Thoughts on situation with married man?

[Confusedovo]

it's not about liking or not liking the answer -- it's pretty incredible that she knows this man she met WEEK ago & from those few encounters they had, she made a conclusion about him being the best quality man she ever met.

 

not to mention that it speaks volumes about her if a dude who cheats on his pregnant wife is the best quality man she ever met -- what kind of scum she hangs around with?

 

You realise I didn't say that right??

[Robert]

Moderation has reviewed this thread and made some necessary adjustments, as well as handed out some well deserved infractions. I am not above permanently banning the next member that wants to use some emotional extortion to shake this thread up....with that in mind, please continue to post, wisely.

 

Thank you.

 

~ V

[autumnnight]

The whole picking on your abuse thing was just a crappy low blow.

 

That said, do you not understand that it is morally wrong to become involved with a married man?

Edited September 23, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited out deleted quoted text and fixed for on topic post. ~ V

[Mr. Lucky]

And I'm thankful to those people. But some of you have such sexist views, and are not seeing his part in this at all...

 

Certainly do see his part and many have commented on his willingness to engage with you while his pregnant wife sits at home. Regardless of the gauzy lens you're viewing him through, he's a bad guy.

 

But without your participation, he's dancing alone. Sad that you'd be a part of this. Just...sad...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Noideanow]

How old are you? Real question.

 

Im Young at heart;)

Some people are very mature from the Day they were born and some people like you never grow up;)

[goodyblue]

Im Young at heart;)

Some people are very mature from the Day they were born and some people like you never grow up;)

 

What does this even mean? It is meant to be cryptic I guess. It was a simple question purple asked, if you would rather not answer that is ok but the answer you gave was just... weird.

[purplesorrow]

Im Young at heart;)

Some people are very mature from the Day they were born and some people like you never grow up;)

 

If you are grown, I hope I never get there.

[Noideanow]

What does this even mean? It is meant to be cryptic I guess. It was a simple question purple asked, if you would rather not answer that is ok but the answer you gave was just... weird.

 

Omg your sweet thank you;)

[SoleMate]

OP, you mentioned that you had some very difficult history in your past, enduring abuse and abandonment. Therefore, I'd suggest it's even more important for you to take good care of yourself, which includes being protective of your person/body, your heart and mind. Going home with men you just met is dangerous for your physical safety, please reconsider. Falling into a crush/into love/into an affair with a wannabe cheating MM is dangerous for your emotional health, please reconsider.

 

You've asked why your behavior is being critiqued and his isn't. Well, in fact, quite a few people have mentioned just how wrong and "evil" is behavior is. I hope you can see those comments. More importantly, MM didn't post here, you did. (If he had posted he would have received much input telling him to knock it off.)

 

Unlike others', my advice is not focussed on consideration of the soon-to-be BW. I'm completely focussed on you when I say that this flirtation and developing affair are a bad idea. You've mentioned you have a choice of several single men, yet you've deliberately chosen the worst possible option - a MM who is not free or honest or trustworthy. Do you know why you've made such a bad choice? I recommend counseling. I do really care and hope you can turn your path away from this slippery slope.

[Confusedovo]

That said, do you not understand that it is morally wrong to become involved with a married man?

Itd be morally wrong if we were to become involved yes.

 

Solemate: I do really appreciate your reply, and the way you worded it. I thnk you are right about counselling, and I'm gonna get some no matter what happens with this man. Ty.

 

We are talking a bit through text today. Talking about sports lol. So he's not totally done with me, even after me saying the kissing thing.

Edited September 24, 2015 by Confusedovo

[eye of the storm]

Confusedovo, Spend some time being honest with yourself about this MM.

 

What do you hope happens with him?

 

If you want friendship, then it needs to be an open relationship that his W is fully aware of. Otherwise he is not your friend. You do not have to hide your friends.

 

Do you want to date him? If so, are you prepared for all the backlash that is probably coming your way? This isn't an exit affair if he is telling you he loves his W. You are setting yourself up to be used.

