Toodaloo Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Well looks like I was smitten too soon. Gutted. Shame but as it goes. Fantastic guy, absolutely lovely, a real catch... but probably just not for me. Time to sit in the corner licking my wounds for a bit then come out again when I am ready... Still on the bright side at least I am getting closer to finding someone that is compatible and I am getting better at filtering and all that jazz. So there is a positive. Sometimes I think the crazies are easier. At least you know they are crazy. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Ahh, is this about the guy in your other thread? I read it and he sounded lovely, what happened? I hate it when we get so excited over someone, thinking it could be potential, just so we would fall back into reality that dating is nothing but exhausting. But I'm glad you know you're closer to finding that special someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 Oh he just started getting hot and cold. One minute all over me the next not at all. He has done it twice now. Complete lack of consistency and as I am really after stability (emotional is most important but also financial, physical etc.) I figured I would just leave him be. I work hard to ensure that I am in a good place to date and that I can come to the table as an equal. I guess he just wasn't feeling it or whatever. If he calls again great, but I am going to let this one slide and not hang around as I really don't think he is all that into me. Shame but as it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Sowwy Toodaloo ((hug)) Of course he will call, they all call back one day or another but you will be long gone! cause a beautiful girl like you with one wicket mind! won't stay unattended for long!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Well looks like I was smitten too soon. Gutted. Shame but as it goes. Fantastic guy, absolutely lovely, a real catch... but probably just not for me. Time to sit in the corner licking my wounds for a bit then come out again when I am ready... Still on the bright side at least I am getting closer to finding someone that is compatible and I am getting better at filtering and all that jazz. So there is a positive. Sometimes I think the crazies are easier. At least you know they are crazy. I hear you on that one! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Well looks like I was smitten too soon. Gutted. No such thing as "too soon" in my opinion. The heart wants what it wants. Problem wasn't you, it was him. He just couldn't be smitten back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Oh he just started getting hot and cold. One minute all over me the next not at all. He has done it twice now. Complete lack of consistency and as I am really after stability (emotional is most important but also financial, physical etc.) I figured I would just leave him be. I work hard to ensure that I am in a good place to date and that I can come to the table as an equal. I guess he just wasn't feeling it or whatever. If he calls again great, but I am going to let this one slide and not hang around as I really don't think he is all that into me. Shame but as it is. Toodles...when was the last time you talked to him...or saw him? You know it's been said many times here that a guy can start off super strong and then ease up a bit.... as things settle down. Could it be possible that's all it is? Trying to think positively here....as I know how into this guy you were...and it sounded like it was mutual!! A bit perplexing for sure.... I am sorry things didn't work out (if that, in fact, turns out to be the case)..... ((hugs)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Well join the club because it is obvious a good guy can't find a true lady and neither can a lady find a genuine man. It just works that way in the end, unless you are one of the lucky few who experience a truly loving relationship in their life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I refuse to accept it. I read your post about tis guy, Toodaloo, give him more chances! Don't be so quick to say it's done. Please, patience and courage! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Well join the club because it is obvious a good guy can't find a true lady and neither can a lady find a genuine man. It just works that way in the end, unless you are one of the lucky few who experience a truly loving relationship in their life.Your perceptions will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you really feel that way, may as well throw in the towel and join a monastery. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Oh he just started getting hot and cold. One minute all over me the next not at all. He has done it twice now. Complete lack of consistency and as I am really after stability (emotional is most important but also financial, physical etc.) I figured I would just leave him be. I work hard to ensure that I am in a good place to date and that I can come to the table as an equal. I guess he just wasn't feeling it or whatever. If he calls again great, but I am going to let this one slide and not hang around as I really don't think he is all that into me. Shame but as it is. Okay Too, your call of course, just know there is always going to be "uncertainty" in every new relationship. It's just one of the many phases of a developing RL. Somehow we soldier through and survive (and that goes for both men and women)...and hopefully end up with a strong solid mutually-rewarding RL. But trust me UNCERTAINTY in those early stages is a given! Now, I don't know the specifics of what happened, but if it's a matter of him not calling for a few days (after coming on like gangbusters at first)....that could be normal. Then again it could be a case of "a guy who becomes smitten super fast, has the potential to become un-smitten just as fast." Your call on that girl. And if you'd like to share more specifics later on, we're here to listen and support. In any event....hope you're okay. ((more hugs)) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 When I read your other thread I thought - oh-oh - seems like she is investing too much too soon. Now I think you are giving up too easily. A few days ago you were writing long lists of his positive attributes, and ridiculing women for being so stupid for not grabbing him up. Now you are joining their ranks. Unless you have found out something really terrible about him, I really can't see how it has changed so much in a matter of a few days? Just take a deep breath and see if you are thinking this through. It may well be you are right, but I would be surprised given how positive you made him sound before. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 It's really difficult to paint an accurate picture based on the info here. IMO if the guy doesn't ask Toods out every single week, he's out. If he's not communicating every day but he wants to see her at least weekly (and progressing to more over time) then he may not be out. So we don't know. If he asks you out for this weekend, all should be good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
menyou Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 It's really difficult to paint an accurate picture based on the info here. IMO if the guy doesn't ask Toods out every single week, he's out. If he's not communicating every day but he wants to see her at least weekly (and progressing to more over time) then he may not be out. So we don't know. If he asks you out for this weekend, all should be good. Is daily communication necessary? Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Is daily communication necessary? Not in the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
