"Independence from men,,,,,"

[Krieger]

I don't think it is misandrist as much as lots of women get tired of society assuming we are weak and helpless without a man... and it's implied that its not just good enough that we have a man in our life, but we must also be married and he's the head of the household too.

 

 

How would you feel, as a man, to be told that you were worthless as a 'man' if you weren't married? And not only married, but that your spouse was supposed to be in charge too, or else you aren't doing your part as a (fill in the blank). Would you like that? How about if it was getting shoved down your throat on a regular basis that you aren't normal unless you are 'submitting' to your husband or to God's will for your life, as a woman.

 

 

This is more or less what the religious right is telling most of us, if you ask me. I get really sick and tired of this one way garbage directed at women, telling us it's our fault for the breakdown of the family, blabbety blah. You know, it takes two to tango.

 

 

We women aren't little children that NEED tending to, anymore than men are little children that need mommying. It rather sucks to have to keep pointing out that most women just want a happy life with a guy who cares about them and vice versa. I don't think it is any more complicated than that...

 

 

... if it is your perception that there are just bucketloads of misandrist women running around saying they don't NEED men, that's likely because of what I said above. It has nothing to do with their day-to-day relationships with decent men who don't hold the kind of beliefs that make lots of women want to run the other way.

 

 

My only issue is when woman are not responsible with there reproductive organs .

 

I have family members that think it is OK to have 3 kids by 3 different men not one was a LTR or even been close to being married . Has not interest in providing for her kids by working . She just wants to live off the government and have the government be the child's be the father of her children.

 

If a guy were to have 3 kids by 3 different woman if he cant pay he goes to jail.

 

I also why would a woman keep on having kids on top of kids if she lived Americas crap hole chiraq AKA Chicago?

 

Sorry to say kids with out both parents have a deack stack aginst them in life.

[RedRobin]

I had my tubes tied to avoid having any accidents. It is/was my intention to adopt since there are so many children without good homes.

 

 

Yet, lots of guys still prefer to have their own biological children... even if they know the mom won't always stick around.

 

 

Not sure what can be done about that. We require people to have a license to drive a car, yet anyone who is physically capable is allowed to be a parent. Beats me.

[GoodOnPaper]

How would you feel, as a man, to be told that you were worthless as a 'man' if you weren't married? And not only married, but that your spouse was supposed to be in charge too, or else you aren't doing your part as a (fill in the blank). Would you like that? How about if it was getting shoved down your throat on a regular basis that you aren't normal unless you are 'submitting' to your husband or to God's will for your life, as a woman.

 

I certainly felt worthless as a "man" for not being married -- and if I couldn't be married, for not at least being able to get dates. On the whole submitting thing, don't assume that the Religious Right has the accurate interpretation on what a traditional marriage means. According to my understanding of scripture, they have twisted something very fundamental that traditional cultures understand. Remember, the folks that comprise the Religious Right are just as much a part of today's Western, individualistic culture as you and I are.

 

Anyway, back on topic, my gut reaction to seeing a woman put front and center things like "I don't need a man" or "independent" is twofold:

 

-- she doesn't really want a man, so at most, she'll find a ONS/FWB guy from time to time when she needs a release

 

-- or she is posting some type of "challenge" to stir up men's competitive instincts

 

Of course, the men that are most likely to respond to this and respond well are those who are adept at the short-term casual game. Either way, I think that over time, more and more decent relationship-minded men are going to be filtered out because they don't have 6-pack abs, model cheekbones, and ONS seduction skills.

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't think it is misandrist as much as lots of women get tired of society assuming we are weak and helpless without a man... and it's implied that its not just good enough that we have a man in our life, but we must also be married and he's the head of the household too.

 

 

How would you feel, as a man, to be told that you were worthless as a 'man' if you weren't married? And not only married, but that your spouse was supposed to be in charge too, or else you aren't doing your part as a (fill in the blank). Would you like that? How about if it was getting shoved down your throat on a regular basis that you aren't normal unless you are 'submitting' to your husband or to God's will for your life, as a woman.

 

 

This is more or less what the religious right is telling most of us, if you ask me. I get really sick and tired of this one way garbage directed at women, telling us it's our fault for the breakdown of the family, blabbety blah. You know, it takes two to tango.

 

 

We women aren't little children that NEED tending to, anymore than men are little children that need mommying. It rather sucks to have to keep pointing out that most women just want a happy life with a guy who cares about them and vice versa. I don't think it is any more complicated than that...

 

 

... if it is your perception that there are just bucketloads of misandrist women running around saying they don't NEED men, that's likely because of what I said above. It has nothing to do with their day-to-day relationships with decent men who don't hold the kind of beliefs that make lots of women want to run the other way.

 

 

That's all great until you need to move a hot water heater or a refrigerator....:lmao:

 

(kidding)

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

That's all great until you need to move a hot water heater or a refrigerator....:lmao:

 

(kidding)

 

TFY

 

I know you are kidding... But... Truth? A few years ago, I wanted this ancient behemoth 1960's GE refrigerator out of my kitchen... Like pronto. Most of my male friends aren't into lifting weights, or have a bad back, whatever.

