I lost the love of my life because she cheated on me but i think it's my fault

[Cdelly]

Hello!

 

My name is Carson.I'd like to narrate something that's made me lost all hope and belief in love.2 months ago,my wife cheated on me with a younger man.She had sex with him in our apartment like a slut.I forgave her but I don't think I'll ever be able to get over the details so I think that I should end this marriage.

 

Me and my wife are both 42.We've been married for 18 years,together since High School.Our relationship was solely based on love.She had many boyfriends before me in High School as she was one of the prettiest and *popular girls in our class.When we were 15-16 she only dated the so called "cool boys" or football players or the best looking guys in school but when me and her got together she told me that she'd never felt happier and that she could picture us as a family some day.I'll never forget those times.Our relationship grew over the years and we both changed tremendously(or so I thought).She changed her image.She wasn't that chick from*High school that only dated handsome boys and only cared about makeup and expensive jewelry.She became a great mother to our daughter that we had in 2008.She became responsible and more caring than ever.Things have always been great in our relationship.She turned out to be the romantic type just like me(or so I thought) because she enjoyed our nights out,our walks in the moonlight,our romantic dinners at restaurants and to be honest,after so many years of marriage,I never once neglected any of that.The one thing that I neglected though was sex because when we had our daughter I had to work 2 jobs in order to support our family and she wasn't allowed to work because she was obliged to take care of our child.Things got to be too much financially so I had to work all day literally all day so when I got home in the evenings I was in no mood for sex let alone that I was always exhausted.

 

My wife's always been a very sexual person.Even in high school,as rude as this will sound,a lot of guys bragged about sleeping with her.In the beginning of our marriage(pretty much like in most if not all marriages)we had lots of sex and it was amazing.I even remember having it almost every day during our honeymoon.After we had our daughter we stopped having it that often and eventually we ended up having it once a month,not every month,for that matter.My wife was disappointed in me.At first she was trying to conceal her disappointment but in time she started complaining.We had many arguments about it.I told her that somebody had to pay the bills etc. Obviously,I knew she wasn't happy but despite all we loved each other(or so I thought).Ultimately,she stopped asking for sex at all so I thought that she'd finally come to grips with our situation but I also got suspicious a little bit so one day while she was showering i powered on her laptop and decided to look through her pictures,browser history and so on.What I saw was shocking to me.She had She had naked pictures of her-some not so naked,others-fully naked.I proceeded to check up on her browser history.When I came across Ashley Maddison link I knew she was cheating on me.I opened one of the links and thankfully she'd set her browser to remember passwords so I successfully logged in.She had unanswered messages in her inbox from this man.I found out they were exchanging pictures,dirty texts and were arranging dates.I was so shocked,I couldn't believe this was happening to me,to us.I got so jealous.Since she got out of the shower I didn't have much time to read the rest of her messages so I decided not to confront her right away but to see how far she'd go.I took off for work that morning but I didn't go to work.I spent the most of the day in this cafe near my work.I decided to follow my wife around every time she stepped out of the apartment and that's what *I ended up doing for a few days.While she thought i was at work i was spying on her and it was so easy.I witnessed my wife going out with this other man behind my back.They were constantly going out on dates-mostly at cafes and restaurants.He gave her flowers almost every time they met.I saw them kissing with my very eyes and hugging as well.If I said I felt like committing suicide to sooth the pain at that time would be an understatement.It felt like the whole world had come down crashing on me.I pondered the situation through and through and at that point I couldn't really think rationally so since I had no one to turn to I googled something along the lines of:signs your wife is cheating.After browsing the Internet for awhile hoping to dig up some useful information I came across this a website: where I didn't even hesitate to buy a camera and a voice recorder.It was a hard choice because we live in a humble apartment so there's not much "hidden room" to hide a camera.The camera that I bought,though,was really special because it was a lightbulb camera of some kind.I took a sabbatical from work which was a dumb move but I was in no shape or form to fullfil my duties at that time(not that it's an excuse).I waited a few days and before I set up the camera as I thought I'd make an effort to fix our marriage.I started off by talking to my wife.I asked her if everything was alright.She said it was.She was acting distant.I knew that part of it was my fault.I felt the urge to confront her about this other man but i couldn't so i asked her a few more questions of that kind and kissed her.We ended up having sex that day.