 

I will tell you that after my M broke up, I started some very self destructive behaviors. One of them was an A. Of all the horrible things I did, this one was by far the most damaging to me. It caused me to stall out on finding a relationship that I could call my own.

 

Therapy has helped me figure out why I wanted to hurt myself. It may help you to figure out why you are only attracted to men that hurt you. (abuse and unavailable) Don't waste your therapy $$s on them (why they do what they do) spend your money on the person that matters...you. Why you do what you do. How you can make your life better. How can you get be happy, fulfilled, and full of peace.

 

I recommend you stop talking to him. You are using the friendly texting as a way of not moving on and staying attached to him.

 

Good luck

[katielee]

Exactly this ^^^^

He is unavailable and sneaky. Why do you want him? Why are you settling for someone else's husband?

[Confusedovo]

These are all good questions. And this is gonna frustrate everyone, but im going to be truthful. My thoughts are just stuck on "I like him, I want him, he's my type... " maybe there are deep reasons why relating to my trauma, but I just.... Want him. I will still try to get some therapy, see if I can get to the bottom, see if there is some psychological reason.

[eye of the storm]

Confusedovo, yes it does frustrate, lol, but it's honest. And that is a start.

 

I'll send you best wishes that you don't get hurt too terribly.

[SoulStorm]

These are all good questions. And this is gonna frustrate everyone, but im going to be truthful. My thoughts are just stuck on "I like him, I want him, he's my type... " maybe there are deep reasons why relating to my trauma, but I just.... Want him. I will still try to get some therapy, see if I can get to the bottom, see if there is some psychological reason.

 

 

Yeah..I think his pregnant wife thinks the same thing too.

 

It's a shame that he's flirting, texting and meeting a woman that's not his wife, who also welcomes his advances.

If you continue down this path, you and his wife are going to wind up hurt.

You really would be wise to get counselling.

 

Just because you like somebody and want somebody doesn't mean you should cooperate with him to destroy his family to get him.

[velvette]

Please, for your own sake, call a therapist and make an appointment tomorrow.

 

 

Its not uncommon for immature men to act this way when their wives become pregnant. There inability to share the stage with a pregnancy/future child and insecurities/fears about parenthood cause them to look for dalliances elsewhere. Especially, if their wives are not as responsive as usual because of morning sickness or other pregnancy issues.

 

 

Why are you so willing to let yourself be used this way?

 

 

He's not leaving his wife. If anything, all he will be doing is using you while she is pregnant.

 

 

That's the kind of man you like?

 

 

Further, its plain to anyone reading this thread, that you are using him to reenact childhood issues/traumas to try make them turn out differently this time. Not going to happen. You will be hurt all over again and probably hurt another innocent woman and child in the process. Is that really who you want to be?

 

 

You don't need to do that. Therapy can help you resolve all those past hurts without hurting yourself again and hurting other people.

 

 

Time to grow up and do the right thing for yourself and everyone else you come in contact with. Don't be one of those hurt people who hurts other people. Call a therapist!

[66Charger]

Its not uncommon for immature men to act this way when their wives become pregnant. There inability to share the stage with a pregnancy/future child and insecurities/fears about parenthood cause them to look for dalliances elsewhere. Especially, if their wives are not as responsive as usual because of pregnancy !

 

I have to disagree with you on this. I dont think this is "not uncommon" give men a break. This usnt common, its hideous. Even for a immature man.

 

The OP felt she was getting picked on because of her gender and the MM was getting a pass.

 

Welll......

 

The inability to share a stage or the wife being non responsive WHILE PREGNANT is the weakest excuse a "man" could ever use for cheating. EA or PA.

 

Number 1 , what if he were to contract a disease and pass it on to his wife.

 

And his unborn child.

 

Think about that. And this is your hero? The man you want?

 

What kind of male would consider this. I will tell you what kind. A sniveler. A person with no honor , no dignity and certainly NO CLASS.

