Advice on Taking a Break from a Friendship...

[Spartan]

Hey all. Here is my situation. I met this girl a while back and we became great friends. I developed feelings for her. She did not share those mutual feelings. Somehow, however, we were able to move past that and keep our friendship in tact partly because I said I was past my feelings (I think she knows though it is obvious). It probably has even gotten better as we talk online or on the phone pretty much every night and hang out even more now. The thing is I still have a crush on her. It isn't like before when I would say she would have been the only person I'd consider dating. Now she is in the place that many guys have where she is great to dream "what if I could get someone like that if only she wasn't unattainable" while I look for other girls. While I am looking I am beginning to think my friendship with her is holding me back as I am constantly comparing others to her and saying "well Jen has that quality that she doesn't so why should I settle" or just plain "Jen is better so there must be more like her somewhere". So I am beginning to think I should cut off contact for my own sake, but I have no clue how to or what to say which is why I come here. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I want to let her know I still care deeply for her as a friend and that I will be there if she needs anything, but that my view and adulation of her may be hindering my search. Many of my other friends have said to just drive her away, but I can't do that because she is too special to me, I hope one day to be able to resume the friendship, and she can be fragile at times. Thanks in advance

 

(By the way everyone that has seen us together says she has feelings for me but doesn't know it yet because she doesn't know what love is (long story) but I can't take that chance)

[tokyo]

Originally posted by Schmurg

I want to let her know I still care deeply for her as a friend and that I will be there if she needs anything, but that my view and adulation of her may be hindering my search.

That's how you should say it (if you really want to leave her behind, that is).

[Marshbear]

Tell her that you feel strongly for her as a friend as well as a romantic interest. You realize that she does not share the romantic feelings that you have and although you love her as a friend you need to break away so you can find someone who has feelings for you. You hope she understands that it is nothing personal but you need to continue your life and you cannot do that when you still have feelings for her. If she is a true friend she will understand your needs and let you go. If she ends your friendship then she wasn't a true friend.

 

Peace...

[Horse]

Everything you just posted would be good.

 

Don't listen to your other friends. Don't be an ass and drive her away. Just tell her how you feel.

[clynn]

Be honest with her.

 

Certainly it would be extemely hurtful if you distanced yourself wtihout being honest.

 

I'm still curious about the long story about her not knowing what love is.

 

All the best!

[rick812]

I am in a similar situation (read my post). It is tough to distance yourself from someone you care about. Everytime i try to distance myself from my "friend," she pulls me back in. I am also struggling with relationships with other women. I date, but don't give any of them a real chance because I have such strong feelings for my friend.

 

It is funny, because all my friends tell me that she is in love with me as well, but is scared. i don't know what your friend's background is, but my friend's dad was not around, and she tends to date guys that don't treat her well and that aren't around as well. I am around, and for some reason she isn't attracted to me. However, when I wasn't around, she was attracted to me.

 

All my friends tell me I need to leave her alone, but I havn't been able to do that yet. i know in the long run it would be for the best. A part of me still believes that she is going to snap out of it and realize she has feelings for me because I know that she did have feelings for me at one time.

 

I don't want to give you any advice that i have not followed myself, but if you don't distance yourself, nothing is going to change. Trust me.

[Country Bumpkin]

I'm in the same situation.

I'm in the process of distancing myself.

It's hard bro and believe me it hurts like hell cos all you do is think about her 24/7 and compare.

Just, grit your teeth, do it, be honest and most important of all stick with it, if you give in and go back it will just make it harder.

Bets of luck, I feel for you.

[Spartan]

Rick reading your post is like looking at my story in a mirror. She had a bad childhood where both parents and friends lost her trust due to their actions. She goes off and on with a guy who treats her atrociously. Sad really that she doesn't know she deserves better. When she got back with this kid I figured that was a good time to distance myself, but when I did that she came back to me and said she was so upset she couldn't function right and that her boyfriend and his friends asked her why she was acting so odd and depressed. That reeled me back in as I am literally one of two people she can call friend (someone to hang out with) and as I said she is emotionally fragile. We actually hung out last night with one of my friends and her friend. We got in our first fight and it was a bad one, but as I was in the process of typing this she called me and we talked about nothing for like 25 minutes like nothing happened like before last night. Last night my friend and her friend both reiterated that we click (my friends also say she likes me) and are great for each other, but it is amazing even with that how wrong it is for me to continue on with it. I guess that is a start just admitting that it could be a problem.