 

At that point I was still hoping for her fling to turn out to be a short-term thing or something insignificant and that she'd end it considering that me and her were good after our passionate night(or so i thought) but when i told her i would get home very late the following day(Friday) as it'd be a very busy day she seemed happy snd excited but she said.Let me quote her because i remember these details:We could repeat last night,my dear.She said it in a playful way so i really thought we were alright at that point.Obviously,I came up with a plan to see if she'd go as far as most cheaters go according to this website and that is to invite their lovers over.On Friday*morning before I left,she was still sleeping because i got up at 6:30am so I decided to look through her Ashley Maddison account again.Since her laptop is old i thought I'd take it in the car to make sure i don't wake her up.What I saw was what I thought would happen.She invited this man over saying I quote:"My husband will be away tomorrow and the kid finishes school at 5pm.Do you wanna come over?" His answer was:"I don't think it's a good idea,let's go to a hotel or something?" She was persistent:"This way I won't be able to make it to the school on time.Come over,please,we'll go to a hotel another time."The man finally agreed:"Ok baby,I'd do anythinf for you,plus..it's gonna be exciting.Can't wait!"My wide responded:"Can't wait either".To this day i still keep that conversation in my phone.I still keep the video footage that I'm about to narrate.They arranged the time.Before I left I tested the camera.I could watch it on my phone and on my laptop.It was working seamlessly.I could see the bedroom very well.I could also watch the footage of us having sex the night before.I set up the voice recorder in the kitchen.Then I drove somewhere far from the area.At that moment all I had to do was wait.At around 1pm I heard my daughter's voice as she was taking off for school.A bit later I saw my wife putting on the same lingerie she puts on when we have sex.At around 1:50pm the other man was there and I saw them kissing and getting undressed.They had sex in the bedroom and I watched it all.I swear I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.Then they were laughing and hugging,commenting their "best moments",so to speak.I heard a lot of dirty talk but also a lot of compliments.I knew I'd lost the love of my life.What happened afterwards finished me off.After relaxing in bed for a little bit she asked him to check what the time was.He said it was nearly 4:30 and indeed it was.She started blaming herself saying:"Oh god i lost track of time,I'm such a bad mom i need to get going" or something along these lines but when the man got up and started dressing up she had second thoughts.I remember this part very well.She looked at him and directly said I quote: "I wanna suck your cock!"The man said:"Yeah,you really are a bad mom" to which my wife giggled,took off her lingerie as she was completely naked and indeed gave him a blowjob.As she was doing it she was talking dirty to him and even said that she hadn't done that since high school.The man said I quote:"It was so good.We should do it again,I'm starting to get jealous of your husband,baby" to which she responded:"Don't be,he never wants to have sex any more".I remember their conversation so well,it's been stuck in my head ever since.Then he said:"Why?Is he gonna croak?" And started laughing and so did my wife which was surprising to me.She said:"You're the only one I've sucked off since high school".He replied:"Why don't you blow your hubby,is he gonna croak from a blowjob?" Then my wife said:"Yeah he's old,so he probably is" and started giggling and added:"You're so bad,I love it!" as she kept blowing him.I felt angry at that time and felt like driving back home and killing both of them but that conversation pales in comparison to what I saw and I didn't even see it well because I could only see my wife's backside.He came in her mouth as she requested.It was time for him to go so when they got dressed ,my wife attempted to kiss him.He backed up and said: "No,save that one for your husband!" Then they both started laughing but he did kiss her.On Monday,I confronted my wife about it.Thankfully,she didn't deny a thing and said that she wanted to divorce me anyway because she didn't feel happy any more.I can't even believe what I did afterwards,I begged her not to leave me when she should've been the one this position.

 

Now I know my marriage can't be saved but at least,I'd like to take full custody of our daughter and hopefully,I'll be able to because I have this video footage of my wife whoring around in our apartment at my disposal.Do you guys think i have a chance?

