figgurinoutlife Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 I know NC is to heal, but how long does it take for your ex to miss you while doing NC? Why are my feelings becoming more intense for her after doing NC for a month? Do you think she is feeling the same way. (By the way I told her not to call me) otherwise she would every day and she says she doesnt want to get back together, that is why I started it. So do you think she misses me? Do the feelings become more intense for both parties the longer your apart if you were very very close when we were going out and after the breakup? She was upset because I started NC, I told her through an email why I was doing it, and by the way she is very stubborn as well. Question for the dumpers - How long did it take you to REALLY start to miss your ex when not talking to them at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Sharmaine Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 A couple of boyfriends I've dumped in the past, I didn't miss them at all after I'd dumped them and no matter how much time elapsed between us. If I'd had any 'real' feelings for them, then I wouldn't have dumped in the first place. We didn't remain friends, but parted the ways and I never saw either of them again and they are ex's I never and don't give a passing thought too. I guess it depends upon your reasons for breaking up/how close you were/how strong the emotional bond is. You said that you broke up with your ex while you were still very close, why then did you break up? I have also broken up with an ex, who I did still love deeply. I broke up with him because of his lack of committment to me, I wanted more from him than he was prepared to give. He'd said that things were fine just as they were between us and he hadn't wanted to end it. Almost immediately I regretted my decision to end things and I missed him terribly. I didn't get back in touch with him however because then he'd have won and the relationship would've gone back to the way we were and back to exactly how it had suited him and I'd wanted things MY way. I thought that by sticking to my guns he'd change his mind, but he never did, so my plan backfired on me. Years later I still think of him, I never got over him Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 About a month into the breakup, I missed her more than I ever had before and ever have since. There were about two weeks that seemed like a downward spiral, with each day being more depressing than the last, culminating in finals week. And then I woke up one day, realized that it wasn't worth spending 24 hours a day worrying about her, and just went on with my life. I haven't felt that burning pain since. I only really missed her after I thought I was already mostly over her, and then all of a sudden I got so depressed that I didn't think I was ever going to smile again. But, like everything else, that passed. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 The guys I have broken up with, I never missed them. After I broke up with them, I was through. The only guy I would miss terribly after breaking up with, was my last ex. Although, this last and final breakup was initiated by him. I think what kept me missing him when I would break up with him in the past, was the circumstances. Basically, he would leave me with no choice but to dump him. He would do something so terrible that I had to. So, it wasn't like we fell out of love really, but that we made terrible choices to eachother that would make us stupid to forgive. It has been 7 months since my breakup and I still miss him. I don't think I would ever want him back, for making me so miserable after the breakup, but I miss him. I miss the good times we had and having a companion. I think you feel happiness again after you meet someone else to love.... Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 Figgurin, it depends. If you're very much in love it might take you a year or two. Sharmaine, your case is specific as you didn't really get to know your ex-BF's faults. You broke off because of "neutral" reasons. By the way, you absolutely have nothing to regret. If you broke off and he didn't try to keep you, if the pain of losing you was smaller than the "pain" of commitment then he didn't truly love you. You may start forgetting him now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer if the pain of losing you was smaller than the "pain" of commitment then he didn't truly love you. You may start forgetting him now.. Yep, you're right. I needed to read that for my own personal reasons this morning. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 If they did something mean or hateful to me then it would take about 2 seconds. If I truely cared and loved them then probably until I found someone to love again. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 When he didn't call me for 3 days and then dropped 2 five page letters on my front door...Oh man I broke down Link to post Share on other sites
lostinmyself Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 Being the dumper....Never. When I'm done, I'm DONE! Being the dumpee (mutual dumping, really that sounds funny!)....well anyway, I still miss him and have for 15 years now. Although the time in between thinking of him grows further apart as the years pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 There is only one EX I missed when I ended the relationship.. It was difficult because I didn't really want to end the relationship BUT I knew he would never change and I no longer had any trust for him or belief in his words. Made it worse because he cried and asked for one last chance, but He had already had several chances and I think we both knew he wasn't going to change. He continued to contact me and still does on occassion now.. but now it isn't difficult to not respond to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author figgurinoutlife Posted May 18, 2005 Author Share Posted May 18, 2005 I told her not to call me, but just wondering how anal she will be in going by my wishes. She is so stubborn she probably won't call to teach me a lesson. If she doesn't call, when should I try to initiate contact again? Link to post Share on other sites
at750gr Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 In my case, after a 'mutal' breakup, she just decided to cut contact without giving me a reason. I respected that, although it was bitter for me. And yes, I miss her and think about her but I decided to move on. The problem is that although she decided NC and I made it clear that there is no 'let's be friends' chance, she was the one sending me random emails and contacting me at random times. I guess she only did it to 'remind' me of her presence. Now we're in contact again, and what I don't understand is that one day she tells me she knows we're meant to be together and then she just ignores me. I'm very confused, but I think she's just trying to test the waters and see if she's still in my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author figgurinoutlife Posted May 18, 2005 Author Share Posted May 18, 2005 I think she will be too afraid to call me thinking I still won't answer the phone. Don't think she takes rejection to well. It may be too painful for her to call me if she thinks I will react negatively, so therefore she doesn't. I could maybe talk to her decently now that a month has passed. It is just weird that my feelings are getting more intense for her now after a month - hope it dies down. Maybe her feelings for me are getting more intense? Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by figgurinoutlife I told her not to call me, but just wondering how anal she will be in going by my wishes. She is so stubborn she probably won't call to teach me a lesson. If she doesn't call, when should I try to initiate contact again? If you told her not to call, then you should have meant it. It sounds a little like a game, and now you're waiting to see if she calls you. Either you want her to call or you don't. If you want to initiate contact, then do it, but be prepared to get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author figgurinoutlife Posted May 19, 2005 Author Share Posted May 19, 2005 I did mean it, very much. In the back of my mind I am just wondering if she wants to call, and part of me wants her to. I am too scared to call her this early, it has only been a month and I think it needs more time. I do want to though, but then she'll think she won cause I called. I do really want to be friends w/her later though if she'll let me. Link to post Share on other sites
