Penguin_hugs Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Hi there Just curious- have any of you given anniversary presents while dating- rather than being married? Just wondering if it's the norm It's coming up to my 2nd year anniversary with my BF and I am trying to decide what to do. We celebrated 6 months with something small, so I got him some fancy tea and his favourite biscuits. Then for a year I wrote him a letter about how much I appreciated him and got him a teapot with matching mugs. (Tea and cake compromised all of our early dates) It's 2 years next month and I am wondering what to do :/ I thought about getting us a voucher for a fancy afternoon tea somewhere- kind of as a nod to our early dates, but I don't know whether I am being silly. I usually love buying him little gifts that I think he will like- I brought back all sorts of silly things from a recent holiday- but I don't know whether anniversary gifts when you aren't married is a bit odd. He has bought me anniversary presents too before- but I don't know whether that's just because I have mentioned that it will be coming up We tend to give each other little things that the other will like- for example he got me a beautiful notebook and a pair of socks If it was you receiving a gift- would you rather have something material or be happy with an "experience" type gift? Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 No, I've never given anniversary gifts while dating... I believe "anniversaries" are reserved for special things - like marriage. If you wanna do something nice for your SO to mark time together, that's nice of you and all, but not my thing. I mean, this is akin to having a graduation ceremony for kids going from preschool. Now really? What's the big achievement in finishing up preschool? In a RL, I believe doing nice things for other on the regular regardless if dating or in marriage - shouldn't have to wait until an anniversary to do that, IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
popcornpuff Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I've never given an anniversary present for dating. Heck, I don't even remember the specific month I starting dating my GF (December, I think?) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 We always went out for a nice dinner to mark our yearly anniversary while dating. (We did not celebrate monthly anniversaries). I like your idea of doing an afternoon tea, if that is meaningful to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I did this with my first girlfriend 15 years ago, but every month. I learned my lesson to never do that again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 We celebrated 6 months with something small, so I got him some fancy tea and his favourite biscuits. Then for a year I wrote him a letter about how much I appreciated him and got him a teapot with matching mugs. (Tea and cake compromised all of our early dates) It's 2 years next month and I am wondering what to do :/ I thought about getting us a voucher for a fancy afternoon tea somewhere- kind of as a nod to our early dates, but I don't know whether I am being silly. I usually love buying him little gifts that I think he will like- I brought back all sorts of silly things from a recent holiday- but I don't know whether anniversary gifts when you aren't married is a bit odd. All of these things are things you can do anytime to show you appreciate them. You don't need a specific date to show that. But to answer your question, there is nothing wrong with celebrating special dates while you are just dating. As long as you don't get too stressed over it. Keep it fun and simple. Some people can take it too serious and it gets annoying for men especially. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I had never even heard of the practice until I got involved with boards like LS. I think it's insipid & I never did it. DH do celebrate the anniversary of our 1st date because as one of my friends put it, without a 1st date, there wouldn't be a wedding date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I think if you'd like to celebrate dating anniversaries that's great. If not, no biggie. The important thing is to be on the same page. This is not a right or wrong, stupid or not stupid, good or bad kind of issue. It's completely personal preference. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I have seen them cause HUGE hurt feelings. If your expectation is that the dating anniversaries will be celebrated, tell your SO that in advance of the date otherwise you may be disappointed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I just like any excuse to get dressed up and have fun. We dress up and go out and have fun without excuses, but last time we did it on our anniversary, we got a complimentary scoop of coconut sorbet. And then the REAL fun begins when you return home and need to get out of your fancy clothes. Stockings and bowties are more fun from the costume closet! I don't take these things seriously, make ridiculous demands of my boyfriend and throw a temper tantrum if he doesn't drop hundreds of dollars and worship my feet. It's really... just... an excuse to have fun. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) No! Good grief. And don't ever get in the habit of giving more than you get. It makes you look desperate. I mean, a plate of cookies for no reason is fine, but don't make a thing about a non-anniversary! It's begging. No one, for example, makes an anniversary about of being engaged for two years. Hey, it's our two-year engagement anniversary! Doesn't that sound ridiculous? And yes, of course, he reciprocated because you basically told him he had to. Edited September 21, 2015 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I'll be the outlier here, because we still make note of the significant dates in our life. Our first date, the day he moved in, the day he proposed, the day we got our first cat together. Yep, the list goes on. We're sentimental like that. Now I said 'make note of'; it doesn't necessarily mean we go out on the town. It's just worthy of a mention. I may get up in the morning and say 'guess what today is?'. And he'll have to refer back to our journal, and we'll have a moment. I'm at an age where my history is related to events. So if you asked me 'when did you....?', I'd have to relate it back to what I was doing at that point, and tell you, 'oh, about the time we got Mia, March 2013'. Hey, whatever helps this aging brain! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I've never celebrated a relationship anniversary because... how do you decide when it started? Do you take the date he first asked you out, or the date you introduced each other to your friends as bf/gf, or the date you had your first kiss or sex? To me it's all a progression so no point in trying to put an arbitrary date on it. But that all being said, you should certainly do what you and your bf prefer! To answer your question in general terms, I enjoy both material gifts and 'experience' gifts. My SO also appears to enjoy both (we do give gifts for birthdays etc). I think you should just give whatever feels right to you and don't stress yourself out too much about it. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I like celebrating anniversaries. I had one BF with whom I even celebrated monthly anniversaries. He started it and I went along with it and loved it. But as a general rule, yearly ones are enough! But what to do really depends on your relationship and what is the norm/expected. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 . No one, for example, makes an anniversary about of being engaged for two years. Hey, it's our two-year engagement anniversary! Doesn't that sound ridiculous? We actually celebrate our engagement anniversary. We got engaged on a cruise so every year around that time we take another one. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I've never celebrated a relationship anniversary because... how do you decide when it started? Do you take the date he first asked you out, or the date you introduced each other to your friends as bf/gf, or the date you had your first kiss or sex? All of the above! My calendar is full! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 When I was single..I would rather have been happy with an experience kinda thing Link to post Share on other sites
