it.

 

What an assclown. Call the phone company and get the phone disconnected. Then blab on your cell. Get your internet access cut off and sell the computer.

 

He's acting like a fool. He has to know this.

[New_Wife]

Or, next time you're on the phone with BF, go into great detail about this rash that's concerning you. be sure to look up things like scabies, shingles, herpes, genital warts, etc. on the internet & don't clear your history first too.

 

DISCLAIMER: The above is probably a very bad idea, but hopefully gave you a giggle.

[JadeStar]

New Wife, I don't have a b/f but thanks for the reply.

 

 

 

Jade

[New_Wife]

I meant Best Friend. I'm not good with the initials yet! Sorry!!!

[Bubbles]

Sounds to me like your husband is acting out of Guilt.

 

Why would he be looking for something?

 

Why would he be taping you?

 

Why would he be tracking what your looking up on the computer?

 

Has something happened between you two that you have not mentioned? Just some questions......I am in NO WAY accusing please don't misunderstand.

 

Just looking for clarifiaction.

 

 

bubbles

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by Bubbles

Sounds to me like your husband is acting out of Guilt.

 

Why would he be looking for something?

 

Why would he be taping you?

 

Why would he be tracking what your looking up on the computer?

 

Has something happened between you two that you have not mentioned? Just some questions......I am in NO WAY accusing please don't misunderstand.

 

Just looking for clarifiaction.

 

 

bubbles

 

yeah, what bubbles said....

 

if you haven't done anything to warrant his stalker-like behaviour, maybe he's the one who you should be suspicious of...not the other way around.

[JadeStar]

Hi thanks for the replies. Nope I haven't done anything. He is just a insecure person, I guess. Hes told me before that hes always been insecure the whole time we been together which is 13 years. I don't buy that. However, if he has always been like that I didn't start noticing it until about 2 years ago. He started making false accusations against me, and snide comments like, tell your man I said hey, crap like that, when I don't even have a man. The only other time I noticed him saying things like that was when he was heavy on the porn and I called him on it. After that, he really started getting insecure, guess from what he was doing about the lying of the porn, I don't know. He swears up and down hes never cheated, and maybe he hasn't, but this is extreme, and I agree its controling and stalkerish.

 

 

Jade

[New_Wife]

Hmm...then I'll go back to my prior evil suggestions. Next time you are talking to best friend (see how I spelled it out this time?) start speaking in nonsensical code (you might want to clear this with her in person first, so she doesn't think you require medication).

 

Throw out random phrases like "The blue dog howls at midnight, repeat, blue dog - midnight"

 

and

 

"The nest has cleared. Roger, Eagle has taken flight."

 

If he's going to drive you crazy, return the favor.

 

DISCLAIMER: this might be an even worse idea than my first one. Perhaps counseling is better.

[Bubbles]

Then he is obviously acting out of Guilt or he is Guilty of actions NOW.

 

I think you should do some checking-up on your own........on him.

 

Don't be made a fool of Girl!

 

 

bubbles

[JadeStar]

Thanks bubbles, thats what I'm thinking of doing. However I don't get why I feel so bad, for what it is he has done/doing. Like yesterday after our talk about the whole thing, he wants to be all loving, as if to say lets just forget about it all. He was trying to kiss me etc. I was pissed off but yet he got mad at me for not responding to him in a loving way, like he was doing me. I don't get that. Then he leaves for work this morning standing at the door wanting me to kiss him, I did, a half ass kiss, then he gets ticked off for that. So as hes walking out the door, I say to him, "I hope you have checked with the NC state laws on what you're doing because it might be illegal." He said nothing, just kind of glared at me. Hell I don't know if it is or not but said it anyway.

 

 

Jade

[Bubbles]

jade,

 

I have an old saying that I firmly stand by.........You Get what You give.

 

If he is checking on YOU? Then you do some checking on HIM! It's not fair! It's just not fair!!!

 

My ex did the same to me. He accused me EVERY DAY of doing something.......turns out? It was he who was stepping out. Looking at pornography, scewing other chicks, involved in sex chat rooms......need I say more?

 

It's usually the ones that do the accusing that are messing around. 99.99% true ask any-one here on LoveShack.

 

 

bubbles

[lilmoma1973]

Hey Jadestar,

I think what everyone is saying is right.. he must be feelin GUILTY for something he has done.. i think him spying on you is wrong and if you have give him no reason then he is paranoid and has some major insecurity problems!! Good luck hope it all works out .. i would really watch him like a hawk he is hiding something to be checking up on you.. i always heard that when someone accuses you they probably are doing it..

[JadeStar]

Something I failed to mention, see this is where my head is today grrrrr! Sorry. When we talked yesterday and I asked him about where all the false accusations were coming from. See I said were, he hasn't done that in a while. Anyway he said the reason he would make comments like that was because he figured the lack of sex we were having he thought I was cheating. Now, I can understand why he might would feel that way. I always try to put myself in someone elses position. That may be the case for some people but in my case it wasn't like that at all. I have told him over and over again even in counseling the reason I backed off from the sex so much (didn't come to a halt, but just lessened), is that I felt he had disconnected from me emotionally. I'm the type that needs that emotional connection too, not just the physical. He knows this, like I said it has been discussed long before now.

