Jame22 Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 I've been in a rut this past summer. My last job had me living out of hotels and relocating every 2-3 months. My only real source of dopamine was coming home at night and indulging in macaroni and cheese, pizza and ice cream. I wasn't sleeping well and I gained about 15 pounds and fell into a depression. A couple of weeks ago I found a new job in a new city that doesn't require me to travel and things are definitely looking up. I started exercising again and eating healthy but i'm still very much in a funk. If I stay disciplined I should be able to get back in shape in 2-4 months. I had a date with a really cool girl tonight but my game was off and I knew it. I looked tired, my hair sucked, my face was pretty blotchy etc. We had a decent conversation and the date was far from a disaster but she took off about an hour in and it was obvious by her body language that she wasn't into me. My priorities feel way off and my conscious is telling me that I should delete all my dating apps and get a life and then maybe revisit the dating app stuff in a couple of months when I'm in a better place. This is more of a personal reflection than a question since I'm pretty sure most would agree with me. Any thoughts or suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Maharishi Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 You really think it will take as long as 2 to 4 months to get back into shape? You must be in awful shape now if it will take that long But I agree you should get yourself into a better state before resuming dating Link to post Share on other sites
nadalix Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Of course, regain shape first. As for depression: if you feel depressed, do something about it. Meditation can help, for example. And many other things (Google search will help if needed). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted September 20, 2015 Author Share Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) You really think it will take as long as 2 to 4 months to get back into shape? You must be in awful shape now if it will take that long But I agree you should get yourself into a better state before resuming dating Not necessarily back in shape. I'm in pretty decent shape right now but it will take 2 to 4 months to drop 15 to 20 pounds and be where I want to be..especially with weight training. Edited September 20, 2015 by Jame22 Link to post Share on other sites
thunder777 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 dont let a date with a match thats probably not a match get u down maybe she could sense your self dislike, first impressions lacking confidence? on dates with girls u have to make it all about her, the mission of the night is to ensure she has the best time ever!! aim that all subjects are about her and that drive in you will pay off stick to your goals, but dont make having a girl the centre of your world. they are just 1 page in your book of about 10 pages yeah? ie: work, car, home, study, sport, health, finances, girlfriend, family, friends, pets girlfriend or no girlfriend u still have these other pages yea? Link to post Share on other sites
Sean Yaho Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) I hear you with your past job. I can't handle being alone and away from group connections for too long. Glad to hear you changed jobs, I had to do the same. As for your date you said your game was off? So what your body language made you seem nervous or awkward? Maybe your banter and flirting followed that awkwardness? Or maybe you just felt numbed out and it showed.... You have no idea how common it is to have a bad date because one person (or both) weren't feeling it or on their game. Dating is about trial and error. You make a mistake or find a red flag, adjust, and use that experience as a teaching example. Let's say you take all this time and gain all this experience. You find out what a red flag is to you, who you click with, and learn to banter and build rapport in the process... if you quit or take a break all that starts to fade and sooner or later you'll be back to where you started asking yourself "Should I take another break." Keep on keeping on and best of luck Edited September 23, 2015 by Sean Yaho My phone typing skills suck Link to post Share on other sites
craw Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Are you using recent photos in your profile or photos from 7 years ago? Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Barring extreme circumstances, I'd advise against "avoiding" dating opportunities or "taking a break" from dating. You never know when that special lady will cross your path. It's better to just not spend so much time thinking about and obsessing over dating. People who do that put way too much pressure on themselves, which can lessen their attractiveness in the eyes of others. The comment thunder777 made ("dont make having a girl the centre of your world") is right on the mark. Just live your life, work on your personal demons, go out and do fun activities (ideally with others), and try to have a relaxed, open friendly demeanor. The dating opportunities will naturally present themselves from time to time (whether you notice an interesting woman or she notices you and drops hints) and when they do just chat with her, then if that goes well, ask her out and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, don't take it personal...just turn the page...both physically and especially mentally. Most people gravitate towards and feel more comfortable around those who exude a positive, friendly, inclusive vibe...especially if it's genuine and natural. They tend to either avoid or at least keep their guard up around those who give off a negative vibe...and BTW if you dislike yourself and lack self-esteem, you're almost surely going to give off a bad vibe. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 (edited) Are you using recent photos in your profile or photos from 7 years ago? most of them were taken in the past year. I only use one that is 3 years old Edited September 27, 2015 by Jame22 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I've been in a rut this past summer. My last job had me living out of hotels and relocating every 2-3 months. My only real source of dopamine was coming home at night and indulging in macaroni and cheese, pizza and ice cream. I wasn't sleeping well and I gained about 15 pounds and fell into a depression. A couple of weeks ago I found a new job in a new city that doesn't require me to travel and things are definitely looking up. I started exercising again and eating healthy but i'm still very much in a funk. If I stay disciplined I should be able to get back in shape in 2-4 months. I had a date with a really cool girl tonight but my game was off and I knew it. I looked tired, my hair sucked, my face was pretty blotchy etc. We had a decent conversation and the date was far from a disaster but she took off about an hour in and it was obvious by her body language that she wasn't into me. My priorities feel way off and my conscious is telling me that I should delete all my dating apps and get a life and then maybe revisit the dating app stuff in a couple of months when I'm in a better place. This is more of a personal reflection than a question since I'm pretty sure most would agree with me. Any thoughts or suggestions? Enough said. We always have the answers to our questions if we just take the time to stop and listen. Your gut is telling you what you need to do. Don't question it. There is no shame is taking time for yourself right now. You'll be a better man for it in the long run. More power to you. Link to post Share on other sites
1wittyjaguar Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 It sounds as if you are getting your life back on track the way you wish ... Go easy on yourself & just enjoy each day as it comes. Don't close yourself off just because all isn't perfect at the moment. You will hit your stride ! Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 A happy, fulfilled life is balanced. Sometimes you work more. Sometimes you work less. Some weeks are crazy busy. others are slow and you end up with free time to read, play games, travel, eat out, etc. If you're feeling worn out, as many other responses said, you're probably putting too much pressure on yourself. Don't serial date. Memberships to OLD sites you pay for usually last at least 6 months. One will give you the next 6 months for free if you follow some easy rules - email 5 people per month, keep your profile active, keep your photos up. That's pretty easy. Even if you only end up talking to 1 person a month, that's it. You can get a year for like $125. Then there's your hobbies, activities. Seriously, try meetup.com if you haven't. I met both of my long-term exes on activities. But long term, you also need to find out what you need. I like exercising in the morning before work. I need 5-10 minutes in the morning to meditate and I can't be out every night. I like to wind-down 2-3 times a week with a hot bath and a good book. Outside of that, I'm fairy flexible. Those things, though, are non-negotiable for my own sanity, health, and happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
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