Sharmaine Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 When you have to remind someone that you exist, then they aren't worth your time.... I just read that quote on another board and how true it is. However, if we all thought this way, then surely 'nobody' would take the initiative to try and get back together and lots of couples who are now reunited, wouldn't have got back together? RecordProducer said; Sharmaine, your case is specific as you didn't really get to know your ex-BF's faults. You broke off because of "neutral" reasons. I'm unsure which boyfriend/s you are referring to here, but the two I 'dumped', I dumped them more or less because we just weren't getting along/had nothing in common anymore. Once I dumped them, that was it, over, finished and done with and I never looked back. If you are referring to the boyfriend I dumped (due to lack of committment), of course I knew his faults, shortcomings,etc, I was with this man for seven years! By the way, you absolutely have nothing to regret. If you broke off and he didn't try to keep you, if the pain of losing you was smaller than the "pain" of commitment then he didn't truly love you. You may start forgetting him now.. That's true of course. If he had 'truly' loved me, then I also feel that he would have taken that step toward a 'full' committment and especially being we had been together for a long time. However and I have to add, that we had already tried living together throughout the course of the seven years I was with him and it didn't work out, yet despite that he didn't want to end things permanantly and neither did I, so we continued seeing each other. When I broke it off, he did come back pursuing time and time again, he didn't want to lose me for good, but I didn't lose my resolve and maintained my stance on the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 See this is where I get a touch confused. To paraphrase Record Producer "If you broke up with him and he didn't try to keep hold of you then he isn't worth bothering with" But then most people say, NC is the best way to go. So what do you do? If you are dumped for not making a comittment sooner than 'they' would have liked. Do you swear undying love for them and tell them you want them or do you go NC? with my ex, I told her initially after we split that I truly loved her and wanted to be with ehr forever. She said no. Then she played some mind games with me and when I responded and asked her to marry me, she said No. So what do I do? Keep chasing her to prove I love her or stick to NC to avoid getting more humiliated and hurt. It is catch 22 as far as I can see. And it Sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by simon_uk See this is where I get a touch confused. To paraphrase Record Producer "If you broke up with him and he didn't try to keep hold of you then he isn't worth bothering with" But then most people say, NC is the best way to go. So what do you do? If you are dumped for not making a comittment sooner than 'they' would have liked. Do you swear undying love for them and tell them you want them or do you go NC? with my ex, I told her initially after we split that I truly loved her and wanted to be with ehr forever. She said no. Then she played some mind games with me and when I responded and asked her to marry me, she said No. So what do I do? Keep chasing her to prove I love her or stick to NC to avoid getting more humiliated and hurt. It is catch 22 as far as I can see. And it Sucks! It's a sticky situation, that's for sure. If you truly love someone you don't just want to give up. I think there's a point you try until (until you've said how you truly feel) and then there's nothing more you can do. After that point, and chances are you're already way past it with the proposal etc, is to go no contact. At this point, nothing you say will be beneficial. Silence is the only thing that won't put you in a deeper hole. Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Exactly and the last thing Iw ant to do is cause myself more pain, but you see where I am coming from? It is almost like saying well I will ask you because I am scared of losing you and she says no. Then you give up and she thinks well he obviously didn't mean it otherwise he would fight and fight! This is the impression I get from RP's post, that you should prove your love and commitment by re-affirming that you are serious. Well I have asked her twice once after a week, once after a month and both times she said no, so up her ****ing ass! Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 If you broke off and he didn't try to keep you, if the pain of losing you was smaller than the "pain" of commitment then he didn't truly love you. You may start forgetting him now.. Maybe he didn't try to keep her because he was reading all of the No Contact Threads in Love Shack. Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by fundamental Maybe he didn't try to keep her because he was reading all of the No Contact Threads in Love Shack. Word. I wonder about that sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Me too. I know my ex reads LS....he may even have an alias on here but I don't know who he is. I KNOW he reads LS so I'm wondering if that is why he is 100% into NC. All this talk about NC all the time could really screw up relationships I think, in certain situations... Link to post Share on other sites
iwishiknewthen Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 i just wish someone jumped on here and wrote: wow ...it was a whole year later when i woke up and smelled the coffee and realized what a fool i was and i wanted her back! i then callled her and told her so.... sighs. lord how i wish my ex would do that. i wish i would read here, someone did that for their loved one.... is there hope out there like that? calling all cars....come in please. Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 I wish that too! It has only been two months for though, hoepfully after one year I will be well past that! Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by iwishiknewthen i just wish someone jumped on here and wrote: wow ...it was a whole year later when i woke up and smelled the coffee and realized what a fool i was and i wanted her back! i then callled her and told her so.... sighs. lord how i wish my ex would do that. i wish i would read here, someone did that for their loved one.... is there hope out there like that? calling all cars....come in please. Unfortunately no I haven't ever seen that happen as long as I have been on LS. And I doubt it will happen any time soon. Link to post Share on other sites
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