Thoughts on situation with married man?

[Confusedovo]

I'm not sure why you are acting so desperate. Is there a reason you can't attract a single man apart from the MMs friend? [/Quote]

 

Smh. Please. I have a few single guys pursuing me. It's about who I want...I don't want them. I've been asked on a couple of dates next week. I attract men easily. I may seem desperate on here, cause this is where I'm letting it all out. Do you really think I'm this out of control to MMs face? No way.

 

Can I ask how you're trying? What steps are you taking? No offense, but it doesn't really look like you are all that much.

 

I'm trying to convince myself to step away. I'm going to not contact unless he contacts me first. He's got another chance here to walk away.

[Confusedovo]

It is the eternal battle between head and heart. When he is with her its the heart. When he is with his wife, loving her, she post here.

 

Exactly this. I'm in a battle. I know everyone else thinks it's Lame and pathetic, but here it is. I've only felt like this a couple times. I don't mean love. I mean this strong, strong connection and chemistry, and these vibes, and this longing. Idc how long I've known him, you can't deny it's there when it's there. People don't like to hear that can happen, but it does. I think he feels the chemistry too. By the way he acted when around me. But of course I cant actually say for sur and speak for him.

 

On the other hand...all of the bad stuff that might happen, that you are all telling me.So it's tough for me. Easy for everyone else to say "he's married, just walk away" tough when here's a man who is what I want, and we seem to have this chemistry, and he's giving Mr the green light (sometimes)

 

He said to me on the first day we met "I had a dream that us 3 would meet, like a premonition" it's weird.

[aliveagain]

Sounds like the two of you are a perfect match, a guy that will cheat on his pregnant wife and a woman that doesn't respect marriage boundaries, sounds so romantic just writing the words. I swear a rainbow appeared over my laptop as I wrote the last word in that sentence.

 

 

Just remember that when the real Mr. Right comes along he will ask you about your relationship history, banging a married guy will look really bad on your Curriculum Vitae.

[CarrieT]

I mean this strong, strong connection and chemistry, and these vibes, and this longing. Idc how long I've known him, you can't deny it's there when it's there. People don't like to hear that can happen, but it does. I think he feels the chemistry too. By the way he acted when around me. But of course I cant actually say for sur and speak for him.

 

I've been there. I've felt it. A lot of us here have gone through it. Often to the destruction of marriages and lives.

 

That is why we recommend you read other posts throughout the Infidelity forum. Because we know how hard it is to listen to the brain and walk away. But hopefully reading the repercussions of these actions will help you - nay, save you! - from going through the pain and anguish we have experienced.

 

Read posts from Affair Partners and their lives waiting and hoping for 20 minutes from a guy whose wife just had a baby. Or read the posts from the wives who just gave birth and don't know why their husbands are so distance.

 

That is all we ask. We see you are already in Affair Fog so you can't think straight. But hopefully we can beat some sense into you on how bad this will end up.

[ShatteredLady]

Quote - "He said to me on the first day we met "I had a dream that us 3 would meet, like a premonition" it's weird."

 

It's destiny! Who can fight what's meant to be?

 

That kind of crap can be cute when you're single teenagers but REALLY???

 

The more you say about the stories you exchange the better insight we get. You're damaged & you're playing the broken bird. He's saying all the right things about calming & protecting you. He's encouraging you to bare your soul. Your feeling 'he's the one to save you'. Correct?

 

Do you usually act like this on 'dates'? I mean being sad & needy. Do you find it natural to say & act this way with men?

 

When you REALLY need him (& the longer this goes on the more you will NEED him) he will be changing diapers & arranging the christening.

 

You haven't answered our questions about the future. I know you're still thinking about this. Are you picturing being step-mom? Are you hoping he will eventually leave his wife because the 2 of you are 'meant to be'? What is the point of all this??

 

We can see where this is going to go. There are only a couple of ways this can play out & ALL of them end with people being deeply hurt. There isn't a "Happily Ever After" here. If you can imagine one please tell us. It will help us help you.

[ShatteredLady]

Quote - "I'm just confused. To me, why is he doing the touchy feely thing? Is it different cultures?"

 

What country are you in? Is it your home country? What's the different cultures about?

[sandylee1]

Wow.......So this guy doesn't know you from Adam and he had a feeling /premonition you 3 would meet? Really what bull....seriously are you really that gullible to believe this. How do you have a premonition about a total stranger.

 

How old are you?

 

You said you have no problem attracting single guys...if none of them do it for you , then keep looking.

 

When it comes down to it, your best hope is that he lets you be his side piece, because when it comes down to a a choice of his wife and new baby and you - you don't stand a chance.

 

If being invisible and keeping your mouth shut with no demands is acceptable to you in a relationship, then you are the perfect mistress.

[sweet_pea]

Smh. Please. I have a few single guys pursuing me. It's about who I want...I don't want them. I've been asked on a couple of dates next week. I attract men easily. I may seem desperate on here, cause this is where I'm letting it all out. Do you really think I'm this out of control to MMs face? No way.

