Ryan_XD Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Referring back to a quote I previously saw on here "women are like monkeys in the jungle swinging through the trees. They don't let go of one vine until they have a firm grasp on the next vine." To ME it sounds like she's keeping you right where she wants you - she's still got a grasp on you and won't let go until she's got someone else to grab onto. She knows you'll always be their for her and she can rely on you as and when she needs. I think you both need to sit down and have a mature conversation about your future and whether you have one together or not. If you both decide you do have a chance at a future together then fight for it - if not, then move on and begin grieving. Hope everything works out in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Ryan, men are just as guilty of vine swinging. It's a human issue. At least a cultural one. To the OP, don't reply. She can miss you. Her selfish guilt isn't attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonesey0 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 Today is just one of those days...i'm feeling really low and anxious.. It's been 7 months since she broke up with me..and i still can't let go. We have been in no contact for almost three months now, she sent me a text two weeks ago "Hi, sorry to disturb you, just wanna know how you are doing". I haven't replied, and since that text my head is all over the place. She is moving on with her life, rented a apartment, has new friends, goes out every weekend, went for a trip to europe with some friends, i believe she has a new pet, dunno if she has someone else. And i'm stuck, living in the house she decorated for us, with the dog we shared, surround my memories of her and our time together - 14 YEARS!! I'm truly lost, i put on a nice face towards my family and coworkers, everyone thinks i'm better, but inside i'm still hurting like in day one. I've lost her, i've lost her entire family who were my best friends, and i'm completely alone. I've never felt such loneliness. I write here because i really need to express what i'm feeling inside. I just wish i could just erase her from my mind, and wake tomorrow like she doesn't exist. Knowing that she is still around in this world, and we aren't together, its really too much for me to handle. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 3 months NC isn't really that long after 14 years together. It's nothing really, so I think it's to be expected that you are still unable to fully let go. One of the most important things to do after a breakup is to begin rebuilding a new life, and that takes time. It takes making conscious decisions to move on. I think it's a good idea to make a list of personal goals that you want to work on in the coming year. It will give you something to focus on that is not related to your ex but, instead, allows you to build a new life. Do you have any career goals? Fitness goals? Do you want to redecorate your house the way you like it? Is there a solo trip you want to take? Is there something you've always wanted to do that you now have the time to work on? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SixxChick Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I'm in the same place jonesey0. Only two years, not 14 like you. I am trying to find a way to convince myself that my ex has died. I will let you know if I make progress. I hope you can get over this. I know, it is so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsMyReligion Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 It's going to take a while, and as mentioned 3 months ins't a very long time. How do you know all of this information about her? You are only holding yourself back by checking up on her... You may not realize it but checking up on her via facebook or whatever you are telling yourself that your happiness depends on how she is doing. It's essential to break this mindset. If someone hurt you, you cannot control it. If she doesn't like you anymore, you can't control it. Focus on what you can control. Why be unhappy about something you cannot change? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoveBelow92 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Loveismyreligion is right, I fought very hard after a being dumped for 3 months to try change something that was already dead and what was the outcome of that, Pushing her away more? that didnt even matter, what was done is done, she is not the problem anymore, I made myself accountable for all my wrong doings and took the blame for everything in the relationship, then about 3 weeks ago after contacting her to talk about what happened through email she blanked me, It hit me hard but I realized I was acting pathetically, and had no self respect, my advise although we have the same feelings you push through them, just fake it till you make it, what a lot of people do in their own heads to help them is just to say they are not worth it, Although I truly loved my ex, I tried my best in everything and im exhausted mentally from it all, she doesnt care so why should we, right? each day is a new day and not one to let something from the past keep hurting you Loveismyreligion was bang on in what they said tho, i just thought id share in case it helped too Link to post Share on other sites
Deleted User Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) Wow.... I totally feel like I am the one who wrote the original post. My situation is EXACTLTY like him, to the T. Instead of 14 years, though, I've been with my ex for 12. Everything else is the same, even the breakup date seems to match. (EDIT: No, jonesey's BU was earlier than mine) I'm right here with you, buddy. I'm also as lost as you are, hopeless and all that. I had been feeling better recently, but I'm back down like it's Day1 again Edited October 27, 2015 by TopperCNC Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonesey0 Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 Well, its 9 months since she broke up with me, after a great and loving 13 year relationship. Last time i saw her and talked to her (we had dinner and a great time together) was 4 months ago. She texted me two months ago asking how was i doing, and i didnt answer. So, its 4 months of NC. NC really helps, since the days, weeks, months pass and you start to lose hope and to no expect anything to happen. What i wanted to asks the people here about is what im feeling lately, for the first time since the breakup: i feel anger and resentment towards her, for putting me through a couple months of hell, for wasting years of my life working on our relationship and trying to make her happy. And in the end, she just walks away from me, from our dog whom she loved more than anything, from everything we built, like it all meant nothing to her. I guess i will never in my entire lifetime understand what happened to me. And ive accepted that. A couple of weeks ago, her mother found my sister on a store, and was crying her eyes out, saying she cant accept this, that no one can understand whats going on with her daughter, that all the family loves me very much and miss me alot. And that she told them not to speak with me, since the breakup. Life really screws us up sometimes. I wants believe everything happens for a reason, and that someday i can really understand this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DearAgony Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I hear you man, I know after 5 years with my girl and all the drama that happened after our breakup. All the memories she shared how she can just walk away. Its even worse knowing they have feelings for you somewhere deep down but there is nothing you can do about it. There is a certain sweetness to losing hope. My ex came back for 3 months and we had amazing times together. Romantic dinners and dates it was like the honeymoon phase all over again just for her to leave one day with a phone call. Leaves me with nice memories in one way but painful hope in another. Keep going dude, its the only thing we can do. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 They say the stages of loss is not necessarily a straight-lined cycle. Despite the time apart, you will still go through various motions of grief. If anger is one them, I can say that you allow that anger to fuel your current recover in becoming a better man for yourself. Why she walked away should no longer matter, because the act of already destroyed your relationship. Be better for yourself and most importantly be stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