 

I called up UHaul... Rented an appliance dolly. Out it went. Easy peezy.

 

Now, if you want to move a piano.... Yea, call a professional.

 

I will say though... It was pretty sexy when my BF came over and split a big stack of firewood from a tree I had to have cut down. Not because I couldn't do it myself... I had already mAde quite a stack... But dang, he was so good at it. He grew up having to split lots of firewood on the family farm. Even more fun was watching him teach his teenage son how to split wood. Super sweet❤️❤️❤️

 

Edited: need to add that all of my male friends have wives or girlfriends who I am also friends with...

Edited September 26, 2015 by RedRobin

[bachdude]

I do not think women need men per se nor do men need women.

 

BUT...

 

with very few exceptions, we need a certain amount of interaction with other people. Most people need relationships with others.

 

Reality is, we have emotional needs that can only be met by other people,

 

I mean, babies DIE if they are not held and cuddled.

 

As adults we still NEED affection, love, attention, and someone else to relate to.

 

Lack of this is called solitary confinement and most people lose their minds if left in that situation for a long enough period of time!

 

Marriage or romantic relationships are one way to fulfill these needs but not the only way.

[Woggle]

Nobody technically needs anybody to survive but a woman who feels the need to shout from the rooftops how superfluous men are in her life is a red flag. It's not somebody I would ever want to pursue a relationship with if I were single. Anybody man or woman who feels the need to say how much they don't need the opposite sex has an issue with the opposite sex.

[eye of the storm]

I do not think women need men per se nor do men need women.

 

BUT...

 

with very few exceptions, we need a certain amount of interaction with other people. Most people need relationships with others.

 

Reality is, we have emotional needs that can only be met by other people,

 

I mean, babies DIE if they are not held and cuddled.

 

As adults we still NEED affection, love, attention, and someone else to relate to.

 

Lack of this is called solitary confinement and most people lose their minds if left in that situation for a long enough period of time!

 

Marriage or romantic relationships are one way to fulfill these needs but not the only way.

 

Wish I could multiple like this post. Spot on!

[katiegrl]

katiegrl's words to her boyfriend (now fiance):

 

"I don't need "a" man; I need YOU ....... because I love you, you love me, and your love inspires me and fulfills me in ways I never thought possible, and while I was certainly happy before I met you, I am sooooo much "happier" now that you are in my life ...."

 

No I don't need a man to take care of me, to survive in this harsh world or to be happy.

 

But when a woman finds the "right" man ...the man who will love her, cherish her, accept her .... it's his love that will fulfill her and make her happy in ways she never thought possible until she met "him."

[katiegrl]

What an odd correlation to make!

 

 

 

****Since I'm also a woman who doesn't need a man, but instead wants a man***,

 

 

 

I'll bet d0nnivan and her man have tons of [good, healthy, happy and] frequent sex. Having [good, healthy, happy and] frequent sex is one of the best ways to show your man he's wanted.

 

 

I actually don't want "a" man.

 

I want MY man for reasons stated in my above post.

 

If he were gone ....I still would not want *a* man .... that implies any man will do to fulfill a "want.*

 

That's not healthy either!

[katiegrl]

She said she doesn't need him. I was just going by what she said. When I love someone with all of my heart, I need them in my life. I am a big enough person to admit that. Of course I can live without them... like I can live without my arm.

 

Exactly and thank you! After reading all these posts debating *want* versus *need*, once again I was thinking I was anomaly around here!

[katiegrl]

Oh come on. I don't think you actually read the OP - this isn't the sort of need he was talking about at all. Needing a man/woman is not the same as getting to know a specific person and feeling that you need them in your life.

 

Oh but I think that is precisely the type of need the OP was taliking about.

 

Do you really think he was talking about needing a man to fix the toilet? Lol

 

I don't think so .....

[katiegrl]

And to those women who say they *want* a man, the right man ..... to love, cherish and accept them (and vice versa) .... would you not "need" the right man for those same reasons?

 

I am not understanding the difference.

 

Or maybe if you did meet the right man who loved and cherished you, you would not *need* him or his love in your life? Is that how you feel?

 

If that's the case, then why bother with men (or seeking the right man) at all?

 

I am not talking about needing a man to fix your toilet or car, or to survive.

 

It's about needing the *right* man's love and support to *enhance* your already happy life.

 

This argument of want versus need is very confusing to me.

Edited September 26, 2015 by katiegrl

[mrldii]

And to those women who say they *want* a man, the right man ..... to love, cherish and accept them (and vice versa) .... would you not "need" the right man for those same reasons?

 

I am not understanding the difference.

 

Or maybe if you did meet the right man who loved and cherished you, you would not *need* him or his love in your life? Is that how you feel?

 

If that's the case, then why bother with men (or seeking the right man) at all?

 

I am not talking about needing a man to fix your toilet or car, or to survive.

 

It's about needing the *right* man's love and support to *enhance* your already happy life.

