Known better Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 So I've known MM for a few years, knew he was very unhappily married. I was in a long term relationship and only knew him casually meaning I saw him in a group and that was it. Didn't even know his last name. Fast forward to two months ago- I heard he was getting a divorce and I was like if you need a good attorney let me know, mine was wonderful. He gets my number. We start talking. We start having the best sex of my life. Here is where things go crazy. He says I'm miserable married and all the usual stuff that MM say that's probably not true. Well I stalked his wife online and she has numerous social media accounts where she talks about her love of someone else. The wife and some guy have a Pinterest account where they have boards they post to about their wedding. I showed MM this and he was clearly upset. He knew about the guy but no idea it was so visible to the world. Here is my problem. He says he is waiting for her to leave, do I stick it out? He is simply wonderful and I rarely feel this way about anyone. TL:DR seeing a married man, confirmed his wife has a serious online relationship. Do I wait it out or move on? Link to post Share on other sites
starpower Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 So are they actually separated? His wife seems to have moved on and he knows about this, what is he waiting for? Are you still in that long-term relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 he sounds extremely passive.. in my experience passive types are a difficult bunch. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Simple, date other people and have nothing to do with him until he is divorced. You don't need to be his emotional bridge/tampon. He is being cuckolded by his wife and doesn't care. Guys don't leave their wives for other women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Saying he's waiting for his wife to leave is the same as him saying he's not leaving. You should get out now. It's only been 2 months and the longer you let it go on the more painful it will become for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Sounds as though he was upset about her public devotion to this other guy because maybe he had hopes of them reconciling. Otherwise, he'd be thrilled that she's ready to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 They'll probably stay together despite all that, so I'd get ghost NOW if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 he sounds extremely passive.. in my experience passive types are a difficult bunch. word up I second that emotion 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 When my boyfriend was going through a divorce he was living in the same house as his wife. They weren't legally separated, but she made it clear she wanted a divorce, and had found someone else. Neither would leave the home and they lived there together for another 18 months. During this time she shared on her Facebook that she was engaged. Mind you most of his family didn't yet know they were even getting a divorce. He was horrified that she put that out there. Not because he wanted to get back together. His kids from a previous marriage were friends with her, his family. I can understand not wanting stuff like that on social media. It doesn't mean necessarily that he's upset because he wants his ex back. What's his reason for not leaving? Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 My h is passive. I am not sure why that is considered a bad thing. If he were underhanded or quietly conniving that would be one thing but he just doesn't like yelling, would never cause a scene.wouldn't hurt a flea. That it's not to say that he lets life happen to him. But he certainly knows he can't control everyone. So... I suppose my q is do you feel that things will end with them divorcing or will they suddenly reconcile? Have you guys discussed this? What is your game plan, if any? And most of all, it comes down to what you can handle and when you will decide it is too much. That has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Known better Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 So we have talked about it and says the typical stuff. I want her to pack up and leave because I have worked for everything. She doesn't work. He says he is torn because he won't see his kids as much so he feels like he has to stay for them. I am single and I really don't know what to do. If he was lying about the marriage is truly dead part I would ghost him in a heartbeat. I just don't want to get sucked in but I also don't want to lose out on something wonderful. My ex h was a cheater and it took me a few years to get my ducks in a row to leave the way I wanted to leave. After I told him what I found online he has said he has so much on his mind. I remember that. I usually have a game plan but I'm like a person lost at sea. Thanks for responding! I am usually not clueless but I am in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Just be his platonic friend until he divorces (if he does). Tell him that you'll be his friend until then but nothing more because you don't want to be caught in that mess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 I agree with Pops. You can be his friend and offer him encouragement, but I would back away from the intimate emotional involvement. I can understand his unwillingness to leave because he feels he has a right to the home and she should be the one to suffer the inconvenience of moving. This is a legitimate feeling, but when there are kids involved it can get more complicated in terms of who gets to live in the family home. Also, I can appreciate that he would be upset by his wife's cyber-gloating about her new man (and this is likely going to bite her in the tush) and I don't think that necessarily means he wants to stay with her. He just doesn't want to be humiliated in the town square. I would advise him to contact the attorney that you originally suggested. Find out his rights. Get a road map together. This sounds like an ugly situation, and he needs someone to help him find a way out. For you....you can continue to be his friend, but friends only, until he has made a clean break. Be mindful that the relationship remains balanced, however. This isn't all about you giving support and encouragement, without some balance that he is also there for you sometimes as a friend would. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 So we have talked about it and says the typical stuff. I want her to pack up and leave because I have worked for everything. She doesn't work. He says he is torn because he won't see his kids as much so he feels like he has to stay for them. I am single and I really don't know what to do. If he was lying about the marriage is truly dead part I would ghost him in a heartbeat. I just don't want to get sucked in but I also don't want to lose out on something wonderful. My ex h was a cheater and it took me a few years to get my ducks in a row to leave the way I wanted to leave. After I told him what I found online he has said he has so much on his mind. I remember that. I usually have a game plan but I'm like a person lost at sea. Thanks for responding! I am usually not clueless but I am in this situation. So he thinks if she leaves he gets to keep everything? Doesn't work that way. Even if his wife packs up and moves the courts will give her whatever money or assets they decide are rightfully hers. He doesn't have a plan to end the marriage so you should end the affair for own mental health. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Why doesn't he leave? Why is he waiting for her? IF he is truly miserable in his marriage, he'll divorce. He hasn't and that says a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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