[m4p]

First of all, for you to even appear here expecting to be flamed and seeking advice means one thing: you know that what you're doing is wrong.

 

So let's just cut the crap, and all the "he said and I said and all the touchy feely stuffs."

 

If you are even willing to try to be a responsible adult, please just save yourself a whole load of grief and pain, stop this before you are in too deep.

 

Yes he is hot, cute, funny and attractive- but he is not yours. Don't feel like you will lose out if you let him go. Life doesn't work like that. There's like billions of people on this planet. It's not all fairy tales and dream romances. Dont waste your time.

 

After pages and pages of people telling you that he is bad news, you could only muster a consistent message of "I like him- I want him" like a petulant child who wants a toy and WANTS IT NOW.

 

Cmon.. Have some self respect and you will find someone that you love and is able to wholeheartedly love you back. Someone who doesn't have a pregnant wife at home.

 

If you dare to even trust us people who have been there, then please believe that if you choose to take this path it will only lead to pain and grief.

 

How I wished that I've consulted someone before I embarked on my affair with xMM. I certainly won't be broken and hurting now, 2.5 years later.

 

I hope you can do it, I for one will be very proud if you can just see this for what it is and don't. Just don't. Instant gratification feels good for all about 5 minutes before it sucks. Actions have consequences so believe it.

[katielee]

OP - you want him, we get it. But that is actually a very immature stance. I'm sure his unborn child and wife want and need him as well. Do not their needs come before yours, which is simply lust right now? This really points to you having some maturing to do. Please allow yourself this without hurting someone else.

[Lois_Griffin]

Yeah he has WhatsApp. He also has two phones. He gave me one number the day we met, but text on a different number. Maybe one is for work or something, but I did wonder why.

LOL. It would appear your innocent 'playmate' is highly practiced at the art of deception.

 

Yeah, this isn't his first rodeo.

 

Surely that must make you feel very special that out of all the girls in the mall that day that he was eyeballing as possible playmates, he and his wing man chose to pick you. I mean, you really didn't think it was just some random, serendipitous meeting, did you?

 

Methinks Romeo has done this quite a few times in the past - going to the mall to 'scout' talent. Hey, it's cheaper than an Ashley Madison account and probably safer right about now, as well.

 

I guess my only question would be, exactly what notch number you are? I mean, were there 3 before you? Maybe 5? Possibly 10?

[gettingstronger]

As I read through the details you provide it seems to me, its the drama of this situation that draws you in- the rush of excitement-I am wondering what is missing in your life that you need this type of attention- I am hoping you can figure that out and find ways that are more healthy for you to feel wanted and sexy-

 

I think back on people I knew in my 20s and the ones that got involved in these types of situations were always a bit lost to start with- some came through OK and went on to have what they wanted- a man dedicated to them, one that gave them the thrill they wanted- some settled for the first person that showed them lots of attention and some stayed lost and still are now- in our 40s-

 

I hope that you can take a good look at whats going on with YOU- not with him, not his wife, none of that- with YOU and decide how you got here-why you went off with a stranger, why you are so in to this and find your way to a better path-

[Confusedovo]

 

The inability to share a stage or the wife being non responsive WHILE PREGNANT is the weakest excuse a "man" could ever use for cheating. EA or PA.

 

Number 1 , what if he were to contract a disease and pass it on to his wife.

 

And his unborn child.

 

Think about that. And this is your hero? The man you want?

 

What kind of male would consider this. I will tell you what kind. A sniveler. A person with no honor , no dignity and certainly NO CLASS.

 

Ok I think yiu are getting a bit carried away. I'm sure I'm not taking anything away from their pregnancy bonding. And I am clean. If we were to have sex, nobodies catching anything. But it's not even came close to happening.

 

First of all, for you to even appear here expecting to be flamed and seeking advice means one thing: you know that what you're doing is wrong.

 

It's not so much what we are doing now is wrong. I have read around, Googled, read other threads...there's a lot of people that think a man and woman being a bit flirty, holding hands is not that bad. So I'm not sure if it's loveshack being more sensitive to this subject or not? If we CHEATED that's different then.

