Old friend with cancer being very rude

[USEDOW]

I am flying to Europe to see an old friend. I told her I was coming and arranged a date but I didn't tell her my itinerary as I know she gets tired and likes to go to bed early. Thought I was being considerate by not asking to stay. So she said she'd guard that day about a month ago She told me three days before that she couldn't make it... No réal excuse but I said Ok but I was coming to see you. She said well come for lunch (next day) but she had a friend coming evening. "So I said well is it OK to stay. She said Oh No I don't have two friends together(""I'm coming from another country ffs). So I said I was coming specifically to see her and she asked if I was trying to make her feel bad!! So I said OK let me know the day we originally planned if you have any time so I can come for a chat if you feel up to it. She agreed to this. Next thing I get a text saying come three days later!!! That is one day from me going home. Now I know she's Ill but not mentally and that's why I'm going. I paid for the flight and told her a month ago. If she can't see me that day or the day after but the day before I go... I feel like I'm doing this for nothing. If I'd known that I'd not have booked. I'm very sad as I've enough sht in my life and her attitude is because I've not told her every minute detail. Well she's been ill and I didn't know if she was going to be well enough. Her changing has nothing to do with her being ill and a friend who is there she can see anytime. So how should I feel apart from sad. I know maybe her illness is making her a bit abrupt but I've wasted my flight and feel very upset at the way she spoke and don't know how to deal with this.

Edited September 19, 2015 by USEDOW

[Keenly]

Why is this person your friend? She pushed you back to hang out with someone who probably lives a few dozen miles away. Some one she could see any time.

[d0nnivain]

She's dying & you are making this about you

 

 

Yes I understand you paid a lot for the trip & are doing it for her but from her perspective your attitude may make you too much trouble to see. Show up for lunch as asked & see how the day goes. If you make the afternoon about her.. . . let her grieve, don't try to comfort her, just let her be upset about her illness. . . she may change her mind & spend more time with you. Be in HER moment.

[almond]

I can see how this would be upsetting, but you're going now so make the most of it. People can go a bit funny and act out of sorts when suffering terribly and facing their own mortality - I would make a conscious decision not to take it personally.

 

Let this go. Forget it. Go and enjoy your time with your friend - this may very well be the last time you ever see her. Keep that in mind.

[USEDOW]

Yes I'll try and ignore her behavior. Maybe it will be better when I see her. But yes this friend she pushed me back for lives 10 miles away where as I told her I was coming. Still I guess you get like that when you are ill. I'll try forget it but I'm not good at it that is the problem when someone freaks out on me like that. I thought it'd make her happy me coming all this way.