Surfer Joe Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Just got out of a 12 year relationship (married for 9 of those years). I'm a 38-year-old male. I have two small children (5.5 year-old-boy and 3 year-old-girl). Decent job and so on. My ex initiated the divorce for reasons where "divorce" didn't seem like the appropriate response...but it is what it is. I went through some positive changes during the ordeal and I feel like I came out as a better person. There is, of course, emotional baggage. It was a relatively "painless" divorce as we didn't really fight it out. We went through it amicably and actually lived in the same house until everything was final (it's been about a month). How do I know when it's okay to date again? I know right now would be a big mistake. I have too many questions in my head? Am I actually over my ex or am I just looking for someone to replace her? Am I just looking for the "next thing"? Am I bored? Am I just trying the hole? I know I also need to make my kids my top priority right now. This has been rough on them. I need to be there as much as I can for them (we have 50/50 custody) and that means putting my needs on the back burner for now. In the past 20 years I haven't been single very long. I just had this 12 year relationship and before I met my ex there was only a 5-month gap between her and the girl I almost married (and that relationship went back a further 4-years) and then there were a handful of other relationships that kind of came and went. I feel the "itch" to start looking - I know I need to not think about that right now. I feel fairly confident that when the time is right I'll find someone... ...but I have no idea how long to wait? How do I know when my emotions are healthy enough to move on? Any advice would be appreciated!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surfer Joe Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 I have one female friend in particular who has become a "safe female friend" which I think is good. We casually flirt on a regular basis - but she knows my situation and it's clear that even if I wanted there to be something more - there can't be anything more right now...and I'm okay with that. Lord knows that if my situation were different I'd pursue her - the desire to pursue her is there - and it's a battle against what I know I should do and what part of me wants to do. I will do the right thing. I will wait until I'm ready...but waiting is tough! Link to post Share on other sites
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