Mrs. John Adams Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Have you folks "read" just how "involved" this man is in this woman's life? This entire story is concocted in her head. The man obviously does not want her. This is about her wanting him...her pursuing him....her picturing them together in her mind. He has not indicated he wants her... If and this is a big if...this man truly is texting her...if he really met her and rubbed her back.....he has not made any effort to see her again. And the truth is...if there is any truth.....she has argued her point over and over because she wants what she wants and does not listen. Maybe she is just bored.... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 No I can't understand it. How can he love her if that's what he's doing...all for sex? I don't speak to my mom much about personal things. I don't have much contact with her anyway. And every man she's been with has been abusive or emotionally unavailable In some way. So there's that too...seems like I'm following in her footsteps. Many people are not cut out for marriage and the responsibilities that go with it, but they view it as a progression in life. You know when old friends catch up and ask what's neen happening - are you married? any kids? They want to say yes to all that. They want a stable person to share life with, vacation with, have kids with and do family things with. Then instead of focusing on the person they vowed to love and cherish, they stray and get tempted because it's all exciting. They forget their responsibilities and risk the safety and security of the children they love. That's neither a good spouse or parent. Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Really. You seriously think that? That's some strange and scary thinking, and it's never crossed my mind. You make it sound like I hate him. Goes to show you can't judge everyone by your own experiences. No. If he tells me to F off, I will then know for a fact I mean nothing to him and I'll have No CHOICE to move on anyway. Hes not telling me anything straight, one way or the other. You seem to think, autumnnight, that I'm this sex crazed cold hearted bish. Why is he required to tell you to funk off ..I don't understand this ..are you incapable of doing that by your self ...and is he asking you to **** off the only way you are going to move away from this circus. ..where is your backbone ? Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 How can a wife not know he has 2 phones? I don't mean it bad, or blaming wives at all. I'm just wondering how you can be married, spend every day witj your partner and hide a phone? I don't see why this is surprising ...A lot of unsuspecting people /wives/husbands etc ...don't think about cheating/cheating tools and equipment etc...its not on their radar or thoughts of their daily life ...They give loyalty and trust and expect and believe it's being returned ...married people don't wake or dream up these kind of thoughts unless they are being given a reason to ... Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Wow....I guess theres a chance that what's happening with the phones. But IF he is a cheater, why even marry her and have her baby? Can you really love someone and do that to them? I know love is complicated, and I can even understand maybe getting feelings for someone else, still loving your partner. But I cant understand if it's just sex. Turnera, while you're not wrong, this is my weird way I kinda process things. I think I've been told my way of thinking /being is wrong so much, I question my own thoughts and believes and everything really. I'm not sure that makes sense to.anyone else... So sad there's whole websites helping people cheat (I really mean that) People are very capable of loving more than one person to varying degrees ...people in affair are very good and compartmentalizing their life ....so yes a man loves his wife ...but is still capable of cheating on her ...because he is selfish loves himself more or just poor coping skills to temptations outside or issues at home ....but when push comes to shove and a choice needs to be made the love & life for & with one person prevails (usually in this situation the wife ) everything else is discarded ... Confusedovo I believe it he gives you the time of the day you are going to end up in this affair ....and his wife will at some point find out either by you or some other ...based on your thoughts and process here their is a very disturbing side to you and what this guy does not realise any of his action in favour of you ....will be bringing years of suffering to him (he probably would deserve it ) and his wife and child ... Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) Have you folks "read" just how "involved" this man is in this woman's life? This entire story is concocted in her head. The man obviously does not want her. This is about her wanting him...her pursuing him....her picturing them together in her mind. He has not indicated he wants her... If and this is a big if...this man truly is texting her...if he really met her and rubbed her back.....he has not made any effort to see her again. And the truth is...if there is any truth.....she has argued her point over and over because she wants what she wants and does not listen. Maybe she is just bored.... I am beginning to see this differently also. Aint a whole lot of grooming going on here. Methinks this is a one sided EA. Perhaps even delusion. A 1 hour meeting in a park and all you got is a back rub, and nothing since, and you are in love? Edited September 30, 2015 by 66Charger 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedovo Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 Lol some of you make me laugh. One minute what we are doing is sooo wrong, the next it's all made up in my head. He IS texting me, we DID meet up, he DID act interested in me (which is why you all thought he was a bad man yesterday remember?) anyway, he sent me a long text today and in it said he's been working very long hours and he's sorry. How can I take advice/your views seriously when they change so quickly.. Hmm. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 You can dress a pig in a dress and call it Sally. But it is still a pig. Don't use the posters who are speculating as an excuse to do what you are fully aware is wrong. Call your sister. Use her to keep you on the correct path. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 What has changed in our advice? ALL of us, every one, has told you it's wrong for you to associate with him. EVERY single one of us. The only thing that's been added is that we now wonder just how MUCH he is pursuing you and how much you are doing the pursuing. Either way, it is WRONG WRONG WRONG. And you know it. Ask your sister's advice. I dare you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Lol some of you make me laugh. One minute what we are doing is sooo wrong, the next it's all made up in my head. He IS texting me, we DID meet up, he DID act interested in me (which is why you all thought he was a bad man yesterday remember?) anyway, he sent me a long text today and in it said he's been working very long hours and he's sorry. How can I take advice/your views seriously when they change so quickly.. Hmm. People can only give advice on what is presented to them. And as far as I can see, both he and you are in the wrong as you know. He IS a pig because he IS texting you and IS meeting you and IS flirting with you physically.You are no better for accepting his advances. Don't trust our views/advice..get your sister's. If you think she would kill you, that speaks volumes of how wrong you and Mr. Pig are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 The man in question is wrong...absolutely wrong..to have ever gotten involved in any way shape or form with you. If his wife finds out what he has done ...he will likely lose his family. HOWEVER.....you are the one on this forum asking for advice or whatever it is you are looking for. You have been told over and over to get out of this situation. You continue to argue and blame shift the responsibility of this "relationship" onto the man in question. You are the one fantasizing about this man so it is you we are talking to. STOP...block his number on your phone...and just STOP. The answer is that simple. No one here can make you do it....and for way too many pages you have been told the same thing over and over. The choice is yours....but stop acting like a victim...take responsibility for what you are doing and make a decision. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 The thing I don't get is that you keep putting yourself in front of other innocent people. Why? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I I like it when we are talking. And I love it when we are together in person. He makes me feel happy and wanted then. When we aren't talking I feel stressed, confused, and Tbh obsessed (atlough I don't let him see that) and when he Ignores a text I feel hurt. But it's like I don't want to rock the boat and scare him off. So I trying to be patient and wait for him. You are the perfect mistress. By giving you attention and retreating he's keeping you off center. You enjoy his attention and then question his intentions and your own worth when he withdraws. You want to feel good again so you push and obsess until he gives you a crumb. Then he'll see you in person and make you feel like the only woman in the world only to go back to ignoring your messages and throw you into a tailspin. You won't rock the boat for fear of losing him which means you'll never, ever assert boundaries. You want to be his full time but he doesn't see you as wife material. Men value women they have to work for and you're easy. You're satisfied with McDonald's so he'll never give you steak. You're also not future mother of his child status because he likely wants someone who can teach his kid self-worth and values, of which you have neither. You're willing to wait, not upset his life, give him attention, and clutch your phone hoping for a text while he's rubbing his wife's sore ankles. You also can't say good bye to him. You've already failed at blocking him once and you haven't even slept with him. I'm willing to bet that the reason he's "your type" and the single guys aren't is because abandonment and mistreatment are normal to you. Single guys offer their full attention and a real, healthy relationship; the MM can't. Unavailability is familiar to you and there's comfort in familiarity. I also don't think you started this thread looking for advice. You haven't listened to anyone who said to walk away; you keep repeating yourself and going around in circles. I think you're here for the drama and attention, which is what the MM also gives you. The single guy doesn't offer enough drama which is also why they don't thrill you. You'll likely come back with a reply along the lines of "you don't know the mm." This is true. You don't know him either. A week is not a relationship; it's a menstrual cycle. Unlike a tampon, though, you can throw the MM away before putting him inside you. The truth is, if he wanted to be with you, he would be. Nothing keeps a man from a woman he loves. Your MM won't even respond to your texts. Doesn't sound like he wants you too badly. He IS interested though. He'll need someone to babysit his penis while his wife is recovering from giving birth. Since you're not asking for advice, I'll offer none. You seem intent on self-destruction and wasting your pretty on a man who definitely isn't starting 19 page threads about you. I will be looking for your future threads, though. I imagine they'll be entitled: "I'm in love with a married man" "We had sex. Why is he texting less?" "Why won't he spend the night?" "It's been two years and he won't divorce" "Why won't he leave his wife?" "He gets mad when I ask for more" "Why am I not good enough?" "She's pregnant again and I'm devastated!" "She found out" "He hates me and says it's all my fault" "I can't believe he ended it" 5 Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Lol some of you make me laugh. One minute what we are doing is sooo wrong, the next it's all made up in my head. He IS texting me, we DID meet up, he DID act interested in me (which is why you all thought he was a bad man yesterday remember?) anyway, he sent me a long text today and in it said he's been working very long hours and he's sorry. How can I take advice/your views seriously when they change so quickly.. Hmm. Whether this is made up or a actual reality of your life it's inappropriate ...Each and every poster adviced it and so far I did not come across a single poster change their opinion .... So the mm msgs and you are ready to jump. ..you are just waiting by the phone for him to tell you how high....I am not sure exactly what you are looking for now ...you came here ...asked for advice we gave it ...its not in your favor ...you don't like it ...you have every intention to move forward with this mm...and in time you will learn and understand how wrong it really was ...Unfortunately his wife becomes the victim in yours and his selfishness .....I really hope the mm gets smart and stops this ....and does not get involved with someone like you ... Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 You'll likely come back with a reply along the lines of "you don't know the mm." This is true. You don't know him either. A week is not a relationship; it's a menstrual cycle. Unlike a tampon, though, you can throw the MM away before putting him inside you. . OMG! I think the above quote is the best thing I have ever read on LS. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
