Odd vibe from a former workmate

[kenmore]

Hi all, I don't know why this is bothering me but I'm looking for some insight into someone's behavior. It's the receptionist at the insurance company I was recently an agent for. First the details: She's young, I'd say late 20's. Very pretty! My first day there I started a conversation with her because I would be working with her as well as others, and well...she's really pretty. It was a nice convo, and the whole time I worked there, we would talk about our weekends, goals, hobbies etc. She wanted to get her insurance license and work on being an agent and was taking the same class I took so I used to ask her about it whenever I saw her. I told her of my experiences and when it came time to take the state exam, I asked her how it went the next time I saw her (she passed.) I'm sure neither of us were interested in anything serious. I won't date anyone I work with, I assume she wouldn't either and there is that age difference; but I always considered us friends.

 

Since I was asked to vacate the premises, I have had to call the office several times for various reasons. Asking if I have any mail, calling to speak to someone specific etc, and she is usually working so she answers the phone. As soon as I tell her it's me calling, I can actually detect a change in her tone of voice. It almost sounds like contempt if I was to place it. Like she's either mad at me or really disappointed in me. Possibly bordering on hatred. She cuts the calls short and almost seems to take a pleasure in telling me I have no mail.

 

I know I shouldn't care and I guess I really don't other than to think it's disappointing to have someone, especially someone I like upset at me for no reason I can fathom whatsoever. Part of me has wondered if she is upset because I never tried to take our friendship further but my logical mind says a big fat noooo! But I just can't imagine why she would be acting like this. Any different perspectives would be nice to hear.

 

Thanks!

 

Ken

[Maggie4]

Was your departure from the company contentious? If so, maybe she wants to make sure everyone working there knows she isn't your friend anymore. That would be cold... Never mind her. I know it's annoying when you get her on the phone, but you won't need to do that for long, right?

[applej4]

I don’t condone her rude, unprofessional demeanor when you call in. You don’t work there anymore, and if your parting was less than amicable she feels safe treating you rudely. The powers that be probably don’t like you, and she knows it……people talk. Also, she probably picked up on the fact that you think she is pretty (you said it twice in your post). She probably thinks it's creepy and she's making it clear with her tone, etc. that she wants nothing to do with you.

 

If you MUST call the office make it quick and end the call – no pleasantries. It would be best to arrange to have your mail forwarded - notify the office manager or someone else via email. You should also comunicate with anyone else you need to via email. Do not say anything about her to anyone. To be honest, you’re thinking about her WAY too much. Stop analyzing and wondering about her. Move on with you life and put her out of your mind. You have no choice.

Edited September 20, 2015 by applej4

[applej4]

Wanted to add to my previous post (missed the edit deadline):

I'm sure neither of us were interested in anything serious. I won't date anyone I work with, I assume she wouldn't either and there is that age difference;

Huh?? You’ve referred to your WIFE in various posts, so not dating a co-worker or anyone else (while you were married) would be a good idea. I see in another thread you refer to your ex. But, that aside. . . .what do you care about who this young woman would date?

but I always considered us friends.

Exchanging pleasantries at work does not = a friendship.

Part of me has wondered if she is upset because I never tried to take our friendship further but my logical mind says a big fat noooo!

Your logical mind is correct. But there you go again…thinking about her in a romantic/dating way and wondering (fantasizing) …

 

It could be that your feelings and conduct with regard to this young woman had something to do with you being asked to vacate the premises.

Edited September 20, 2015 by applej4

[OpenBook]

The company ASKED YOU TO VACATE THE PREMISES? And you are still calling them?? Why do you expect anyone - especially the receptionist, who is in the unfortunate position as the company's front line, of having to handle your calls - to be nice to you?!?? They're going above and beyond, IMO, to even speak to you.

 

Help me understand here. Do you see how this looks from the outside?

