I would never cheat, but I keep looking at Other Girls!

May 16, 2005

This is actually not my style, but I Can't Stop Looking, Thinking or Dreaming

about other girls.

I'm in a relationship, we're getting married next year. We've been together about

4 years. I love her very much, she's cute, attractive, beautiful, etc etc.

But for some weird reason, i've been having a lot of dreams about kissing other

girls or sleeping with other girls or dreams about the first "fuzzy" feelings you feel

when you're first kissing someone new or dating someone new or having sex with

a new girl for the first time.

I keep looking at other girls too, on the street, at music stores, etc. I would never EVER,

cheat on my girlfriend. EVER. I'd hate myself forever if i ever did that. I could never live with

myself. Seriously.

Why do I keep having these dreams? Why do I keep on looking at other girls? I feel

bad about it. I mean true, me and my girl have been super busy lately and haven't had

much time for sex, we've been scrimping and saving for a wedding. When we Are together,

we end up just watching TV together or going out to eat. She doesn;t have many hobbies

outside of me. Maybe I do feel restless in the relationship a bit, I don't know. I'm

Just trying to understand if it's just something that i'm going thru, or if I'm wanting someone

else. I don't feel like I want someone else, but I feel like I do crave some excitement.

May 16, 2005

So what are you doing to add more excitment to your currant relationship?

Can only get out of anything what you put into it

May 16, 2005

good point.

have tried for years, it's starting to get a bit hard trying to

be the main "cheerleader" if you will, in the sense where,

i'm the main partner who is in charge of our "fun". She looks to me for

what we're going to do once we get home from work.

She doesn't have many hobbies at all. doesn't have many friends. I

have many hobbies, not tons of friends, but a few good ones. I'm more amped

to go out and tackle my goals in life. She's less inclined. She's just focused

on the wedding lately, which bugs me because I don't want "us" to be her only

focus. I want her to have her thing too.

Maybe it's not so much that i'm looking at other girls in a "sexual/lust" kind of way,

but more of a thing where i'm finding myself more attracted to girls who know what it

is they want in life, are driven and can take care of themselves. My girl is one of those types

of gals that needs to be nurtured a lot and encouraged a lot, who needs to be told that

she's beautiful and that she's talented and all that. In a way, she's the type that needs to be taken care

of and I finding i'm a little more attracted to the "sassy" kind of girl, who can love her man, but

doesn't need him to take care of her every need.

But I love her. So i want to work things out, so I'll stop having these thoughts and dreams.

Even writing about it and poting about it helps me see the problem as a whole.

May 17, 2005

Originally posted by Merin
So what are you doing to add more excitment to your currant relationship?
Can only get out of anything what you put into it

I could not have said it better!

May 17, 2005

Wow! What an interesting post, Jazz Club! You have helped me a lot figure out some things before it's too late! Thank you so much! Challenge is exciting.

Housewife type of women will be a better wife though, but hey, sassy girls can cook too!

You couldn't say this in a better way. I guess you will always look at other girls. Your wife won't get any more exciting with time and your id will be fighting with your moral restrictions. Who do you think will win when arguments and problems start one day? What if you try and find your happiness with a girl that's something in between? You might spare both of you a lot of pain in the future before it's too late and kids are involved. Good luck in whatever you decide!

May 17, 2005

I think RecordProducer is utterly wrong. Your future wife can change. I think what you should do is have a heart to heart with her and tell her how you feel. Tell her you would never cheat on her and do/say many things to reassure her but tell her what the problem is. I mean in this way she can see why you're doing the things you're doing and she can see where she needs to step up to the plate and take some affirmative actions to counteract that.

I'd also like to point out that there is not a perfect marriage in the world. Marriage/relationships are full of compromise. This said no one will ever measure up to all the things you wish you had. So what I suggest to you is to start compromising with each other. You have to accept someones faults as much as you accept the things that you love about them. Goodluck.

May 22, 2005

Originally posted by SweetSerenity
I think RecordProducer is utterly wrong. Your future wife can change. I think what you should do is have a heart to heart with her and tell her how you feel. Tell her you would never cheat on her and do/say many things to reassure her but tell her what the problem is. I mean in this way she can see why you're doing the things you're doing and she can see where she needs to step up to the plate and take some affirmative actions to counteract that.

SS, people can't change. And if he wants to change her prior to marriage then why marrying her? Why committing to someone you want to change? This is not a minor thing. She is not the sassy, assertive, sexy businesslady. She's a domastic type who relies on her partner completely, lives for him and turns around him. Many men would be happy to have a wife like her. Unfortunately JC is not one of them.

As you said every marriage has problems and when they arrive, he might not be able to resist the temptation. But cheating is not relevant yet; the fact that he desires other women constantly tells itself that he doesn't really desire his fiancee. I've been fooled that I am in love and the person was right for me. More than once. Sometimes we think because of a few qualities that someone is great. But soon enough she may turn into a grumpy housewife and we'll find her in LS venting about her husband's infidelity.

I think JC should open his eyes wide and re-consider marriage with this girl.

May 27, 2005

Hi Jazz

I think I'm in a similar position. I'm female so I'm thinking about guys.

Maybe not in such a sexual way but more in a way where I'm wondering what a relationship would be like with someone else. Especially that new bit at the beginning.

A little background... I've been with my man for over 6 years. We love each other deeply and I would never cheat on him. In fact I'm pretty sure I will be with him for the rest of my life. I'm very committed and honest and we have a wonderful relationship.

My eye never wandered for the first 5 years of our relationship. I could see no one but him. But now I'm curious.

My partner also is the type that needs a lot of reassurance and confidence boosting and maybe that in itself is part of the reason the mind wanders.

I mean wouldn't it be great to just have some sassy guy (or girl) who reversed the role a little. Something different.

Really I'm not worried by these thoughts. I know it's just curiosity which is part of human nature.

I know in my heart I would never jeopardise our relationship because it's wonderful. It's just I wonder what it would be like if it were different but who doesn't do that! Be it in work, money situation, place of living or forks in the road. We all do it.

I don't know how open you are in your relationship but my partner and I talk about everything. I told him how I miss that new and exciting phase at the beginning and how I wonder what it would be like if our relationship were different or we were different people. I tell him because I know there is nothing to hide. We have decided to try and add some more excitement into our relationship. Go dating again and find hobbies to do together and separately.

So far we have gone out for dinner a few times, taken a trip to the country, I have started some dance classes and there will be lots more to come.

It's very easy for relationships to dig themselves into a rut, especially if your jobs follow routines or you have children.

Relationships are not easy and require a lot of attention and hard work. But that is part of the fun!

As for the sexual fantasies. They are normal too and especially more so for guys. Seems you're more mental wired that way for some reason.

I would recommend talking to your fiancé tell her about your concerns before you get married. You never know she might feel the same way!

Keep us posted and good luck.

May.

May 27, 2005