BC1980 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 It's hard to do stuff like delete phone numbers and block because you are the one making the decision. Even though, the simple fact is that she made the decision to end it. Somehow, when it's up to you to start doing things to cut the person out, it seems very anxiety inducing. Just realize you are only doing what will inevitably happen in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Draper Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I know it hurts, but you should try dating other women. You don't need to do anything serious, you don't even need to have sex. You don't even need to like them very much, or thinking they could be "the one". Just go out on dates, to meet new women, feel the excitement of getting prepared and having fun with women etc. This will help you feel better. It did make ME feel better. I still love my ex unconditionally, but i am not in pain anymore, because i am experiencing the company of other women. Try it. Just be careful to not lead on anyone, and be open about your situation. I second this. I'll tell you what, I went home with this girl I met at the bar the other night, and I'm still hurting about my ex and of course I miss her more than I'd like to admit, but waking up beside another girl is by far the most relieving feeling I've felt yet. Now i've been talking with this girl and we're going to try to get together some night this week. I refuse to let my ex hold me down, and you should as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Just be careful not to use an unsuspecting girl strictly to get over your ex. That's pretty much what your ex did with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Liono84 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Look man, if this make it easier for you to move on than yeah, I think you did the right thing. Thinking that you'll never hear from her would feel good to help you put her out of your mind but I don't think you should look at it that way. Nothing is black and white and you don't need to turn switches on or off forever. I think you should always think of what you want first. If she ever contacts you and you want to talk to her, do so. If she ever contacts you and you're in a relationship with someone you love or don't want to talk, than don't. But it's NOT about her, it's about you and what you want!!! It's better to know yourself and what you want, rather than to take control away form yourself by telling someone to never contact you again or blocking someone from ever contacting you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shock148 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 She chose another man over you. A man that she broke up with before, but obviously still had feelings for, and used you for emotional support until her ex wanted her back, in which turn she dropped you like yesterday's garbage, blocked you, and went back to her ex. Why would you want her back at all? Like people said above, you were nothing more than a rebound and no girl ever goes back to her rebound. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 She chose another man over you. A man that she broke up with before, but obviously still had feelings for, and used you for emotional support until her ex wanted her back, in which turn she dropped you like yesterday's garbage, blocked you, and went back to her ex. Why would you want her back at all? Like people said above, you were nothing more than a rebound and no girl ever goes back to her rebound. The truth is I was a rebound, and as much as I hate to admit it, it is absolutely true. Well something that I don't get here is that I was not really into her that much when we were together, well the idea of breaking up with her, just passed through my mind a couple of times when we were together, the only reason I did not do it myself, is still a mystery for me. The thing that bothers me is that why has she become someone so special after the BU? Maybe it was what she did hit my ego or the fact that you don't know what you have until you lose that person. either way I am not unhappy with the decision I made last night. I hate to admit it but right now it feels like a kind of retaliatory action from my side, well she might check that app's contact lists any minute, and the fact that my name is not there anymore, might hit her ego as well... on second thought I am sure it will. So that might be sort of manipulative. I don't want her back... I was discussing this with one of my friends today, and I said I don't trust her and won't be able to trust her anymore... so I am sure even if she came back any time soon, that would last for at most 1 month, because I will dump her myself this time. So no pint in going back at all, what I want, is that I want her to contact me, so that I can say ''no'' it might sound a little childish or premature... but, I am what I am at least. I am going to move on with my life, but no one can say what the future will bring with it, generalizing things is not a good approach in any science, let alone people and emotions. she may come back, I believe it is in the bag, and she has got more than enough excuses for contacting me... and I might be able to get rid of this hatred I have for her by then, might not, well we'll see...I might even give it another try, but the fact that I am feeling great at the moment, and I think of her less and less every day is a blessing. I am preparing for my next adventure, with the new girl I have seen, she is so cute!!! I am preparing a speech about the situation I am stuck in, I hope that does not turn her off, but at least I will have a clear conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 It's the hardest thing cutting all ties , and i still have a possible route of communication with my ex and in don't thibk I could cut it yet so your showing that your very strong at this time , so we'll done Despite the hope we hold, they arnt coming back and if they did it just wouldn't be the same after all this Hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 It's the hardest thing cutting all ties , and i still have a possible route of communication with my ex and in don't thibk I could cut it yet so your showing that your very strong at this time , so we'll done Despite the hope we hold, they arnt coming back and if they did it just wouldn't be the same after all this Hurt. Wowwww! Look who is here how are you Dr seuss? I was thinking of you today, and I wanted to ask you how did staying away from LS for some time work for you? Do you recommend it? Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I'm good thanks , making good progress , up amd down but always moving foward well I can say I would 100% recommend it definafly helped me think about it all alot less , but it's good to come back on here for a bit , still battling with hope ..... How have you been doing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 I'm good thanks , making good progress , up amd down but always moving foward well I can say I would 100% recommend it definafly helped me think about it all alot less , but it's good to come back on here for a bit , still battling with hope ..... How have you been doing I am fine, I am sure that I have made a lot of progress too, I am no where as bad as I felt one month ago, 54 days have passed since BU anyhow... Sometimes I just feel awful, maybe every other day for 2-3 hours but then I live with my own life, and there are times I feel great about my life, as if nothing has ever happened. Hope!! I wish I could murder ''Hope'' for good. I can't, don't know why, but I think it will fade away as time passes by. I know it will mean a miracle if she comes back, and the chance of getting back together is slim to none, but I think that goes back to our nature, we can't abandon all hope entirely at once, it takes some time. Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 That's good to hear you moving foward, im so bored of this while think being on my mind , I'm wondering today weather I'm loads better of just ust to feeling like rubbish .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 (edited) We all give this piece of advice to people,'' never break NC, she/he has to be the one to contact you.'' but one moment of weakness, and boom/ kaput, suddenly everything turns around to spite you. No matter how strong we are, you might be tempted to try it, to see whether there is still a chance, if odds are in your favor. Well I made the fatal mistake, and while I managed to pull something out of it, this was not what I wanted. I broke NC last night, I just thought that would not affect me that much, the conversation was super short, 7 texts for each, and we did not mention anything about our break up. She was so warm and friendly, I really did not expect that, she seemed really excited about the conversation, we had a few laughs, but after 7 long texts I had to end the conversation, it felt like it was taking me back. The way I started a conversation was in a proud way and the way I ended it was also in a proud way, as if I was the dumper, and I had the control over the entire situation.... So what's the problem here? I don't want to tell you lies, no it did not take me back to square 1, nor did it kill or made me cry, it just left me with a bad taste in my mouth, the truth is while I was talking to her, I had this nice feeling, i was like a smoker who smokes a cigar after 2 months, the sense of calmness, security and happiness embraced me, the next morning, all of them are gone and you feel like you want another cigar. I am not sorry I broke NC, I wish I had not done it though. even if your exes are kind and warm like mine, believe me this is not what you want to get... the whole experience reminded me how love resembles addiction...just don't do it.... Good luck Edited October 11, 2015 by Samuel_22 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 How did you start the conversation with her ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 That doesn't matter. The method isn't the issue. It's the result that counts. spray a fly or swat it with a rolled-up paper, the result is the same.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 How did you start the conversation with her ? Well remember when 2 days ago, I created the thread about my friend playing that nasty joke with me? The next day I went to school, I went straight to the phone book behind the receptionist's counter, and said I wanted the phone number of one of the colleagues, she gave me the phone book, and I took her phone number from there. I was in 2 minds just sent a few messages to one of my female friends, and she encouraged me to send the message, she said expect anything, but at least you can know if the bridge is still hanging there or is rotten and has collapsed long ago (bad advice) it was not my business to go back and check the bridge, but when you still love someone, you may do that. specially when someone, specially a female friend, tosses the idea. I sent the message I said, ''Hey, how are you doing, I was just surfing the net, came a cross a trailer from the walking dead and it reminded me of you, I wondered how you are doing.'' her reply is interesting, '' Hiiiiiii sam, how are you? are you fine? how are you? Do you still teach at that school, I wondered why I did not see you anymore on the way back home.'' it feels like she lost her mind the way she says hiiiiii and how many time she says how are you! then she mentions she has been thinking of me while going back home every night, her house is attached to the school where I teach. we carried on the conversation, she was responding to my messages almost instantly, me on the other had was playing a nasty game of replying with long delays. And while she was enthusing about her plans, I sent a message and said, I needed to take a shower, and said good bye she replied, she was so happy to hear from me and said take care! seriously? take care, not good bye, and I relied ''me too, you too'' Well I can't deny it boosted my self confidence, to some extent, but you know what is wrong with what I did? you send a message an there are 3 outcomes 1: she does not reply---> that will hit your ego again 2: she replies and grumbles about your contacting her---> that will hit your ego again 3: she replies and is super kind(what happened to me)---> false hopes float back to you, specially when you don't know her reason for doing so, whether she really misses you or she still feels guilty, and tries to be nice to balm her wounds I am not sorry again... I did what I did, checked the bridge, it feels that it is still hanging there, I gave me some hopes but I can't rely on that either. but it certainly boosted my self-confidence. The thing I don't know whether I have to do now, is