Rejected in bed...and being called a "robot"

[sexandlove2]

i need advice. I know my husband loves me and wants me — if I don’t have sex with him at least every other day, he passive aggressively lets me know about it. So, I know he wants to be with me normally…

 

But…when he knows that “I” want him…and he’s busy or preoccupied with work anger (he is always mad about something)…he makes it a game.

 

Well, last night I almost stormed out of the house. Was I being too sensitive?

 

All day he was angry about work. He was swearing left and right and he knows I don’t like it when he’s so venomous. I tried to ignore it as much as possible. But, he would look at me and ask why I wasn’t paying attention to him or why I didn’t “look happy”. I said I am happy…I’m just working and I am trying to stay out of the line of fire.

 

He said that I never “look happy”. I said I do! I just don’t “look happy” when you are swearing and angry and screaming. He said I’m not screaming at you…I said I know, but you are still very, very mad and it makes the day uncomfortable.

 

Anyway, this weird behavior lasted most of the day with him. He keeps saying that I am quiet — distant — he was analyzing my faces, saying I look very detracted from him.

 

So at the end of the night - he made a comment that I was still working, so I stopped and I went to the couch with him. He told me he was working…but put down his computer. I asked him for a neck rub…he kind of ignored my request. Then I said…let’s go to bed. He said okay …well, I need to send another email. So, I said okay….and I grabbed my phone and got on twitter until he was done.

 

He jumped up and said “see - always on social media…can’t just be with me.” I said NO! I’m waiting for you to get done. He said that I didn’t love him…that I was very cold to him …blah blah blah.

 

So I said — please stop this. He launched into “i’m not playing your games. You have a problem…you like to pick fights and it’s not working with me tonight. I don’t play your game.”

 

I said there’s no game…I want you…I want to be close to you…I want you to come to bed. I want you to stop this anger! Please!

 

So he comes to the bathroom and is still telling me that I am playing some silly game that he’s sick of.

 

I rush to bed and I am crying at this point. He tells me to stop crying and I ask him to hold onto me. (mind you..I’m wearing something for him!) So he holds onto me and starts sleeping.

 

I said “so I guess you are just going to sleep?” He said “well look at you…you don’t even touch me.” I started to get upset. I said, I want you! I told you I want you. I asked you to please come to bed. I then said, could you please put the dog in the bathroom (code for …let’s be together).

 

He said “great, now I’m your robot."

 

Then said that if I want to have him...I needed to start looking at my actions and I need to “ask him nicely for sex”. I got VERY angry.

 

I started screaming — I should not have to ask “nicely” to be with my husband. And I certainly don’t want you to think you are my “robot”. What a slap in the face!

 

He then said he was a “problem solver” and if I didn’t want to be there…”let’s figure out a solution…”

 

I freaked out — NOW he wants to kick me out of the house????

 

He then started telling me he though he was having a heart attack and his arm was going numb and his blood pressure was up. So being the loving wife I am…I started rubbing his back and calming him down.

 

He went to sleep and woke up telling me that I am the love of his life and he just can’t understand why I can’t be appreciative of him and LOOK happy and have a smile on my face always.

 

He says he always loves being with me …but he doesn’t do well with me asking for it.

 

WHAT am I to think????

[thunder777]

just bickering, sounds like u both should get in the car and get out of town get motel room even hav sex somewhere naughty on a beach or in the car or suck him off in the changerooms of clothes shop haha do somethings wild together away from the house

[Dolfin80]

Walk out that door and never speak to him again.

 

What a pathetic piece of $hit.

 

You are being exposed to severe emotional abuse which is domestic violence.

 

Get the hell out of there!

 

No one should ever be treated the way he treats you. He belongs in prison.

 

Call a domestic violence hotline for help.

[autumnnight]

i need advice. I know my husband loves me and wants me — if I don’t have sex with him at least every other day, he passive aggressively lets me know about it. So, I know he wants to be with me normally…

 

But…when he knows that “I” want him…and he’s busy or preoccupied with work anger (he is always mad about something)…he makes it a game.

 

Well, last night I almost stormed out of the house. Was I being too sensitive?

 

All day he was angry about work. He was swearing left and right and he knows I don’t like it when he’s so venomous. I tried to ignore it as much as possible. But, he would look at me and ask why I wasn’t paying attention to him or why I didn’t “look happy”. I said I am happy…I’m just working and I am trying to stay out of the line of fire.

