Thoughts on situation with married man?

[purplesorrow]

I dont respect illusions;) i like to test things to each their own, you probably are wise and avoiding a lot of heartache;) but again who takes no chances wont win anything:cool:

 

I guess I don't see trying to get a man in a relationship as taking a chance. What is there to win? I find that confusing. I feel the opposite, offended and disgusted that he would assume I would go there. Jump out of a plane, much greater high. And yes, to each their own.

[Noideanow]

I guess I don't see trying to get a man in a relationship as taking a chance. What is there to win? I find that confusing. I feel the opposite, offended and disgusted that he would assume I would go there. Jump out of a plane, much greater high. And yes, to each their own.

 

Have you ever been in love/attracted to a man? luckily we are all very different from each other physically as well as mentally, natures Way of risk-spreading? You do what makes sence to you, respect for that:cool:

[purplesorrow]

Have you ever been in love/attracted to a man? luckily we are all very different from each other physically as well as mentally, natures Way of risk-spreading? You do what makes sence to you, respect for that:cool:

 

Attracted, yes. In love, no as I wouldn't go there.

[Noideanow]

many tests AKA affairs are exactly that though.

 

and the WIFE, as a human being cannot be an illusion. so you're being disrespectful while "trying your luck" either way because, at that point, you don't know if your flirt will be returned from the commited side.

 

if it's not returned - only THEN you decide to be respectful because the committed side clearly isn't interested and values what they have at home.

 

it's... backwards, to say the least.

 

The nuances are getting lost, i have in previous posts Expressed that she should take Care of her emotions, not doing things that Will hurt her:) i dont like the word affair, i see things pretending to be something they are not as illusions, i guess we dont Wear the same glases, and thats allright;) this is getting too illusionary;) lets enjoy the day

[Noideanow]

BTW if the relationship is truly without love the test of it is there to benefit the pregnant wife and the man who Will be able to find a/ (or be without an unfulfilling) relationship eventhough the transitionprocess Will cause tremendous pain and soulsearching the gain Will be hers in the end too if she wishes--just sayin' and provoking some of you maybe:( cant help it:cool:

[purplesorrow]

BTW if the relationship is truly without love the test of it is there to benefit the pregnant wife and the man who Will be able to find a/ (or be without an unfulfilling) relationship eventhough the transitionprocess Will cause tremendous pain and soulsearching the gain Will be hers in the end too if she wishes--just sayin' and provoking some of you maybe:( cant help it:cool:

 

Yes, it's all for his pregnant wife. ??

[minimariah]

...just sayin' and provoking some of you maybe:( cant help it:cool:

 

so, wait... you can't help but to provoke folks by saying that the affair and the divorce will benefit his wife the most...?

 

and... you don't see anything wrong & problematic in that behaviour?

 

very interesting.

Edited September 23, 2015 by minimariah

[minimariah]

The nuances are getting lost, i have in previous posts Expressed that she should take Care of her emotions, not doing things that Will hurt her:) i dont like the word affair, i see things pretending to be something they are not as illusions, i guess we dont Wear the same glases, and thats allright;) this is getting too illusionary;) lets enjoy the day

 

i don't get this part -- you don't like illusions but you're afraid to call things by their real name - AFFAIR? why are you afraid of using that word?

[truncated]

BstrayedH: Interesting perspective. Thanks for your input, I'll keep it in mind.

 

 

 

Thats a lot of assumptions. Which is fair enough, we all assume on a forum. Body slamming? Nah. Apart from when I was saying "I don't want you to go" Monday night, where was I being much more forward than him? I straight out said I like him (he might have too depending on what context he meant it) in fact, I stopped talking to him and he asked ME to see HIM. He had the perfect opportunity in those few days to go no contact. To delete my number, block me...whatever. Instead he asked to see me, was even willing to come into my house. I'm the one that said we should meet out instead. So he's not exactly a poor man running from me, while I'm harassing him. ?

 

I would feel bad on his wife and baby if we were cheating. But as it is right now, I don't know what she knows (maybe she knows he has a new friend) what she is like (does she treat him right?) Or how their relationship is set up (maybe she would be cool with some flirting) And I don't believe for a second any involvement with me, would stop him being a good daddy.

