We were nicely matched, until...

[LookAtThisPOst]

I saw this profile of a woman on OKC, 97% matched, she indicated that she was indeed Christian and was looking for the same in a man. She was married once, but said she intended on making her 2nd marriage count for life. She said she's humble enough to realize shes' not better than anyone else, but undertands that she's unique from the rest.

 

There are certain buzzwords I look out for, "humble" and "humility" are one of them, as this is something rarely expressed in dating profiles. Communication is another, sense of humor, etc. (more of the common ones, but still.)

 

Her verbiage was quite unique from the others as it flowed nicely. She said she was from eastern Europe and had a noticeable accent. I found that to be a nice touch, as she's likely someone with old fashioned, cultural roots.

 

Usually, when I'm writing an initial email to a woman. I do a "side-by-side"... so I am actually reading as I'm typing, tying into her profile what I'm seeing and expressing it in my email. Like when she was saying she was from eastern Europe, I asked what country and guessed, "Are you from Germany?" Could be a wrong guess, but a good method of conversation. I mentioned something about Oktoberfest coming up and talked about some of the events in the area...though if she's German, it's moot.

 

When she was also talking about "making her next future relationship count", I really said that I had admired that, as I came from an old-fashioned, nuclear family where my parents were married 44 years and it's nice to meet someone who is willing to work at a relationship/marriage.

 

Then...this happened...

 

"You must be taller than me."

 

I go to look to see how tall she is, "5'9". (I am 5'8")

 

I had already written a good amount as I was doing the "side-by-side" method of writing up an email, but then mentioned I hope that she can overlook the 1-inch height difference as we had so much else in common considering what I've read. Considering I had invested a good amount of time in crafting up such an email...which is something I don't do often unless a profile like hers REALLY gets my attention.

 

Of course, I think I probably would have written her anyway if I had seen that first, as if what she was looking for in a man pretty much overshadowed the 1-inch height diff.

 

Anyhow, thoughts on this? Did I waste my time? Shall I hope for the best, see what happens? Hopefully she won't throw it all away on height.

[d0nnivain]

She might. Some women like to be shorter then their men in heels. Since she is already taller if that is one of her hang ups, it might be a deal breaker for her.

 

Hopefully she will value quality over height but with OLD you never know.

[MissBee]

All you can do is see if she responds favorably.

 

I mean, there are really no guarantees in dating. So I don't look at it as "wasting time" if someone doesn't respond or it doesn't go anywhere. That's all part of the process. It's like applying to jobs: if you don't apply you'll definitely NOT get the job, but sometimes you have to do many applications and sometimes you'll get no response until you do, it's just part of it.

 

If she bites, great, if not, back to the drawing board! One thing I realize is that yes on paper someone might seem like a good match for us, but that's all. Someone can be a 97% match based on a computer algorithm or just because they have things up that you like, but doesn't at all mean that in real life you'd work, so if she doesn't respond favorably, you didn't lose anything.

[guest569]

I think Germany is western Europe. Next time have the profile, message and a world map side by side.

 

If anyone cares that you're 1 inch shorter, theyre an idiot. Sorry but its true

[Shining One]

"You must be taller than me."

I'm afraid you've likely wasted your time. Does OKC allow users to filter messages on physical attributes like Match does? If so, it's quite possible she won't even see your message.

[MidwestUSA]

I think Germany is western Europe. Next time have the profile, message and a world map side by side.

 

If anyone cares that you're 1 inch shorter, theyre an idiot. Sorry but its true

 

Nice catch. My first thought was 'what if she's Jewish?' Hearing about grand Octoberfest activities might be off putting.

 

Simply asking where she's from would have been preferable over a geography blunder.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Nice catch. My first thought was 'what if she's Jewish?' Hearing about grand Octoberfest activities might be off putting.

 

Simply asking where she's from would have been preferable over a geography blunder.

 

Meh, well, it was early in the morning, so that's my excuse for my blunder.

[Imajerk17]

I understand that you really liked this woman's profile. You are never "nicely matched" with someone though, until you actually meet face-to-face.

 

Even if Germany were in Eastern Europe (it's not, isn't Germany the one country that is holding the Euro together?) I still don't think this was a great email. It just sounds so polite and formal, like you are applying for a job or something. Furthermore, what if she doesn't even like beer or festivals anyway?

 

Less is generally more, LATP. You would have been much better off making a quick observation about something in her profile that could lead to a bigger discussion (better if it is funny and lighthearted), and then *perhaps* giving a *short* compliment that you liked what she had to say about relationships. She can check out your profile, see how much the two of you do have in common herself, and write YOU back.

 

However, all is not lost. She may very well like your email and write you back. She may get how hard it is to write "first" emails anyway and check out your profile and give you a chance and write you back. She may not write you back for reasons that have nothing to do w height or your email. And you can always email her one more time--in a week or so.

Edited September 22, 2015 by Imajerk17

[Popsicle]

I don't know, it never hurts to try.

