Holding hands/going for a kiss.

[Xiomn]

Hi guys, I had my very first date with someone on Monday, went to a cafe in the middle of a nice big beautiful park, strolled around the park getting to know each other more. I was about to suggest taking her home as we were pretty much coming to the end of walking around the park but then she spontaneously suggested maybe I should show her around town as she has moved far from down south to the north and didn't know anywhere.

 

I told her I hadn't eaten all day yet and she wanted to go somewhere to get something to eat (but she didn't want to order any food herself as I asked her, I would of paid happily of course as I paid at the cafe also) so then later went off to get some food, I felt bad because I was eating and she wasn't but she took a few of my chips off my plate anyway which I gladly allowed her to. At the same time It was nice that she actually cared about me wanting to eat hadn't not eaten all day as of yet, we just carried on the conversation getting to know each other as I ate. Lasted 3 hours in all. I mistakenly forgot to give her a hug or anything when ending the date like I did at the start but inquired as to whether she would be up for seeing each other again and she told me to text her so I got home told her how much of a fun time I had with her then set up the next date the following day which she agreed to.

 

Our second date will be at the zoo on Sunday and I was wondering a few things:

 

1. How do I go about testing the waters in terms of holding hands? Do I gently go to hold hands with hers and ask if it's okay or do I straight up ask her if she wants to hold hands? Maybe put my arm around her as we look at the animals?

 

2. Similarly with kissing, do I go in for a kiss or do I ask her first If I can kiss her? Lips or Cheek?

 

3. How many days do you usually allow between dates? So far the time between our first date and our scheduled second date is 6 days, is that alright or is too much of a long time in-between?

Edited September 23, 2015 by Xiomn

[scooby-philly]

Dude,

 

First off - way to go. Sounds like you did very well. She's def. into you. Now, if you guys continue to hit if off on the second date....as my reply title suggests - don't overthink it. Relationships/attraction has to happen naturally. Nice, smart guys can overthink their way into/out of things. Just go with the flow - follow her responses - it's tough sometimes - we're not trained to pick up on the cues - hair tossing, smiles, touches, proximity, etc. in school they way we are taught to do spreadsheets or coding (I wish there was a course on dating when I was in college!) and each woman has her own playbook - so you just have to pay attention.

 

If she walks close to you, then closer, then closer - move in closer yourself.

I used to be the biggest nerd and had low self-esteem until I went through therapy - now I'm a player....jk.

 

To answer your questions::

 

1. As I said, if she's close to you as you walk do it. Be sublte. Hold your hand out a little and see if she takes it. If she doesn't pick up the cue or seems a little hesitant at first....later on try it again or...try doing something funny - like a dance - pull her in, grab her hand, and then just walk and see if she lets go. Wait a little bit into the date too. Not sure what your second date is - dinner?--include a walk after. movies or bowling----try it on the way out to the car...

 

2. Kissing.....same kind of rule - you got to pick up on her clues.....some women don't mind a guy going straight in if she feels attracted. However, asking doesn't hurt 99/100 times. Went 3 months with someone last year - it wasn't until the 4th date I believe...when I kissed her. We hung out downtown, she drove me back to my garage where I parked - about 3-4 blocks away I asked her to pull over after checking if traffic was safe. She did immediately - she had to know what was coming.... - I asked her and she said yes.....smoothest thing I've ever done in my life. You just got to go with the flow.

 

3. Date gap - um...that's up to your schedules. I wouldn't go longer than a week if at all humanly possible. Def. talk/text/email in between - don't get too mushy - but keep a spark going.

[d0nnivain]

1. How do I go about testing the waters in terms of holding hands? Do I gently go to hold hands with hers and ask if it's okay or do I straight up ask her if she wants to hold hands? Maybe put my arm around her as we look at the animals?

 

2. Similarly with kissing, do I go in for a kiss or do I ask her first If I can kiss her? Lips or Cheek?

 

3. How many days do you usually allow between dates? So far the time between our first date and our scheduled second date is 6 days, is that alright or is too much of a long time in-between?

 

 

Don't ask. At least not with words.

 

 

When walking, take her hand in yours. If she pulls away, don't try again. If she takes yours, squeeze gently for a second. If her hands are on the table, you can cover one of hers with one of yours. Another option is for you to put your hand out on the table, palm up as an invitation to her to take your hand.

 

 

Before the kiss, stare into her eyes. Watch her body language, if she licks her lips & leans in, go for it. It's stupid but watch the scene in the movie Hitch where he teaches the client how to get the 1st kiss.

 

 

The timing is what works for you both. One date per week is fine in the beginning. People have lives.

[joseb]

Don't ask. At least not with words.

 

Yes definitely do not ask to hold her hand or kiss her.

[Buddhist]

Here's the thing. If she's going on a date with you, clearly the idea of holding your hand and gee gosh maybe even kissing you has crossed her mind already. You don't mess up these tender moments with awkward questions that embarrass you both and lend themselves to comedy ensuing.