 

He said that I never “look happy”. I said I do! I just don’t “look happy” when you are swearing and angry and screaming. He said I’m not screaming at you…I said I know, but you are still very, very mad and it makes the day uncomfortable.

 

Anyway, this weird behavior lasted most of the day with him. He keeps saying that I am quiet — distant — he was analyzing my faces, saying I look very detracted from him.

 

So at the end of the night - he made a comment that I was still working, so I stopped and I went to the couch with him. He told me he was working…but put down his computer. I asked him for a neck rub…he kind of ignored my request. Then I said…let’s go to bed. He said okay …well, I need to send another email. So, I said okay….and I grabbed my phone and got on twitter until he was done.

 

He jumped up and said “see - always on social media…can’t just be with me.” I said NO! I’m waiting for you to get done. He said that I didn’t love him…that I was very cold to him …blah blah blah.

 

So I said — please stop this. He launched into “i’m not playing your games. You have a problem…you like to pick fights and it’s not working with me tonight. I don’t play your game.”

 

I said there’s no game…I want you…I want to be close to you…I want you to come to bed. I want you to stop this anger! Please!

 

So he comes to the bathroom and is still telling me that I am playing some silly game that he’s sick of.

 

I rush to bed and I am crying at this point. He tells me to stop crying and I ask him to hold onto me. (mind you..I’m wearing something for him!) So he holds onto me and starts sleeping.

 

I said “so I guess you are just going to sleep?” He said “well look at you…you don’t even touch me.” I started to get upset. I said, I want you! I told you I want you. I asked you to please come to bed. I then said, could you please put the dog in the bathroom (code for …let’s be together).

 

He said “great, now I’m your robot."

 

Then said that if I want to have him...I needed to start looking at my actions and I need to “ask him nicely for sex”. I got VERY angry.

 

I started screaming — I should not have to ask “nicely” to be with my husband. And I certainly don’t want you to think you are my “robot”. What a slap in the face!

 

He then said he was a “problem solver” and if I didn’t want to be there…”let’s figure out a solution…”

 

I freaked out — NOW he wants to kick me out of the house????

 

He then started telling me he though he was having a heart attack and his arm was going numb and his blood pressure was up. So being the loving wife I am…I started rubbing his back and calming him down.

 

He went to sleep and woke up telling me that I am the love of his life and he just can’t understand why I can’t be appreciative of him and LOOK happy and have a smile on my face always.

 

He says he always loves being with me …but he doesn’t do well with me asking for it.

 

WHAT am I to think????

 

I would think you are married to my ex....except my ex never wanted sex.

 

I suggest the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, along with Why Does He Do That?

 

And marriage counseling.

 

He sounds angry and manipulative.

[Got it]

:confused::confused:

 

He sounds crazy and definitely looking for a fight. Therapy. Definitely therapy.

[Gloria25]

Have you tried meeting him at the door with a beer, smile, and something sexy on?

 

I mean, you asked him to give you a neck rub, but I must ask "what" have you done to get him in the mood and/or relieve his stress from a hard day?

 

In RLs we are there to be each other's sanctuary. Coming home to your SO is kinda what makes a poopy job worth it. You come home to loving arms.

 

Next time, try calling him on his way home to see how his day went...and, if he sounds like he's had a long, hard and/or tough day - then jump in the shower, rub down with some sexy body lotion, meet him at the door with a beer something cutesy on and some lipstick. Burn some lavender candles (I heard they are good for soothing), order take out and order a movie to watch with him. Shoot, even if you weren't able to contact him before he gets home...If he comes home upset, then just put your fingers on his lips and whisper "ssshhhh", then say you have a surprise for him....Go shower, get cutesy, and tell him to meet you in the living room and show up there sexy with that beer in hand and light those candles as he watches you sexily stroll across the rooms

 

Trust me, no matter how hard his day was when he comes home to you like that, he's gonna just wanna drop everything and jump in your arms

 

And trust me, if he's a good man you'll see he will start reciprocating without you even having to ask. I mean, he'll be offering to rub your neck and then some...

 

Remember, RLs are about mutual giving. Just like dealing with an upset client/customer, sometimes it's up to us to calm them down and pull them in.

 

Good luck!!!

