Husband lies about everything

[SuzyQ5000]

He is an alcoholic, has replaced me with porn.We have zero romantic life. It's not me. I am at my wits end. He goes to meetings AA every day. Lies that he has a recovery date. He still drinks. He wanted me to go to his AA meeting to give him his recovery chip. I refused. I fear our 9 years are coming to an end. Does anyone have any experience with this?

[Lois_Griffin]

Honestly, no. I don't have experience with this because I wouldn't stay with an alcoholic.

 

But I've seen enough marriages dragged through hell due to one of them being an alcoholic. It always amazes me that women will stay with these losers and subject themselves AND their children to the horrific dysfunction an alcoholic brings to a home and everyone's lives who live in it. I just don't get it.

 

I lived with it for years as my father was an alcoholic.

 

I'd be so far removed from someone like this that it wouldn't even be an issue for me about the porn thing - I wouldn't want him touching me anyway.

 

Time to go.

[beanie66f]

I have no experience. But you should find a Alon meeting to attend

 

I don't know what I would do if my DH was an alcoholic. My observation of a number of friends over the last 20 years is... It's very very painful There are always relapses. Which starts the cycle of hurt and pain over again

 

Hugs to you. I think if you went to meeting you could ask sponsors to put you in contact with others to support you

 

Addicts lie. It is part of being an addict. I don't think I would want to stay married to one. The heart ache and pain would not be worth the good times for me. I think I would deserve better. I really feel for spouses and family of addicts. You cAn chose to love them and hate the addiction. But my observations have been they are connected.. The person and their addiction.

 

And alcohol is hard! It's acceptable and encouraged in society to drink. And it's everywhere.

 

Hugs. I hope you can find a support group or see a therapist to help you cope with this. It's got to be very very hard for you

[spanz1]

sorry for you.

 

 

DO NOT lie for him! if you know he is still drinking, stand up at the AA meeting and tell them that.

 

 

this guy has to hit bottom to get better. just do not let him drag you down there with him

 

 

btw what is he drinking? I assume you threw out every drop of booze in the house already.

[OldRover]

Suzy,

 

This is a tough road. Only he can decide to clear himself up, but you can get him help to do so, and put him in an environment that helps. Not easy.

 

Unfortunately, most alcoholics never cure, and most programs are not very successful, and some are expensive. The ones that seem to do the best are smaller private counseling groups or camps where they work more on the mind. I'm not a fan of AA or the 12 step process and I don't believe alcoholism is a disease. It's an addition, like smoking or gambling. One choses to drink.

 

One can also do "controlled" drinking, where they don't totally stop, but have limits. That's just about as successful.

 

I've been thru this with 2 relatives, for many years, spent tons of money, and it's painful and frustrating, often with poor results.

 

Do some searching. You may find better groups around your town, or you may find one that's close by. You may want to send him to one that is a full time program for several weeks, but decide if you can you afford that and does he work?

 

Divorce is an option, and I could argue to set some goals and if he doesn't accomplish the goals, then leave. First, he has to quit lying... no more, no matter what. Perhaps a goal of only a drink with you, over dinner. No drinks alone, no bars, no drinking with friends. Does he still love and care for you? If so, that will help.

 

Who knows, he could quit cold turkey, and I hope he does.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Alcoholic? Porn addict? You deserve better!