From Unwitting OW to Open Relationship to Disaster

[yodelwithyu]

Of all the things I gave to him selflessly, and of all the things he took so selfishly, I miss music most of all. In the depths of my despair, music helped to heal my soul, while it also used to add to my happiness. And now, all music before him, during him and, come to find out, new music after him, is tainted by him. He lays hidden in so many song lyrics and just pops up whenever he feels like, still able to knock the wind out of me, bringing me to tears. I want my music back. I suppose I will get it back around the same time I take my heart back completely, and that just seems like it is taking entirely too long.

 

 

"We were banging on the doors of heaven before but we didn't have a chance in hell. Still I tried to save it.

My soul hit the floor and it hurt to the core. And I didn't have nobody to tell, didn't want to face it.

You cut me deep, it hurts to feel. It's taking time, but wounds, they heal.

Now you're just a scar, a story I tell. Such an ugly mark, but I wear it so well. Like, oh well, oh well.

Now you're just a scar. A time that I fell for someone that didn't love me well. Like, oh well, oh well.”

-Foxes

[yodelwithyu]

This time last year, I thought I was happy as a clam, because after weeks of what I feel see now as taking emotional advantage, B was at my place as my boyfriend in an open marriage. Yuck. Even saying that aloud makes me sick. I sure as hell don’t recognize who I am today, but I know I will never be YodelMay2015 again. It is so sad, really. Find peace and happiness, find individuality, find boyfriend to lose boyfriend because he is married, lose baby a few weeks later, and apparently lose mind, to enter into an open relationship which was created by cheating. Now I look back, and it was kind of like being able to have him back, but the “real” him (HAH), in the absolute midst of NC withdrawal hell. I wish I had found LS before that trip. But I wonder how much would have gotten through to me. Even when I found LS a few weeks after this, I thought it was all different because he got caught redhanded, and instead of dumping me on DDay, he said to his wife he would not chose between us. “Like…that NEVER happens on LS.” I actually came to LS initially to find out how to deal with being in an open relationship because I had never even actually heard of one before. I had heard of swingers, but not individually getting sex outside marriage without it being cheating, and definitely never heard of things like polyamory and the like before.

 

Anyway, it only ever went downhill from there, as I am sure it did for him. How could I have been so stupid at that moment to think that things would get better, because now everything was in the open, and his wife agreed to have an open marriage, so I would get him the same amount I was used to before I found out he was married? I can’t even see how I could believe that. Is it really possible that one person in life can have you so turned around that you will do anything to have just a little bit of them? And keep your headed turned inside out even in the aftermath?

 

I told someone that I have never actually felt lonely in my life before to ever feel like I just want someone to hold me or love me or take care of me. I have never been that girl. Not in high school, college or after. I have had long term serious boyfriends, and have spent time completely single and not dating—I am not quite sure how to “date,” as all the people I have dated I already knew as a friend or was introduced through friends. With the exception of exMM…OF COURSE. But even in the darkest hours of depression, if I had been single, I never wished for just anyone. My family or friends were enough. And look at me now, just wishing that someone would hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok. Wanting to feel loved and wanted. Not used and discarded and forgotten.

 

I guess lesson learned. I think I could have lived without this particular one, but it came with so many other lessons that I learned here. About sex and STDs and marriage and people in general. Funny, lessons are supposed to make things clearer, but for me, everything has just gotten more confusing and chaotic. It is scary world out there. And I thought I knew that before. Indeed, the biggest lesson learned is that I was actually an optimist, when all my life I thought I was a cynic. Well, hopefully, that has gone the window completely and for good. I haven’t any fight left in me to be an optimist.

 

"I have loved you for many years, maybe I am just not enough.

You've made me realize my deepest fears, by lying and tearing us up.”

-Sam Smith

[yodelwithyu]

Dear A,

 

Happy Mother’s Day. I wasn’t expecting to think of you, but just as it happens with thoughts of your son, you appeared out of nowhere, while I was arranging flowers for my mother and grandmothers. It doesn't seem that long ago that I actually thought we would be in each other’s lives in some capacity. I was such an idiot. As silly as it seems, I am saddened by the thought that we won’t have any more adventures and good times together to get to know each other better. Who knew when I met you that first night I met B that we would all be a part of so much destruction? Everything had seemed so bright and hopeful that weekend. But as usual, B kept secrets from you as he did with me.

