unheartedninja Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 A week ago, the ex texted me saying she's dead inside and doing drugs and this and that and blaming me. At first ignored it like i did previous 2 weeks. But that night i couldn't take it, couldn't take being blamed. So i got in touch with her and drove to her house, and we had a talk in my car, and she said i disappeared and started ignoring her and i told her "Well wtf was i supposed to, wait forever?you want me to wait but i cain't wait forever" " and we got talk to talking after i left, and i asked her "since im talking to you, let me ask you this, you still interested in me cuz im not trying to be on the back burner for you like you hope ill be" I got the response along the lines of: yes. she told me that we need to start hanging out agian, and get to know each other and stuff, to which my reply was, you already know me. and one thing led to another and we were talking and stuff. so i was texting her last night, im talking about ex, and i was like hey you wanna hang out monday, and shes like i don't have money and im all though tid' be cool to hang out, you got monday off work right and she like yeah, or you got plans? and she goes idk i don't think so, and then im like "oh yeah if yhou're inclined to i'd be game" and then like out of no where she's all whose this? .... and then today i texted her,, and same thing like whose this i'm all you know who this is, and i got the response if you're not gonna say who then don't text. and im like your nicknames button,ring a bell? (name i called her) and then i got "don't text her" what do i do, all i know is i get hopeful and want her back. Not sure what to do here, please help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
purpledooze Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Maybe she doesn't remember your nicknames. Or doesn't have your number listed. Don't reply with "you know who this is." Or with indirect answers. Give her the benefit of the doubt first. Once things are okay with you again, you can ask her why she didn't recognize your number. Or joke about it, "Now that we're good again, maybe you can list me down on your phonebook so you don't forget?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author unheartedninja Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 that's the thing though, when i went to go talk to her when she was blaming me, she said she couldn't talk to me because she didn't have my number and so i sent her my number and she said she got it and then we were talking on an off since then. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Why don't you take advantage of the situation? You're being asked to "not texting her". SO, stop texting her. After a while, if she wants to hang out with you, he'll contact you and then you reply that she asked you not to text, and tell her that you had enough of her games. This way you will know if she wants you or not, because it will put her out of her comfort zone. and she'll be less arrogant with you. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 This is just totally plain crazy, if you ask me. Why on earth you would even entertain talking to her, let alone dating her again, is beyond me. She's bad news, has no money, did drugs and stuff... Jeesh, how bad does this have to sound before you back off, as you actually should- ?! Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 This is toxic, drugs and stuff wow don't try to be the hero. Honestly you should stop contacting her and really move on. Plus the fact that she's blaming you is abuse, she's manipulating you and you fell for it. Walk away from this mess. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 maybe that was her boyfriend asking you who you were than didn't want you to text her anymore Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 maybe that was her boyfriend asking you who you were than didn't want you to text her anymore I agree it sounds like someone was with her and either she was pretending she didn't know who it was or it was someone else on her phone. I would suggest leave her alone and if she wants to get back in touch with you she will. At the same time though, if she was passed out on drugs or something or asleep whoever had her phone could've deleted all the messages so she has no way of knowing you even texted her. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unheartedninja Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Why don't you take advantage of the situation? You're being asked to "not texting her". SO, stop texting her. After a while, if she wants to hang out with you, he'll contact you and then you reply that she asked you not to text, and tell her that you had enough of her games. This way you will know if she wants you or not, because it will put her out of her comfort zone. and she'll be less arrogant with you. After i got the text of "don't text her" I didn't, and after 30 minutes, she said "Jay. and then said sorry for everything i have to go bye" This is just totally plain crazy, if you ask me. Why on earth you would even entertain talking to her, let alone dating her again, is beyond me. She's bad news, has no money, did drugs and stuff... Jeesh, how bad does this