 

I don't actually only want a hook up. I Like him.

 

 

This is "flirting"?

 

He is cheating on his wife with you, and you are giving him the green light o do it, hoping he'll do more.

 

If you want to know if his pregnant wife is okay with this, then why not call her and ask, tell her what he's been doing. After all, if it's just "flirting" then why should she mind?

[Mrs. John Adams]

You know....I gotta say...I don't trigger often....but this thread is really bothering me.

 

You see OP....I was a 27 year old MARRIED woman....and a SINGLE man pursued me....and I WAS REALLY FLATTERED.....and I had a wonderful husband and 2 kids at home....and unfortunately....I CHEATED.

 

and here you are...a 26 year old SINGLE woman pursuing a MARRIED man with a wonderful wife at home who is carrying his baby.

 

I BLAME HIM...because he certainly knows better and if i could i would like to talk to him because he is about to make the worst decision in his life.....but I also BLAME YOU because you don't give a damn about anyone but yourself! WHY WHY WHY are you even contemplating this???? WHY?

 

You have known this man one week...you cannot possibly have feelings for him....chemistry? yes...you are attracted to him....

I like ice cream...but it isn't always good for me..especially if it belongs to someone else.

 

I had sympathy for you in the beginning of this thread...but the more you post the more you reveal about yourself.

 

I no longer feel sorry for you...i think you know exactly what you are going to do...and i think you don't really care who you hurt in the process.

 

Good luck....karma is hell

[Confusedovo]

One day you will be pregnant and vulnerable and you will remember the time you pursued another pregnant woman's husband. It will haunt you every time your man walks out the door to work, knowing there are women he meets every day just like you.

 

Probably. Ironically, I'm a very distrusting and jealous person as it is. I don't gloat when I think of his wife. I'm not enjoying that.

 

because you're his cuddle b*tch.

 

because he likes the flirting and enjoys having you act like a teen over him. it seems like he treats you like a child with a crush (you do seem VERY young) & probably knows that you're not experienced with situations like these (it shows).

 

if i had a penny for every single time i met a man or heard someone meet a man who acted "in conflict" -- like, come on... you've never met a dude who acts like this guy with mixed signals? EVER?

 

how old are you?

 

p.s. you aren't confused. it's pretty clear what you want, you made all the first moves but you have the need to act confused & "i'm usually not like that" in order to avoid the backlash. that's really what it is.

 

Lol cuddle bitch? Really? You think a married man needs a cuddle bitch?

 

I've never met a married man that gives me these mixed signals. Nope.

 

Oh but I AM confused. I'll type it until I'm blue in the face if I have to. I know what I want emotionally and physically yes. That doesn't mean I'm not confused. Im taking on the backlash, it doesn't matter if I'm saying I'm confused or not. People are still going to give me grief.

 

she CARES about it.

 

We don't know that. We don't know what her boundaries are.

 

you're not silly - you're immature. it's clear in the way you write this story.

 

Right...I'm immature. That's your view on it. But maybe he is immature too. Since this is a 30 year old man that asked me to meet him in the evening, telling him wife hes going for a walk. The same man that responded to, and also initiated at times, to anything that was going on (touches, flirting) but I guess that's all on me as the vile single woman looking to damage a marriage right? No immaturity or "teenage" behaviour on his part right?

 

i wouldnt want a man that was susceptible to being with another woman no matter how many/how much women throw themselves at him, it is about his feelings not about women being bad for liking him and trying their luck, its up to him rejecting them only having eyes for me and the same goes for me if other men would try their luck, which is only natural i see this as a welcome test of the relationship, is there love or is there not-)

 

Thank you!!! In my eyes thsts the truth. It's up to him to reject me. So far he has not rejected me. He has not once said "don't touch me" in fact... shock horror...he initiates just as much touching as I do. Its upto him to not ask a woman who has told him her feelings, to meet up with him (originally was going to come inside my house) So there are a lot of "this bitch...she throws herself on MM", focusing on me type comments. But am I the one who is married? No. I understand a lot of people (esp former burnt spouses) like to blame the wicked witch " home wrecker " but let's get real here. Hes not being violated.

