I need a new me

[hopelessromanticchic]

Just need to let somethings out.

 

So I posted a few months ago on LS about how I was going through an emptiness stage, abandonment issues and depression. I'm still not over those things but I learned that these things were still there because I have little if any love for myself. I learned that I was choosing guys who weren't emotionally unavailable for me and I'm basically attracted to guys who need to be changed and I took it as a challenge thinking I could be the one to make this happen, in a way trying to recreate the past relationships, serious or not.*

 

Well, it's been a couple months and I'm not seeing anyone. I learned I need to be alone for as long as it takes for me to accept myself to bring myself back home. Im lost at the moment. This isn't me. I'm more aware of my physical appearance and I'm just not feeling great when I look in the mirror. I've decided to get lip injections in a few months because I hate my small lips and I have problematic skin. I've got acne scars left from cystic acne that I've suffered from since I was in middle school. So I discovered Bella fill which is a filler for scars that is more expensive than the regular fillers because you only get it once or twice and you get instant results and gets better overtime since it helps produce collagen.*

 

I feel like once I do this I will feel a lot better on the outside. Maybe my confidence will improve if I'm happy with how I look. I know looks fade but I'm 26. I cannot spend anymore years like this. Feeling horrible about myself. I'm so unhappy with myself inside and outside. I will never be able to feel like I'm worth someone's time if I feel like ****. I can't make someone happy if I'm not happy with myself and my life.

 

I want to move out of my parents house, I hate my job, I want to finish school so I can get a good one where I can wake up looking forward to that day. I'm tired of waking up with a frown on my face wishing the day was over so I can lock myself in my room. I need a new me.

[thunder777]

as a male i see a girl with lip injections or beaut-ox i think yuck!

 

women are beautiful, their features are built to be that way, dont be ruining the natural you, im sure your next guy and all these previous guys loved them.

 

scars suck i have a scar on my scalp with no hair grrr & cant get normal haircuts like fades etc etc

 

you made a plan in your write up, i tend to do it like a NOW & FUTURE plan with the elements in your/my life.....

 

Accommodation - (NOW) Parents (FUTURE) share house or own flat

Employment - (NOW) **** job (F) ............

Transport - (NOW) Buses (F) Own Car

Education - (NOW) Nothing (F) Uni

Sports/Fitness - (NOW) Nothing (Future) Gym & Netball

Debts - (NOW) $1000 (F) $500

 

etc etc and then check out the future you, looks a lot better yea, fill in the way u wish and aim to say in 3 months time that FUTURE person will actually be real

[sportygirl89]

Do you go to the gym? I've heard cardio barre (don't have any of those classes in my area) and cross fit are great ways to boost your confidence and both have community like aspect so you might meet someone.

 

For me personally I don't have that great of a wardrobe (cleaned out everything literally that I had from high school, now in mid 20s). I'm having a family member who's good at picking out cute clothes to help me.

 

November I'm having my hair colored again. Haven't colored it in 6 months and am having the itch for dying my hair!

 

But I think with both I'll have more confidence.

[SpiralOut]

I think you have the right idea. I'm glad that you are doing something nice for yourself. I will say though, that looking good isn't a fix-all. Have you looked for another job? If you hate it that much you don't need to wait until you are finished school to leave it.

 

 

In the meantime, find something to do each week that you can look forward to. I went through a tough time for a few years and I found that weekly yoga class kept my spirits up. One summer I did art classes which I biked to on Saturdays and then blogged about afterwards. The days are easier to get through if you've got something fun to look forward to each week.

Edited September 24, 2015 by SpiralOut

[hopelessromanticchic]

thunder777

 

Lol I was just on YouTube looking at procedures on lip injections and to be honest I don't need to get them. Im kind if changing my mind about it. Now, the scars I have been depressed because of them so that is something I need to fix ASAP. I called today to ask about the price for Bellafill and I guess I'll have to save 3500!! Lol its my only hope!

I always try to plan ahead like my credit card debts I already set up automatic payments to pay them off by this year. I haven't been going out or spending any money just so I can put the money towards them. That's another thing that will really help with my stress.

 

sportygirl89

 

I dont go to the gym but if i do work out i do so at home. I go through a faze of working out and then I get too tired to do so after a week or two lol I can never commit. I'm slim I just have this Little stubborn belly that won't go away.

 

I'm also planning on dying my hair ..going lighter. I'm aiming for this shade I had back in his school. It looked pretty good on me back then hopefully I can pull it off this time lol once I have money to spend I need a new wardrobe too. I use the same old raggidy clothes lol

 

Spiral out

 

Yeah looking good on the outside doesn't fix the inside. Sadly. But I mean I started to search I just don't know where to go for a new job. The place where I want to work after I graduate pays for students so I would love to get a job there even if I start as a receptionist there I would be set because once I finish school I can move up and finally be an Xray Tech. I checked on their website and they aren't hiring but I'm definetly going to send my app and my resume one of these days.

 

Right now I'm still trying to stay at least till the end of the year so I can have 3 years experience in a medical setting. I'm define tly not trying to wait till school is over. I still have more than 2 years lol

 

I need to find something to do and look forward to besides my Spanish soap operas lol I have no talent, no hobbies, I don't really hang out with friends or coworkers so it's just me basically.