[kenmore]

LOL okay, it's plain that some clarifications are in order:

 

Apple, I was "married" at the time which was another reason I didn't get serious with anyone but I was also divorcing the whole time too. My wife filed in November 2014 and I became an agent late December. It was over and I knew it. Of course I noticed beautiful women around me. I still had hopes we would work it out but no serious expectation. Our divorce was final Jul 8, just one day after they asked me to leave.

 

Asked to leave: OpenBook, As an agent, we are paid on commission only. No base salary at all! I'm safe saying I spent more money advertising and paying for my gas and food away from home than I made as an agent. I signed a contract for a full year to make their goals and this meeting with my manager was just 6 months in. I wasn't making it. He offered me a "job" at minimum wage plus a split commission as a producer for another agent. I told him I felt they were breaching our contract, and further that they failed to teach me what to do in various circumstances, and allowed me to sell crappy policies without me knowing, even though they knew. As I was saying this, he grew more and more angry, and when I was done said "then get out." I went to say goodbye to some colleagues and he came out and said to me "don't hang around talking, just leave." I left.

 

Since then, when speaking to this workmate, I said to her that if talking to me will get her in trouble, don't. She said no, she couldn't see any reason why it would be a problem for her. Now, I only call if I need an immediate answer. In this last case, a customer is on the verge of being canceled so I called to see if a check was there because I was driving from the airport to my place and would be driving past. email wouldn't have sufficed.

 

As for me thinking she's pretty, she is! Most people would agree. I don't act like a creep around pretty women though. I don't ogle her nor pant LOL! That said, I know why you said that, I have seen some guys who do and yes, it's creepy even to me. No, if it was that, she would have been stand-offish all along.

 

Of course you're right Maggie, it's not for long and in fact I may never speak to her again, but like most people I like to understand what's going on around me even if it makes no difference, because the intelligence may come in handy in the future. I just think her behavior is odd. If she hated me all along and continued to do so, then she just hated me. No mystery. I have a whole list of behaviors that make sense and this is not on it. I don't wish to say anything derogatory but it seems like oddball female behavior to me so I was hoping some oddball females may be able to lend some perspective LOL!

 

Okay, guess I'll just drop it. It makes no difference and I'll never speak to her again. Just another one to put on the WTF list.

 

Ken

[kenmore]

Further clarification: They paid me $0. They basically used me. After I left at their request (and me saying they had to give me three months written notice to drop me according to the contract), I still had my customers in my book. If they needed anything, I still had to service them. If a policy renewed, I still got the renewal commission. My responsibilities were (and still are) there.

 

Insurance is a responsible business. I can't just ignore it, I basically took an oath to uphold the responsibilities toward my customers to the state when I got my license. If a customer is mine, nobody else can service them. I have to do it, so even though I am not welcome on the premises to train, ask questions or confer with colleagues, I still have to do certain things in order to take care of my customers until someone else takes their policies over. Some communication is still necessary.

 

I apologize, I hadn't even thought to say all that...my bad. No wonder you were confused!

[Maggie4]

Well, I consider myself the official oddball female of loveshack. But even I am stumped as to why this girl is behaving this way.

[kenmore]

Well, I consider myself the official oddball female of loveshack. But even I am stumped as to why this girl is behaving this way.

 

LOL thanks Maggie; really, if the official oddball of Loveshack is stumped, I'm way out of my league and I appreciate you stepping up to the plate!

 

To be honest, my perception is that hers is a personal one. It's not professional. I'm not trying to make myself into something I'm not but I don't see a professional angle for her feelings. That's what it is. It's not a perspective nor an angle, it's hatred. I never gave her a reason to hate me so am not sure...but there is another office worker who has the same last name. I always assumed they were sisters. Both pretty, but the other one told me no, it's just a common hispanic name. I did spend a bit of time with the other one and wonder if there's something going on between those two.

 

It seems more like jealousy but again, I should just drop it. It won't matter so I shouldn't have wasted everyone's time. She can drop dead. It just doesn't matter.