that, she asked me to send the links of download of the walking dead's new episode upon saying good-bye, I don't know what I should do 1. send them without mentioning anything else 2. send them, chit chat, and plug it out myself like the last time 3. send them, on the weekend, mentioning I forgot to send on the due day, chit chat, and plug it out myself 4. do not send them at all (I don't vote for it) I am stuck here, and I don't even know if that makes any difference Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 That doesn't matter. The method isn't the issue. It's the result that counts. spray a fly or swat it with a rolled-up paper, the result is the same.... Yeah Tara I really wish I had not sent it, but I am not sorry that I did... I don't recommend it to anyone, but I just did it, true or wrong, that was my decision. I will live with its consequences, good or bad! But again I say that don't do it people, you will never get what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 The thing I don't know .... she asked me to send the links of download of the walking dead's new episode upon saying good-bye, I don't know what I should do... 1. send them without mentioning anything else 2. send them, chit chat, and plug it out myself like the last time 3. send them, on the weekend, mentioning I forgot to send on the due day, chit chat, and plug it out myself 4. do not send them at all (I don't vote for it) The Bolded, obviously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Samuel_22 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 The Bolded, obviously. Ok Tara I would like to say that, to me you look like a very wise person, I am going to do as you said. I will just send the links... Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Oh, no, don't call me 'wise'. I'm just older, been round the block... and besides, it's ALWAYS easier for those OUTSIDE the situation to be able to see more clearly.... Send, no comment, block. Because she may text and start you off again with "Hiiii! Thank you so much! How are you?? I got them thanks! Hiii! How are you!?.." stuff...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I agree with Tara. Simply send the links and don't say anything else. Be very cautious about any further interaction with her. Remember that she did not reach out to you. She only responded to you. That is significant. After you send these links, don't message her again. If she really wants to rebuild that bridge, she will make it obvious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 What a situation !! I'm always in the frame of mind that "what if" she is hoping to hear from you again ect ,I find it hard to believe that a lot of women would just cone right out and say " I want to get back with you " through fear so they want to test the waters first .... I know what everyone says is for the best , to leave it and forget about her because you are damaging yourself How strong are you and could you cope with going back to square one ,your in a situation I feel I would like to Be in as wrong as It may be 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greenleaves54 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Heh, my ex would also write like that, "Hiiii!" etc. I wonder if they're playing the "cute, innocent girl role" or if it's just who they are? Anyway, it seems like you have a good mindset. You slipped up, but no big harm done. You are on the path of recovery. And maybe she just thought you sounded confident and over her? Who knows. Back to NC, its a marathon, not a sprint 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I think this was a big mistake. You've been adamant about how you feel this girl betrayed you. If she felt at all bad about what she had done, you reaching out to her and being friendly probably let her off the hook emotionally. It validates what she did and shows her that she can behave like that and suffer no consequences. If you felt so betrayed by her, then the only route to take was to become a ghost now and forever. Instead, she gets to have her cake (being back with her boyfriend) and eat it, too (knowing you are still trying to talk to her after what she did to you). You were this girl's rebound and nothing more. There is no future. There is no basis for a friendship. You might feel good for a couple days after this interaction, but I can almost guarantee that you'll be feeling a bit low after that. The high of actually communicating with her will have worn off and you'll realize you pitched away two months of creating distance between you two for a quick hit. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Just reading what Blanco has said is very compelling and sadly I think it's very true ...... I think like me Samuel your a big holder of hope so these times are so hard !! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Just reading what Blanco has said is very compelling and sadly I think it's very true ...... I think like me Samuel your a big holder of hope so these times are so hard !! Something I wrote to another member: It's also pointless. Whenever have you heard the word 'hope' allied in the same sentence as something of beneficial outcome? When people 'hope' it's because they're already desperate or pessimistic. Hope contains a big, fat Zero. I'm always bringing this to the attention of folks who think 'Hope is a positive emotion'... Remember Pandora? She was given a box (actually, for the sake of pedantic accuracy, it was actually an amphora, the lid of which was sealed with beeswax). This "box" was filled with all the Evils of the World. Pandora, ever the nosy female (I say that, being female myself....) decided she could not contain her curisoity, and, unaware of the precise contents - opened it. Well, we know the rest, don't we? She released all the Evils of the World to wreak havoc and do their worst. But she managed to slam the lid shut and prevented Hope from getting out. Thus, the story is supposed to impart the sense that with a Will, mankind may still find salvation. But hang on a mo'.... The box didn't contain "All the Evils of the World, except one." Hope wasn't an exception. Hope - was an evil alongside all the rest. Which is why Hope leaves such a hole in our hearts and a pit in our stomachs. It springs eternal, but is 'some', 'vain' or 'no'. Link to post Share on other sites
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