dumping a loved one in detox

[New_Wife]

I just dropped my little brother off at a 72-hour voluntary detox.

 

I want to scream and cry and kick and then scream some more.

 

I know it's the best thing for him. I know because I've been there. I just hate to see it, you know?

 

And I hate to see my Mom going through this. To see her in this pain, knowing that it's not the first time she's been there - ugh.

 

Okay, that's all. just venting, I guess. Somewhere nice any anonymous to my family.

[laRubiaBonita]

Originally posted by New_Wife

I just dropped my little brother off at a 72-hour voluntary detox.

 

I want to scream and cry and kick and then scream some more.

 

I know it's the best thing for him. I know because I've been there. I just hate to see it, you know?

Hate to see your sib, at least try to beat his addiction? No, i do not know. I would have been coaxing him into all along, Especially since i had been there before.

 

Originally posted by New_Wife And I hate to see my Mom going through this. To see her in this pain, knowing that it's not the first time she's been there - ugh.

 

Okay, that's all. just venting, I guess. Somewhere nice any anonymous to my family.

 

i do understand that you care for your brother and know tthe pain and challenges he is/ will go through. the best thing you can do is be a supporter for him and assist actively in his recovery. I would think it would help re-inforce your own sobriety, assuming you are sober/ clean now.

[New_Wife]

Yes, I am clean now. since 12/16/96 to be precise. I typed that up last night directly after dropping him into detox. I was pretty raw. I am glad he's in detox, don't get me wrong, but my anger is more at the fact that I'm pretty sure he's not done yet. At the fact that I'm afraid I'm going to lose him to another car wreck before I get the chance to see him find any sort of serenity, and at the sheer joy that the car ride 60 miles to detox WASN'T last night - listening to him go on and on. I'm angry that for any other addict/alcoholic in the world I can accept that they are a thing I cannot change - but that it's one bitter pill to swallow with the baby brother I used to cross dress as a toddler and stick in my doll bed - I cannot change.

 

I fully support and embrace any addict/alcoholic in recovery. But these panicked calls to "rescue" my brother take a toll after awhile. I fear that I'm becoming just another crutch he uses to avoid AA and his sponsor because trusty sis, the clean Rx junkie, will bail him when the chips are down.

 

I'm angry that I have to go clean his house up of the beerfest & puke, I'm angry that if I don't my Mom surely will and that will hurt her even more to see. I'm angry that he's been slowly sucking the life out of her for the last decade & I'm angry that she never took the hard line with him that she did with me (which, incidentally, was one of the best things she could've done for me). I'm angry that my wedding, children, and all major events have this big black cloud of addiction hanging over them & that my children inherit this legacy as surely as their brown eyes and cowlicks.

 

Basically, I think I'm angry at the whole of addiction just this moment - although it's entirely possible that I'm just sleep deprived here at my desk and will feel better after a straight 8 tonight.

 

I am, however, quite relieved to know that for the next 64 hours, my little brother cannot kill himself with beer & will have medical supervision through this round of DT's. I'm glad that my mother will get at least three nights of sleep.

[RecordProducer]

I have no experience with drugs or anyone who's done them, but I feel for you and wish your brother to get off of it and stay clean forever.

I don't know how it feels to do drugs, but I know well alcohol. I guess my strongest motivation to live a healthy life would be to keep in mind how wonderful it is to be sober, to be taken seriously, to not do stupid things, to not be considered a useless bum, to not fall into the "junky" group...

[scarlyjones]

Hi New Wife,.......