 

Thanks again for your time all!

 

Ken

[applej4]

Kenmore - All the information about your contract, the way you were/were not paid, the receptionist's sister, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. is irrelevant. I stand by what I said in both my previous posts.

[jen1447]

K-Mo, maybe she was told by the manager who tossed you that you were persona-non-grata and if she were seen or overheard talking to you she might be too.

 

It's nice to imagine that ppl are bigger than that but most aren't, esp when their livelihood comes into question.

[stillafool]

K-Mo, maybe she was told by the manager who tossed you that you were persona-non-grata and if she were seen or overheard talking to you she might be too.

 

It's nice to imagine that ppl are bigger than that but most aren't, esp when their livelihood comes into question.

 

^^^^^This and the fact that she is 20 years old it's not surprising that she has very little interest in being your friend. Be glad you don't have to communicate with her more if it bothers you that much.

[applej4]

OP said she's late 20s (29). At that age, or even much younger, she doesn't need to be told that OP is persona-non-grata, and I doubt that boss threatened her. She knows OP is persona-non-grata. (Even small children can pick up vibes when their parent doesn't like another relative and they usually conduct themselves accordingly.) But looking at the entire picture I still can see that the "very pretty" young receptionist doesn't want any contact with OP and wants to make sure he understands there was/is no friendship.

[applej4]

correction to something I said upthread - receptionist's sister - I see you said they are not related only have same last name. However, OP what you said about jealousy is off base at best. You seem to be wanting to convince yourself that receptionist is jealous because you talked to another female in the office and that this pretty young receptionist was probably angry because you didn't try to take the "friendship" to the next level (even though you were married). You're flattering yourself and frankly I'm sure she was/is fine as far as her personal dating life. Again, you've been thinking too much about her and your thoughts have been are/have been about dating her - it's clear that's what this is really about. She does not and never did look at you that way, and that's why she is curt. Add to that you were fired and told to vacate the premises. Someone else can intercept any mail and forward it to you.- there is no reason for you to keep calling and talking to HER and wondering about what she is thinking.

[preraph]

Kenmore, I know how this feels, even when it's just what you thought were friends at the workplace or associated with it. What you're finding out is she did not like your attention and was just being nice because you worked there.

 

There are people who are very friendly and schmoozy at work but don't mean it at all. It's just to get ahead and get along with anyone at work. I experienced it when I left my old career. There was particularly this one woman who had been in the past (before I left, not even the current one) saleswoman to me. So the role was she had to please me. I was her client. I thought she liked me. Besides invitations to business things, she also took me to a water park once and we spent the day.

 

Well, as soon as she thought it was safe that she'd never have to be nice to me again, she was a big jerk (I ran into her while traveling for the next job). So rude. She wanted me to know she didn't like me, had never liked me. I can't believe there are people out there who are that fake. I would never be that fake to someone, job or no job, though I would certainly stay polite. And I'm a woman, by the way. There were no sexual overtones ever.

 

There's just a bunch of suckups out there looking out for No. 1.

[kenmore]

Thanks for your replies. Preraph, I understand what you are saying, but I don't feel it was like that. It may have been though, after all I was duped by my wife for 5 years!

 

Applej4, I'm not trying to convince myself of anything, I'm just seriously trying to figure out the human condition. You're probably right, jealousy is probably reaching. Also, you're right that I'd like to fancy that she "liked me" but she probably didn't give a rat's *ss, but I still don't get the negative attitude. I never hit on her, never pushed anything. I was nothing more to her than a guy who came in a few times a week, chatted with her (often about what was going on in her life) and acted in a purely businesslike relationship regardless of what was churning within my mind.

 

No, that's not right either and as I mentioned, I don't "call her." I call the office and she answers the phone because she's the receptionist. I have little choice. I'm not going to call my manager and ask if I have any mail. She's the first contact person and though I don't like this development, she just "acts" cold, she doesn't say anything unprofessional so I just have to live with it until I'm done there...which now looks like Oct. 25th.