Edited September 25, 2015 by Gloria25

[newmoon]

sounds like a normal fight that escalated all day :-) - as long as you don't start hurling insults - and it sounds like it was kept pretty tame - it's not *that* bad. however, him constantly saying you don't look happy or have a smile indicates imo that you're not meeting his emotional needs in some way he might prefer - something is missing for him in that regard. maybe ask for direction there - "what can i do to seem more happy for you, because i am." etc. or perhaps start expressing vocal appreciation for his work more and how he is doing a great job, etc. - it sounds like a lot of work stress coming out, and it's not always solved by sex and intimacy. he might need some conversation too.

[CaliGypsy]

Are you both working from home? It sounds like you are together all day/night long. If so , and its all the time, maybe you need a break. I might find s quieter spot to get my work done. If my partner spent the day cussing about work and angsting over my face, likely my face would reflect that.

[Gloria25]

sounds like a normal fight that escalated all day :-) - as long as you don't start hurling insults - and it sounds like it was kept pretty tame - it's not *that* bad. however, him constantly saying you don't look happy or have a smile indicates imo that you're not meeting his emotional needs in some way he might prefer - something is missing for him in that regard. maybe ask for direction there - "what can i do to seem more happy for you, because i am." etc. or perhaps start expressing vocal appreciation for his work more and how he is doing a great job, etc. - it sounds like a lot of work stress coming out, and it's not always solved by sex and intimacy. he might need some conversation too.

 

I somehow agree with your post ^^ but not with what I put in bold...

 

Why? Cuz sex and intimacy "is" what links a couple together and calms flames. Ever hear of the saying "never go to bed angry"? Men connect with their women via sex, women connect more in other means (i.e. sitting down and talking things out). When you have sex with your SO, how can you be angry with them afterwards? An orgasm makes you feel great. I mean there's studies to show how orgasms affect the mood, brain, etc. And real intimacy - not just the penetration/sex is two people hugging, caressing, touching. How can you not chill out and calm down after touching your SO?

 

I think that while sex and intimacy isn't the only solution to problems - but in this case (and many others) it sure darn helps, especially to break down the walls and get people to chill out and be open to talking and stuff.

 

And seriously, why do we have SOs? To come home and talk after a long day? Sex and intimacy is fun. Gosh, you don't know how much I wish I had a SO to come home to roll around with. Besides sex, what else is a couple gonna do to just kick back and have fun? Yea, there's activities and stuff but the bee's knees is jumping in bed and having fun with your SO. If you don't wanna have sex and just wanna come home and gripe, then get a roommate or dog and kick the dog while you're at it.

Edited September 25, 2015 by Gloria25

[sexandlove2]

Actually, I have tried this. He's informed me he doesn't work that way. When he's mad he is mad and will not even hug me. I will hang on him and he will push me away. He will tell me he's spent so much time dealing with shi@ that ghe last thing he can do is be with me physically.

 

Even during fights ..when I see he's getting jealous of someone while we are out or picking a fight... I have tried kissing him. Told him to shut up and __me. He pushed me away and said that I was either acting fake. Guilty. Like a victim or pathetic. I have heard them all.

 

We were out one night drinking with friends and came back to our room..everything was fine (I thought). I started going through the little refrigerator for a snack at the hotel. He said let's go down and get real food if you are hungry. I said oh okay... I really just wanted m and m's but whatever you prefer. He went off on me and said j can't even make up my own mind over what I want to snack on. He went ballistic. I started to hug him and tell him I love him and kissed his neck... He pushed me off and said that I was acting ridiculous and he was too angry to be with me. He then went off on a tangent that he's fat, his job is failing, he didn't like his hair that night etc etc. He said his life had never been worse. I started crying because we had just gotten engaged the week before. I said wow, I thought we were happy. He said "stop acting like a victim".

 

 

Have you tried meeting him at the door with a beer, smile, and something sexy on?

 

I mean, you asked him to give you a neck rub, but I must ask "what" have you done to get him in the mood and/or relieve his stress from a hard day?

 

In RLs we are there to be each other's sanctuary. Coming home to your SO is kinda what makes a poopy job worth it. You come home to loving arms.