craw Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 I have no idea what this thread is about as I haven't read your other one. Sometimes I feel being a nice girl doesn't work out. It's when you're a more of a "bitch" the guy can seem more keen. I'll never understand dating. Lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
menyou Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 I have no idea what this thread is about as I haven't read your other one. Sometimes I feel being a nice girl doesn't work out. It's when you're a more of a "bitch" the guy can seem more keen. I'll never understand dating. Lol Men seem to like the aggressive stance better. Not overkill though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 Its about consistency. If a guy contacts regularly through the day then suddenly stops its not good. If a guy contacts every couple of days then suddenly goes haywire, equally its not good. While this guy is fantastic is all the ways I mentioned before (that hasn't changed), his behavior has been really inconsistent. I am too bloody old to fanny about and mess around. Stability is really important to me. I tried to grab him. Sadly its not possible for me to unless I just go for kidnapping and general stalker behavior... Neither of which are really my style even if I am sometimes tempted. The fact that he is a great guy and a real catch has not changed. The fact that he clearly just isn't all that into me has. Its now 4 days and nothing. Before anyone starts on at me I have tried to make contact. I guess its just the way things go sometimes. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Aww I'm sorry Toodles. I was really hoping this one would work out. Is daily communication necessary? I'll tell you something to top that...in all of my past relationships we SAW each other every single day, almost from day one. And that's just what we both wanted to do. Of course, I CRINGE at thought of that now, but I'm not in love right now like I was then. You think differently when you're not in love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 I completely understand what you mean. When someone completely switches up their behavior it's definitely not a good sign. The girl I was seeing was initially really sweet. Then a few months in she does a 180 and is cursing at me when I'd do something nice for her. She then dumped me but has tried to maintain daily contact, which I am against. Point is, inconsistent behavior should be rewarded with silence. I for one think you made the right decision, let him contact you. The older I get the lower my tolerance for games. Be straightforward and keep it moving is how I feel about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 I don't think I was in love with the guy but it was going that way. We did spend a lot of time together. It just seemed natural at the time. I am actually not worried about daily contact. I am more worried about consistency and reliability. If I say "are you free on Wednesday to go do X" - then I want an answer. If I say "Good morning" - I am not all that bothered about an answer. But yeah - In all the long term, past relationships, it has moved fast at the beginning to continual daily contact, which then drops off slightly once living together. Its only the short term "fling" type relationships where contact hasn't been consistent. They don't have to be in my pocket - after all we both have jobs to do. But something that just lets me know that he is there and that we are carrying on down the same road is important every now and then. My last couple of texts were to ask how he was (he had a stomach bug) and to confirm I was free last night and would like to go out. What time did he want to meet and in 4 days, with the day of our "next date passing", nothing back. I am not a rocket scientist nor do I claim to be an expert but this is one very dead duck. If I start contacting him now its going to look like I am desperate (which I am not) or just some weirdo stalker lady. I might call him next week to see how he is getting on and just say "keep it at friends". I think he would probably like that and feel comfortable with that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 I really feel for you. I read your other post sometime ago and was very happy for you but wondered if you - like me - got too excited too soon. It takes a long time to get to know someone. I love that you are able to see the good in the guy despite his behavior. (Inability to be straight and honest with you and tell you what he wants) In the beginning I thought the guy that wasn't interested in me - was just not interested and was still a lovely guy with all the qualities I liked. But now - looking back I see that he wasn't honest. I didn't want to accept this at first and spoil my picture of him. He never contacted me. Even when I sent him an email and a message on fb to tell him he'd left his wallet at my house. No response! On other occasions when I contacted him - he was so positive and almost aggressive with how much he liked me.....I wondered. To go from 'I miss you and I'm so happy to be in touch' one day to completely ignoring me the next....... Now I think to myself. He is not the nice, polite, well mannered man I though. He is a wimp and a coward. He is not able to be honest and instead tells me things that are clearly not true. What kind of person does this? Now I feel angry. I am very sorry - didn't mean to hijack your thread - but reading your posts reminded me so much of my situation. I wonder if we give too much credit before it's due? I tend to see the good in people and end up disappointed. I am not sure if this is something that you relate to? Anyway I hope you get over it quickly. It is very disappointing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 I really feel for you. I read your other post sometime ago and was very happy for you but wondered if you - like me - got too excited too soon. I don't tend to if I am honest. I don't really bother that much with new dates and only tell people so they know where I am just in case for safety reasons. This one was just amazing though... It takes a long time to get to know someone. I love that you are able to see the good in the guy despite his behavior. (Inability to be straight and honest with you and tell you what he wants) People are what they are. I don't believe that just because someone behaves badly towards one particular person or makes a mistake that it makes them a bad person all round. The good things I said about him still stand. He is a lovely guy. He is very sweet - he is all of those things. I suspect that he is just too hurt to get into anything. Which is OK. Its just where he is at and sometimes timing sucks. No point bashing the guy when its just not what I had hoped. Not his fault not mine - it just is. I don't blame him for that. Anyway I hope you get over it quickly. It is very disappointing. I am sure I will. I have my feet on the ground and while I am feeling glum at the moment I guess it just is as it is. It will pass. Tomorrow is a new day. Chin up chook - as you can see it happens to us all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Sorry Toodaloo! But be glad you experienced those sparks once again, I hope I feel that again some day! The next will come, power through 1 Link to post Share on other sites
siriusp Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 I love your attitude. I wish I could be more like that right now. Someone will be very lucky to be with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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