 

As a side note, I saw a documentary this past weekend about humans from prehistoric times and the average male was 5'3" tall. This was because smaller people survived better being more compact. So, in a way, shorter men are more tough and hardy. Survival of fittest probably saw the shorter man persevere and win through tough times.

[newmoon]

i hope she responds to you i am 5'10 and my most serious relationship was with a guy 5'8. and you know what? you could barely see the height difference when i wore flats. prior to him i was self-conscious and never dated under 6'0, but in all our photos we look the same height. i think - as long as a tall woman doesn't go shorter than 2" below her own height (without heels), she'd feel just fine. most don't even try, so they don't know it'd feel ok. a lot depends on the guy too - if you can make her feel more feminine it helps to get over that height hurdle. crossing fingers for you!

[bluefeather]

I don't know, it never hurts to try.

 

As a side note, I saw a documentary this past weekend about humans from prehistoric times and the average male was 5'3" tall. This was because smaller people survived better being more compact. So, in a way, shorter men are more tough and hardy. Survival of fittest probably saw the shorter man persevere and win through tough times.

 

Dude.. most awesome post ever cuz I'm considered short, compared to most.

 

I'm normal... Everyone else is freakishly tall!

[Maggie4]

She probably gives her height in metric, then it is converted to the inch and rounded off. Your height may be very close. If in addition, you wear hairstyle that's high on top, and you wear those boots that have higher heels, and you really stand up straight ... you can be taller.

[GemmaUK]

Germany is in Western Europe.

 

Maybe you should read a whole profile before writing a lengthy first mail.

 

Also, a lengthy first mail in itself can be off putting to reply to simply due to all of the questions and or comments there are likely to be in it. You don't want to make someone feel obligated to reply to everything in a big long mail.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Also, a lengthy first mail in itself can be off putting to reply to simply due to all of the questions and or comments there are likely to be in it. You don't want to make someone feel obligated to reply to everything in a big long mail.

 

Wow, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

I recall tons of complaints from women where they get tired of the "Hi" or "Hey, beautiful" messages all the time, and now when a guy crafts an specifically to her...it can be TOO much.

 

But, I'm sure a woman would appreciate the latter more so than the short "Hi cutie" emails. Shows that I have substance. If she has a problem with that, then maybe there's something to be said about her lack of appreciation of substance.

 

I've actually impressed women with such emails, gotten compliments when they've been bombarded by morons.

 

Though, like pulling on a slot machine arm, one eventually hits.

[xxoo]

The more you put in that first email, the more you risk saying something that puts her off. Short and sweet is best. Focus on one relevant detail from her profile, and keep it breezy!

[Erik30]

You can just send it and see what happens, but it's usually a bad sign when a woman explicitely mentions her height. It often means it is important to her. (Like what has already been said here) Also keep in mind that a lot of German (and Dutch) women are tall. It's the same for men over there, so your height would actually be considered to be below average.

 

If I were you I wouldn't even mention height. She'll notice it when she checks out your profile. If she's interested and the height's not that big of a deal after all , you'll get a reply.

I also wouldn't read too much into the match %. I'm Dutch and had a profile on OKC a while ago, but I remember the questions were really targeted towards Americans. So she might be more liberal than you think

[LookAtThisPOst]

The more you put in that first email, the more you risk saying something that puts her off. Short and sweet is best. Focus on one relevant detail from her profile, and keep it breezy!

 

Been there, done that. Nada. I've sent emails both ways.

[xxoo]

Been there, done that. Nada. I've sent emails both ways.

 

Probably should look at things other than the emails, then.

[salparadise]

I recall tons of complaints from women where they get tired of the "Hi" or "Hey, beautiful" messages all the time, and now when a guy crafts an specifically to her...it can be TOO much.

 

My intuition is that a first message should be relatively short, as in a paragraph, and reference something in the profile. Maybe a dash of humor as long as it's not simplistic, and end with an open-ended question that cannot be answered yes/no.

 

Putting too much obvious effort into a first message can make you look overly invested, or beta as some might characterize it. Chances are you're going to get a short reply anyway (if at all). Same for a second message. It's just not productive to appear that eager.

 

The impression I want her to get is a) he was interested enough to read my profile send a decent first message, b) it was spontaneous and maybe took him ten seconds to compose, c) this guy is not going to chase unless I pique his interest and hold up my end of the conversation.

 

The only time I'd issue a compliment in a first message is if the pics indicate that she's focused on appearance and showing off her assets... and if that's the case I'm probably not taking it seriously anyway.

[Diezel]

I used to keep messages less than a paragraph or so. Most women read these messages while on their phones, nowadays, versus how they used to 5 years ago, on their computers.

 

So, short and brief and sweet is probably optimal.

 

Also, I'd never message with an immediate reason for her to disqualify me. I'd just make her overlook that on her own through my message and eventual conversation.

 

By including any reason for her to automatically DQ you, she's going to draw her attention to that instead.

[lino]

If she had the thing about her height I'd say you're not looking too good unless it's obvious in your profile that you're loaded.

 

Ps I'd say Germany is in central Europe.