Have you given your abusive partner a second chance?

[learning to breathe]

 

Just wanted to see if anyone else out here has?

 

Any success stories?

 

Just a little about me. i am 27 years old, been in our relationship for 10 years, no kids, married 2 years, and have been abused by my husband.

 

I have decided to file for a divorce.

 

Before the past few months things have been okay with us, however he always had a temper. i haven't been hit in about 10 months and i have seen some improvements, but the reason why i am headed for divorce is in my other blogs which is where i explain to have gotten into an EA, i finally woke up to the pain i had endured, and that i wasnt living for me but for him, and that no wife should ever be hit or abused by their husband. i am not justifying the EA but through that experience ive realized i deserve wayyyyyy much more than what my husband never offered me which was love.

 

i felt like he wasnt here for me. i still do feel that way.

 

with all of that craziness above being said. i was just wondering if anyone has given their ex husband or boyfriend or even wife or gf (abusive) or even cheating a second chance to redeem themselves and did they change for the better? was it hard for you to have them in your life again?

 

thanks.

xoxo.

learning to breathe.

Edited September 19, 2015 by learning to breathe

[jen1447]

No personal experience here where I was abused myself, but I've been directly involved with friends and their experiences. Between that and what I hear elsewhere, I'm not aware of a single instance where an abuser reformed entirely. There was always either total relapses that indicated the 'reform' was a lie to begin with or that they just didn't have the wherewithal, partial relapses that indicated they weren't really committed to it, or at best 'success' where the threat of relapse always loomed large. The common thread there is it was always a thing, even in the best cases.

 

I think it's an especially hard thing to fix bc these ppl are seriously ill even before any outward manifestations of their illness occur (like battery). You don't just fix that with a good attitude, and especially not with a phony good attitude.

 

Good job pushing this one out. Stay on the path hon.

[ExpatInItaly]

I gave an abusive ex-boyfriend a second chance. He indeed hadn't changed. Walking away the second time was a no-brainer for me and I'm so glad I did it.

[preraph]

Grew up with a dad who was abusive to my mom sometimes. I'm 62, seen a lot. Never been in an abusive relationship myself because that's an automatic dealbreaker for me. From my experience and what I've seen over so many years, they get better, not worse. They will all say their sorry and beg their way back in and then they know you'll take it and eventually start right back up. Some could stop themselves but don't want to because they want control and get off on control. Some have rage problems stemming from childhood (my dad) and can't very well control themselves. Unless they're willing to go into therapy and stay there for years and years and actually want to change, I wouldn't give a second chance. And that would take years, not just a token visit or two.

 

As people get older, they become more controlling and more abusive. Don't stay. It's not fair to kids at all.

[learning to breathe]

thank you ladies for sharing your inspiring stories.

 

i appreciate it.