6 months and counting

[m4p]

It has been 6 months since the A ended and I first joined LS.

 

The support and insights has been incredible. I am not sure how would I have coped or dealt with the A had I not came here... Probably in a terrible way since I wouldn't even know the very notion of a "NC".

 

To fellow LS posters, I had always advocated strength and determination to "just do it".. and just try... try to forget xAP and move on...it will get better..dont waste your time.. etc.

 

Somehow I realised that I have been also telling myself that once I reach the half year mark, I would have made it and it will be the start of finally being free from him.

 

Well, I would like to say that I really really tried and I did it. There is zero possibility of turning back.

 

But at the same time I feel like a hypocrite. Because I kept advising people that it will get better, and to some extent it did, BUT- but this past week it has been exceptionally hard for me to gain control over my thoughts and emotions. I feel myself going back into the downward spiral of missing him and wondering and remembering- I even thought "what had I been trying so hard for the past 6 months for? for this?".

 

I know it will get better, I guess I just have to accept the fact that I will not have complete control over when will that be.

 

I also never thought that I will be quoting a taylor swift song (lol) but the lyrics of this song really resonated and feels just like NC. I hope this helps whoever that is going through the same.

 

 

 

 

"The drought was the very worst

When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

It was months, and months of back and forth

You're still all over me like I wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore...

 

...10 months sober, I must admit

Just because you're clean don't mean you miss it

10 months older I won't give in

Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it"

 

 

"In an interview with Elle magazine, Taylor said the following about “Clean” :

 

“Clean” I wrote as I was walking out of Liberty in London. Someone I used to date— it hit me that I’d been in the same city as him for two weeks and I hadn’t thought about it. When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. And you know how it is when you’re going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, ‘Hello, beautiful. Good morning.’ You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day and planning fun dinner parties and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you’re in London and you realize you’ve been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you’re fine. And you hope he’s fine. The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean."

Edited September 21, 2015 by m4p

[Popsicle]

Yeah, you can't really put a time limit on it, that's like unnecessary pressure. It just happens when it happens.

 

I think what helped me was that I truly gave up all hope, almost like he was dead. He is dead to me. (btw, it's been 6 months since I last spoke to him)

[NewLeaf512]

Well done! I think it may be one of those things. that faces into the past as it wants to. 6 Months is amazing.

[USEDOW]

Doesn't it depend on a lot of stuff. Length of affair etc. I saw Mm every day Inc weekend s for over four yeas. I talked to him all the time on the phone. I'm two years suffering and whenever we meet accidentally I go through hell. How long and intense certainly counts ?

[yodelwithyu]

Hang in there! It is people like you who give me hope. Even if it still hurts, you are standing on your own two feet.

[m4p]

Yeah, you can't really put a time limit on it, that's like unnecessary pressure. It just happens when it happens.

 

I think what helped me was that I truly gave up all hope, almost like he was dead. He is dead to me. (btw, it's been 6 months since I last spoke to him)

 

I know what you mean.. The time limit thing was subconscious to me, I guess I needed a "goal" in order to trudge on easier. I have already gave up hope, only waiting for him to die figuratively in my mind. I hope soon!

 

 

Well done! I think it may be one of those things. that faces into the past as it wants to. 6 Months is amazing.

 

That's exactly how it is. This is something we have to accept and absorb and let it fade away by itself as history- for good. I never expected that I can get here and I am only awaiting for the day that I am truly done and when it stops hurting.... Thank you!

 

 

Doesn't it depend on a lot of stuff. Length of affair etc. I saw Mm every day Inc weekend s for over four yeas. I talked to him all the time on the phone. I'm two years suffering and whenever we meet accidentally I go through hell. How long and intense certainly counts ?

 

Of course it does, it's varies on a very personal basis and I'm only referring to myself. Mine was 2 years of MM every weekday, texting and phone every single day, perfect fantasy world with zero disagreements or negativity except for well, the whole married man thing. It hit me hard. I dread the day I'll meet him accidentally. Having said that, a one month affair could be just as intense as a 3 years lackluster one. I suppose just like every relationship it is really the degree of emotions and effort that both parties put in. But you are right the longer the attachment the harder it is. It is hard enough for me so I can't imagine the pain of a 4 year "full time" affair. I wish you strength in your journey.. It really is not easy.

 

 

Hang in there! It is people like you who give me hope. Even if it still hurts, you are standing on your own two feet.

 

Thank you! And I hope you really will persevere on. Having gone into this whole mess with my eyes wide open I suppose I deserve it. It's not like I didn't know things will end one day, I just underestimated just how much I would feel. Facing the consequences sucks but is the right thing to do.. For my own sake and for being able to live every day now knowing that I'm not doing anything illicit. It doesn't even matter anymore whether he loved me or not. He just wasn't mine to begin with.

 

In a way it was like stolen happiness. For every bit of happiness that I gotten then, I think I am giving it back in the same amount of pain. Until I stop hurting one day.. Big hug to you!

[USEDOW]

Actually our affair was seven years it's just more intense the last four where we were together all the time. It was crazy crazy as I was thinking we were going to be together. How could he go back after that? How could she tell him it's me or the entire family!! I can't get over it. He still loves me!! " I don't think I can move on... I m stuck and cry. I'm glad for those who can but I've lost my faith in real love as I thought he was my soul mate. We shared lots of the stuff most people don't go through. It was intense and extremely intimate. He told me his deepest thoughts and said how happy he was to be able to be that close to someone He never had that intimacy before . He's turned to stone now. He's just living in auto pilot. Sorry didn't mean to take over this post.