Toby67 Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 I've been reading Crystal's question and the responses earlier on this week about not having the last word. Most people agreed that silence spoke volumes rather than a last word but does this follow even if there was little communication in the relationship to start with? My ex had trouble communicating her feelings and we slowly drifted apart. I think I need to tell her that she has changed and I don't recognize the person she is now. She doesn't want me to contact her any more as she, mistakenly, feels I gave up on us after we broke up but stayed very good friends. I honestly don't think she realizes that she has changed into a completely different person. By not having my say she may think that I'm weak or that I will do whatever she says. I want to appear strong and able to stand up to her, something I had trouble with when we were together. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 Quite the opposite, my friend. By contacting her and talking to her, she will think you're a wimp that just can't get over her. Just move on to bigger and better things. The ONLY reason you want to talk to her now is because you still have some feelings for her and you still care about what she thinks of you. In a few months, she'll be the last thing on your mind. Just drop it and forget it. This closure stuff is useful sometimes when people are terminating a long term relationship that contained a lot of good. But what you were in doesn't sound like it was much quality at all. Just leave her alone and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
John Doe Posted March 25, 2001 Share Posted March 25, 2001 I can relate a lot to what you are saying, and the only advice (if you`d call it that) I can give is to be yourself and honest. Don`t let her push you around and make you feel emotionally inferior, stand your ground and you`ll feel better about yourself. If you appear strong to yourself, you`ll feel much better. Don`t let her take your pride and dignity. It sounds like that`s what she`s been doing. A woman has no respect for a man who doesn`t respect himself. If you gave into her a lot in the relationship, its not a good thing for your self-esteem. Which in turn is not a good thing for a relationship (long term). Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted March 26, 2001 Share Posted March 26, 2001 hi toby, i'll tell you a little something from experience here: silence is definitely better than the last word why? well, let me explain.... when my ex and i broke up last year, i was completely taken by surprise and very shaken up by the whole episode. i didn't see it coming, wasn't prepared for it etc, so i really did not know what to say when he split with me. i just rambled on and on and i can't even really remember what about. once it had finally sunk in what had happened, i decided to give him a call. yeah, i know how strong the desire for closure for is, but i made a bit of a mistake calling him and trying to make my point (i wasn't after a reconciliation, i just wanted to get some thoughts off my chest). anyway, when we spoke, he was nothing short of pi$$ed off at me - and it really, really hurt. he said some really hurtful things, but in the next breath, he'd tell me how he still missed me etc. after that phone call, i was one confused chick and i only realised that it didn't make anything easier for me in the slightest (then he wrote me a letter apologising, telling me he still loved me, but he just couldn't handle things - long story). so to sum it up, i wish i had of kept my mouth shut. the desire for closure was so strong, i thought i would get it (and the last word), but it just made things harder for me. telling her she has changed and that you don't recognise the person she is anymore, won't get you anywhere, and it probably won't change her. if someone has trouble communicating their feelings, they probably always will. she will see you as weak by contacting her. silence is the one thing that will show her just how strong you can be, because it takes a lot of strength to not contact someone you love. Link to post Share on other sites
Toby67 Posted March 26, 2001 Share Posted March 26, 2001 Ok, I didn't contact her. Today would have been the perfect opportunity to do so but I resisted. Did I mention that we work at the same company? What am I feeling? Something is missing but I don't know what. It's a sort of odd, incomplete feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 26, 2001 Share Posted March 26, 2001 You still care about her. But avoiding her and staying busy with other things and other thoughts will help you get over this much quicker. Talking to her will serve no purpose in her life but to cause her to cringe. I don't know why more people don't realize this. Get your mind off of her. Right now, rule out all further contact with her. PERIOD. If you see her at work, just smile, say hello, and move on...like you would anybody else. Link to post Share on other sites
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