xxoo Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 That sounds more like relationship stuff rather than just dating. Maybe that's your perspective since you are dating people you are already know. I don't know any guy who likes that buildup of sexual tension, esp not if he takes you on a date.Most of the time it's hey i took you on a date now lets get down to business. Honestly, id' rather that kind of guy not even take me on a date in the first place. Why have you never dated someone you know? Like in school, for example, didn't you ever strike up chemistry with a classmate, or a friend of a friend, and dance around the sexual tension for a couple weeks before he finally gets up the nerve to ask you out, and then both of you are super excited for the first date and that first kiss is magic? Never? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I disagree, taking someone on a date is very rarely selfless. Mostly a dayte is followed by some request to have sex. This is coming from someone who dated a lot in her younger years. Most guys,arent taking a girl out for the sake of it. I have definitely had guys take me out on dates without the 'requirement' of sex after. Also had guys do nice things for me without 'expecting' sex after. And I, too, have done nice things for them without expecting anything in return. (These are all in the context of both the early dating phases as well as the later stable LTR phase) Your perspective is very much skewed by the sort of men YOU have dated. Anyway, your opening post makes it sound like you have a question, but you don't really have one, do you? Or at least even if you do, it sounds like you're absolutely set on your own answers and refuse to accept anything else. Again I ask you, why even ask? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I dont think selfish people end up with only selfless people. In dating people generally do what is best for them. This is still true in relationships as well. What's your definition of selfish? I didn't say selfish people only end up with selfless people, but if selflessness is a form of codependency (which is my idea of selflessness) then codependents always end up as the givers for a taker. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I think selflessness involves having boundaries.....you can be selfless, giving, nurturing and caring.......and still have boundaries.....people who are selfless...aren't selfless some of the time and not others.....selflessness in this thread (and many others i have read) is often portrayed as a weakness by some posts...a co dependency...selflessness is nothing of the sort .....to be selfless doesnt mean allowing yourself to be taken advantage of .....stood on ....or disrespected......having boundaries is the balance needed...even more so if you have a selfless persona.... i truly believe making sacrifices in relationships , (if you have a relationship without a partner taking advantage of selflessness)..is the way to go, to really have forward progression in a relationship sacrifices on both sides will define the longevity....if you have two selfless people together its easier to maintain an understanding...the balance really are the self imposed boundaries...and everyone needs boundaries .....even selfless people...and finding those boundaries is probably the hardest path a selfless person has to take....especially in romantic relationships....even overall...life in general........deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Why have you never dated someone you know? Like in school, for example, didn't you ever strike up chemistry with a classmate, or a friend of a friend, and dance around the sexual tension for a couple weeks before he finally gets up the nerve to ask you out, and then both of you are super excited for the first date and that first kiss is magic? Never? No, never seemed to work like that for me. Theres usially some kind of issue somewhere-hes already taken, doesnt ask me out, or something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 What's your definition of selfish? I didn't say selfish people only end up with selfless people, but if selflessness is a form of codependency (which is my idea of selflessness) then codependents always end up as the givers for a taker. Selfish, id aay someone who does whats,best for themselves without a second thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 I have definitely had guys take me out on dates without the 'requirement' of sex after. Also had guys do nice things for me without 'expecting' sex after. And I, too, have done nice things for them without expecting anything in return. (These are all in the context of both the early dating phases as well as the later stable LTR phase) Your perspective is very much skewed by the sort of men YOU have dated. Anyway, your opening post makes it sound like you have a question, but you don't really have one, do you? Or at least even if you do, it sounds like you're absolutely set on your own answers and refuse to accept anything else. Again I ask you, why even ask? Ive also had guys take me out without "requiring" sex, but tgat has been extremely rare. This is coming from someone who used to date a lot. Im.not sure how i did it. Truth be told if youre dating a guy and he does something nice, hes probably trying to earn brownie points. Hes not doing it just to be nice. Maybe thats,different when youre actually in a relationship. I did have a question, and ive even agreed with some of tge posters here. Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 In the dating world people do things with the hopes of gaining something. Ex if a guy takes a girl on a date, he is hoping to gain something even just brownie points. This is really more of a relationship thing that a dating thing - you care about someone, you prioritize their feelings over your own sometimes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Strahatmak Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Is selflessness really the way to gain success in dating and relationships? Plenty of selfish people do just fine in the dating world. Some sort of selfishness is inherent in romantic relationships. No. Selflessness =/= non-selfish Selflessness = lose your own self. I'd say be assertive instead. Be yourself and hold on to your values, interests, certain personlities or whatever is important to you, but adjust your behaviors or mentalities that cause others uncomfortable, uneasy, or awkward. Some people may be selfish but not neccessary making others feel uncomfortable, for example, some people never donate a dime or volunteering, but does that really affecting one's relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
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