 

Next time, try calling him on his way home to see how his day went...and, if he sounds like he's had a long, hard and/or tough day - then jump in the shower, rub down with some sexy body lotion, meet him at the door with a beer something cutesy on and some lipstick. Burn some lavender candles (I heard they are good for soothing), order take out and order a movie to watch with him. Shoot, even if you weren't able to contact him before he gets home...If he comes home upset, then just put your fingers on his lips and whisper "ssshhhh", then say you have a surprise for him....Go shower, get cutesy, and tell him to meet you in the living room and show up there sexy with that beer in hand and light those candles as he watches you sexily stroll across the rooms

 

Trust me, no matter how hard his day was when he comes home to you like that, he's gonna just wanna drop everything and jump in your arms

 

And trust me, if he's a good man you'll see he will start reciprocating without you even having to ask. I mean, he'll be offering to rub your neck and then some...

 

Remember, RLs are about mutual giving. Just like dealing with an upset client/customer, sometimes it's up to us to calm them down and pull them in.

 

Good luck!!!

[BetrayedH]

I'd love to hear his version of the story because it's apparent that you two were not on the same page. He thinks you're upset; you think he's upset. You feel misunderstood. And I bet if he read this thread, he'd feel misunderstood, too. In the meantime, it sounds like both of you were up for some sex. Unfortunate.

 

It could also be that he really was just in a foul mood and you happened to be the one within berating distance.

 

If this is an ongoing problem, especially if one or both of you is developing resentment, then I'd just say that you're good candidates for marriage counseling. A patient and objective third party mediator in a setting where it is "safe" for both of you to talk can really help resolve some of this nonsense.

[GunslingerRoland]

Wow he sounds really tightly wound. It sounds like he has a lot of unresolved anger towards you about something... and when it comes out, it comes out hard and fast. You need to get to the underlying reasons for his anger...

 

I then said, could you please put the dog in the bathroom (code for …let’s be together).

 

That is the oddest code for sex I've ever heard.... Is there a story behind it?

[Mr. Lucky]

sexandlove2, I'd have to believe he engaged in the P/A manipulation before you got married. What got you to the altar ?

 

I'd love to hear his version of the story because it's apparent that you two were not on the same page. He thinks you're upset; you think he's upset. You feel misunderstood. And I bet if he read this thread, he'd feel misunderstood, too. In the meantime, it sounds like both of you were up for some sex. Unfortunate.

 

It could also be that he really was just in a foul mood and you happened to be the one within berating distance.

 

If this is an ongoing problem, especially if one or both of you is developing resentment, then I'd just say that you're good candidates for marriage counseling. A patient and objective third party mediator in a setting where it is "safe" for both of you to talk can really help resolve some of this nonsense.

 

Normally I'd agree with this but the constant threats of alienation ("you don't love me") and divorce ("If you don't want to be here...") would be a dealbreaker for me. Life's too short...

 

Mr. Lucky

[RightThere]

That is the oddest code for sex I've ever heard

 

I agree. I think the biggest problem here is communication (and the lack of real communication between the two of them).

 

I think neither of them say what they really mean or want. So the other is left guessing way too much.

[sexandlove2]

I feel I do express everything very clearly. I try to talk to him but he just shuts down and starts to tell me leave If I think I can do better.

 

I have begged him OVER and over not to threaten our relationship.

 

Not long ago, I found out I was pregnant. It was a total shock and I didn't know what to do, I didn't typically support abortion.

 

I chose to keep the baby and he kept fighting with me because I was sick. I wasn't touchy-feely because I was very ill with morning sickness. He told me I used it as an excuse. Then he told me he didn't think I could handle the stress of having a baby. We were not married at the time. But he'd get me in tears and then he'd say look at you... You think you can handle a baby like this?

 

I ended up miscarrying the baby. A few weeks before the miscarriage, I had gone to an abortion clinic for a consult and I came home crying saying I wanted the baby. Desperately. He said if j was going to leave him... I should have an abortion. I begged him that he support me and he said he would. But, Because I was so back and forth about the situation, he accused me of having an abortion and that it wasn't a miscarriage.

 

It was an awful time. But that's what I deal with.

[Tayla]

I agree. I think the biggest problem here is communication (and the lack of real communication between the two of them).

 

I think neither of them say what they really mean or want. So the other is left guessing way too much.

 

^^^This is a fair observation^^^

 

As i read this posters story, it resounded of poor communication . Lets support /encourage the Op to learn new skills in listening and asserting boundaries.