have to sound before you back off, as you actually should- ?! I have no idea, i just feel like i need someone in my life at the moment because im going through rough things and she's the only one i can count on, my friends always appear to be "busy". maybe that was her boyfriend asking you who you were than didn't want you to text her anymore Apprently it's some guy she's been hanging out with and spending nights with but isn't her boyfriend. She said "I care about him but im not attracted to him, my love for you is infinite.but we need to start hanging out and get to know another again" btw haven't spoke to her since she replied After i got the text of "don't text her" I didn't, and after 30 minutes, she said "Jay. and then said sorry for everything i have to go bye" Apprently she's been clean for a week or so. This is toxic, drugs and stuff wow don't try to be the hero. Honestly you should stop contacting her and really move on. Plus the fact that she's blaming you is abuse, she's manipulating you and you fell for it. Walk away from this mess. Im trying to get a clear understanding, as my logic is out the window at the moment, how is she abusing me and manipulating? She'll tell me she loves me and misses me and wants to be with me and stuff but then she'll disappear or treat me like ****. Apparently she's been clean for week or so. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Im trying to get a clear understanding, as my logic is out the window at the moment, how is she abusing me and manipulating? She'll tell me she loves me and misses me and wants to be with me and stuff but then she'll disappear or treat me like ****. Apparently she's been clean for week or so. she is simply giving just enough hope to keep you around while she is doing what ever she is with other guys. she would give just the necessary minimum, in your case she tells you she loves you and misses you which is enough. that is abuse try to distance yourself from her. go NC then watch she will first be mad at you then comes back with more than the usual "I love you" breadcrumbs Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 After i got the text of "don't text her" I didn't, and after 30 minutes, she said "Jay. and then said sorry for everything i have to go bye" Wow, How romantic is that? I have no idea, i just feel like i need someone in my life at the moment because im going through rough things and she's the only one i can count on, my friends always appear to be "busy". So you go for the lowest common denominator - an unreliable, unstable misfit of a mess...? She's there for you because she wants something too... I really need to spell this out for you? You honestly can't count on her if she's already blowing hot and cold, can you? You need to stop being so dependent. It's a sign f desperation... Apprently it's some guy she's been hanging out with and spending nights with but isn't her boyfriend. She said "I care about him but im not attracted to him, my love for you is infinite.but we need to start hanging out and get to know another again" btw haven't spoke to her since she replied After i got the text of "don't text her" I didn't, and after 30 minutes, she said "Jay. and then said sorry for everything i have to go bye" Apprently she's been clean for a week or so. If her love for you is 'infinite' then how come she needs to get to know you again, exactly...? Clean? A whole week? Wow, that's impressive.... GIve it a year, that would be more positive.... Im trying to get a clear understanding, as my logic is out the window at the moment, how is she abusing me and manipulating? She'll tell me she loves me and misses me and wants to be with me and stuff but then she'll disappear or treat me like ****. That's the 'abusing and manipulating' part, as you were wondering.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) Im trying to get a clear understanding, as my logic is out the window at the moment, how is she abusing me and manipulating? "A week ago, the ex texted me saying she's dead inside and doing drugs and this and that and blaming me. At first ignored it like i did previous 2 weeks. But that night i couldn't take it, couldn't take being blamed" Look at your first line, she blamed you for whatever she's feeling and it's not even your fault, she's doing that because she knows you care too much, you're still hooked. One of the signs of emotionally abusive people is " They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness." Edited September 21, 2015 by goldway90 Typo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author unheartedninja Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 Wow, How romantic is that? So you go for the lowest common denominator - an unreliable, unstable misfit of a mess...? She's there for you because she wants something too... I really need to spell this out for you? You honestly can't count on her if she's already blowing hot and cold, can you? You need to stop being so dependent. It's a sign f desperation... . If her love for you is 'infinite' then how come she needs to get to know you again, exactly...? Clean? A whole week? Wow, that's impressive.... GIve it a year, that would be more positive.... That's the 'abusing and manipulating' part, as you were