 

I wanted to share something with you. My heart goes out to you and your little brother. I understand this first hand. I checked myself into treatment after I had tried everything on my own to stop. I went through near fatal delirium tremens and withdrawl 7 times. But everytime i detoxed....I went back to drinking. That is the insanity of this disease. My heart stopped beating in the ER. They needed the shock paddles to revive me. I couldnt for the life of me, get sober on my own. I tried non-alcoholic beer. I thought that maybe if I still had the "feel" of tipping a beer without the actual booze Id be ok. Ive since learned that its the "want" to still feel the lifestyle that would do me in everytime. I had to stop "wanting" that "feel". The non-alcoholic beers always lead back to the real stuff. I even tried pouring soda into the empty beer bottle. (I know,...crazy) Nothing worked. I was up to a gallon of whiskey a day washed down with two forty oz. Everyday. I weighed only 118 lbs at 5 ft. 6 inches. I was skin stretched over bones. I couldnt get sober on my own. FINALLY,...finally,..........I "got" that. So checked myself into a treatment center for 30 days. That was last year. Ive been sober ever since. One year and a few months. I drank for 15 years or more. I started out drinking only on weekends. But ALOT. I got 3 DUI's. These WHILE I was only a "weekend" drinker. So just because I only drank on weekends,....didnt mean I wasnt an alcoholic. I was. Alcoholism is ALWAYS alcoholism..........it just has many stages. The late stage is when the hallucinations and loss of motor skills struck me. I had seizures. 5 to be exact. Cracked my head open because of them twice. Seizures in public places while I was out by myself in a Denny's. Once in the probabtion dept. while waiting to see my probation officer. Once in the shower. I woke up laying in the tub in a pool of my own blood. Once in the kitchen. My boyfriend found me lying in the middle of my kitchen with the fridge door open. I had fallen into the open fridge and my lower back had ripped the crisper drawer in half opening up a 12 inch gash in my back. My doctor told me in no uncertain terms that I was about two weeks away from death. No exaggeration. Death. I listened in the center. I did what was suggested to me. I still go to meetings. I have a wonderful job now....a loving family,...and good friends. And most importantly,....I can finally envision a life without booze. I couldnt before. I just hope your little brother takes this seriously. If he relapses,...try to go easy on him.........thats part of recovery....he has to really want this for HIMSELF. Im just wondering if 72 hrs is enough for him. That sounds like just a DETOX period. Thats good,...but after Detox,....one has to LEARN a new way to live or they are doomed to repeat the past.

[New_Wife]

I don't know, my friend. Congrats to you on the year+. Some folks in my local fellowship used to say "the first year's a gift" I always wanted to slug those people. What kind of gift was that? LOL.

 

Yes, he's just in the detox center. That alone was a major battle. Just getting him out of his house and into my car was WW3 more or less. I called all my 12-step contacts, and no one was answering last night, so it was just me and someone on the hotline on the phone. I figured it'd either be detox or the ER, just as long as I got him out of that house (alcohol still everywhere, puke on floor, etc), if he passed out in the car, I was much better able to get his butt into a bed - any bed - and free of beer for the night.

 

I think that a nice inpatient stay would benefit him greatly, but I'd be shocked (although pleasantly so) if this was something he'd do. He's still got a "them" mentality about AA. He's different. He's special. He's educated...blah blah blah. You know the drill. The biggest difference he doesn't see is that the alcholics in those meetings are one thing he is not - sober.

 

I try do deal with him one day at a time really. Yesterday I plopped his butt in detox. He's there for 3 days. So I can relax for 2.

[scarlyjones]

Wow,.........yeah....makes ya want to just punch something. And theres NOTHING anyone can do,...say,...or suggest that will make him "see the light". I hate to say it,..but, he will probably come out of detox and the FIRST THING he will do is get some booze. You DO know that, right? That is if Im reading you right. But Im just saying,......dont let that "SHOCK" you. WOw,.........its really too bad that someone can need to be taken out of their own home and walked to a car to DETOX from the apartment they were passed out in ,..that had beer bottles and PUKE all over it,...and they still have the NERVE to say they dont have a problem. Its sad... .......................but anyway, yeah,..........that first year being a gift stuff. LOL...........Yeah Ive heard that over and over. Gift. Anyone that ever gave me a gift like that better have kept the receipt. It wasnt as hard as I thought it would be,..but, it certainly wasnt any "gift". I did feel and still DO feel like it went by so FAST !!! Like it seems like just yesterday it was LAST May. Wow. "Time flys when your quittin' rum"

[New_Wife]

Yeah, I'm clear on what his actions likely will and won't be. More so on the fact that my mother picked him up and most likely won't let him out of her sight until she falls asleep tonight. Which scares me more. If he never hits bottom on any of the lower levels - because she keeps catching him - what level will he pass her well-meaning and very co-dependant arms for? Instead of losing a job, will it be the paralyzing accident? The time he kills an innocent person in that uninsured vehicle of his - drunk? This is where I have to really pull back and hang with my "black-belt al-anon" friends. Lest I don my Super-Co cape and join the family fun - I need to detach.