[thunder777]

sex is a bonus that comes along naturally when a connection is flourishing

 

this connection is full of hidden resentment, anger and unspoken issues, from previous conflicts that havent been resolved. so the sex has no chance

 

until the resentment is cleared, the friendship will get worse, im guessing the only way is to sit in front of a therapist and let out each others darkness

 

save your marriage dont let it keeping rotting or youre going to separate

[Mr. Lucky]

As i read this posters story, it resounded of poor communication . Lets support /encourage the Op to learn new skills in listening and asserting boundaries.

 

With all due respect, accusing her of faking a miscarriage is "poor communication"? :

 

I ended up miscarrying the baby. A few weeks before the miscarriage, I had gone to an abortion clinic for a consult and I came home crying saying I wanted the baby. Desperately. He said if j was going to leave him... I should have an abortion. I begged him that he support me and he said he would. But, Because I was so back and forth about the situation, he accused me of having an abortion and that it wasn't a miscarriage.

 

OP, he falls somewhere on the spectrum between BPD and paranoia. I hope you don't think this is a normal life...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Babs22]

With all due respect, accusing her of faking a miscarriage is "poor communication"? :

 

 

 

OP, he falls somewhere on the spectrum between BPD and paranoia. I hope you don't think this is a normal life...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I totally agree with Mr. Lucky. This relationship is a very unhealthy one. This is far more than poor communication. He is communicating and what he is communicating is to hurt her. He does sound like he has a mental illness such as Bipolar Disorder.

 

Sexandlove2, I have no idea what you are getting out of this relationship. It sounds mentally and emotionally abusive. My heart goes out to you, but you are the one that needs to see how unhealthy this relationship is and leave. He was horrible to you while you were pregnant. No one should be treated like this. Please, realize this is a very unhealthy relationship and get out.

[Lois_Griffin]

Have you tried meeting him at the door with a beer, smile, and something sexy on?

 

I mean, you asked him to give you a neck rub, but I must ask "what" have you done to get him in the mood and/or relieve his stress from a hard day?

 

In RLs we are there to be each other's sanctuary. Coming home to your SO is kinda what makes a poopy job worth it. You come home to loving arms.

 

Next time, try calling him on his way home to see how his day went...and, if he sounds like he's had a long, hard and/or tough day - then jump in the shower, rub down with some sexy body lotion, meet him at the door with a beer something cutesy on and some lipstick. Burn some lavender candles (I heard they are good for soothing), order take out and order a movie to watch with him. Shoot, even if you weren't able to contact him before he gets home...If he comes home upset, then just put your fingers on his lips and whisper "ssshhhh", then say you have a surprise for him....Go shower, get cutesy, and tell him to meet you in the living room and show up there sexy with that beer in hand and light those candles as he watches you sexily stroll across the rooms

 

Trust me, no matter how hard his day was when he comes home to you like that, he's gonna just wanna drop everything and jump in your arms

 

And trust me, if he's a good man you'll see he will start reciprocating without you even having to ask. I mean, he'll be offering to rub your neck and then some...

 

Remember, RLs are about mutual giving. Just like dealing with an upset client/customer, sometimes it's up to us to calm them down and pull them in.

 

Good luck!!!

Good lord. Yes, let's pander to the a*sshole even more.

 

The only thing I'd meet this abusive douche canoe at the door with is divorce papers and a restraining order. Screw him.

[sexandlove2]

I have been trying to see if there is anything I can do to help this... But last night, standing in the restroom of a restaurant sobbing, I realized the emotional toll this relationship is having on me.

 

He wanted to go to dinner and dancing with an old friend of his. As I discovered in texts left on the computer, my husband told this man and his girlfriend about the "abortion" and how horrible I was. How I was a liar etc. Awful things. Well last night we had to go out with them. When he told me he wanted to, I got quiet and reserved. He was saying I was ruining the night before it even began. So I put a smile on my face and I hoped for the best.

 

The entire night the woman wouldn't even speak to me or look at me. I would ask her a question and i would get a one word answer with her looking at her boyfriend. It was very painful.

 

So as soon as I got out to the dance floor I told my husband she was acting awful and I was hurt. He said that I need to realize that I can't be so sensitive and always "cause problems". I said I'm not! I've been so nice. But she's not. This is uncomfortable.

