whichwayisup Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 So if your sex life improved ALOT, would you feel happy, inlove and want to stay with him? Would all the other problems disappear? I'd start off with Marriage Councilling. Start the communication, be really honest and TELL him everything that you've shared here during MC sessions. Does he know how this makes you feel? Unloved, undesirable, not sexy? How is the rest of your relationship? Does he make you laugh? Do you two have fun together? Do you LIKE him as a person? Do you tell him you love him? Do you need him? Do you do nice things for him, spend time, talking, listening, understanding eachother? Is he happy in the marriage? Takes two to get to the point where you are. Neglect and silence. From both sides. Ofcourse it's hard as hell to bring up comfy issues and really have a deep heart to heart with your spouse...NOone likes that but it is part of marriage. Bad s***! Rough times... Stick with him, work it out through councilling, see if you both MAKE it better together, try your best to make it work. If it doesn't - Atleast you know you gave it all you got - Then move on. Don't ever settle. Falling out of love and staying because you're too scared to be on your own and go through a divorce is just wrong and unfair to both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NursieGirl Posted May 17, 2005 Author Share Posted May 17, 2005 going to a marriage counselor, but it's a Pastor, and I would rather not see a religious counselor. I want to see a sex therapist in addition to the marriage counselor. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by NursieGirl going to a marriage counselor, but it's a Pastor, and I would rather not see a religious counselor. I want to see a sex therapist in addition to the marriage counselor. You can go to another type of counselor it does not have to be a religious one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NursieGirl Posted May 17, 2005 Author Share Posted May 17, 2005 I don't want to go to a religious counselor, but hubby insists it MUST be. To the other person... if sex life ONLY improved, no, that would not be enough for marriage to last... other problems would need to be worked on as well.... Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by NursieGirl I don't want to go to a religious counselor, but hubby insists it MUST be. To the other person... if sex life ONLY improved, no, that would not be enough for marriage to last... other problems would need to be worked on as well.... I don't think you are interested in working things out. You keep putting up excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Well, INSIST back that if the marriage is to be saved, you compromise and DO both. Paster and Marriage counsilling. He has to learn just coz this is the way HE wants it doesn't mean he is gonna have his way all the time. Sounds like he's got some strong religious beliefs...And you may not feel the same way about religion? Anyway, marriage is a give and take thing. Going to a sex therapist may make you feel good in bed but it won't fix the problems. The more you post, the more I get the feeling as well that you just want out. SO do it if that is what you really want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NursieGirl Posted May 17, 2005 Author Share Posted May 17, 2005 you are free to think whatever you want... I'm just saying SEX alone is not enough to keep a marriage going. Other issues would also need to be worked on as well! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Nursie, You're seeing a pastor as a counselor? Is the pastor not telling your H that he needs to be a better husband?? Did he tell the pastor about the BJ part? The fact that he doesn't care about satisfying you tells me he's very selfish which will translate over to other parts of your marriage, ie he's cheap. Why did you marry this man? What attracted you to him in the beginning? Did he change or did you? If he's truly a Christian then he should know he should treat his wife like a precious jewel- and he's not. Sounds like there might be a little bit of hypocrite going on here?? One thing you need to do is to put this other person out of your head. Your marriage will never have a chance as long as you continue to hold this person up as your ideal man. Trust me, I know- I've been there. If you decide to leave him, you don't want to go out as a cheater. No one will care that he didn't satisfy you, all they will talk about is the cheating. Trust me, again, been there done that. Link to post Share on other sites
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