Edited September 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Dutchman1]

Just publish it and give all her family and co workers the link.

[Cdelly]

Just publish it and give all her family and co workers the link.

 

Thank you for the advice!

[m.snow]

as a support forum you do not have to post every very graphic detail, just be vague in some sensitive points.

 

that will also help in the safety and privacy of your post.

 

but i would not suggest you publish your findings.

and talk to your attorney first.

 

but i suggest you enter into counseling also.

[d0nnivain]

Do not publish your video. It will destroy your daughter. Take the high road for her sake.

 

Just because your wife cheated on you does not automatically mean she is an unfit parent. You have a lot to learn about custody. It's an uphill battle for a dad to get primary or residential custody. Full custody where your EX has no or limited rights isn't an option. The Court will look at what's in the best interests of the child. If you expect a Judge to believe that is you, taking revenge on your EX especially in a way that will devastate your child is not the way to go about this.

 

Get a lawyer, sooner rather than later.

[Cdelly]

Do not publish your video. It will destroy your daughter. Take the high road for her sake.

 

Just because your wife cheated on you does not automatically mean she is an unfit parent. You have a lot to learn about custody. It's an uphill battle for a dad to get primary or residential custody. Full custody where your EX has no or limited rights isn't an option. The Court will look at what's in the best interests of the child. If you expect a Judge to believe that is you, taking revenge on your EX especially in a way that will devastate your child is not the way to go about this.

 

Get a lawyer, sooner rather than later.

 

I understand that the court will look at what's in the best interest of the child.To be honest,I believe she's a better parent than me and that our daughter is more emotionally attached to her than she is to me due to the fact that they get to spend more time together whereas I hardly ever get to do anyhting with my daughter.So with that being said,is there a chance I will lose my daughter as well?

[d0nnivain]

Define lose.

 

Do I think your STBXW will get primary physical custody? That does seem to be the norm so in the sense that your daughter will go to bed every night in a house you are not in, yes you will lose your daughter.

 

However, you will most likely be awarded joint custody. You get to see her. You get to spend time with her. You can talk to her. Skype will become your new best friend so you can tell her good night every night.

 

It will be a change.

 

If you petition for physical custody you might get her but if you admit that your STBXW is the better parent, is it really fair for you to take your daughter from her mother?

[Cdelly]

Define lose.

 

Do I think your STBXW will get primary physical custody? That does seem to be the norm so in the sense that your daughter will go to bed every night in a house you are not in, yes you will lose your daughter.

 

However, you will most likely be awarded joint custody. You get to see her. You get to spend time with her. You can talk to her. Skype will become your new best friend so you can tell her good night every night.

 

It will be a change.

 

If you petition for physical custody you might get her but if you admit that your STBXW is the better parent, is it really fair for you to take your daughter from her mother?

 

No it' not.You make a valid point there.Do you think I'd be better off negotiating with my wife not to get divorced for the sake of our daughter's happiness?Skyping my daughter just doesn't feel right.I can't even imagine going through such a big change.I don't even know any more but thanks for your help!I appreciate it.

[d0nnivain]

No. Do not stay together for the sake of your daughter. Get a divorce for the sake of your daughter. By doing so she will learn to respect herself. She would see you as having no respect for yourself if you stayed after what your STBXW did. What are you going to do, watch your wife go on dates?

 

You can be a good dad without being in the house. Millions of people do it every day.

 

To force your daughter to live in a dysfunctional house where her parents are miserable will do far more damage then a divorce.

[Cdelly]

No. Do not stay together for the sake of your daughter. Get a divorce for the sake of your daughter. By doing so she will learn to respect herself. She would see you as having no respect for yourself if you stayed after what your STBXW did. What are you going to do, watch your wife go on dates?

 

You can be a good dad without being in the house. Millions of people do it every day.

 

To force your daughter to live in a dysfunctional house where her parents are miserable will do far more damage then a divorce.

 

I guess I'm just very confused.It's a perplexing situation to be in.Yes,you're right!I better divorce her.I am gonna do that.