 

I was so nervous to meet you again in July as his girlfriend in an open marriage. I was so ashamed, and I should have paid attention to that, but part of me had already grown to care for you deeply because the way your son loves you and takes care of you. It was probably the biggest reason I had for loving him the way I did. He is the only person in the world, including my own mother, who understood why I live for my mo the way I do. I hope you look back on your birthday trip as fondly as I do, though mine is now tinged with a great sense of despair. Why would he let me feel close to the one person who is more important to him than anyone else if he wasn’t going to keep me around? We were so stupid. He and I promised each other that the first one of us who makes is big will buy a house for the other’s mother. We even said that we want both of your close by, so we would buy you guys houses close to ours and you could spoil us with your cooking, while mom would spoil us with her baking. I could almost see it.

 

Anyway, I hope that you can remember me as just a girl who loved your son without a prior agenda. And that you can forgive me for being stupid and selfish and coming into your son and daughter-in-laws life as an “other” in their arrangement. I was really blind. I don’t think I am anymore, but there is still a huge hole in my heart and life where I thought you and B would exist. I know life would not be necessarily be blissful for us—I would have trust issues knowing that you were able to keep meeting and knowing me a secret from your daughter-in-law, and that you could do the same to me if I ended up with your son. But I chose to remember the first weekend we all met and your birthday trip as a memory of a fun lady I had an amazing time with. We laughed and lived, and I am just going to leave it at that in my heart.

 

So…Happy Mother’s Day. The only thing I can really give you the knowledge that no matter how deep I dig, I still cannot find anger or pure contempt in my heart for B. I would say that I hope your son makes your day special, but I know how much he loves you, and so I know he will.

 

Sending you a bouquet of wild flowers tied together with an elephant charm in my thoughts,

F

[yodelwithyu]

I have no idea why I write so many letters or why I am such a sap. Some letters I write, I post here because I guess I just want another human to read it, even if it not the person it is intended for. And yes, the book I am working on is an epistolary novel. “I’m shocked,” said no one on LS. Ever.

 

Thanks for reading my ramblings for the last few days. It should be getting better, but this week it seems to be getting worse. I had an inkling I am reaching three months, and viola; today is ninety days since we spoke and I sent him the NC letter (Yodel wrote another verbose letter??? No way!!!) Does it still count or am I actually at like day forty-five since I made the longest hang-up call in history, where I stayed silent and he said “hello…” for two minutes straight? Either way, it is the longest we have no gone without communicating. And I feel worse than when I started in February. I thought someone could learn from my story, but I am starting to see I really have nothing left to offer. Not even a lesson from all the mistakes I make.

 

But thanks for reading nonetheless. It helps to know somebody, anybody, has heard me.

 

Happy Mother’s Day to all you beautiful mamas and soon to be mommies. You all mean so much to your daughters!

 

Love love love,

Yodel

[SoleMate]

I read you letters so that's one! Getting things out is good, to a point. Eventually you will choose to move on.

[yodelwithyu]

I read you letters so that's one! Getting things out is good, to a point. Eventually you will choose to move on.

 

Thanks Solemate! Who knew there was such a vast difference between choosing to let someone go and choosing to move on? NOT me! Anyway, just thought I would throw another quick letter up for your pleasure.

 

PS. I love love love your signature.

 

 

Hey B,

 

Sometimes I wonder if you miss the lyrics I used to send you. It is Mother’s Day, so here are the lyrics I have for you: “My mama don't like you and she likes everyone.” That is right. I demoted your a** to the Beib’s lyrics, “so you should go and love yourself.”

 

Yods

[stilltrying16]

Yodel, I've been reading your thread and your beautiful posts from the last few days. (They're not "rambling" and they are not "verbose.") They are painfully honest and generous.

 

I fully believe you have never needed another person to complete yourself. You are complete in yourself. Therefore you will come out of this stronger than ever, whichever way things go from now.

 

Please promise yourself you will do at least one wonderful thing for yourself every single day.

 

Your posts touch my heart. I really do think you will be ok. Courage, my friend. Here's a big bear hug for you!

[yodelwithyu]

Yodel, I've been reading your thread and your beautiful posts from the last few days. (They're not "rambling" and they are not "verbose.") They are painfully honest and generous.

 

I fully believe you have never needed another person to complete yourself. You are complete in yourself. Therefore you will come out of this stronger than ever, whichever way things go from now.

 

Please promise yourself you will do at least one wonderful thing for yourself every single day.

 

Your posts touch my heart. I really do think you will be ok. Courage, my friend. Here's a big bear hug for you!