 

That sucks.

 

But you - you get props. each day is a gift - even after 8.5 years of single days - believe me - each one is still a gift. I thought I was in that comfort zone after five or six years & then I had surgery last January, and my doc offered me a virtual buffet of my old favs to take home. WOW. I was nearly hysterical on the phone with my sponsor "He's givin me free pukacet! HELP!" I left with vicodin in the hands of two trusted bodies, and only enough for two days. So yeah, reality check - each day is a gift.

[scarlyjones]

Have you spoken to him yet? What is his mindset? I really hope he isnt like "Oh what crock of sh*t that place was" "Bunch of losers" I saw quite a few of those types when I was in. Of course I was in for like 32 days. I saw them come in FREAKIN out and leave totally different people. Three days of detox is sorta juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust long enough to piss you off about just "being" there. And you leave feeling ALOT better than when you went in. Thats why some people get out of detox and IMMEDIATELY think to themselves "Huh,....it wasnt all THAT bad" And immediately forget how absolutely terrible it felt. Not me though. Atleast not yet. I remember those DT's like they were 2 minutes ago. God. I have never in my life experienced anything like that. I couldnt walk. I couldnt breathe. I couldnt control ANY motor skills. My entire bodily insides felt like every organ was crying out in tremendous pain. I felt like my body couldnt "take" itself anymore and wanted to turn itself inside out. That is the ONLY way I have ever been able to describe it. Have you ever gone through it??

[New_Wife]

I OD'd hard on Rx drugs about 3 times. The strongest sensation I recall was that my eyeballs were going to pop out and my whole skull was too small. The first time they charcoal bagged me to pump my stomach. I had briquette tasty snot for weeks. I had the S's (Shts, Shakes) & puked my guts out too. Dry heaving was a real treat. Yeah - I messed myself up good for a few years there. What's funny to me now (wasn't funny then) was that I wasn't an addict. Not me - no no no. Addicts were people who had needles hanging out of their arms, mugged old ladies, and gave BJ's for dope. I was taking MEDICINE. The Doctors gave it to me.

 

Denial - what a strange thing, huh? I even made these arguments to the nurses in Detox. The just handed me juice and ignored me.

 

Yeah, he's out now. He came by for dinner last night and was all depressy - talking about how he hit the lowest rung he's ever been to, and how dehumanizing the experience was. I've heard it before. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I won't turn him away. I explained that my door is always open - if he feels the urge to drink he can drive on over and I'll fill his glass with some great orange juice, a diet soda, coffee or milk. He can rant, rave, hit the punching bag, hang out, whatever. No shame. If he doesn't feel the urge to drink, and just wants to hang - same deal. But if he chooses to drink - he's on his own.

 

That was hard to say.

 

But I don't think I could do another brother detox run. The urge to clock him over the head with one of his beer bottles was too hard to resist last time. So I guess that's my line in the sand, huh?

[scarlyjones]

Yeah,....lmao................I remember once when I had told my boyfriend that I had "quit" ( just one of the MANY times I told people that). He had a key to my apartment at the time. I had drank about half a fifth of whiskey and passed out. He came home and found me all wasted and passed out on the couch with the whiskey bottle on the coffee table in front of me. First of all,...it took him like 5 minutes to wake me up. When he finally woke me,...he started yelling at me and and screaming "What the F**K?" "YOu QUIT, HUH?!?!?!..............Then wtf is this (showing me the bottle)." Do you know that I had the f**k'n nerve to say I dont know? "I dunno where that whiskey came from.....................its not mine" LMAO.................He and I still get a laugh out of that today. The insanity. I actually tried to get away with that. I mean,....I lived alone for crying out loud.

