My ex told him to give him time. Why is he the one keeping contact?

[Sailornikkiii]

I just really need help. My ex broke up with me 3 days ago. He said he needs to figure things out and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. The day after we broke up he messaged me saying "you mean so much to me nikki. I feel like such a bad person." He didn't give me anything to work with, just kept repeating what he said initially. He said he never said he doesn't want me, just that he didn't want to hurt me and didn't know what he wanted and didn't think it was fair to make me wait. I told him that I'd wait however long he needed as long as he still wanted me.

 

He said "That's the saddest thing ever man -.- you deserve so much better. I don't want anyone else and seeing you with someone else would kill me but you shouldn't be waiting for someone who is indecisive and careless as I am being."

 

But I stayed persistent and told him I care too much to let this go. That I'd wait, just to please come back.

 

He said "thank you nikki. I'm sorry. I wish I could just jump back into everything but I need to figure everything out first. Just give me a little time"

I told him I wouldn't give up on him as long as he didn't give up on me, and to please not forget about me. He read but didn't reply.

 

Before we broke up we didn't talk for a week and he stopped liking all my Facebook posts.

 

I don't like any of his posts, but the day after we broke up he liked a video I posted and just yesterday he liked one of my statuses I put up that day. Then must've went on my page because at the same time he liked a status that I'd put up the night before. He hasn't liked anything I put up since over a week before we broke up.

 

It seems that he's keeping in contact in a weird way? I mean he's the one making his presence known everyday since he broke up with me. He knows I'm dead set on fixing things. If he really didn't want to get my hopes up wouldn't he just avoid my posts like he did right before he dumped me when he was distancing himself? I'm the one giving him time.

 

*Other key points*

-he said "I never said I don't want to speak to you again. I don't want this to be forever. I just don't know anything right now and didn't feel like it was fair to make you wait"

 

- I told him I had a feeling he was seeing somebody else, and even if he was I loved him him enough to decide for himself who he wants.

He said "Damn it dude don't go down that road. Nothing I've said has implied anyone else. That's not a conclusion I want you jumping to. I do care and I'm not trying to not work with you. I'm just trying to figure everything out. I never said I didn't want you just that I didn't want to hurt you"

[ExpatInItaly]

What was his specific reason for breaking up with you? I know that he said he didn't want to hurt you, but I don't understand what he's referring to exactly. How was your relationship prior to the week you stopped talking before breaking up? It seems odd that you would suddenly stop talking for a week, if that was out of the norm for you.

 

Something is weighing heavily on his conscience.

 

All you can do is assume that he knows his own feelings and actions better than you do. Something went wrong and it's not sitting well with him. In my experience, when a guy tells you that you deserve better, it's the truth. I didn't always see it at the time, but it has always turned out to be correct. Don't wait around for him to come back. Take his word for it and begin healing yourself.

Edited September 19, 2015 by ExpatInItaly

[Sailornikkiii]

What was his specific reason for breaking up with you? I know that he said he didn't want to hurt you, but I don't understand what he's referring to exactly. How was your relationship prior to the week you stopped talking before breaking up? It seems odd that you would suddenly stop talking for a week, if that was out of the norm for you.

 

Something is weighing heavily on his conscience.

 

All you can do is assume that he knows his own feelings and actions better than you do. Something went wrong and it's not sitting well with him. In my experience, when a guy tells you that you deserve better, it's the truth. I didn't always see it at the time, but it has always turned out to be correct. Don't wait around for him to come back. Take his word for it and begin healing yourself.

 

Our relationship was perfect. Never had any major arguments and we were always able to talk things out. I was involved with his entire family, he's 22 and has a 3 year old daughter and she and I were extremely close. I loved her and she loved me, he was very adamant about one day marrying me and having kids of our own. Always told me he loved me, never once made me doubt it before. He made up some lame excuse for breaking up with me initially, then I sent him a huge message on Facebook disproving everything he said. Basically saying that I would be willing to work things out with him.

 

I would see him on the weekends, 2 weeks ago I didn't see him because he went to a 3 day music festival. Which I was fine with. Every day while he was there he would text me as soon as he woke up to remind me how much he missed me and wanted me in his arms.

 

The day he came back he started acting distant, not texting me first. Taking hours to reply. Dead serious nonchalant answers and none of the mushy talk we used to do. We would still say he loved me and missed me and would see me the next weekend, till the Thursday after the music event when he was acting especially distant. I asked him if he was still down to hang out and he said definitely, then I told him I loved him and he never responded. Didn't talk to me till the next Wednesday when he just broke up with me through text on his break. When we were having the long conversation when he hit me up the day AFTER he broke up with me after saying I mean so much to him he said he felt f-ed up not talking to me for a week, that he thought it would make it easier but it's made things worse.

 

Basically, I don't understand how you can bring me into your life as personally as you have and introduce me to your entire extended family and all of your closest friends and then not try to salvage how much we have together. I know for a fact that he didn't fake the relationship, I don't think you can fake it that much and for that long. I know it was genuine and everyone that knew him knew it too. I don't know, maybe he really is confused. Or maybe he just doesn't care, who knows.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think he faked your relationship either. However, given how suddenly the switch flipped and everything changed, I have to wonder if he did something at this music festival (or sometime recently) he knows he shouldn't have done. There are some red flags here, which may suggest he's not being totally honest about why he all of a sudden doesn't want to hurt you, knows you deserve better, and so on. If that is the case, sometimes dumpers conceal the full truth to protect the dumpee. I can't say for sure that he's hiding something, but having done it myself in my younger and more immature years and having it done to me lead me to believe it's a possibility.

 

All you can do is trust that he knows himself and knows his feelings. For whatever reason, he can't give you the love you deserve right now. He knows you want to salvage it, but he just doesn't feel the same way at this point. I would stop texting/contacting him altogether. I am sorry this has happened to you; I know how hurtful it is. If he messages you, don't feel the need to respond right away. He needs to understand that letting you go means he doesn't get to keep a hook in you.