 

 

 

I'm trying to convince myself to step away. I'm going to not contact unless he contacts me first. He's got another chance here to walk away.

 

Why are you giving all your power to him? Why can't you make the choice to walk away- why does it have to be him?

[ShatteredLady]

Quote - "He said he was rubbing my back to calm me down. Atlough Tbh I was calm. A lil upset, but I wasn't crying or anything. More just gloomy. "

 

I'm back on this subject! Why were you, "A lil upset" & "just gloomy". Had you mentioned this? Was this why he slipped out to meet you that night? What's all the 'helping you' & 'everyone needs help' stuff about?

 

Are YOU playing-up being hurt & damaged to make him feel sorry for you? OR Is he projecting & painting you as an injured bird to excuse himself & his behavior? Know what I mean? "I'm not a cheating H. She's just this young hurt girl I'm feeling sorry for. It's innocent!!".

 

I don't know why I care but I'm interested in this dynamic of what's going on. I'm not sure if he's a player or if he's a very screwed-up man who's going through a post-wedding, Pre-birth trauma. Whatever! It's still a horrible situation that will cause NOTHING but pain for all involved.

 

Go on those dates with the single guys just to have fun & take your mind off of this. STOP OBSESSING!! Sometimes there's instant attraction & sometimes it takes a while to build. Focus on you & your life. FORGET about this MM.

 

Do you have close female friends that you hang out with most of the time? When I was young & single I had great friends. I hindsight that was for the best. For even a date to be worth my time (& not being with my friends) he had to be something special.

 

In my experience most good relationships come from friends of friends.

 

PLEASE don't become a mistress

[Confusedovo]

What is the point of all this??[/Quote]

 

Yes in an ideal world he will fall for me, pick me. We would live happily after. Ha. It's happened before.

 

This is my home country. It isn't his.

 

No I'm not playing up being hurt. When he called, I was just in an upset mood. He picked up on that. I did say "this isn't a game, do you think it's funny? " cause he was laughing when I was stressed cause he was calling me saying it wasn't him it was his friends, when it really was him. So I wanted to know what was funny. I was like "do you think this situation is.funny?" he said no. Then a bit later on he text asking to come around.

 

then when we met up he wanted to know all about my life. Like I said, I hardly said anything, cause it's difficult to talk about. He then said he wants to help me. I said I don't need help, he said "everyone needs help " he told me his past (parents no longer alive, was in the military)

 

Does this make more sense? Or would you like more details?

 

I'm wondering if I.should just text him asking if he even wants me in his.life, if he does why the hot and cold? I just talked to a friend, got his perspective... I'll post it in next post.

[ShatteredLady]

Has he mentioned problems with his wife, becoming a father? I know he's said that he loves her. Why is he diverting time & thought from his heavily pregnant wife?

 

Has he contacted you again?

[Confusedovo]

Ok so I spoke to my "Internet friend" we've been friends for several months. He said

if I was his wife I'd feel like he was cheating on me.

 

He doesn't love his wife or he wouldn't be "seeing me"

 

He might have a fetish cause I'm a different race and his wife is the same race as him.

 

He's playing his cards carefully. He won't text me all the time, he wants to make sure his W doesn't see them. He wants to make sure she feels secured. When she doesn't need him, he will attend to me.

 

He knows how this is going to end up (not sure exactly what he means)

 

He's playing the game really well. He's hiding me from her, and acting like a sweet loyal H to W. Playing on both sides.

 

He might have feelings for me, but we will definitely end up having sex.

 

We can't be just friends cause we clearly want to bang each other.

 

He's taking time cause he has to be careful. And hes wooing me. The ignoring text here and there also makes me want him more, and he knows that.

 

I'm helping him break his commitment.

 

So.that's what he thinks.

[CarrieT]

I will reiterate what others have said: You are being groomed.

 

I predict within two weeks - maybe less - the OP will report that they have had sex.

 

It is inevitable.

[Confusedovo]

Has he mentioned problems with his wife, becoming a father? I know he's said that he loves her. Why is he diverting time & thought from his heavily pregnant wife?

 

Has he contacted you again?

 

Nope he's mentioned no problems. And he hasnt even told me she's pregnant! his friend told me. I don't even know if he knows I know. Why not say anything by now? No he hasn't contacted.

[ShatteredLady]

Quote - "Yes in an ideal world he will fall for me, pick me. We would live happily after. Ha. It's happened before."

 

The big question - Do you truly want to be his mistress? Would that be enough "Happily ever after" for you?

 

In your obsessing are you picturing being a step-mom to his baby? Is this about children & being a mother or do you not factor the baby in your fantasy?

 

Sorry for all the questions. (not really!). I've always been facinated by psycology & despite all of the negative posts you've received you seem determined to see how this plays out. Trying to understand people I don't understand is very interesting for me. I've made my views clear but you're sticking to your guns. Now I'm trying to understand you. To be honest it's a distraction from my life at the moment. No offense.