Author Penguin_hugs Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 Thankyou for your replies I think my BF kind of has the hint that I will be doing something for our anniversary as I was talking about planning a day trip where we can go to our favourite museums etc- we are both really busy with working so it's not often we get the chance to just spend a day like that. I count the date as the date he officially said to me "will you be my girlfriend". I think we had been on dates for nearly 2 months by that point. I'm leaning more towards an experience type thing as quality time together has been tough recently with studying/working and quite often our time together just results in collapsing in a heap together on the sofa to chat for a few hours rather than going anywhere! It's interesting to see if people do celebrate things like that or not. Admittedly I'm quite sentimental- so I often text him on the monthly anniversaries- like happy x months- love you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I think my BF kind of has the hint that I will be doing something for our anniversary Ugh. This is exactly what I was talking about. Your BF doesn't kind of have the hint about bubkiss. He either outright KNOWS you are doing something & you expect him to do something or he doesn't have a freakin' clue & he's going to hurt your feelings by doing nothing. If you want to celebrate a dating anniversary, TELL HIM THAT in advance! Don't hint. Don't allude. State your intentions and your expectations. If you fail to be clear, you have no business when he fails your test. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 no havent done the anniversary thing i truly do believe its fro marriage......i would buy things as pressies all the time though...for no reason at all..other than to let him know i was thinking of him when i bought it......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Thankyou for your replies I think my BF kind of has the hint that I will be doing something for our anniversary as I was talking about planning a day trip where we can go to our favourite museums etc I think this is fine, but you need to be okay with the possibility that he isn't even thinking about your anniversary and is just happy to have a day with you. If you go into that day with expectations of him celebrating your anniversary too, then you might be disappointed, and it won't really be his fault. All of the above! My calendar is full! I should've made a note - I actually forgot when all of the above things happened! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 We actually celebrate our engagement anniversary. We got engaged on a cruise so every year around that time we take another one. So are you really celebrating the engagement or celebrating "Oh gee our yearly cruise is coming up!"? If I had that luxury Id celebrate every anniversary possible! First time we met, first time we kissed, first time we banged (sometimes the first time you kissed), etc... Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I think it's a cute idea, I've never really been one for anniversary presents but it's always been something that I've celebrated with a boyfriend, such as going out for a nice meal or a day out somewhere. I don't understand the whole 'don't celebrate anniversaries until you're married' crowd, not everyone wants to or does get married, should a couple who've been together ten years without marrying not celebrate the day they got together, when some marriages last way shorter than that? If the relationship is meaningful to the couple then go for it, enjoy yourself and celebrate your love. Gifts aren't my thing but for a whole other year together I think that warrants a nice card and some time together (I wouldn't be annoyed if the guy didn't bother with a card though, just would want him to do whatever feels right). And it's a joint endeavour, both discussing and agreeing on where to go and going Dutch. In an established relationship I personally find it weird when the man is expected to organise and foot the bill for everything but whatever works for people. I'm more of an experience kinda person than a material one anyway, for our birthdays this year my boyfriend got us a spa day and I bought him a bungee jump. Those memories of spending time having fun together are so much more important to me than any jewellery could be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Penguin_hugs Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 Ugh. This is exactly what I was talking about. Your BF doesn't kind of have the hint about bubkiss. He either outright KNOWS you are doing something & you expect him to do something or he doesn't have a freakin' clue & he's going to hurt your feelings by doing nothing. If you want to celebrate a dating anniversary, TELL HIM THAT in advance! Don't hint. Don't allude. State your intentions and your expectations. If you fail to be clear, you have no business when he fails your test. Last weekend I said "I was thinking about getting x date off work for our anniversary- we could go to x place to look at the such and such museum and have a really nice day out together" he agreed and thought it was a good idea. That's how subtle my hint was. I'm not really fussed about receiving anything back- I just like spoiling other people. Besides he treats me to dinner a lot more than I treat him so I like a day to spoil him more. With regards to the whole "anniversaries are only for marriage" idea- I'm not planning on getting hitched for a while- but I'd rather not just dismiss the years we have been together. Circumstances mean we still can't even live together for another year :/ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Last weekend I said "I was thinking about getting x date off work for our anniversary- we could go to x place to look at the such and such museum and have a really nice day out together" he agreed and thought it was a good idea. That's how subtle my hint was. / OK. That is clear. Sorry I gave you a hard time. You seem to have it handled but I can't tell you how many countless women I have seen on boards like this crying on their keyboards because they had these whole elaborate anniversaries planned & their guys were like huh? what? anniversary? what are you talking about? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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