m4p Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I was gonna post a long advice post telling you not to hurt yourself by being involved with a married man. There had been many patient and great advices given to you but it's exasperating to see you not giving yourself a chance to try to even understand it and see the bigger picture. I suggest you go ahead and play push-pull with this man and let things get hot and heavy since that is what you seem to want. Maybe then we might see you at the OM/OW side of the forum soon, all heartbroken and "confused." Last but not least, gently and sincerely, I really think you need to get yourself into therapy because there are clearly some issues you need to solve within yourself. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 . OMG! I think the above quote is the best thing I have ever read on LS.Followed by this one: He'll need someone to babysit his penis while his wife is recovering from giving birth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blue08 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 You asked for advice because you are confused? Out of all these posts people haven given you advice, good advice at that, that will protect you and his wife and you are defending the responses because it's not what you want here. You know the right answer, you know the right thing to do, but you are addicted and you justifying these wrong choices. the id, ego, and super ego part of your brain is battling with each other. I have been in your position but I was the one that was married, I crushed my husband, turned my kids lives upside down and completely damaged my identity. hind sight is 20/20 and I should not have exited my marriage the way that I did, it made it a million times harder, and i was the one that was cheating and I have never felt so low, ashamed, and depressed in my life (even though I had found my "soulmate") & I was completely 100% responsible and deserving of it. What are you long term plans here? Have him leave his pregnant wife for you, someone he just met? Stay his side chick? Just keep having "friendly conversations? Are you going to feel guilt for him leaving his wife and unborn/born child? or how are going to feel if he does leave her and then you end up finding out he is not what you are looking for? Are you going to feel guilty or jealous that you are just his side chick? What exactly are you expecting out of this? I really don't think he had the intentions of being with you in the beginning, it sounds like he was being a wingman for his unmarried friend, and it backfired and now you are bother faced with temptation. All I can say is good luck, this situations hardly ever end without a bang. P.S I feel horrible for his wife, carrying their child, she most likely doesn't deserve this so called man, he might be doing her a favor by leaving, she will end up being the winner! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedovo Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 I thought I would update, since I know a few of you follow my thread. The last week we were talking a fair bit. Texts most days, sometimes several a day, sometimes just a few. On Monday night we were talking about religion again, and he called me on WhatsApp for a chat. I never asked him to. We ended it both saying goodnight x at about midnight. The next evening I text him, cause I happened to be hanging with someone who he knows. He read it straight away then blocked me. I was so confused. We had quite a close, sweet chat just the night before. I text him on normal sms "wow you've blocked me? " nothing. The next day I spoke to his friend, and asked him why he blocked me. He got back to me later and said MMs wife took the phone off him and seen we were texting. She asked him why he was texting this girl. Of course I don't know all the ins and outs, but she didn't like it and had him block me. I met with his friend last night. He told me "MM did not want to block you, trust me, she is jealous " Im upset. I'm gonna miss talking to him, if only as a friend ? I got really emotional about it last night. On the other hand, I've started talking to this single guy I lost contact with. We are yet to meet, but we've been in off and on (mostly my fault) contact for several months now. We are meeting soon. I'm disappointed tho, he was good support and I genuinely wanted his friendship if nothing else. Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Well, you wondered if the W knew and was ok with your relationship with her H...I think you have the answer. She did not know. She is not ok with it. She made him choose blocking you or leaving her and he picked her. No, I imagine he didn't want to block you. No MM wants to lose his side chick. Yes, I imagine she is jealous. No W wants her H chatting with an OW. This man was not your friend. He just pretended to be. I am sorry. But I would also block him from your end and focus on healthier relationships. I hope things work out for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 absolutely...block him and stop all contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I'll assume now that you understand that his wife is hurt, you are no longer confused. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedovo Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 I just wonder why she took his phone off him, and how much she read... Thanks for the well wishes Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I just wonder why she took his phone off him, and how much she read... Thanks for the well wishes Maybe because she wants the father of her children to be faithful and care about his family instead of a woman who wants to babysit his penis? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 stop wondering....speculating will not accomplish anything. The sooner you put this fella out of your mind the better. Link to post Share on other sites
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