JustAnotherLostLove Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Walking away out of nowhere must be a woman thing. Never understood how they can just severe themselves emotionally. Mine did 3 months ago, after 3 years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Truth34 Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 ^^^At the risk of generalizing, I agree. One day you're perfect, amazing, sweet, the most genuine person in their life. The next it's "idk", or "I feel different", whatever. Men like to know why, and these so called reasons kill any hope of a real answer. Not like getting a true answer would probably help anyway. Good luck to you, OP. And all of us dealing with a sudden loss. Link to post Share on other sites
JustAnotherLostLove Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 ^^^At the risk of generalizing, I agree. One day you're perfect, amazing, sweet, the most genuine person in their life. The next it's "idk", or "I feel different", whatever. Men like to know why, and these so called reasons kill any hope of a real answer. Not like getting a true answer would probably help anyway. Good luck to you, OP. And all of us dealing with a sudden loss. Uh, exactly. Hurts to even read that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonesey0 Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 Merry Christmas to all of you out there who are experiencing their first christmas in some time without the person they thought they would spend their life together. Its my first christmas in 14 YEARS (!!) without my exgirlfriend, it was really tough...but i made it through. As i did with all the other landmark days in the past nine months. It does get easier. Anyway, the while point of this post was to share a wonderful song by the amazing LCD Soundsystem released just two days ago, their first in 5 years. All of us going through a breakup will relate to this: Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonesey0 Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 Well, it has been a difficult week for me. We've been broken up for 10 months now, havent talked or seen eachother for 5 months. The last time we had contact was when we had dinner for 3+ hours..it now seems like it was our closure. She texted me 3 months ago, and i didnt answer. I didnt sent her anything for christmas or new year, and neither did she. Her mother however texted me on both occasions, saying im a very special for her and wishing all the very best in the new year. I repplied to her, of course. My ex texted my mother on christmas eve, at midnight (??) whishing all the family a merry christmas and sending kisses. Im moving on, im much better, but still think im letting go of her without even trying anything. I dont know how she feels about me nowadays...what if she is affraid of contacting me or my reaction since i ignored her the last time she tried? Dont know if i should do anything...or just let go, like ive been doing for the past months. Any input? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
theredpill Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 You need to completely let go forever to have any chance of meeting someone right for you. If she wanted you in here life, she'd be banging your door down, you must understand not replying to her and her not contacting you again is a sign of where she is emotionally. I'm sorry, I know it hurts - focus on you, get back out there and meet someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
Flozfzx Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 You need to completely let go forever to have any chance of meeting someone right for you. If she wanted you in here life, she'd be banging your door down, you must understand not replying to her and her not contacting you again is a sign of where she is emotionally. I'm sorry, I know it hurts - focus on you, get back out there and meet someone new. Just because she hasnt contact you you really cant tell her emotions but you're right if she wanted to get back she'll be breaking down your door. Im in the same boat but my ex did contact me after a while wanted to work things out but has a boyfriend (wtf?) i stop talking to her about a month ago no contact really helps it hurts but helps you heal and clear your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonesey0 Posted February 18, 2016 Author Share Posted February 18, 2016 Well, if we were still together, today would be our 15th anniversary. Quite a landmark. We talked about it a lot when we were still together. I don't feel down, but kinda sad and nostalgic, remembering things we've done on previous years. It was always a very special day for us, with presents, travelling abroad, great times. It's amazing how much things have changed in the span of one year. We haven't talked or seen eachother for more than 6 months now. Anyway, im much better nowadays. Feels like my life is back on track. Im doing better in all aspects of my life, and im in a much better place right now than i was one year ago, when we were still together. Next month will mark one year since we broke up (time really flies) and for the first time im looking forward to my future, and what it will bring. I still think of her often, and wonder if she is ok, what she is doing, if she thinks of me. But those thoughts no longer put me down, and i think theyre normal and healthy. She was a big part of my life, we were together for half of my life, and i will always care for her and love her. So, time really is the great healer, along with cutting meaningless contact that just pushes you back and makes you tied up to a situation that you cant overturn. Only they can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Good for you for putting the most positive spin possible on this bittersweet day. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Congratulations on making it a year. The worst is behind you. Of course you cross her mind, but that doesn't mean she wants to reunite, of course. It's a new day. Good luck moving forward. You might want to make a conscious effort to not mark your breakup day. Just a suggestion. I caught myself doing that with the date my pets died and made myself not do that anymore and keep a reminder on my calendar about the day I got them instead. Link to post Share on other sites
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