Suspicious, Irrational Control Freak - At the End of my Rope

[Jacob_Duluoz]

Dude, you can do better. I get why you're sentimental, but they are using and abusing you. They will survive without you and you can move on in having a happy, stable life.

[BlueIris]

Yes, BlueIris, I've been there through their teen years, driven them to school, helped them get drivers license and their first jobs, and encouraged a college education. (I'm a college graduate, my girlfriend is not). I even bought cars for them

 

However, I will catch hell if I EVER dare to say anything negative about her kids or I will get accused of hating them. Can you imagine if I suggested they move out, or find their own place? Unthinkable! ALL of their cousins, all in their 20s, still live at home, some take random community college classes and have retail jobs, but they don't contribute financially. That's not even on the table in their culture. They'll live at home forever, even if they get married (or live at the spouses' family's house).

 

See how it is? I could not get them to think about my upbringing, where EVERyone I knew looked forward to, and worked hard towards, their independence. I guess nowadays, these so-called "millenials" live at home longer, get home-cooked meals and few responsibilities, essentially making it easy for them not to leave home. Their parents aren't doing them any favors, either, by enabling them.

 

 

 

Believe me, I have had this conversation many times before with my girlfriend. I am dealing with a person whose capacities for reason and empathy are like those of a child, despite my best efforts to ask her to deal with these issue as a grownup. It's a losing argument, every time. Blame-shifting is what happens. I am the one who is "selfish" and doesn't show respect, apparently. Any attempt for respect for my position and needs and wishes will fall on deaf, uncomprehending ears.

 

You’re in an abusive relationship. An abusive person will twist and blame and attack in any way they know how, but not solve things. So you have to solve your problem and she’ll react the way she reacts. There is absolutely no value at all in trying to get her to care or understand your position or be fair or any of that. Expect more insults and blaming (that’s what she does, right? It isn’t going to change now). Stay on course. Be wise about getting your stuff out of the house. Once you’re out of this mess, you’ll get greater clarity and peace.

 

(And there are responsible hard-working millennials. You're just living with irresponsible people in general.)