[New_Wife]

Oh, laughing and crying at that one. Little brother pulled an empty six pack out of his jeep (in his garage) and said "Oh, I didn't drink this in the jeep - I drank it here in the garage once I got home" and to the empties I found under the seat "How'd those get there?" As if I were to suddenly labotomize myself and assume the little brewskies just grew some legs and trotted to parts unknown inside the jeep of their own accord, right?

 

This'll be funny later - if he lives to joke about it.

 

He came by for dinner last night. It's awkward. But if he's sober, he's always got a plate and a spot. We talked a little about it, but in truth, I was really still too raw to hear. I tuned him out a bit. Because a part of my brain was saying "blah blah blah, same old bullsh.. different day." I hope that's just me numbing myself. I don't want my brother to die. But I don't want to play the hope/dispair rollercoaster game either.

[scarlyjones]

Well,.....you COULD say,..."Look,...Ive heard all this sh*t before,........SHOW ME YOU MEAN IT THIS TIME.......go to AA. Go back into an IN PATIENT treatment PROGRAM........not just drink yourself stupid, go detox....and then come out trumpeting how THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT" You know you cant quit unless you change everything about your life. You cannot quit if you arent going to a support group. Its no coincidence that hardly ANYONE stays sober without AA. And its also no coincidence that people in AA relapse when they stop going to meetings. He cant live the same life he always lived only just NOT drink. It wont work. Doing that is just him trying to prove to YOU that he can do it. Proving it to HIMSELF would be him actually taking measures to change his life.

[scarlyjones]

by the way,....you mentioned that you guys talked about it a little bit at dinner. Did HE bring it up,...or did you or someone else?

[New_Wife]

He did. I just said "How ya doin'?" Which is what I usually say.

 

I don't plan to say anything to him - actually, unless he asks. I've said it all before. I've imparted all the wisdom I have (that I know of) on the topic and I think I'm going to just wait him out on this one. If he wants to konw my thoughts, I'll share - but I'm really worn out on the same old routine.

[scarlyjones]

Do you think hes drinking?

[New_Wife]

I'm trying not to ponder that too deeply. I can't make him and his addiction, my addiction. I hope he's not. I try to stop thinking about it right there. He knows where AA is, and he knows where beer is - the choice is not mine to make.

 

Okay, now having said that - It's going to be a long weekend and a lot of work to keep that as my mantra!

[scarlyjones]

God Bless..........I hope he makes the right decision....

[New_Wife]

So far so good. We had a family get together and it was nice. I'm chewing nicotine gum today. Not that this relates to my brother, other than the fact that I tossed a year+ of nonsmoking down the tubes after our little drive of fun last week! We've all got our addictions, right?

 

Anyway, I'm a real pleasure to be around right now, let me tell ya!

[Mz. Pixie]

I went through this over the holiday.

 

My half brother- who's 29- never held a job and been addicted to drugs and alcohol since he was 15. He called me, he was homeless- wanted to get into treatment. Has no job- no health insurance.

 

I haven't spoken to him for 2 1/2 years- since he showed up at my mother's funeral drunk and high. He's been living on the street for months- his ears were so infected they were bleeding.

 

Got him into a shelter program on Thursday. He doesn't get phone or visitors for a week. He didn't want to go there of course because they wouldn't chemically detox him. I told him that was the best shot he had with no insurance and no money.

 

Everyone in my family but me and my grandmother has had a substance abuse problem. I don't have the patience for him turning my life upside down. If he will get sober and straight then he's welcome to be in my life. Otherwise, I can only pray for him and love him.

 

He needs to work a program so that they will teach him that this is HIS fault and no one elses- teach him how to keep a job and be responsible. He's done all kinds of things that would probably make someone else laugh- they just make me sad.

 

I'm just praying he will get straight this time- at least for now he has a roof over his head.