 

If it were me and the sex had stopped so much then yeah I might would think he was getting it from someone else too. So I see I understand why he would think that, but like I said he pulled away from me first emotionally, so I figured why should I have to continue to give him what he wants when hes not giving me what I want/need. It has been told to him it has been showed to him what I would like from him and the relationship as a whole. However, for whatever reason he feels he can't connect with me emotionally. So I will not keep giving to him all the time and not get what I want from him. This was about 2 years ago when he was making this accusations, thats why I don't understand all of a sudden why hes doing what hes doing now.

 

 

Jade

[Bubbles]

Jade,

 

I think you pretty much answered your own question.

 

If you have pulled back recently because of the same problems that you have had in the past and you now remember what his reaction was then there is a very good possibility that he is thinking the same way again.

 

What I don't understand is why does he automatically think that there is someone else involved?.........I guess in your husband's opinion......it would impossible that HE could be doing something that may be causing you to act the way that you are acting?

 

My ex was like that also. He could never see/understand that it was HIS actions/lack of actions that drove me away.......not another man.

I think maybe you should make YOUR husband to understand that statement - before he looses you. How much confirmation does he need?

 

Was he taken away from his Mama too young or what? Sounds like a needy puppy to me.

 

 

bubbles

[JadeStar]

Bubbles, your 2 paragraphs, "What I don't understand, and "My ex was like that also." Thats it right there. He just doesn't get what I have been trying to tell him and show him what I need, I guess thats not good enough for him, maybe he wants to believe or wish I was cheating, but I'm not. He has tried for so long to find dirt on me, I don't get it. I even caught him going through our trash can one time outside! He just tries so hard bless his heart just to end up empty handed. I don't get it.

 

 

 

Jade

[Bubbles]

Bless his heart?

 

I'd say if he is THAT insistant.....maybe YOU had better start following him around? You will never ever prove to him that nothing is going on. He should just beleive it.

 

I'll tell you something.......he should be thankful that he has a decent woman at home because there are an aweful lot of men finding themselves Bachelor apartments because of the same insecurities.......we women of 2005 just don't have to put up with that kind of crap any-more...why should we? Yes, they are that stupid not to think that another man would actually treat us right.......you wanna know why the next guy treats us appropriatly? Because they learned a BIG lesson in their first marriages!

 

Don't treat women like crap!......we walk away a lot quicker than our Mama's did!

 

 

bubbles

[Ladyjane14]

Have you ever heard of "delusional jealousy"? (.....also referred to a pathological, morbid, or romantic jealousy.) Lot's of info on-line if you google for it.

 

A bit of an extreme notion perhaps, but if this isn't the first incident of unwarrented "insecurity", maybe it's worth looking into.

[magda]

I would be upset if my hubby were venting about our personal issues to his friends. I think we have a pretty good understanding that if we need to talk, let's talk. Maybe you husband feels similar to me, maybe not. Whatever the case, it's my opinion that you should really work on your communication with him. Try to resolve the issues with him before you vent outside to lessen his feelings of betrayal. Perhaps as time has passed you don't communicate as openly and because of that and his natural insecurities his trust in you has decreased.

[lilmoma1973]

hey magda,

maybe she can't talk to her husband and that is why she confides in her bestfriend.. i see nothing wrong with this.. it is no different than posting here on loveshack .. helps us to vent and release cause if her h is like mine then she has a hard time getting him to tell her things so she confides in friend .. that isn't betrayal at alll!! he is the one that betrayed her by invading in her conversation with who she talks with !! putting a device on the phone because of his paranoia

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by Ladyjane14

Have you ever heard of "delusional jealousy"? (.....also referred to a pathological, morbid, or romantic jealousy.) Lot's of info on-line if you google for it.

 

A bit of an extreme notion perhaps, but if this isn't the first incident of unwarrented "insecurity", maybe it's worth looking into.

 

it is an extreme notion, ladyjane...but this guy seems pretty extreme! i think you're right on target.

[JadeStar]

Hi magda, I have tried to communicate with him for a long time. You can't communicate with someone that doesn't want too. I can talk with him all day long and express how I feel about things, but does he truly hear me? Who knows, actions speaks louder than words, and in my opinon he hasn't heard anything I have said in a long time. We all have choices in life and so basically he can either get with the program and get more into the marriage by trying harder of he can sit and think up things to do to destroy it.

 

I talked with him some more last night and this is what he had to say to me. He said he acts the way he does because he feels that either I have cheated or I am going too. Hes delusional no doubt! I asked him this, "Do you feel you have done your part in this marriage to make things work?" He says to me, "no", I said, "then thats probably why you feel the way you do." Its probably where alot of the insecurity stems from. I asked him do you feel that way too because you have either cheated or wanted to and so you think if you have/are, that I will too? he says no, that he never has. Maybe he has, maybe not, I just know that you can't sit around all your life thinking, "My wife may or may not cheat, so let me see what I can do to push her away further."

 

See thats what I don't get, if he feels that way, if he feels I'm slipping away from him, he chooses to do nothing, to try to fix or salvage whats left. Instead he thinks of way to "catch" me, and all the while its a waste of his time because I'm not doing anything. Sheesh, I just no longer know what to believe. I guess I feel this can be a fixable situation, however until he gets a grip on this whole insecurity thing of his, I don't see it going very far.

 

 

Jade

[JadeStar]

Ladyjane, I haven't heard of what you posted, however I will definitly check it out!

 

 

 

 

Jade