[katielee]

 

 

 

this is a 30 year old man that asked me to meet him in the evening, telling him wife hes going for a walk.

 

ask yourself, why have any relationship, friend or otherwise, with a known liar.

 

Also, if you're only attracted to married men, you need IC and you need to be asking yourself why your attracted to those who are unavailable. There are books on it too. OP - were you abandoned as a child?

[purplesorrow]

He's a total jackazz for what he's doing. But just because he gives you an invitation to be one too doesn't mean you have to to accept. His actions of already lying to her is a huge red flag of how she would feel. Otherwise he wouldn't be hiding you already.

[Confusedovo]

you ARE cheating.

 

So now we are cheating? Says who? I thought he sees me as an immature cuddle B. Look...I'm not denying that it's a slippery slope, if he allows these meeting go to keep happening. But an affair definition is in the eye of the beholder. We all have different boundaries (which is my point with the wife...who knows what she would mind or not) I don't feel like we are in an affair. But yet again...I'm just confused. Nobody wants to believe that though, they would rather believe in a cold hearted player.

 

p.s. he is playing you, if it wasn't already obvious.

 

You seem a little confused yourself. I'm just saying. How is he playing me? Is it for the cuddles he must so crave as a 30 yo grown married man? Or is it the emotional affair we are according to you having? Neither one go together btw. You don't have an emotional connection just to use someone for cuddles surely?

[CarrieT]

So now we are cheating? Says who? I thought he sees me as an immature cuddle B.

If you haven't met his wife and had her approval and okay for what he is doing, than it is cheating.

 

You have gone beyond the Slippery Slope here.

 

AND YOU KNOW IT.

[Confusedovo]

OP - were you abandoned as a child?

 

Yes. There were abuse issues and abandonment (and my dad was a serial cheater...what would the experts say to that? Lol. From whatI remember I wasn't aware of any cheating until I was told as a teen though ) and I was also abused in my last relationship.

[Confusedovo]

If you haven't met his wife and had her approval and okay for what he is doing, than it is cheating.

 

You have gone beyond the Slippery Slope here.

 

AND YOU KNOW IT.

 

He hasn't even kissed me. Is holding hands, talking, touching non sexually, a few texts (its not even like we text constantly) cheating? Do you really think so?

[CarrieT]

He hasn't even kissed me. Is holding hands, talking, touching non sexually, a few texts (its not even like we text constantly) cheating? Do you really think so?

 

Yes.

 

Again. If the wife does not know, it is cheating. It is called an Emotional Affair.

 

I don't think you would be here - questioning this - if you didn't know DEEP DOWN that what you are doing is wrong.

[minimariah]

You think a married man needs a cuddle bitch?

 

you're the cutest.

 

many married men & women have cuddle b*tches -- their marriage being bad or fantastic, doesn't really matter.

 

I've never met a married man that gives me these mixed signals. Nope.

 

yeah... i don't think you've ever met a MAN in general who gave you mixed signals. that's why you don't know what conclusions to make out of it.

 

We don't know that. We don't know what her boundaries are.

 

who are you trying to fool here...?

 

you're trying to f*ck this man, you think his PREGNANT wife would be okay with that? the same wife this man is AFRAID will see you HOLDING HANDS? you think THAT wife would be okay with you flirting?

 

i mean, lie to us... i don't care. but stop lying to yourself, for crying out loud.

 

No immaturity or "teenage" behaviour on his part right?

 

he is immature - i mean... i thought that was obvious. but he didn't open this thread - you did. & with that, YOU will get the advice & opinions.

 

It's up to him to reject me.

 

& you're incapable of rejecting him... WHY?

 

why are you attracted to a man who is willing to cheat on his PREGNANT wife? why are you attracted to a man who gives you mixed signals & isn't honest and straightforward with you?

 

why are you incapable of taking "harsher" comments without playing the victim & turning it into a personal attack? why do you think that people approve of that man's behavior just because they didn't "go" at him but at you?