 

Thank you so much for your words StillTrying! It really made my heart all warm and melty. Returning your big bear hug with and even bigger one!

[yodelwithyu]

I don't really have much of an update at the moment, but I just wanted to let you know that I started a new round of stims yesterday and it is a different hormone protocol than my doctor used last time. I just wanted to forewarn all of you, just in case you start seeing a slew of severely ill-written, dramatically nonsensical posts, in all caps lock. Because, you know, my caps lock key is LOUD. Don’t believe me? Ask Kanye.

[yodelwithyu]

I have no idea why I am having a block posting on LS lately. At first is it was “meh, not much to update.” Then it was like “ugh, a few different happy/weird updates and need to sort my thoughts.” Then I was going to post this one day just to say it was the first time I have felt happy for just a good good hectic day (YAYYYY) since I found out B was married. And then I read the thread that compared being lied to by a BF who is actually a MM to sexual assault. Wow. The mother of all triggers and feels. Incidentally, just saw the one posted comparing infidelity to sexual assault when I was trying to catch up on some posts. Didn’t read it. But now, I feel like I was LS constipated for so long that when I do write an update, it will be so freaking LS verbal diarrhea.

 

First of all, can I get a WHAT WHAT for Yodel not flying off the handle multiple times on LS and not breaking NC with exMM while being pumped full of hormones?? Double of the double hormones I got last time and TWO trigger shots and still no crazy rant on LS!

 

I will give credit where credit is due though, and this is going to sound awful. My dad has a condo in the country I have my doctors in, so he kind of said “why do you stay in hotels for three weeks at a time when you can just stay at home?” He and I both know the answer: my stepmom. You have to be invited into one of “her homes” that my dad has paid for. I only ever stay in “her homes” when visiting with them until recently. So he brought it up with her a couple of months ago and said “Yodes will stay here while she needs treatment.” Ok, so she is in that particular home very little these past few years. Guess who shows up two days after I did—for no good reason? And didn’t leave until she absolutely had to for a family thing. BTW, she did the same thing in California the first time ever I was to stay at my father’s home by myself. Which is why I left for a few weeks…and met exMM on vacation. She made me so miserable during the whole process this time that all my anger and sadness part of the rollercoaster was directed towards her and not at B or LS. She left the day before I had surgery and so at least my (complicated) recovery was in peace!

 

Secondly, my treatment and recovery was really complicated, but the result was far FAR better than the last round of the fertility stuff. I feel so thankful and so blessed to have the opportunity to at least try and have a chance and choice at motherhood some day. Big victories in troubled times, man. What can I say?

 

Lastly, for those who missed it the first time I said it, I had a day where I actually called my mom just to tell her I was feeling happy. HAPPY. Almost ecstatic. It is not to say that my heart still isn’t grey most of the time, but hell yeah, I will take it!! ThankYouMorePlease.

 

I will leave you with lyrics to my ultra mainstream but insta-happy song from the last month. Mostly because I picture the dance video linked below I hear it. Admittedly, some of the chorus actually sounds depressing quoted, but I don’t wanna be stuck up on LS “saying all I know are sad songs.”

 

I heart Lia Kim!! Please please watch if you need a quick pick me up.

 

But you don't wanna be high like me…never really knowing why like me. You don't ever wanna step off that roller coaster and be all alone. You don't wanna ride the bus like this…never knowing who to trust like this. You don't wanna be stuck up on that stage singing, stuck up on that stage singing: All I know are sad songs, sad songs. Darling, all I know are sad songs, sad songs.

—Mike Posner (SeeB Remix)

[yodelwithyu]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

“So, Yodel’s post about not being able to write on LS that had only a couple of updates was so…short. And to the point,” said no one. Ever.

[jenkins95]

(((((((((((((yodel!)))))))))))))

 

I've missed you! Welcome back!

 

Reading your post in your own amazing, unique, inimitable style feels like a big, warm, long hug...... And goodness knows I need one! I cried and laughed in the course of reading that! Thanks for being here!

 

It will be so wonderful if you get your wish to be a mother one day! I'm crossing my fingers for you!

 

And I hope you are never cured of your "freaking LS verbal diarrhea". Because it rocks!

[Lobe]

First of all, can I get a WHAT WHAT for Yodel not flying off the handle multiple times on LS and not breaking NC with exMM while being pumped full of hormones?? Double of the double hormones I got last time and TWO trigger shots and still no crazy rant on LS!

