How to start over again?

[pinkpositive]

Hi Everyone! I just want to ask some advise regarding my problem that Im facing right now. I feel so confused, Guilty, Lonely and lost.

I've been in a good relationship before for 8 years and when I was still in 4th year college that time I accidentally got Pregnant and I decided to abort the baby, I was 4month pregnant that time. Reasons for me to do it because I have so many goals and dreams in life that I want to achieve and having a baby is never been in my mind. I was really so confused that time. No one knows I had this experience only my ex bf. I kept it to myself too since abortion is illegal in my country. As I graduated in College I decided to move from another city cos i still cannot move on with my life as I really felt o guilty from what i did and also the reason why me and my 8yrs bf broke up. .I promised to myself that I will not do it again and no one will know about this.

 

Currently I have a foreigner Boyfriend, We've been in a relationship online for 2 years and we just met in person last month, we stayed together for a week. We have lots of plans and dreams we want to achieve and we still dont want to have baby. Unfortunately I got pregnant by him. We both dont want this. He asked me to abort it which is also really hard for me cos I know how it feels and it takes time to recover mentally. He kept on convincing me the advantages of aborting the baby and I also agreed to do it. Im living alone in my own place. Just last Week I did medical abortion without anyone knows about this only my Bf and me. It was really a nightmare for me cos no one to take good care of me and i have to do it on my own unlike before my ex was there. Now, I'm physically recovered but I didnt know mentally Im not yet Ok. I'm having hard time to sleep cos everytime I close my eyes I see all the flashbacks, The pain and the Process of abortion. I feel like I want my baby back. My bf is trying hard to help me but it seems like its not working. I feel so guilty, shame, hate myself, lonely and lost.

 

I dont know how to move forward cos it seems like the past kept on pushing me back. I tried to move on from the past experience i had and I never thought it will happen again. I really dont know what to do anymore how to forget and move forward cos everything is just so confusing a lot.

 

Question that I have is : Do I need to tell my Bf that Ive been pregnant before and also went for abortion?

Would it help me move forward?

Would he be there for me and still accept me?

 

Please help me.

[CarrieT]

First off, I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I have been there and terminating a pregnancy is never easy.

Question that I have is : Do I need to tell my Bf that Ive been pregnant before and also went for abortion?

I don't think it will make any difference to him whatsoever.

 

Would it help me move forward?

It might help YOU to share the information with him.

 

Would he be there for me and still accept me?

Honestly, from what you wrote, I see him pulling back and not being there for you regardless.

 

This happens a lot when people meet and have LDR relationships but then meet in person. Who they create in their mind doesn't always come to fruition when they actually spend time together and the push-back happens after an In Real Life meeting.

 

Adding the pregnancy on top of that is the obvious nail to a situation he may be trying to get out of; hence, his encouragement of an abortion.

 

I hate to say this, but I have a feeling you will end up entirely alone when all is said and done and should probably not look to date anyone you can't physically meet and get to know SOONER rather than later.

 

< HUGS >