 

I understand a lot of people (esp former burnt spouses) like to blame the wicked witch " home wrecker " but let's get real here.

 

^^ why can't you have a discussion without adhominem?

 

But an affair definition is in the eye of the beholder.

 

girl, bye.

 

you are a mess!

[pheonixrisen]

I agree with the pp ...For some reason this thread gets to me from start to finish ...I am a bs and in the earlier days ...I use to question how could this have happened ..where in the exact moment my h made that choice to tip over and make a decision to consciously lie to me every day ...and think it was okay ...this post bothers me coz here is a live story unfolding of how it starts (keeping in mind all affairs / man /woman/marriages are different ) and all of us are standing in side line saying hey we have experience this before in varying degrees what you are doing is wrong you are crossing lines ..you don't want to go there nobody wins ..and here you though act confused know exactly what you want out of this and why it's not happening fast enough ..you are not here for advice of what right and wrong ..and it you should carry on ..you are here to see what the mm thinks and feels with his action towards you and how you can get him to move faster in your favor ...

 

You want to know how is he grooming you and why we feel that he is ...when you are all ready to take this further ...

 

It's not easy for him as it is for you ...He is attracted he is probably weighing out certain things ...He is with you he is touch feely ...not with you blowing hot and cold ...then calls you then ignores you ...He is managing your expectation of what he might be considering with you ...so you are aware if this starts he was very clear from beginning he love his wife , he is married ...not to expect more that the time he can give you ...He ignores your text ....He will not be available all time every time as he has another life ....His blowing hot and cold is a prelude to grooming you to what to expect and not expect..

 

He is already cheating in my book.. and you come across like someone who is convincing them selves hey we are good people can we just mess up this one time...you also come across as very cold and calculating towards this ..and women like you look for validation in relationship like this but mostly end up more messed up ...

 

you don't need a relationship with a mm ...you need counselling on why you think this is okay ...you may not know his wife she is not your family or runs in your circle ...you may not have obligation towards her ...and you can tell your self a 100 time you are not cheating on her ...but you do have moral obligation in general to do the right thing ....or imagine what a world we would be living in ...

 

I hope this mm comes to his senses and stops this immediately ...

[katielee]

Yes. There were abuse issues and abandonment (and my dad was a serial cheater...what would the experts say to that? Lol. From whatI remember I wasn't aware of any cheating until I was told as a teen though ) and I was also abused in my last relationship.

 

I'm so sorry. Speaking as a former WW, I wish I had healed this part of me before I launched into a long term, permanent relationship. Yes, I hurt him, but I really really hurt myself...

[pheonixrisen]

Yes. There were abuse issues and abandonment (and my dad was a serial cheater...what would the experts say to that? Lol. From whatI remember I wasn't aware of any cheating until I was told as a teen though ) and I was also abused in my last relationship.

 

This may sound harsh ...you probably have never been a priority for anyone for much of your life and would like to be for once in your life chosen above someone else ....This is not the relationship you will get that validation .....you will end up more messed up ...

 

And you are deluding your self convincing your self that maybe his wife is okay with it ...why don't you call and ask ? See how mm takes to that news

 

And once again you are wrong to think because we are B's we look at the ow as demon ...no I don't blame my ow my husband is 100 % responsible for things he did .....I just feel the ow is damaged and that's why such week boundaries ..

[Lois_Griffin]

Yes I genuinely am confused about his intentions. Why would a man sit there telling me he loves his wife while cuddling up and rubbing my back? Holding my hand? Trying to get me with his friend at first? Act different by text and ignore me the day after last night? In my mind, his words were telling me it's not happening. But its his actions that confuses me. Also we are from different cultures. Maybe it's the norm for him to be like that?

You sound like a 5th grader with a crush.

 

Except, you keep trying to come off as all innocent and wanting to know why some scumbag lying married man with a pregnant wife at home is acting inappropriately with you when you've made it pretty clear you're very willing to step over the line with him.

 

Just own your sh*t for god's sakes.

 

I don't know who you think you're trying to kid acting as though this all just innocent 'friendship.'