 

Dude, congrats on NC but you missed a prime opportunity to make the most obscene cryptic posts on LS and blame it on the hormones... and you want a fist bump? I think not. Talking to my SIL while she was all hopped up on hormones for IVF was better than

.

[lemondrop21]

Will write more soon when I'm back from my trip but I just wanted to send you a WHAT WHAT!!

[yodelwithyu]

So things have been relatively quiet since I came back home. No hospitals every day and no Lady Tremaine making me miserable every day either. More time to think and feel as I am stuck in bed all the time. I cannot express how happy I am it is an even year and the Euros are on! Sleep has been scarce and because of the time difference, I can actually enjoy myself when I am not asleep at ass o’clock in the morning. Don’t get me wrong, when all is good, I will still stay up or set alarms for FIFA and UEFA to not miss a single match, but I am thankful for the distraction and excitement at this particular time!

FORZA AZZURRI!!

 

I swear, actual updates coming soon. Spoiler alert…tried a little OLD since I was not in my home country. DUN DUN DUUUUN!!!

[Onlywhenitrains]

Hey Yodel! Great to see you back! Quiet is good, I guess.

 

OLD!! You go, girl!!!

 

Stay strong!

[Lobe]

Spoiler alert…tried a little OLD since I was not in my home country. DUN DUN DUUUUN!!!

 

~waiting...~

[yodelwithyu]

Hey all, it has been a while. A long while. It was about a year ago that I started this thread, so I thought I would come back and update. Last year, it was such a troubling terrible time for me, and through the words and wisdom of strangers on LS, I found a little peace and comfort. And a lot of knowledge. But towards the end of when I was posting, I felt like I had not made much progress in pulling myself out of the pity parties, so eventually I stopped posting because I was not contributing anything to the community. Also, I felt a couple of people, or one person pretending to be a couple of people were playing games with me. It made me not want to be exposed to LS. So I also mostly stopped reading.

 

A lot has happened since I last wrote, and I am not even sure when that was anymore. It is devastating that we live in a world that me saying my country suffered a terrorist attack this year will not really give up my location. This year has been so horrible in that way. So many innocent lives all over the world for nothing. I wanted to post around that time, I felt like I needed to. But internet was spotty and certain areas and families were told to stay off the internet. When allowed back, we were only to use end to end encrypted messaging. I wanted to tell you all…that once the chaos died down, once the deaths were accounted for, as my brother lay crumpled and shaking in grief in my arms trying to comfort him while I, too, was mourning, I wondered if exMM would get in touch. I had never until that moment felt so much disgust for myself. Anyway, as I couldn’t post, I just wrote in a journal for a long while until it was “safe to use the internet” and to my dismay, LS was down. I had five or six posts over the course of three weeks or so, but at that point, it felt like a sign and also felt useless to post any of it at a later time.

 

Well, he did get in touch, but only because my friend got in touch with him asking about me, worried if I was alive as there was no contact. She was sure if I could get one message out, it would have been to him. I only saw the email days later as I was a wreck during that time and internet wasn’t being. I was mad at my friend for contacting him, but I guess I kind of understood, and when I asked if I should reply directly (though I sent a mass mail to everyone in my email lists as there were too many to reply to) she said “no, he and his wife separately requested that neither I or you have any further communication with them.” Apparently my friend was so disgusted by everything he had to say when she messaged him that she messaged the wife the next day and told her almost everything that I was actually using to keep him from contacting me. All of this is neither here, nor there though in the long run because I had made my decision in February and never went back. But I could have lived without the extra insult. Also, it really puts into perspective when a person who claimed to love you once sends one vague email (still staying his love and apologies) when your country is still in chaos and your life is still in danger. That is how little I mattered. That is how little we all matter. The only other breaks in contact from my side was logging into his uber to see if there was still a picture of the two of us which it still had been a few weeks after the attack, but then it was changed to a picture of them two a month or so after. I guess in some sick way, I just needed to know I existed, which is really sad. Anyway, in my eyes, that was the last trace of me, so I guess we are both finally really free of each other once I finish this post.