[fellini]

You say all this transpired 2 months ago, you give us the nitty gritty details about every single thing you have seen and heard on video, but your question is about your daughter.

 

Had you wanted, really wanted, to save your marriage probably the strategy of hiding a video camera, faking a day at work, and then recording the entire episode without even thinking about stopping it before he stepped into the house would have been the better move.

 

There are some serious questions about your judgement and one of them is quite simple: are you discussing your daughter because you are afraid of losing access to her or is this related to some kind of revenge motive about your wife doing exactly what you knew she was going to do before she did it.

[Cdelly]

You say all this transpired 2 months ago, you give us the nitty gritty details about every single thing you have seen and heard on video, but your question is about your daughter.

 

Had you wanted, really wanted, to save your marriage probably the strategy of hiding a video camera, faking a day at work, and then recording the entire episode without even thinking about stopping it before he stepped into the house would have been the better move.

 

There are some serious questions about your judgement and one of them is quite simple: are you discussing your daughter because you are afraid of losing access to her or is this related to some kind of revenge motive about your wife doing exactly what you knew she was going to do before she did it.

 

The first.I'm afraid of losing access to my daughter.You know,even before she cheated,I could sense divorce coming our way.I could tell that she wasn't happy and that our marriage had turned into a chore.I'm not a vengeful person.As a matter of fact,I still love my wife.I've already forgiven her for cheating on me.Like I said,I think it's my fault for not giving her the attention that she needed.However,there's no excuse for what she did and the only reason I was considering filing for full custody is because even though she's a better parent than me in most aspects of parenting,I believe that our daughter wouldn't be happy at all knowing that her mother has a new man.I think it would ruin her childhood.

[Lois_Griffin]

Meh.

 

I've read this same story (or close variations of it) a few times now on numerous support boards over the last year or two. And all these stories contained a cuckolded husband who watched and/or taped his wife and her lover having sex for hours - and he never confronted them. Just hid and watched and listened to the whole 'show.'

 

Additionally, all these stories all contained explicitly graphic descriptions of the sexual positions they indulged in, telling us about all their dirty talk, and all the different taboo things they engaged in.

 

All completely unnecessary details and irrelevant to the 'story.' But a sick turn on to the one writing it (well actually, cutting it and pasting it since it's run in other message boards before now).

 

I only got a couple paragraphs down when I realized I've seen this little fetish story too many times this past couple of years.

 

But thanks for playing, OP.

[Cdelly]

Meh.

 

I've read this same story (or close variations of it) a few times now on numerous support boards over the last year or two. And all these stories contained a cuckolded husband who watched and/or taped his wife and her lover having sex for hours - and he never confronted them. Just hid and watched and listened to the whole 'show.'

 

Additionally, all these stories all contained explicitly graphic descriptions of the sexual positions they indulged in, telling us about all their dirty talk, and all the different taboo things they engaged in.

 

All completely unnecessary details and irrelevant to the 'story.' But a sick turn on to the one writing it (well actually, cutting it and pasting it since it's run in other message boards before now).

 

I only got a couple paragraphs down when I realized I've seen this little fetish story too many times this past couple of years.

 

But thanks for playing, OP.

 

I mean....this is a real story but it's ok if you don't believe.And all those unnecessary details are actually the details that led me to consider divorce because I can't get over those certain details.That is why I pointed them out.Thank you for at least reading my experience!And just so you know the fact that you're comparing my story to some perverted narrations is a bit disrespectful but it's ok I get it.Things like that don't happen every day.

[Mr. Lucky]

After we had our daughter we stopped having it that often and eventually we ended up having it once a month,not every month,for that matter.My wife was disappointed in me.At first she was trying to conceal her disappointment but in time she started complaining.We had many arguments about it.I told her that somebody had to pay the bills etc. Obviously,I knew she wasn't happy but despite all we loved each other(or so I thought).Ultimately,she stopped asking for sex at all so I thought that she'd finally come to grips with our situation

 

Not sure whether your story is believable or not, but I'm trying to figure out why someone would think earning a living and having a healthy sexlife are mutually exclusive concepts ???