 

And really, who meets two strangers and then goes off with them to shop and then to one of their homes? Are you like 18 years old or something? You're damned lucky you didn't end up dismembered in a freezer in this guy's garage. Smdh.

 

The day is going to come in the future when you're married. Heavily pregnant, feeling bloated and achy but excited at the coming baby and feeling blessed to have a wonderful loving and loyal husband to share your journey.

 

And then one evening you'll see a text or a SnapChat on his cell phone from some bimbo who doesn't have the common sense God gave a dung beetle, childishly flirting with him and asking when he can come cuddle with her again.

 

And your world will drop right out from underneath you.

 

And you'll deserve every single second of it.

[goodyblue]

I just keep trying to write a response to you OP, I just don't know whAt to say. I guess I was trying to help you see this situation is not a good one. Tbh lmost affairs aren't and the one who gets hurt is... everyone. You especially. I was hoping you would stop this now but you seem determined to go forward. I used to be just like this, belligerent, defensive, angry at anyone who questioned me. The thing is... somewhere between my h and I going through some therapy ( we really needed some solid guidance on how to forgive ourselves) and marrying him something shifted.

 

I am not trying to beat you up here. I offer guidance and support to women who are in the middle or have been involved with a married partner all the time. I guess the difference is that you are at the beginning stages and can stop it now if you choose. You can save yourself the heartbreak of a man using you (if he did) and leaving you (if he does). You have no idea how many women wish they had your opportunity. I love my h more than life and would not change things except one... and that is if we could have started after he left I would have. In our case we had known one another almost 20 years before the a and I knew his home situation for what it was. You don't know what is going on at home. And I am with you... if he cheats, he is the one who has to live with it. But right now you can make the decision to not be a part of it. For most of us here, our relationship with our MM is a loving relationship and we all wanted our MM to leave his w. It wasn't a game. And these women hurt when it ends. They agonize over the reasons MM did not pick her and it takes a long time to heal.

 

I would hate to see that for you. If you really want to be with this guy, tell him to leave his marriage. See what he says.

[Confusedovo]

you're the cutest.

 

many married men & women have cuddle b*tches -- their marriage being bad or fantastic, doesn't really matter.

 

 

 

yeah... i don't think you've ever met a MAN in general who gave you mixed signals. that's why you don't know what conclusions to make out of it.

 

Okay.......

 

 

 

who are you trying to fool here...?

 

you're trying to f*ck this man, you think his PREGNANT wife would be okay with that? the same wife this man is AFRAID will see you HOLDING HANDS? you think THAT wife would be okay with you flirting?

 

i mean, lie to us... i don't care. but stop lying to yourself, for crying out loud.

 

Where did I say I'm trying to F him? The sexual attraction is strong, but I can control sexual attraction. I've never cheated on a boyfriend btw. And yes ive had options to do so. This isn't about sex. Sex wouldn't be worth this to me

 

If she knew about me (maybe she does) and thought I was trying to F him, I'm sure she wouldn't be OK with that. But would she be OK with some flirting? I know a few couples who don't care about that kinda thing. As long as it doesn't go further than the boundaries that they set up between them. He wasn't THAT afraid about holding my hand, or he just wouldn't have done it at all right?

 

& you're incapable of rejecting him... WHY?

 

Incapable? Not exactly. Finding it difficult? Definitely.

 

why are you incapable of taking "harsher" comments without playing the victim & turning it into a personal attack? why do you think that people approve of that man's behavior just because they didn't "go" at him but at you?

 

 

 

^^ why can't you have a discussion without adhominem?

 

I'm not incapable of taking harsher comments. And I'm not playing the victim. I signed up for this, when I made this thread. But there are a lot of assumptions being made. I'm trying to clear it up. I know a lot of people always blame the female in these situations. And some (not all) of these comments seem to reflect that mentality to me...

 

 

 

girl, bye.

 

you are a mess!

 

Thank you. ?

 

His friend isn't helping matters. Hes still hittibg me up, just now like "hi babe" and asking to take me out on a date. So MM knows his friend likes me, so there's that too...

 

To those who this thread triggers... I'm sorry. Really. That obviously was never my intentions, but I'm being upfront and honest here.