 

You wait until she is entranced watching birds or something and you take her hand in yours. Gently and nicely and that is that. If she likes it she will let you hold her hand the rest of the day.

 

If you've gotten so far as to walking around with palms touching chances are excellent she's not going to freak out if you kiss her. Just do it. In a reasonably private place (a tucked away bench or similar), stop yourself from breast cupping at this point and it should all be good.

[PogoStick]

You should be naturally touchy during the date and the zoo is perfect. Perfect place to "be a man" as you gently guide her when moving through crowds of people, grabbing her arm to get attention, pointing out the animals. You don't need to smother and always be touching her, rather regular small touches that show you two are already comfortable and familiar with each other.

 

If she accepts that happening for a while then I would be looking to do something like:

Pressing up near hear from behind and to the side when looking at an exhibit together. Put your arm around her waist and pull her gently into you. Your faces are closer than normal and she will choose to turn her head to you. You both pause, looking at each other, and SMOOCH.

 

Of course this is all contrived and planning these kinds of things doesn't always work. You have to go with the flow.

[PogoStick]

stop yourself from breast cupping at this point and it should all be good.

 

One time I grabbed a girl's breasts with both hands during our first kiss. Guess I escalated a bit fast She said "hey those are my breasts!" I said "yeah" and defiantly grabbed them again as I kissed her the 2nd time. We had sex at the end of the next date.

[stillafool]

One time I grabbed a girl's breasts with both hands during our first kiss. Guess I escalated a bit fast She said "hey those are my breasts!" I said "yeah" and defiantly grabbed them again as I kissed her the 2nd time. We had sex at the end of the next date.

 

You're fresh!

[Xiomn]

Second date went not according to plan at first but ended up good. Basically:

 

We're both at university and the university was putting on a trip to the zoo so I bought tickets for both of us because the price included transport to and from the zoo and thus would have been considerably cheaper to go with the university than to just go us two on our own because then we would have had to get train tickets then a taxi there and back. There were a few other people with us (only around 6 other people and we were only with the other people for the transport part, not walking around as a group or anything) but I asked her prior if she minded or not which she said she didn't.

 

Basically there was a mix up with the timing of the coach, it was supposed to arrive at 9 but it ended up only arriving at 11 so to pass the time we went and got something to eat and drink at the cafe and got to know each other a bit more. Eventually when we did get to the zoo, by this point I felt really bad because I told her the coach would be arriving at 9 (but it wasn't my fault it was miscommunication on the part of the organizers of the event that the coach was 2 hours behind schedule) When we did arrive just us two went our own way together splitting from the other people (which we never talked with anyway) and looked around the zoo and watched some sea lion displays etc. We also encountered another problem with our tickets trying to get into the zoo which must have wasted another 30 minutes or so but luckily we managed to get in. All in all we must have been there for around 5 and a half hours or so, but the actual date lasted an overall 8 hours.

 

I didn't pluck up the courage to go hold her hand unfortunately, I didn't want to feel like I was pressuring her or anything but I did manage put my arm around her a few times instead. At the end of the date I went for a kiss but ended up accidentally kissing her nose instead so now I feel a bit stupid because I also have no idea if that is what she wanted or not. (a kiss) I asked her if she wanted to have a movie night sometime because she seems to be really into Netflix and pizza so looks like that will be our 3rd date and she said yes There's also a comedy night on soon within the next week so might see if she fancies going to that then maybe a movie later or something. Seems like a good list of three dates so far, cafe and walk in the park, trip to the zoo, comedy night and movie.

Edited September 27, 2015 by Xiomn

[Xiomn]

Asked her if she fancied having a day out to a waterpark because I thought it would have been fun and different. She replied saying isn't it a bit cold for a waterpark? so I took that as her not wanting to go..

 

There was a comedy night on Saturday so asked if she fancied going to that instead, said she is planning on going out on Saturday night so that was a no. Asked me if I was free any other days.

 

3rd date is planned as a night in watching a movie with pizza this Thursday. Kind of disappointed because I thought a trip to the waterpark would have been a fun idea for a date, but I wasn't too fussed because I had the backup plan of the comedy night which I was equally into but she already had plans on that night so. She seems into movies, Netflix and pizza though from what she has talked about on previous dates so I guess it's alright. I was kind of hoping to go on one of my other planned date ideas and then postponing the movie night for a later date before I start running out of date ideas.

Edited September 30, 2015 by Xiomn

[blissfool]

I guess Netflix and pizza is good! You'll be able to see what she likes, understand her better and perhaps she might lean on your shoulder and bring that physical intimacy up to a new level! Do try and plan something unexpected in the night so she'll feel more comfortable and remember what a great date that was.

[Redhead14]

Hi guys, I had my very first date with someone on Monday, went to a cafe in the middle of a nice big beautiful park, strolled around the park getting to know each other more. I was about to suggest taking her home as we were pretty much coming to the end of walking around the park but then she spontaneously suggested maybe I should show her around town as she has moved far from down south to the north and didn't know anywhere.