 

You expected your wife to "come to grips" with a frequency of less than once a month?

 

Mr. Lucky

[spanz1]

you knew you had a very sexual wife, and even though she was repeatedly asking you for sex, you denied her, and had it lapse to maybe once every other month. is that the gist of it?

 

 

Well, of course she is going to find a lover to sexually satisfy her. what the heck were you thinking?

 

 

AND since she has gotten tired of asking, that means she has probably fallen out of love with you too. And THAT seldom comes back. A nasty bit of work you concocted here. I have little advice on how to right this sinking ship!

[World's.Edge]

Cdelly your wife's behaviour and affair are on her. She didn't have to cheat on you, she chose to. She could have recommended marriage counselling, been more adamant about what she wanted or divorced you.

 

Ugh, it was kind of pathetic that you begged her to take you back, but not unexpected. It would have been a disaster if she let you believe that you two could work it out.

 

With regard to the video, do not upload or distribute it. Talk to an attorney first to see if the threat of the video footage might benefit you in the divorce. Otherwise, it migt be wise to hang on to it quetly. It's exstence may be illegal depending on your laws or could get you into trouble.

 

Your main concerns now should be your well-being and spending and taking care of your daughter.

 

Start exercising, hit the gym as often as you can and aim to be in the best shape of your life. Take up a sport, yoga, swim or some other interest that you can involve yourself in. Be a good and present father to your daughter, she is the most important person in your life.

 

Limit your communications with your soon to be ex-wife to text messages or email. Avoid phone calls or seeing and interacting with her in person unless you have to. Keep a calm, business like demeanor with her. Talk to her only when it has to do with your daughter, finances, or legal and household matters. This is to help you detach which will help with the grief and pain of your relationship ending.

 

Spend time with friends and family and confide in them. Maybe see a professional to help you work through this.

 

Your wife's behaviour may become unpredicatable following this, so prepare yourself. She might even try manipulating you or string you along into taking her back if her new relationship doesn't work out, don't. See the divorce through.

 

Sorry you have to go through this, it will be hard and it will be for a very long time but it will get better.

[aliveagain]

Who allows their wife to fu*k another man just to get evidence? Why on earth would you not confront her with the evidence you already had, you have access to her AM account. Were you just wanting proof of infidelity because you yourself want out of your marriage? You need to talk to a lawyer, taking the extra time to blow him instead of picking up your children is poor wife material and really poor mother material.

[World's.Edge]

Meh.

 

I've read this same story (or close variations of it) a few times now on numerous support boards over the last year or two. And all these stories contained a cuckolded husband who watched and/or taped his wife and her lover having sex for hours - and he never confronted them. Just hid and watched and listened to the whole 'show.'

 

Additionally, all these stories all contained explicitly graphic descriptions of the sexual positions they indulged in, telling us about all their dirty talk, and all the different taboo things they engaged in.

 

All completely unnecessary details and irrelevant to the 'story.' But a sick turn on to the one writing it (well actually, cutting it and pasting it since it's run in other message boards before now).

 

I only got a couple paragraphs down when I realized I've seen this little fetish story too many times this past couple of years.

 

But thanks for playing, OP.

Darn, I was had.. curses.

[TaraMaiden2]

Darn' date=' I was had.. curses.[/quote']

 

It's ok.

We had someone come onto our Buddhist forum and post precisely the same story, almost word for word.

I would give a link, but our ever-watchful and vigilant Head of Admin took it down, after (1) being alerted by another member and (2) confirming its existence - virtually word for word - elsewhere.

On 3 other sites, he found, to be exact.....

 

It's in the Moderator record file, and to cut/copy and paste from there, or provide a link, is not... "good Form" or acceptable.

 

ETA: I have unsubscribed from automatic notifications, on this thread.

It's a waste of time for me....

Edited September 24, 2015 by TaraMaiden2

[Spectre]

Dude she is NOT a better parent then you. Look at how she behaves. Assuming the story is true of course. If it is true..then no she is not a better parent she is a piece of trash you need to get rid of.