 

I stil think you're making a huge mistake!

[ShatteredLady]

As for your Internet friend... I agree with a lot of it.

 

This, "He doesn't love his wife or he wouldn't be "seeing me"" isn't necessarily true. I've known people do this & far worse while still professing undying love for their partner. I've known people mourn the loss of the 'love of their life' for decades after betraying & loosing them.

 

Knowing how it will end.... That's what we're all saying to you. This ends with lots of tears & all 3 of you (him, wife & you) deeply hurting. There's a child involved so no matter the outcome, him & his wife will be connected for life.

 

The probability of him ever leaving his wife & child are close to zero...regardless of the state of their relationship.

 

This ends with you hurting & crying

That's 'best case scenario'.

[autumnnight]

"Yes in an ideal world he will fall for me, pick me. We would live happily after. Ha. It's happened before."

 

So the OP's ideal world is one where a man she just met leaves his PREGNANT WIFE to be with her.

 

This tells me everything I need to know.

[Confusedovo]

Shatteredlady: no I don't want to be a mistress. I want to be with him tho.

 

Well...I would happily be a step mom, but the baby isn't a factor in why I want him.

 

Autumnnight: I didnt mean he just ups and leaves her now when she is pregnant. And it isn't a dream that he leaves her so I can gloat , it's so I can be with him properly.

[autumnnight]

Shatteredlady: no I don't want to be a mistress. I want to be with him tho.

 

Well...I would happily be a step mom, but the baby isn't a factor in why I want him.

 

Autumnnight: I didnt mean he just ups and leaves her now when she is pregnant. And it isn't a dream that he leaves her so I can gloat , it's so I can be with him properly.

 

You're missing my point.

 

My point is that you seem to care only about yourself and have little or no empathy or conscience.

[Confusedovo]

Yes in this situation I'm selfish. I don't know what to say...I'm not proud of it.

Edited September 27, 2015 by Confusedovo

[Mrs. John Adams]

you sure are jumping to conclusions and making plans for a guy that you have physically seen twice and have text messaged for a week. Good grief....

 

Let's pick out a wedding dress and get a venue for the reception......

 

You cannot possibly love him...he cannot possibly love you....you don't know him...he doesn't know you...

 

 

My god......all these pages of people trying to talk you out of something that you don't even know is a possibility.

 

Has he asked to see you again? Has he said he wants to have sex? Has he told you he is unhappily married and is looking for a new wife?

 

 

the answer to all these questions and many more is NO...

 

you want to be with him? has he even given you that option?

 

nope

 

The more i read the crazier this gets.....come on folks....

[ShatteredLady]

You know what you want.

 

When/if he contacts you again why not say, "I'm interested. I feel a connection. Please contact me again when you have divorced & you are available for the type of relationship I'm interested in perusing."?

 

Be honest & save everyone involved all the lies, pain & betrayal.

 

Please read the 'other woman' forum here. It will give you a good idea of what the alternative future has in store for you.

 

DO NOT BECOME HIS MISTRESS!

[Lurkeraspect]

Yes in this situation I'm selfish. I don't know what to say...I'm not proud of it.

 

If you're fine with this, then go for it. It's obvious you're not, or you wouldn't be here. Just just own your business. Your fine, or your not. I think you're not..

[pheonixrisen]

Shatteredlady: no I don't want to be a mistress. I want to be with him tho.

 

Well...I would happily be a step mom, but the baby isn't a factor in why I want him.

 

Autumnnight: I didnt mean he just ups and leaves her now when she is pregnant. And it isn't a dream that he leaves her so I can gloat , it's so I can be with him properly.

 

You are delusional ! What you are thinking /planning /dreaming .....ask the many ow in their section ...This delusional process has only landed them in years of therapy and recovery ...He is going to leave his wife and very young baby to shack up with you ! ....

[minimariah]

Why not say anything by now?

 

because he loves the fact that you're flirting & have a crush on him. he wants to f@ck you, OF COURSE he won't tell you about his pregnant wife.

 

d'oh.

 

Exactly this. I'm in a battle. I know everyone else thinks it's Lame and pathetic, but here it is. I've only felt like this a couple times. I don't mean love. I mean this strong, strong connection and chemistry, and these vibes, and this longing. Idc how long I've known him, you can't deny it's there when it's there.

 

it's not lame or pathetic - it's immature. connection & chemistry? sure, we have all been there. IN LOVE or something so strong that you cannot turn away from a man you know for a week? nah.

 

you don't want to turn away and comfort yourself with "soulmates" & "too strong to deny" crap to avoid responsibility.

 

you said you'd love to be a stepmother -- are you ready for his xWife to make your life a living hell and to completely turn the child against you? are you ready for the possibility of you not being a stepmother at all because this child will be raised to absolutely detest you?

 

did you think about ANY of this through, for the love of god?

Edited September 27, 2015 by minimariah