wondering.... Would it be okay for me to talk to her one last time, saying don't talk to me, and then ending the conversation with me asking for my money back? When i was with her she didn't have money to get transcripts from a University she dropped out of, and she wanted to start all over again at a local Community College, she din't have the money to get the transcripts and she really wanted to go back to school so i paid about 300 bucks for her to go back to school as well as some other small amount i spent on her after we broke up like meds for when she was sick. Should i ask for it? or let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Would it be okay for me to talk to her one last time, saying don't talk to me, and then ending the conversation with me asking for my money back? It depends how much in total she owes you, but as she already pointed out once, that she has none, I would say your chances of getting anything back are remote, to say the least. I would therefore suggest you drop her like a lump of glowing-hot kryptonite, and back off at a 100 miles an hour, going No Contact immediately. She's mixed up, blows hot and cold, is insufficiently 'clean' to be reliable, and will sponge off you for everything she can get. "Infinite". Huh! When i was with her she didn't have money to get transcripts from a University she dropped out of, and she wanted to start all over again at a local Community College, she din't have the money to get the transcripts and she really wanted to go back to school so i paid about 300 bucks for her to go back to school as well as some other small amount i spent on her after we broke up like meds for when she was sick. Should i ask for it? or let it go? I'm owed about £3,000 by a previous acquaintance who absolutely robbed me blind and sold a load of my stuff, when I had left it with them to look after. The hassle of getting it back is too much to contemplate, and I've let it go. I prefer the peace of mind to the piece of crap I'd have to deal with. Let it go. But never hold it against her. If you let it go, let it go. And I really would suggest you do. Now, just put a whole lot of distance between you, delete her number, block it and do not contact her again. She's not good for you. If your friends are too 'busy', you know you can always come here for constructive support and company. Just don't whinge.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author unheartedninja Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 It depends how much in total she owes you, but as she already pointed out once, that she has none, I would say your chances of getting anything back are remote, to say the least. I would therefore suggest you drop her like a lump of glowing-hot kryptonite, and back off at a 100 miles an hour, going No Contact immediately. She's mixed up, blows hot and cold, is insufficiently 'clean' to be reliable, and will sponge off you for everything she can get. "Infinite". Huh! I'm owed about £3,000 by a previous acquaintance who absolutely robbed me blind and sold a load of my stuff, when I had left it with them to look after. The hassle of getting it back is too much to contemplate, and I've let it go. I prefer the peace of mind to the piece of crap I'd have to deal with. Let it go. But never hold it against her. If you let it go, let it go. And I really would suggest you do. Now, just put a whole lot of distance between you, delete her number, block it and do not contact her again. She's not good for you. If your friends are too 'busy', you know you can always come here for constructive support and company. Just don't whinge.... In the time i go NC, what should i do if she contacts me, if she contacts me with small talk like Hey and stuff i know better to just ignore it, but what if she says lets meet up or im sorry for hurting i love you still blah blah blah, let's fix it, blah blah blah. Because i don't want to end up back where im at. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 It doesn't matter what she comes back to you with. Try to understand this: You are useful to her, because she knows she can wrap you around her little finger. She can say 'jump' and you'll respond with 'how high'. The fact that you are even asking this question shows that you know you are weak (I'm not criticising you or blaming you. I'm just evaluating where your head and heart are 'at' right now, and right now, your resistance levels are really low. I get that, it's fine.). She can get you to spend money on her, and she can rely on you to mop up the mess and be her leaning post, because she knows you have feelings for her. So you go total, complete No Contact, right across the board. She can come back with as many apologies, 'let's meet', 'We need to talk' and 'my love is infinite' as much as she wants. It's ALL 'blah-blah-blah.' Tell her to contact you when she's been totally clean for a year, has a job and has abandoned this lifestyle. Until then, you are off-limits, and you don't want to know. Unless you do that - You WILL end up 'back where you're at.'. The best person to fix her, is her. The best person to fix you - is you. Don't be weak, but stick with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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