 

Methinks Romeo has done this quite a few times in the past - going to the mall to 'scout' talent. Hey, it's cheaper than an Ashley Madison account and probably safer right about now, as well.

 

Wow. This all an "interesting way to look at things. But I don't think it's true. I really think he was trying to set me up with his friend. His friend was the one who came upto me at first, Mm was giving us space thrn joined in.

 

The two phone thing...idk. It could be anything. But it doesn't make sense he'd give me both numbers if one was his "cheating phone " lol does it? And before I met with him for that walk, he got me to call the other phone instead of the phone he usually uses to contact me. So it doesn't really add up. There's traces of me on both phones.

 

As for whatsapp... It's very normal here. He's 30 not 60. Hey, even my mother uses it. So does my brother and he's married with kids, and o can bet my last pound hes not cheating. That doesn't raise any flags for me.

 

And like I said before...if he just wants a s**g, why wouldn't he have just gone for it by now?

I think back on people I knew in my 20s and the ones that got involved in these types of situations were always a bit lost to start with-

 

I am lost. I'm not even going to deny that. I know I need help to a degree, and to look into myself. This is gonna happen regardless of Mm believe me. My last relationship killed me.

Edited September 25, 2015 by Confusedovo

[Confusedovo]

Ok. We were taking yesterday about sports, school, and spirituality. A handful of texts spread throughout the day. He sent me a Christian song that goes "if I had my way, id take this from you, but God knows what he's doing, so as our hearts break god knows what he's doing" I ask who sings it, he replies. I asked how his game went earlier and he doesn't reply. Nothing again all day.

 

I change my pic to a cute guy (a not very well known celeb selfie just cause it's cute) when he comes online he changes his pic to him looking good (damn so good ?) Am I looking too far into things, or is he sending mixed signals? Blowing hot cold. I don't know if he wants to talk to me or not! He's so different in person. I know nobodies gonna give me advice to persue anything, but can someone tell me if these are mixed signals, considering how he is when around me irl.

[SoulCat]

Okay Confused, I'll bite.

I'm a woman who's husband strayed. And I'll tell you what it did to me.

 

My ex H had a colleague who decided he was 'someone she just wanted' 'he was just her type' and 'she couldn't stop herself '.

 

He fell for it. The 12 years we had together were nothing compared to what they shared. They had to be together no matter what, no matter the who got hurt and no matter the cost.

 

 

We separated, in time divorced. I lost the plot for a while. Didn't sleep, didn't eat, didn't function, didn't live. For about 2 years I merely 'existed'. It took me a long time,therapy and anti-depressants to get back on my feet.

The damage is HUGE.

 

 

We did not have any children, never mind a newborn AND first born.

The damage you are willing to impose upon a person who has done nothing to you is unbelievable. on top of the fact you are willing to deny a family unit to a person who hasn't yet entered this world.

 

 

If you have any compassion, empathy and common sense you'd walk away from this guy. As much for them as for you. You deserve so much better than a dude who picks up random chicks at the mall

[eye of the storm]

... I asked how his game went earlier and he doesn't reply. Nothing again all day. He does this because he is done with you. He is now spending time and attention on his W. Get used to being put aside. You are a diversion, a toy, a thing to him.

 

I change my pic to a cute guy.... he changes his pic to him looking good ...Am I looking too far into things, or is he sending mixed signals? Yes you are looking to much into this. When my daughter was a teen she would also go nuts trying to figure out what a post/pict/insert random object meant. Drove herself nuts but she grew out of it. ... but can someone tell me if these are mixed signals... Yes he is sending you mixed signals. It is a technique to keep you from getting too comfortable and to keep your expectations low.

 

You are both trying to start an A so hard you can't see straight. It really is sad to see. Just text him that you are naked, have no self esteem, the door is unlocked, and you have no interest in telling his W. Trust me, he will be there in 30 minutes.