I'm an absolute moron

[Soul-Searcher]

For making contact with my family and coming back to them. For anyone who knows my history, you will know of the stormy relationship I had with them and me moving out in 2008. Well stupid me went back last year and I am realising that not much has changed. Long story short, I was in an abusive situation with my family because I had a White bf, I am Indian and it caused a lot of stress which lead me to leave home. I stupidly came back because I guess I was feeling homesick and I thought they had changed. Like hell they have.

 

I am just glad I can come and go when I please (to a point) and this time they are not stealing my wages. I have a university place guaranteed where I will get away from them. I have been back a year and I have cut off 2 siblings and my mother. My mother and I live under the same roof and we do not speak. One of the sisters who I have cut off accused me of causing her miscarriage when I was forced to leave home and live in a woman's shelter, said I am worth nothing and came crawling back to the family because I couldn't cope being alone. I told her I coped fine for over 6 yrs and would wipe the floor with her when it comes to being independent. She is the one who at 41 years old cannot cut the apron strings. She is an interfering old boot and has no idea what my life has been like. I haven't spoken to her in almost a year either. When she comes over, I refuse to acknowledge her. She hasn't apologised for her comments and other family members defended her miscarriage comments which just goes to show how effed up this family is. More issue was made about me telling her to eff off than her accusing me of something so despicable.

 

I had zero contact with the fam for 6 years and now I am wishing it had stayed that way. I recently went to the doctor as I feel constantly exhausted and was feeling suicidal a few months ago (I tried committing suicide in the past and have history of self harm which they brushed under the carpet and have conveniently forgotten).

 

The thing I can't get over is they cannot understand why I left home in the first place, like they are suffering from what I call "convenient amnesia". It pisses me off how their arrogance and pride is preventing them from admitting their mistakes when my extended family saw the damage they were causing me. My mother states she has done nothing wrong which is a huge kick in the teeth. I have a blood test on Tuesday and gonna get in touch with a mental health support group. Also looking at internships to prepare me for my masters so I can get the hell away from them. If mother dearest tries anything (and she won't if she knows what's good for her), I will raise hell and not be bullied into submission like last time which pushed me to breaking point.

 

It's been such a long time since I've posted here it feels really weird. Hope I see some familiar names responding to this thread but I also look forward to some new faces.

 

Thank you.

Edited September 25, 2015 by Soul-Searcher

[anika99]

I don't know your whole story but in this case it's rather obvious that you need to leave that household. It's not wise to stay in a situation that is threatening to your physical and mental health. Forget about getting an apology or expecting people to change. It won't happen and it's a waste of emotional energy to even spend time thinking about it. As a side note it sounds like everyone in your family, including you, has a dysfunctional habit of pointing fingers and blaming others for their decisions and problems.

[turnera]

They are all dysfunctional and sick. Why even care what they believe? You know it's all wrong, dysfunctional, and harmful. You sound just fine. Make plans to move out asap and run as fast as you can. I cut out my own dad and was glad I did. You'll be better off.

[GorillaTheater]

Soul Searcher, it's great to see you!

 

I don't know that I have any advice, because you already know what to do and are following the right path. I'm sorry for any pain this is causing you.