 

This argument of want versus need is very confusing to me.

 

 

Perhaps we are now dealing in semantics, but I'll take a shot at why the confusion (since it appears we're both saying the same thing):

 

 

I need food, shelter, air to breathe, and my job to make the money to pay for the things necessary to my survival. I don't need "the *right* man's love and support to *enhance* [my] already happy life"; if I DID need it, I'd be dead because I've been without it for at least four years.

 

But, yes, I want "the *right* man's love and support to *enhance* [my] already happy life".

 

 

IMHO when you need something, you're more apt to make poor decisions: eating fast food because you're starving NOW orstaying at a lousy job 'cuz, hey, it's a paycheck. When you want something, you can afford a more leisurely pace while searching for that which you desire.

 

 

In any event, the OP (as most do) was asking our opinions...so I'll stick with mine, as originally presented: I don't need a manin my life; I want a man in my life. My opinion has served my life well for 55+ years...I suspect it'll continue to so for another 55, if need be.

[RedRobin]

I do not think women need men per se nor do men need women.

 

BUT...

 

with very few exceptions, we need a certain amount of interaction with other people. Most people need relationships with others.

 

Reality is, we have emotional needs that can only be met by other people,

 

I mean, babies DIE if they are not held and cuddled.

 

As adults we still NEED affection, love, attention, and someone else to relate to.

 

Lack of this is called solitary confinement and most people lose their minds if left in that situation for a long enough period of time!

 

Marriage or romantic relationships are one way to fulfill these needs but not the only way.

That is absolutely true, and when I am not in a loving, monogamous relationship... I feel very much like one of the baby monkeys in that cruel experiment back in the 1960's...

 

You are right, romantic relationships aren't the only way to have our needs for physical touch met, but it sure is nice. I notice the difference right away in my ability to sleep, and my overall crankiness level. Still... I would rather deal with that than do casual sex or FWB. I would rather shoot myself... Seriously... Than be any man's f*ck buddy.

 

Edited: I believe it is only women who are obliged to walk this tightrope of wanting and maybe even needing the love of a good man in her life, with the desire to have some agency in her own life. Men are not asked to 'choose' that way by society. If he is monogamous, and has a steady job, he is doing his part. Not so for women. Very tired of hearing this very worn out argument...

 

What I hear... As a woman... Is no... I am not going to play dumb or weak, so that a guy can feel special. If that makes him feel less of a man, then that's not my problem. As far as I can tell... Shyte needs to be done, and I don't really care who does it. Everyone pitches in to the best of their ability...

Edited September 27, 2015 by RedRobin

[katiegrl]

Perhaps we are now dealing in semantics, but I'll take a shot at why the confusion (since it appears we're both saying the same thing):

 

 

I need food, shelter, air to breathe, and my job to make the money to pay for the things necessary to my survival. I don't need "the *right* man's love and support to *enhance* [my] already happy life"; if I DID need it, I'd be dead because I've been without it for at least four years.

 

But, yes, I want "the *right* man's love and support to *enhance* [my] already happy life".

 

 

IMHO when you need something, you're more apt to make poor decisions: eating fast food because you're starving NOW orstaying at a lousy job 'cuz, hey, it's a paycheck. When you want something, you can afford a more leisurely pace while searching for that which you desire.

 

 

In any event, the OP (as most do) was asking our opinions...so I'll stick with mine, as originally presented: I don't need a manin my life; I want a man in my life. My opinion has served my life well for 55+ years...I suspect it'll continue to so for another 55, if need be.

 

Oh I hear ya mrld, and before I met my current, I felt same as you, even with my previous boyfriends. Did not need a man for emotional support, to enhance my life, or even to love me, I was perfectly fine and extremely happy on my own... and intended for it to stay that way.

 

But I sure did *want* that one special man ... for the same reasons as you, and then I found him. And although I am still extremely independent, with my own mind, opinions, activities, survival skills, etc, after five years, I feel like I do *need* him in a way, as I have become quite accustomed to (okay dependant on) all of the emotional support he gives me, and love, among other things ..... and vice versa.

 

Will I die if he went away? No course not. Is it unhealthy that I *need* him a bit? I don't think so, but it is what it is. And there is not much I can do about it now even if it was unhealthy. Hopefully, we will both be in each other's lives for a long long time, so I won't need to worry about it.....

 

Sometimes this scares me though, in fact it was one reason why I have been hesitant to marry him ...for fear of becoming *too* emotionally dependant on him..... but we are engaged now, and we are both really happy.....

 

But again, thanks for responding, I understand exactly where you're coming from...... and totally respect it. :bunny:

Edited September 27, 2015 by katiegrl

[Got it]

So, to sum up the whole argument. Some people are more comfortable saying they want someone, others are more comfortable saying they need someone. We can agree to disagree on the semantics and personal preferences and this whole debate as really not equaled to anything other than the above.

 

Oh, and the small minority of men who again push their "women hate men and I hate women" campaign.

 

There you go, you're welcome. :laugh: