Erik30 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I haven't read your other thread but if she's with someone else right now there's really no point in contacting her anymore, unless you want to be her "friend" and hear all about her new relationship. She was probably being friendly and happy to hear from you because she feels some guilt and now might think you're okay with her dumping you. You just had a small relapse, only send her the link. It can happen to anyone, so don't feel bad about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Yeah Tara I really wish I had not sent it, but I am not sorry that I did... I don't recommend it to anyone, but I just did it, true or wrong, that was my decision. I will live with its consequences, good or bad! But again I say that don't do it people, you will never get what you want. You're going to be friend-zoned so if thats what you're looking for keep contacting her. I could tell from your previous where your friend pranked you by pretending to be your ex that you'd do something like this. Unfortunate how some people cant seem to stay strong and stick to NC when they know its the best. But good luck and have fun with your ex, if you're hoping to get a second chance with her, I cant say this is the way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 The long term effects of this convo will likely be that you regret being friendly with her after she betrayed you. Give it a few more months, and you'll be ready to curse her out over text. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Thank you for all you comments, some of which were very insightful... No I am not willing to stay in touch with her, I am not willing to do that, to enter the friendship zone, I have signed up for this, and she knows that, because we did not speak a word about our personal lives, and she knows better than anyone that our entering the friendship zone is impossible. Why did I do that? It was a mistake, I know I know, but strict NC only has got one result, and it is for moving on, to forget everything and leave everything behind, to look at new opportunities that may arise, and I am still in this mindset, so you can bet as soon as I come across a real situation, and as soon as I come across someone whom I find attractive, and think we can click I will move on, contacting her has not affected my mindset and what I am going to do. The problem? You will never know whether you will ever fall in love with someone else, you can guarantee that... I may see a lot of girl that I will like, but seeing someone whom I will love, is something there is no guarantee for... So I just wanted to make sure, the bridge is still hanging in there, and yes it was! How do some of you predict the future? I really want to know that seriously, how on earth can people predict the future? the future is not our business and has never been and only God knows what lies ahead, I think everything is possible! I was a rebound and she never cared for me! and she will never come back, because I was a rebound! I have heard this over a million times on this thread! now what if I tell you this female friend of mine, told me her story and her boyfriend and it turned out that the boy was at first her rebound? will you stay say never? And why the hell are they engaged now if there is no future with any reboundees on this planet? in my theory everything is in the bag... she may marry her current bf? yes, she may break up and decide to go with another guy? yes, she may break up and decide to rekindle what was between us? yes Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 How do some of you predict the future? I really want to know that seriously, how on earth can people predict the future? the future is not our business and has never been and only God knows what lies ahead, I think everything is possible! I was a rebound and she never cared for me! and she will never come back, because I was a rebound! I have heard this over a million times on this thread! now what if I tell you this female friend of mine, told me her story and her boyfriend and it turned out that the boy was at first her rebound? will you stay say never? And why the hell are they engaged now if there is no future with any reboundees on this planet? in my theory everything is in the bag... she may marry her current bf? yes, she may break up and decide to go with another guy? yes, she may break up and decide to rekindle what was between us? yes No one knows the future. However, after you have been around the block a few times, it becomes easier to deduce what will LIKELY happen. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Yes, "everything is possible." But. . . . everything is not probable. Just saying. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hope is not a threat by itself unless you just sit down and just keep hoping... I am not going to do that! I am open to every new opportunities that can arise... It is Optimism vs Realism Optimism in the context I am situated in means she will come back without any doubt! and this is BS Realism on the other hand says she may/ may not come back and it is just the wheel of the fortune We have to discard optimism and stick to realism But With the right mindset The right mindset is: if she came back? Fine , If she did not? again fine... and I have reached this mindset, so the rest is not mine to decide, I contacted her once, to tell her she is welcome to come back, and yes I believe in a second chance, and yes I am a strong believer of regret, because I regretted leaving one of my exes when it was too late, but I am not going to stay in contact with her Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Why did I do that? It was a mistake, I know I know, but strict NC only has got one result, and it is for moving on, to forget everything and leave everything behind, to look at new opportunities that may arise, and I am still in this mindset, so you can bet as soon as I come across a real situation, and as soon as I come across someone whom I find attractive, and think we can click I will move on, contacting her has not affected my mindset and what I am going to do. The problem? You will never know whether you will ever fall in love with someone else, you can guarantee that... I may see a lot of girl that I will like, but seeing someone whom I will love, is something there is no guarantee for... So I just wanted to make sure, the bridge is still hanging in there, and yes it was! It's good that you learned a lesson. I also learned some tough lessons from breaking NC. Another little gem of wisdom for you: Experience is a great teacher. I don't know who originally said that, but it's spot on. We learn from experience, and that usually involves messing up. Try to find the lesson learned in all of this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hope is not a threat by itself unless you just sit down and just keep hoping... I am not going to do that! I am open to every new opportunities that can arise... Be careful with hope. As it relates to breakups, a little sliver of hope, a little door cracked open, can wreak a lot of havoc. It may seen inconsequential to have a bit of hope, but maintaining that hope can prevent you from fully moving on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 No one knows the future. However, after you have been around the block a few times, it becomes easier to deduce what will LIKELY happen. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Yes, "everything is possible." But. . . . everything is not probable. Just saying. Yes it is not probable, my chances are very slim... and I am ok with this fact, I have been living without her for almost 2 months, and I will surely continue to do so for other months, years... and I don't care, but if there is a chance, I would like to take it, everyone deserves a second chance, the third and fourth? NEVER! Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 hey samuel , how have you got on , anymore from your ex ?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 (edited) hey samuel , how have you got on , anymore from your ex ?? Hi mate, no nothing, this is what I had expected, She is not going to send any message, because she is still in the relationship. I was just afraid of one thing, and that was what if one day she broke up with him, or he broke up with her and she regretted leaving me, would she contact me if she does not know if I still have any feelings for her? Obviously the answer is no. I just sent the message as a gesture of good will, and that she can contact me if she wants to, because I have done the same thing. I definitely feel bad today, not because I have contacted her, no. Because of what people say on this forum! You were just a rebound! ahhh well thank you for reminding, I had almost forgot... The thing I don't get is that why on earth did I even tell people here, that I did something like this. Feeling guilty is one of the reasons which holds the dumper from reaching out, and yes I am glad I made this decision. I am not going to contact her anymore, but at least I know I did something, the rest is her and her decision alone, because she knows she can contact me, and I am going to continue my life, I am not a machine for god's sake. I am a human, filled with emotions, and if there is a chance to be with the one I love, I wanna grab it.... No matter how many more people tell me it was wrong, I made my own decision, it will either pay off or not. I can confirm if I had maybe 10% chance for reconciliation that obviously increased it to 20%... yes 80% chance of failure is still on the cards, a miracle is needed to gain victory, I prefer to try and die to not trying at all. Edited October 12, 2015 by Samuel_22 Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 well i agree with you that at least you tried and i dont know if hearing of your exsperience has put me off wanting to contact your ex or made me want to do it even more , i feel just as unsure as ever ........ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I guess what I don't get is that you've been so upset about her supposedly betraying you by going back to her ex, which means that you were unknowingly her fallback plan the entire time. Yet now that you know what happened and know she's still with this guy, you basically reached out to let her know that you are willing to be her fallback plan again. Again, you have let her off the hook for her actions that you found so reprehensible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 I guess what I don't get is that you've been so upset about her supposedly betraying you by going back to her ex, which means that you were unknowingly her fallback plan the entire time. Yet now that you know what happened and know she's still with this guy, you basically reached out to let her know that you are willing to be her fallback plan again. Again, you have let her off the hook for her actions that you found so reprehensible. That's the part I didn't get either. OP, we're just trying to tell you the truth because we've been there. Give it some time, and you will regret the day you ever let her off the hook for what she did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Liono84 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Be careful with hope. As it relates to breakups, a little sliver of hope, a little door cracked open, can wreak a lot of havoc. It may seen inconsequential to have a bit of hope, but maintaining that hope can prevent you from fully moving on. BC1980: Deep words, my friend. That's something I still struggle with even today, 2.5 months post-breakup. I've gotten much better since the initial weeks and never contacted her since, but I'd be lying to you if I said I still didn't have a slight glimmer of hope my ex would come back. The thoughts are less and less with the passing of every week, but they're still there. In your opinion, do you think it's okay if someone self-improves, tries to meet others, puts themselves out in the dating scene again, while at the same time still carries the slight hope of their ex coming back? Or is that fooling yourself and setting yourself back? Samuel_22:I agree with many of whom have stated that what you did was a big mistake. I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes, even months later, we may come across a bad day or days. It's happened to me on more than one occasion, but the difference is you knew better. It's not as though the breakup was fresh and you were ignorant or confused. By you contacting her, you validated her not feeling so bad for what she did. She now will be of the mindset that, ''Hey, even though I broke his heart, we're friends. He understands and what I did wasn't so bad, after all." I think everyone goes thru their own path of accepting reality. Perhaps, even though this was a mistake, this was your way of finally coming to grips of the situation and if it was, then maybe in the long-run, it wasn't so bad. Although some people will think this is wrong, from my personal experience, the only way I have moved on when I've been dumped, is when I've been in a new relationship. That is when I've fully let go/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Who is here to say I made a mistake now? Well I sent her the links, and unlike what you had told me we had a thorough discussion about the situation, well She is engaged! sent me the photos and all that! That might hurt some dumpees to hear that... but the sigh of relief is all over my face now! Good bye false hopes, good bye all hopes, I should be sad, but I am not, finished and gone once and forever! How many more months were I supposed to stay here and guess whether she will come back or not? now I know where I should go, I know there is no going back, is it not better than staying in the Limbo I had created for me? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Glad to hear you got closure. Reality is, this girl never really loved you and never was going to. You were just a distraction to help her get over her ex, which obviously never happened. Now you both can move on with your lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Glad to hear you got closure. Reality is, this girl never really loved you and never was going to. You were just a distraction to help her get over her ex, which obviously never happened. Now you both can move on with your lives. Thank you Blanco, I am happy I am finally out of the Limbo... well it may make me depressed for some days or months, but I am moving on this time, literally MOVING ON! Thanks for your support all the way mate! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Who is here to say I made a mistake now? Well I sent her the links, and unlike what you had told me we had a thorough discussion about the situation, well She is engaged! sent me the photos and all that! That might hurt some dumpees to hear that... but the sigh of relief is all over my face now! Good bye false hopes, good bye all hopes, I should be sad, but I am not, finished and gone once and forever! How many more months were I supposed to stay here and guess whether she will come back or not? now I know where I should go, I know there is no going back, is it not better than staying in the Limbo I had created for me? You'll be fine. It will sting and hurt for awhile, but, in the long run, this will help you close the door and move on to live the life you deserve. A life where you are not in limbo. Finding out my ex was engaged gave me that final push. It hurt for awhile, and it brought up some pain and anger. But I lived through it, and I've been the better for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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