I don't think my ex was honest with me.

[lowercasegravy]

My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 4 months, we had some good times together but there were some bumpy times as well. She was super insecure and had some personal issues, but I liked her a lot despite of her flaws. It was mostly a long distance relationship and I had to go on vacation over the summer so we literally only saw each other for half of the relationship.

 

So fast forward things, we still never got to see each other after I got back and only talked on the phone. I really tried to see her, and she did too but things kept coming up on her end. We still talked, called each other and even flirted. Then she suddenly went silent near the beginning of this month, and straight out ignore me for almost 2 weeks. I thought it was over anyway so I tried my best to move on, but she called me 11 days after, and told me about how she has been having a terrible time due to something happening in her family which also made her skip a week of classes.

 

Soon after.. she told me that she started the relationship at a very bad time and that we should just be friends. Being the person that I am I respected her decision and agreed. But she again hasn't contact me since and I even send her a good night text that day.

 

So what do you guys think? And thank you for reading.

 

What do you guys think? And thank you for reading.

 

I don't think she was being honest with me and she told me 'no' when I asked if there was another guy she was seeing but knowing her personality lying is possible.

 

But if someone truly cared about their relationship, does it make sense to end it over family matters? It's been seriously hard for me to get over this and I still miss her but I'm slowly moving on (she was my first real girlfriend after all).

 

Most of the time I'm hanging on to NC but part of me strongly wants to ask if she's okay (due to her family problems and be there for her). But at the same time she dumped me and probably doesn't want me to be apart of her life anymore.

Edited September 22, 2015 by lowercasegravy

[lowercasegravy]

So should I stick to NC or contact her? I'm still debating

 

(and sorry for the weird edits in the post above, it's my first time posting)

Edited September 22, 2015 by lowercasegravy

[Oregon_Dude]

So should I stick to NC

Yes.

 

You have to protect your heart above all else. Your wound is still fresh; contact rips it open.

 

You need to rediscover life as a single man who is not dependent on her. This takes time. Months. NC that entire time will heal you and make you not need her.

[SheleftmeforMichael]

I'm in agreement with what Oregon Dude stated.

 

My opinion on your situation is this and i'm sorry if I sound too abrasive:

 

She ended it. She is the dumper. She broke this off rather than really trying to attempt to set things right. She could have first met with you or talked with you and stated what was troubling her (explaining herself and what she was feeling) and heard your input on the matter before taking that action...but she didn't...and she even slapped the "lets just be friends card" on you.

 

The actions that she took and how she broke things off is not deserving of you or your time. It's a waste of your time.

 

It's only natural to wonder why. What the heck happened? Was it just her family situation that led her to this? Was it a new guy she met? I too felt the same when I suffered my breakup last December and I spent weeks/months trying to find that truth. I felt like I needed to know who was this new guy she replaced me with and what I lacked compared to him. I thought it would give me closure, but instead it just made the wounds from the breakup that much deeper and put me in a depression. I recommend not to dwell on why she did what she did because you might never find the answer/truth and if you did, it might not give you what you're looking for. It might drive you mad like it did to me. Just know that she did it. She broke it off and it was not the most ideal way to handle both of you in your relationship. It only benefitted her.

 

What you'll want to do now is come to the acceptance that she's gone for now. You have to break your dependence on her. It may be slow to get to this point, but you have to keep at it. You have to heal and rebuild. There are allot of threads, journals and posts that give great ideas that will show you the path that will be best suited for you.

 

I recommend staying no contact. It's going to be extremely hard at first. I slipped several times before I realized what I was doing. She dumped you so if anybody should be reaching out, it should be her...not you. If you keep contacting her, you won't come across as concerned...you'll be perceived as needy and you don't want to come across that way.

 

I suggest focusing now on the people who want to be in your life and give time to them and not those who don't want to be part of it like your ex.

 

You no longer have control over your ex, but you do have control of something and that is what you do from this point. Focus on you.

Edited September 23, 2015 by SheleftmeforMichael

[lowercasegravy]

I'm in agreement with what Oregon Dude stated.

 

My opinion on your situation is this and i'm sorry if I sound too abrasive:

 

She ended it. She is the dumper. She broke this off rather than really trying to attempt to set things right. She could have first met with you or talked with you and stated what was troubling her (explaining herself and what she was feeling) and heard your input on the matter before taking that action...but she didn't...and she even slapped the "lets just be friends card" on you.

 

The actions that she took and how she broke things off is not deserving of you or your time. It's a waste of your time.

 

It's only natural to wonder why. What the heck happened? Was it just her family situation that led her to this? Was it a new guy she met? I too felt the same when I suffered my breakup last December and I spent weeks/months trying to find that truth. I felt like I needed to know who was this new guy she replaced me with and what I lacked compared to him. I thought it would give me closure, but instead it just made the wounds from the breakup that much deeper and put me in a depression. I recommend not to dwell on why she did what she did because you might never find the answer/truth and if you did, it might not give you what you're looking for. It might drive you mad like it did to me. Just know that she did it. She broke it off and it was not the most ideal way to handle both of you in your relationship. It only benefitted her.

 

What you'll want to do now is come to the acceptance that she's gone for now. You have to break your dependence on her. It may be slow to get to this point, but you have to keep at it. You have to heal and rebuild. There are allot of threads, journals and posts that give great ideas that will show you the path that will be best suited for you.

 

I recommend staying no contact. It's going to be extremely hard at first. I slipped several times before I realized what I was doing. She dumped you so if anybody should be reaching out, it should be her...not you. If you keep contacting her, you won't come across as concerned...you'll be perceived as needy and you don't want to come across that way.

 

I suggest focusing now on the people who want to be in your life and give time to them and not those who don't want to be part of it like your ex.

 

You no longer have control over your ex, but you do have control of something and that is what you do from this point. Focus on you.

 

Man... Your words really spoke out to me. I can tell that you truly know how I feel right now. Betrayed, confused, angry and lonely. As much as I can dwell on the topics of why she was so cold or what I did wrong, reading your post made me feel so much resentment towards her. You're absolutely right.. It's not like I haven't thought about those things you mentioned as a possibility, but to hear it from another person who's been where I am now makes it clear to me.

 

I really want to text her letting her know that I don't want her to ever contact me again but that will break NC. I honestly don't know why I was so nice to her, she didn't deserve it, and in turn took advantage of my emotions. I want to call her all the names in the world right now but I know it will do no good and as much as I want to completely forget about her I know that only time can heal such wounds...

 

So thank you, whenever I feel pressured again I'll come back to your post and read it again.

 

This sucks so much man...

Edited September 23, 2015 by lowercasegravy

[Blanco]

A friend of mine had his girlfriend of two years start to detach from him and then she ended it by simply dropping off the face of the earth. That's pretty shady behavior for any relationship, but two years? Brutal.

 

Just take comfort that this was a relatively new relationship and that if this is how she handles important matters, you're lucky to be rid of her.

[lowercasegravy]

A friend of mine had his girlfriend of two years start to detach from him and then she ended it by simply dropping off the face of the earth. That's pretty shady behavior for any relationship, but two years? Brutal.

 

Just take comfort that this was a relatively new relationship and that if this is how she handles important matters, you're lucky to be rid of her.

 

Ghosting is brutal and cowardly, but I agree 2 years is terrible... dam. I know I'm lucky it was only 4 months and not any longer, but it hurts a lot since it was pretty much my first relationship. Breakups like these feel extra ****ty because it seems like they ended it the way they wanted and moved on while you're left betrayed and wondering.

Edited September 23, 2015 by lowercasegravy