lookin ahead Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I am moving and i needed to clear up some stuff and i found so many memorable things from my wedding day, i donated the shoes to salvation army along with a few other things that came to the surface. I still have my photo albums my mom is against me throwing it out and i just hid them away from site at my mom's. I also have a box full of things from my wedding, keepsakes, i still have my bouquet which is dried and a bunch of other things. The pictures are the worst for me i have hundreds and hundreds of photos sneaking out from every corner different thumb drives etc, i also threw out the extra invitation cards that we had left over that we didn't get to use from our wedding i also found our wedding video, one personal with just his mom and grandma and me with my mom and grandma and it was a video we made where we went for a stroll through the beach just randomly spending the day together and the other is the official wedding video. I don't know what to do with all this stuff, i just don't want to regret it later since its memories after all. Even though we are divorced and haven't spoken since i don't know what to do with these things.... My mom doesn't want me to throw anything out incase i have children in the future and they are curious to see some history. what did you do with all your memories and things like emotional things not household stuff but like the photos, wedding memories etc..? Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I donated my dress and shoes. The only thing I kept was photos. What else are you trying to keep? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lookin ahead Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 I donated my dress and shoes. The only thing I kept was photos. What else are you trying to keep? I just don't know if i should throw everything out as though it never happened...albums and all.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I tossed anything and everything but understand why some might feel differently, it's a personal decision. Why not keep a dozen or so pictures and discard the rest? I don't see the sense in keeping multiple albums and leftover keepsakes. Mom doesn't get a vote. The person you have to satisfy is you... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FooledMeTwice Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I threw out everything affiliated with her, but kept my wedding album for my child's sake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Exactly 6 year ago today was my wedding day. Less than 2 years later, it was all over. We sold our house as part of the divorce settlement. While packing up in preparation of moving to my new house I came across a lot of stuff from our wedding. I threw most of it in the bin, it had no value to me at all anymore. Put the rest on FreeCycle or gave to charity. For a while, I wasn't too sure what to do with the wedding album but it seems to have gone missing during the move. And that's fine with me. I donated my dress to a lady who makes funeral clothes out of wedding dresses for babies and small children. Seemed like a worthwhile cause to me. It's a hugely personal decision but I found it very cathartic to get rid of it all. Clean slate and all that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 (edited) I just don't know if i should throw everything out as though it never happened...albums and all.. "As though it never happened"? Strange phrase, I never quite understand why people use it. For it to be "as though it never happened" you would also need a memory wipe. We're talking Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, or Back To the Future. Throwing some things away does not make it "as though it never happened". It just makes your house tidier, you're less likely to have sad memories dredged up, and future partners will feel more comfortable. As for my wedding stuff, I threw it all out or ebayed it, except for the photos. I kept them on my computer for a while (mostly because of the amount they cost rather than any sentimental reason!!!), then after a while, deleted them too. All I have left is one small album in the loft in case I ever want to show anyone. Haven't looked at it in years. Is it "as though it never happened"? No, it still happened. But it's in the past. There's no need to keep reminders. My mom doesn't want me to throw anything out incase i have children in the future and they are curious to see some history. If you had kids with your ex husband then it would be another matter entirely. I doubt any future kids you have would be interested in your previous marriage. My mum was married before, and I've never wanted to see the pics from that. My parents wedding, yes I'm very glad I can see those pics! But her previous marriage... no... not interested in a guy she split up with before meeting my dad. Edited September 25, 2015 by PegNosePete 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 My mom doesn't want me to throw anything out incase i have children in the future and they are curious to see some history. Occurs to me that part of Mom's attachment might be financial - she probably paid for the wedding. As a courtesy, you should offer her the albums before you toss them if so decided... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Threw it all out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lookin ahead Posted September 26, 2015 Author Share Posted September 26, 2015 after much debate i just don't have the heart to throw out some of the things, i am still hurting... i just left everything in a closet hidden from site in a box at my mom's. I honestly feel like the connection me and him had i will never have with anyone else ever, we were so ridiculously comfortable and close with each other. No matter how much pain he caused i only shadow it by the happy times and i hate myself for it. I am still so very hurt i guess im just looking for excuses to hold on to something that is over anyway, as far as photos etc, i traveled a lot with him and we have so many memories that i just don't have the heart to delete the photos, i just kept everything in a hard drive and away from site as well. I mean even though its over and it ended so badly, i don't regret our memories because not everything was bad despite how much i dislike him as a person and despite how unjust and unfair i feel he was towards me, sadly even after a year and a half since our divorce i still genuinely love him:sick: i'm sure he didn't have this struggle with the pictures and things of mine i left behind, i left everything of mines, im sure he didn't think twice like i'm doing now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lookin ahead Posted September 26, 2015 Author Share Posted September 26, 2015 Occurs to me that part of Mom's attachment might be financial - she probably paid for the wedding. As a courtesy, you should offer her the albums before you toss them if so decided... Mr. Lucky We all pitched in for the wedding his parents, my parents, myself, and my ex, we all divided costs between the four of us. Your right, i kept the albums, she just feels that there are pictures with my family that are important to hold on to, for instance one of my uncles that attended my wedding he passed away last year and i have pictures with my grandparents and brother etc that are sentimental i guess and i understand her. I've decided to just store everything away and never dig it up or look for it again. Link to post Share on other sites
ChicagoSparty Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 I literally don't have one single artifact from our entire relationship (dating/marriage). She has it all, and that's fine with me. There are some pics of when our kids were babies/toddlers that I wouldn't mind having, but both of us are in them, so I don't know. I do have 2 pics on FB that have her in them(w/kids), but that's the only evidence I have that we were married. I'm much happier not having a bunch of stuff associated with a sh*tty relationship surrounding me all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Hell Yeah Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) i was helping my ex clear out some stuff in her house while we were together I came across the hen outfit with extras......pretty much everything was in intact except for the photo album and dress which the Mum has She still has the engagement ring......and refused to do anything with it He's a monster (and yes he's that bad), they were together on and off for years but weren't married for even a year My question is why keep any of it if that person is such an inhumane monster? Why keep material memories of something that was a lie and completely vial They broke up 4-5 years ago and divorced a few years ago I never understood personally. Any perspective please? Edited September 26, 2015 by Hell Yeah error 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lookin ahead Posted September 26, 2015 Author Share Posted September 26, 2015 i was helping my ex clear out some stuff in her house while we were together I came across the hen outfit with extras......pretty much everything was in intact except for the photo album and dress which the Mum has She still has the engagement ring......and refused to do anything with it He's a monster (and yes he's that bad), they were together on and off for years but weren't married for even a year My question is why keep any of it if that person is such an inhumane monster? Why keep material memories of something that was a lie and completely vial They broke up 4-5 years ago and divorced a few years ago I never understood personally. Any perspective please? Although i can't speak for your ex, Personally, with me, it's the history,he was a huge part of my life and he holds sentimental value no matter how much of an a-hole he was. It didn't start that way, maybe it's because im a woman and i am more emotional and sentimental about things. Maybe in a few more years i'll get rid of some things, time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 If you had kids with your ex husband then it would be another matter entirely. I doubt any future kids you have would be interested in your previous marriage. My mum was married before, and I've never wanted to see the pics from that. My parents wedding, yes I'm very glad I can see those pics! But her previous marriage... no... not interested in a guy she split up with before meeting my dad. My mom was previously married. She had a couple pictures of her ex. One of them together and one of him. I looked at them when I was young because I was curious about what kind of guy my mom married in her youth and what she looked like at that time in her life. Other than that, I didn't care. I went through everything from my marriage and pitched it. Not just the wedding, the entire relationship. All I kept were some photos and that was because we had two children together. The pictures that were of me or scenery from trips, I kept. Any pictures with my ex in them I gave to my kids or my former MIL. I was debating keeping the wedding bands for the kids, but before I could make a decision, my ex (who had given me his band when we split up) stole the set from where I had them stored and pawned them. The kids are now 22 and 16. Neither of them have looked at the pictures or even brought them up in years. Even then, they only looked because I brought out the photos to show them. They weren't very interested. I'm starting to think I could probably reduce down to just a couple pictures for each kid and they wouldn't care a whit. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) i was helping my ex clear out some stuff in her house while we were together I came across the hen outfit with extras......pretty much everything was in intact except for the photo album and dress which the Mum has She still has the engagement ring......and refused to do anything with it He's a monster (and yes he's that bad), they were together on and off for years but weren't married for even a year My question is why keep any of it if that person is such an inhumane monster? Why keep material memories of something that was a lie and completely vial They broke up 4-5 years ago and divorced a few years ago I never understood personally. Any perspective please? The wedding was probably a big deal to her. You know, her special day and all that. Many girls grow up dreaming of and planning for that day long before they find a groom. Perhaps she keeps the mementos because she associates them more with her wedding than with the man she married. Edited September 26, 2015 by MJJean Link to post Share on other sites
Hell Yeah Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 Although i can't speak for your ex, Personally, with me, it's the history,he was a huge part of my life and he holds sentimental value no matter how much of an a-hole he was. It didn't start that way, maybe it's because im a woman and i am more emotional and sentimental about things. Maybe in a few more years i'll get rid of some things, time will tell. appreciate your perspective thank you. I guess we are all different in how we act towards our past Link to post Share on other sites
Hell Yeah Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 The wedding was probably a big deal to her. You know, her special day and all that. Many girls grow up dreaming of and planning for that day long before they find a groom. Perhaps she keeps the mementos because she associates them more with her wedding than with the man she married. of course and concur with that, and I'm sure its a piece for her to keep that reminds her of that day, and probably a little piece of worth that the damage that was done had some good from it. I was just always sad for her marrying him as she really is deep down an amazing person and he is not, i cannot express how much of an monster he is, that day should of never happened. Its the most perverse toxic relationship I've ever heard. He shouldn't of had that chance to give her that as he completely violated the relationship from start to finish. And she hasn't healed at all from that experience and I'm not surprised really. But hey that's off topic, thanks for the opinions, they are much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) what did you do with all your memories and things like emotional things not household stuff but like the photos, wedding memories etc..? i threw most of it. i kept the most important things, like our wedding pictures, my wedding dress & just small significant things he gave me throughout our relationship...just stuff that actually meant something. i wanted it as a reminder of one part of my life. but there were a lot of other pictures and things i honestly saw as a complete waste. at first, i kept it ALL but as the time passed and i got over it - i threw it away & kept only those stuff i saw as the most important. i keep them in the box at my attic, along with all he other stuff i "collect" as reminders of something significant in my life. Edited September 26, 2015 by minimariah 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lookin ahead Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 i threw most of it. i kept the most important things, like our wedding pictures, my wedding dress & just small significant things he gave me throughout our relationship...just stuff that actually meant something. i wanted it as a reminder of one part of my life. but there were a lot of other pictures and things i honestly saw as a complete waste. at first, i kept it ALL but as the time passed and i got over it - i threw it away & kept only those stuff i saw as the most important. i keep them in the box at my attic, along with all he other stuff i "collect" as reminders of something significant in my life. this is exactly how i feel, time will tell and as time heals all i guess i can get rid of stuff with time. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 this is exactly how i feel, time will tell and as time heals all i guess i can get rid of stuff with time. yeah. with time as you move on & reach the level of indifference - it really become just stuff. when i see those things now it's like "awwwwwww, my dress looked so cute!!!!" & "awwww we were so madly in love!!!" but that's really it. you'll come to the point where you're able to think of it as a moment in your life, instead as some huge sad tragedy or failure or something. Link to post Share on other sites
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