 

So it has been a few months, and I think of him painfully a lot less, perhaps also because of the attack. I miss him sometimes, or rather, the good times we had, but I think I feel more pain and sadness and anger than anything. But not for losing him—for knowing him, for allowing him in my life even after I realized what type of person he was. And maybe it makes me petty, but I wish everything bad and the plague and locusts and all upon him. I hate that I truly did scour and soak up all the knowledge I could about infidelity from all sides and actually did tell him everything I learned about how to save a marriage after infidelity. From actual stories on here to psychology articles. I could turn on friend mode when I needed to, because I was his friend, and I thought he was mine. So I am also angry that if he has any tips and tricks that made his marriage better that came from me, makes me that much more of a schmuck. But hidden in all of that I think is the inability for accept and forgive myself for my role in all of this mess. I had also realized earlier this year that I had mixed up my sense of loss of a pregnancy, my dignity, some innocence and my even my fertility with the sense of loss over him. I was essentially mourning loss of self and erroneously gave him more credit in that than he should have gotten, I think.

 

We had been NC a few months before the attack, so I will address it and say that it did get better on more days than not, but when the storm hit, it would always take my breath away. Though I did then, and still do now, think of him at least every day. Then sometimes wistfully and nostalgically, but now only hatefully. Anyway, there will be no more to say about exMM from my end, because I do think now he is a thing of the past. I will have moments where I am seething, but those pass. To any of you to whom this thread is relevant, or helpful, please focus on the fact that exMM is not in my life, but it still goes on, albeit tragically, due to other circumstances. If you are struggling with letting go or seeing how much he cares, please read this entire thread. I do believe a year ago, someone said he must have loved me a great deal to tell his wife he would not choose between her or me and that he did, indeed, love me. If you read through this whole roadmap of a mess, you will see that he had many chances to do right by other his wife or me. And in a matter of life and death, after sending one email to see if I was alive, he never followed up, because he was in damage control the next day with his wife. I didn’t see his email or send out a mass “I am ok” mail until probably a week after. So that is how much they care. In fact, in his email, he had said he knew that I might contact his wife as he broke NC, but he didn’t care, he just needed to know I was ok and that he loved me. Well, if he didn’t care, and she found out from someone else anyway, then why would he stop at just one email? Because he loves only himself.

 

I know this won’t go down well with many, but I have to say after every story I have read on either side, I really don’t think WSs really can love anyone but themselves. They might feel responsible, comfortable, safe, and I think they genuinely think it is love. But in my book, it is not even friendship. You don’t hurt your friends like that, and certainly not people you claim to love. I am not a just a hater, I swear, I have met some WSs on here that are so sweet and remorseful and caring. And I know they say and feel they love their BSs I believe they think they do. I think it is possible to love someone again once you have stopped, but most people don’t claim that they ever stopped. And I am not saying any of this just to OPs to fuel hate against WSs. I am more saying it to all the lovely BSs on here that I want to be safe and happy. I do believe there might be some exceptions, or some closet polyamorous WSs, but mostly, I don’t think that remorse replaces love. I just don’t want any of you guys to get hurt again. It is just my opinion, and I am not trying to stir anything up.

 

 

——————————

 

 

The last few months has been really hard. My friend and acquaintances died in the attack, as did a few of my brother’s best friends. I had known those kids most of their lives. My brother was supposed to be at the place there later. Overnight, everything changed. My family, my country, my safety. I had never felt uncomfortable wearing sleeveless shirts, and suddenly I felt like I had to cover my head. For the first month it was hard to breathe. I felt terrified, guilty, angry and lucky all at once, all the time. I was so busy making sure everyone around me was ok, taking care of my brother, that I failed to see how fragile and messed up I had become. I kept thinking how close I was on 9/11 and then the one here and how I would not narrowly escape a third major terrorist attack.

 

My ex, the one before exMM, got in touch about a month and a half after the attack and said the life is too short and he didn’t want to do NC with me. I had gone NC with him because he was still in love with me as of earlier this year, and I felt like even being friends would keep him from moving on. So I always kept him at a distance, but not because he was a terrible person, but more so, because I felt I was. I had so much guilt that he had this vision of me and had no idea what I was capable of. Well, when he called me said he wanted me in any way in his life, I told him I am not the person he used to know and he doesn’t know what I am capable of and to read between the lines. It went back and forth for a bit, and then we met face to face and I told him everything. It felt like a million pound weight off my shoulders. He had things to come clean about too. We both cried and had each other and ended up sleeping together. I wasn’t sure how much more selfish and irresponsible I could be when for two years, I had kept this man at a distance, almost to a point of being rude so that he would get over his feelings and move on with his life, and in one fell swoop destroyed all the distance between us. I told him that I had worried about his feelings the last two years that that he had to make decisions on his own as I was a train wreck when he first started kissing me, but that doesn’t absolve me of my responsibilities, when I know this man was still in love with me. But for the first time in a long time, I felt safe and comfortable. But now I just feel horrible. I am not ready for a relationship and I just feel empty. And I was happy with him those few days, but I do still have grievances, which is why he is an ex. I know that these are troubling and emotional times, but I expected better of myself than to further complicate things. If we had just left it at coming clean…

 

Anyway, everything came to a point where I felt I was a danger to myself. I was drinking too much, not sleeping at all and taking too many pills to try and sleep. But also not to feel. I always used to wonder who those people were that stopped anti-depressants because they felt “nothing.” I would have given anything at points in my life to feel nothing. To be a zombie. But alas, no anti-depressants or any amount of anxiolytics have made me feel nothing. I check myself into an inpatient program in a different country. It helped a little, but unlike the States, inpatient there was more of manage the crisis and then back out in the world. I have avoided an entire continent for an entire year, partly because I did not know if it would cause me to become weak. But I know I have to go back at some point to get proper treatment.

 

But honestly, maybe too much has happened for me to ever be ok. Not just in the last two years, but in the last decade. I quite sure that just makes me a quitter and a generally pathetic excuse for a human, but when is enough enough? I am not as strong as people around me say I am. How many things can you go through and survive before just surviving gets tiring? Death of someone I was in love with, check. Stalked and captive and sexually assaulted, check. Life altering illness, check. Finding out the person you think might be “the one” is married and then engage is ridiculous “open relationship,” check. Miscarry first and perhaps only pregnancy, check. Find out I am losing my womanhood by way of infertility, check. Extra pain for that pregnancy loss due to impending infertility, check. Financially crippled from trying to save my eggs, check. Terrorist attack in my city were we lost loved ones and our sense of safety, check. None of it even sounds real. And the fact is that except the first three, everything else has been within two years. I’m tired.

 

I think I have to come to accept that I will live most of my life with a hollow sadness, and that mostly I will be just surviving, not living. Everything that touches me turns to dust, so it is better that I keep to myself. I feel empty but I still hurt. I think if I expect nothing of people, then maybe my life will be easier. My grandmother has been pushing the modern day version of what is essentially arranged marriage lately for when I am better, and I am actually considering it a little. I know, the obvious choice would be to marry the ex that still loves me. But I care for him, and would only make him hollow like me, and I can’t do that. Plus, I think I would have expectations of him and he of me since we had already dated. But with someone I have never known or cared before, perhaps the rules will be different. That expectations can be just to be kind and respectful to each other, and not necessarily expect love, or sacrifices and major compromises. Just a thought. I don’t want a relationship or a marriage at this point, but just saying that when it is time, maybe that would be best for me.

 

I know perhaps this is not the happy ending some of you were hoping for me. In the big picture, yes, I am broken and in a really bad place. But, in relation to this thread, to this sub-forum, I am most definitely in a better place regarding the situation I had posted a year ago about. A lot of that is thanks to a lot of you and your support. I can tell you had I not read all the stories, and learned everything you guys taught me, I would for sure still be in it somehow. Because of you guys, and all the knowledge you provide us all, after a certain point we have to look at ourselves and the decisions we make and what we choose to believe—we become the bearer of responsibility. So thank you for holding me accountable, and thank you for hearing me and helping me. And thanks to anyone who actually got this far into the post.

 

I wish those recovered a salute, those recovering lots of strength, and those not yet able to stand lots of love.

 

Xoxo,

Yodel

Edited September 20, 2016 by yodelwithyu

[eye of the storm]

Yodel,

 

I am glad to hear you are safe. I am so sorry for the losses you and your family have suffered. Please continue to be aware of your surroundings and your head on a swivel.

 

You are not weak. You have had a massive amount of body blows. They hurt. It's okay to be tired. But you cannot quit. You have value. You are important. You are necessary.

 

Be tired. But do not quit.

 

All that you are going thru strengthens you. There will come a time when this will all look like shadows in a mirror. Behind you.

 

Keep moving and don't quit

[Adoraxx]

Dear Yodel,

 

First of all: HUGS!!!

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses .

I wanted to tell you that this is not true:

 

"Everything that touches me turns to dust".

 

IT'S NOT TRUE!!!!!! You're valuable and anyone is lucky to have you in her/ his life. Unfortunately some people can't appreciate so much beauty. But you're very very valuable!

 

Hugs!!