 

Ken

[kenmore]

...There was particularly this one woman who had been in the past (before I left, not even the current one) saleswoman to me. So the role was she had to please me. I was her client. I thought she liked me. Besides invitations to business things, she also took me to a water park once and we spent the day.

 

Well, as soon as she thought it was safe that she'd never have to be nice to me again, she was a big jerk (I ran into her while traveling for the next job). So rude. She wanted me to know she didn't like me, had never liked me. I can't believe there are people out there who are that fake. I would never be that fake to someone, job or no job, though I would certainly stay polite. And I'm a woman, by the way. There were no sexual overtones ever...

 

You're probably right. Her politeness, kindness and friendliness right up to her laughing at my jokes, talking about food and what we did on a weekend was probably all just a fake pile of crap. If she could have done so and not had to see me several times a week, she would have ignored me.

 

I know this is not business related and this is the business forum but I'm beginning to develop a real phobia about relationships of all kinds because of this phoniness. It was bad enough when I thought my wife loved me and didn't, but how can I go on living knowing this receptionist I will never see again was phony too!

 

Okay, that developed into a tongue-in-cheek joke but it's real. I am seriously beginning to doubt my ability to understand how anyone feels about me anymore. It's beginning to freak me out!

 

I guess the best thing is to ignore it, go on living my life with the same values and feelings I always had and pretend these women are flukes! To be honest, I'm not sure I have a choice. It's either that or completely reset how I think and at my age I don't think that's an option...at least not right away.

 

I seriously appreciate your perspective though, preraph!

 

Ken

[applej4]

I have little choice. I'm not going to call my manager and ask if I have any mail.

Still don't see why you couldn't have sent an email to office manager, or someone - even the receptionist - but SOMEONE, asking that any mail be forwarded to (whatever address).

[preraph]

You're probably right. Her politeness, kindness and friendliness right up to her laughing at my jokes, talking about food and what we did on a weekend was probably all just a fake pile of crap. If she could have done so and not had to see me several times a week, she would have ignored me.

 

I know this is not business related and this is the business forum but I'm beginning to develop a real phobia about relationships of all kinds because of this phoniness. It was bad enough when I thought my wife loved me and didn't, but how can I go on living knowing this receptionist I will never see again was phony too!

 

Okay, that developed into a tongue-in-cheek joke but it's real. I am seriously beginning to doubt my ability to understand how anyone feels about me anymore. It's beginning to freak me out!

 

I guess the best thing is to ignore it, go on living my life with the same values and feelings I always had and pretend these women are flukes! To be honest, I'm not sure I have a choice. It's either that or completely reset how I think and at my age I don't think that's an option...at least not right away.

 

I seriously appreciate your perspective though, preraph!

 

Ken

 

It's hard once you lose trust. I've been there. You start to wonder doesn't everyone have their price and they'll betray you if the conditions are right. I imagine your wife loved you for some time and then familiarity bred contempt. Being with one person and spending so much time, I don't see how anyone does it. But some people are made for it more than others. I had this college roommate who I was such amazing friends with. We did so many exploratory things together back in the day, had so many adventures, unusual stuff like caretaking a ranch and living in a commune. Then we spent a summer at that ranch just her and I and I was fine, but she became testy and picking fights over nothing, like mad at me for hogging the library, that kind of thing. Crazy! My sister used to call it cabin fever when she had people who got snowed in up in the mountains during winter and went at it with each other. I think that happens with a lot of couples. Sometimes it's one-sided and sometimes it's mutual, but it only takes one who reaches their limitations to run it off into the ditch.

 

Everyone is different. Try to stay open to new relationships. There are people who are fiercely loyal and genuine. Granted they seem like a rare commodity at times, but they're out there. But I say always keep your guard up at work and don't trust everyone who cozies up to you. It's all too common they're not being real.