Why so many "rules"?????

[Lovelorn00]

You concerns about this particular woman are valid. However, they do not support the broad generalizations you make about modern life.

 

Too much texting or calling I would find smothering. I have a life & don't live to respond instantaneously to anyone. See my "rule" about not smothering me

 

As for being available or seeming aloof or wanting 48 hours notice as specifics they are silly game playing rules but if you read between the lines, they are designed to teach people to have a sense of self esteem. It's nice to be thought of in advance, to have someone take the time to make plans. Those "rules" should be taken to help people understand that it's not ideal to be someone else's back-up plan, to be the person they call because they know you will not have anything better to do.

 

A-freaking-men. As much as I hate the “rules” of dating, they’re there to help people (like me) who are clueless about dating. Those who are either too needy/insecure (don’t text/call so many times) or those who don’t know how to respect other peoples’ time (don’t call me for a last-minute date). Like anything in life, there’s a balance, and I believe those who win at dating and relationship are the ones who know when to follow “the rules” and when to follow their instincts. Personally, I'm still struggling with finding that balance, but I know that if it weren't for "the rules" and just basic dating etiquette, I'd be a lot worse off.

[Smitten and Bitten]

Yeah I gave up trying to figure out the rules. It's encouraging though that a lot of people, here at least, seem to be saying, "screw the rules".

 

...Why the hell can't it just be a simple "I like you and want to spend time with you"????...

 

Apparently saying that makes you sound like a desperate person with no options.

[Guyouthere]

There is a difference between "rules" and "standards".

 

Everyone has a standard. We all have preferences.

 

The "rules" I am talking about are the ones that want to keep the other "on edge".

 

I personally don't care if a girl texts me 50 times a day. If there is a problem with it, I'll tell her.

 

I shouldn't have to ask "how long to wait to call after I meet you in a store by accident". Fact is, if I like you, I'll call you when I want to. Don't read into it that "if i didn't call in a day, its loss of interest".

 

These are the types of "rules" that I am referring to.

 

They make dating unnecessarily hard and awkward for many.

 

Just go with it. No rules. Just use your own standards.

 

Then things will fall into place.

 

Perhaps I needed to clarify, which is what I am doing here now.

[d0nnivain]

You are correct. Standards are different then Rules to some extent.

 

If you read many of my posts on that issue I'm kind of agreeing with you but using other words. Also I truly believe that the book The Rules is a guide for some folks to develop standards. Again, as hard, fast inviolate, don't accept a date with a guy who doesn't call you on Wednesday, it's hogwash.

 

As I said to somebody else, not all last minute dates are bad. However, having all dates be arranged last minute can be bad if you get the sense that the other person a). can't or won't plan ahead or b). doesn't care enough about your time / schedule to give you advanced notice.

[craw]

This is a great thread!

 

I'm wondering what kind of women you're meeting. Not everyone has the luxury to text instantly. As long as you're communicating that you can't reply asap.

 

 

Maaan, I have no idea whats this chicks problem. I would be over the moon if a guy was messaging me. Yes there is a line that be crossed that can come across as needy.

 

Are you being too nice? Screen shot your texts so we can all judge.

 

I haaate these dumb games we play. If you learn how to play these games, when does it ever end????

 

About back in the days, omg nothankyouverymuch. I am grateful I have been able to discover through experiences that I have a high sex drive and its a priority in a future relationship. I thought ignoring my sexual needs is do able. It isn't. I am determined to marry a man who loves getting off as much as i do. ( there is a long list of wants).

 

Had it been back in day? Omg i would have married asap and been miserable with screaming children. Probably would end up cheating on him.

 

So noooooooooo. Dating may be **** and everyone is about instant gratification, but its still better than back when there were no condoms.

 

As Donnvain (?) Said "lay back and think of England". LMAO.

[Guyouthere]

This is a great thread!

 

I'm wondering what kind of women you're meeting. Not everyone has the luxury to text instantly. As long as you're communicating that you can't reply asap.

 

 

Maaan, I have no idea whats this chicks problem. I would be over the moon if a guy was messaging me. Yes there is a line that be crossed that can come across as needy.

 

Are you being too nice? Screen shot your texts so we can all judge.

 

I haaate these dumb games we play. If you learn how to play these games, when does it ever end????

 

About back in the days, omg nothankyouverymuch. I am grateful I have been able to discover through experiences that I have a high sex drive and its a priority in a future relationship. I thought ignoring my sexual needs is do able. It isn't. I am determined to marry a man who loves getting off as much as i do. ( there is a long list of wants).

 

Had it been back in day? Omg i would have married asap and been miserable with screaming children. Probably would end up cheating on him.

 

So noooooooooo. Dating may be **** and everyone is about instant gratification, but its still better than back when there were no condoms.

 

As Donnvain (?) Said "lay back and think of England". LMAO.

 

 

I deleted all chat logs, no longer have them.

 

Basically, she was very needy, and I could understand that, since I was the only one who was there for her in the most difficult situation.

 

Part of me felt that she had wandering eyes, as much as she claimed being loyal. I say that because she never committed to me the "normal" way.

 

I mean, I don't think its too such to expect her to say something like,,,

"Im going through a terrible time right now, I am not ready for a relationship at this moment, but I do love you a lot and want to be with you".

 

She never did that. That bothered me.

 

So I got frustrated. I told her I wanted to date others to "test her" too.

 

She flew off the wall, said "I hurt her with that".

 

Cheating is never an option for me. I was cheated on while married, and will never cheat.

[Trane]

All this dating crap is crap.

 

People make too many "rules".

 

I see posts on here about how many times to text, call, etc. Its all stupidity really.

 

Why the hell can't it just be a simple "I like you and want to spend time with you"????

 

It is obvious that a lot of problems come from all of the "rules on dating".

 

Back in my parents day, it was a lot more simple….and it is quite obvious things have changed, and not for the better.

 

I have no time for women who have a long set list of rules, criteria, when to text, when to call, number of days, which girlfriends to tell, etc, etc, etc.

 

How can she be a fun date when she's preoccupied with making tick-marks on a requirement list.

 

The most fun women I've met just go with the flow, enjoy each's others company and don't put so much weight into clipboard stuff. They're too busy mentally checking off how much fun they are having with the person they are with.

[craw]

She sounds like a royal pain up the ass. She wants a guy to treat her like ****.

 

You were there when she wanted you to be there for her.

 

 

That's all I can think of. Maybe others can weigh in with better observations.

 

I deleted all chat logs, no longer have them.

 

Basically, she was very needy, and I could understand that, since I was the only one who was there for her in the most difficult situation.

 

Part of me felt that she had wandering eyes, as much as she claimed being loyal. I say that because she never committed to me the "normal" way.

 

I mean, I don't think its too such to expect her to say something like,,,

"Im going through a terrible time right now, I am not ready for a relationship at this moment, but I do love you a lot and want to be with you".

 

She never did that. That bothered me.

 

So I got frustrated. I told her I wanted to date others to "test her" too.

 

She flew off the wall, said "I hurt her with that".

 

Cheating is never an option for me. I was cheated on while married, and will never cheat.

[craw]

I can't seem to post an image up, but here this is for you!

 

http://poorlydrawnlines.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/back-then.png

[preraph]

I think men were probably happier back then, but women certainly weren't. They had very few choices and a life of homemaking, babysitting and housework and no way out usually.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Because life, reality is not meant to be fair

[Krieger]

Because life, reality is not meant to be fair

 

One of my favorite quotes: Fair is a place where they judge pigs.