 

I told her I hadn't eaten all day yet and she wanted to go somewhere to get something to eat (but she didn't want to order any food herself as I asked her, I would of paid happily of course as I paid at the cafe also) so then later went off to get some food, I felt bad because I was eating and she wasn't but she took a few of my chips off my plate anyway which I gladly allowed her to. At the same time It was nice that she actually cared about me wanting to eat hadn't not eaten all day as of yet, we just carried on the conversation getting to know each other as I ate. Lasted 3 hours in all. I mistakenly forgot to give her a hug or anything when ending the date like I did at the start but inquired as to whether she would be up for seeing each other again and she told me to text her so I got home told her how much of a fun time I had with her then set up the next date the following day which she agreed to.

 

Our second date will be at the zoo on Sunday and I was wondering a few things:

 

1. How do I go about testing the waters in terms of holding hands? Do I gently go to hold hands with hers and ask if it's okay or do I straight up ask her if she wants to hold hands? Maybe put my arm around her as we look at the animals?

 

2. Similarly with kissing, do I go in for a kiss or do I ask her first If I can kiss her? Lips or Cheek?

 

3. How many days do you usually allow between dates? So far the time between our first date and our scheduled second date is 6 days, is that alright or is too much of a long time in-between?

 

How do I go about testing the waters in terms of holding hands? -- Take her hand and bring her over to see a particular animal or to show her something. And, then continue to walk around holding her hand for a bit.

 

When the moment is right, go in for a kiss on the lips. If she turns her cheek, kiss her cheek. Don't try to kiss her again until the next date.

 

Once a week in the very early stages is a good pace, but communicate with her regularly in between. A phone call at least and some texting.

[Xiomn]

There was a comedy night going on tonight closeby and I asked her if she fancied it even though it was a last minute invite. I posed the invite in a relaxed manner saying I was going to this comedy night tonight and she could come if she fancied it. She said yes but then when I texted back pretty quickly requesting meeting up a certain time she replied after a long wait claiming she was ill and couldn't make it.

 

I'm guessing it was because when I told her what time to meet up for when it is about to start It only really gave her less than an hour to get ready so she thought against it. (I did invite her earlier in the day but she took over 4 hours to reply because presumably she was busy in lectures as she has told me she is busy on Wednesdays during the day. Sounds like she lied to me considering she said yes but then 40 minutes later texted claiming she was ill.

 

Was worth a shot though I guess, date planned for tomorrow is still a go as far as I'm aware.

Edited September 30, 2015 by Xiomn

[d0nnivain]

Her not wanting to go to the comedy night was not a sign of disinterest but rather of prior plans. Relax. She is seeing you tomorrow in a more private setting.

 

The water park thing was actually not the best idea for a date. She might not like water. She may not be ready for you to see her in a bathing suit. It may very well be too cold for her tastes. Just because you thought it was a good idea does not mean she shared your opinion. Again it was the choice of activities to which she objected not the companionship.

[Xiomn]

3rd date was a chilled night in watching Netflix ordering Dominos Pizza. I kind of feel awkward saying that what with all this 'Netflix and chill' rubbish going around recently but it actually did end up turning into Netflix and chill later on in the night.

 

She came around to my flat at night and she ended up staying over the night, watched multiple movies (including horror which made her jump a lot so I put my arm around her a lot too, and a few episodes of a TV show and talked pretty much throughout the night and following morning/afternoon. She was at mine for about 20 hours in all.

 

Some sexual things went on which I initiated, but in the end I couldn't "get it up" so to speak, not sure why, maybe I was still nervous because it was only the third time I'd seen her and I'm not completely comfortable with her yet, or maybe it's because I had only 3 hours worth of sleep on me and I was a bit ill too.

 

I also haven't had sex in several months and as a result have been using porn a lot for stimulation so perhaps that's effected me negatively in the bedroom department too? I feel really bad because of that now but tried explaining it wasn't her because I find her very beautiful. Still, I resorted to pleasing her other ways instead.

 

At one point during the night I also took the risky move of straight up asking if I could kiss her and she said yes so I guess it never hurts to ask. Although I did kiss her multiple times beforehand without asking, but that was just on the cheek.

Edited October 2, 2015 by Xiomn

[Xiomn]

The problem I mentioned in the previous post was just a one off, I'll leave it at that

 

Well after staying at mine over night and throughout much of the following day she invited me around to her place the next day and we pretty much spent the entire day and night together just chilling watching movies and stuff. Also took her to a comedy night which wasn't particularly that good but better than staying in watching Netflix I suppose.

 

Going to ask her if she fancies a day out In Liverpool sometime next week. She's from the south and hasn't really been up north before so thought it'd be nice to go to Liverpool, have a guided tour then go to the art gallery as she has previously stated that she likes art galleries, maybe explore the city a bit more.

 

Edited October 4, 2015 by Xiomn