 

He said I like drama. So I shut my mouth and kept dancing. It was Latin music and I didn't know the steps. I joked "I think I'm too white for this song" and he said "yes you are. You need lessons."

 

That made me pause. So then he said "why are you causing so many problems with all your reactions. You are ruining the night."

 

So I started to hug him and tried kissing him because he said that he thought people could tell I was mad. (I know they couldn't!)

 

When i kissed him he said to stop that too. That I was "acting insane!"

 

I said I can't win here. I went to the restroom and cried. I thought wow. Look what I've become.

 

Is there anything above that I did that was wrong? I tried so hard to have a good night.

[Popsicle]

There is nothing worse than being around a person who mostly emits negative energy who wants a lot of attention. Giving them attention is the last thing I want to do. What I want to do is just run and not be sucked into their negative vortex. (Referring to your husband)

[anika99]

OP please don't listen to the silly advice on this thread about trying harder to entice your husband. Your problems with this man run much deeper and that was obvious by your first post.

 

Your husband is mentally and emotionally abusing you and you are playing right into it by twisting yourself this way and that way trying to find the right things to say or do to make him happy with you and no matter what you do he finds fault with you. Then when you occasionally snap and lose your cool with him he makes it look like you're the one with the problem. He is playing sick mindf@ck games with you most likely because he himself has mental problems and you are going to end up with serious mental problems if you continue down this path. If you can't leave then get yourself into counselling ASAP

[ShatteredLady]

Hi. I'm so sorry that you're living like this. Can you give me some basic info? Sorry if you've already posted this somewhere...

 

How long have you been together?

How long married?

Has this behavior always been there to some extent?

When did he really change?

 

Is this ongoing behavior? I mean, is this a bad patch or do you never really have good patches?

 

When things are terrible with my H he turns into Mr Alien. His behavior is completely different. He says & does such painful things. Of course your post is a big trigger for me. Please keep in mind that I'm bias.

 

When you say, "I am trying to stay out of the line of fire.". It really worries me. This is the biggest mistake I've made in my life! Walking on egg shells is a horrible way to live. It CHANGES who you are. My H suffers from depression (Maybe Bipolar etc?) I saw the best solution to be keeping my head down & waiting for it to pass.

 

Time goes on & I realized that too much of my life became 'Keeping my head down'. The rejection is too painful, even going in for a kiss & cuddle can wreck my self esteme but I so desperately need to be held.

 

When I ask "What's wrong?" in any way, I generally get the 'work sucks' reason. If I suggest it could be home & we could change things it emotionally cripples me even more because that's when the "It's not always about you!" attacks start. If its not about me why am I being 'punished' for it?

 

THEN the depression stops being so self depricating & gets turned on me! Everything about him gets projected onto me. I'm depressed because I keep my head down. I'm unaffectionate! All of his problems are because of me & I do nothing to correct them! Ugh!!

 

My favorite is "If I love him I should know what I need to do to make HIM better! If he has to tell me, I'll only be doing it because he's told me to & not because I love him!". Can't fight that logic!!

 

THEN Mr Alien goes away & it's all because work sucks etc. I say if he hides behind that we will never sort our problems out. Ugh!! I've become so insecure & broken. I'm the woman crying in the bathroom stall next to you!!

 

I think we are both dealing with partners with mental problems. (I could be projecting) I KNOW I'm dealing with mental problems! I've finally broken. I thought I was a very strong lady but month by month, year by year, it drags you down. Life can become too heavy a burden to carry alone.

 

You sound like a people pleaser too?!? I'm coming to the conclusion that people pleaser's CAN'T be mentally healthy in a relationship with someone who can't & doesn't want to be pleased!

 

I use kisses & cuddles in an attempt to break the tension too. It's soul destroying to be rejected. It makes me feel like an abused dog, sniveling for a stroke, anything, from it's abusive owner. I'm so sorry.

 

I'm so sorry that you lost your baby. Maybe lots of therapy could help you not to blame your H for it....but would it be true? Deep inside you know it's very likely that the emotional stress he inflicted caused your miscarriage. AND now you're trying to mourn the death of your baby while the guilty person is accusing YOU of murdering your baby!!! Impossible situation

 

You don't have children. I think now is the time to walk away, while you still have some of yourself left to salvage. M shouldn't be like this! Love shouldn't hurt like this! Walking on egg shells drives you slowly crazy & robs you of self-esteme & joy. The constant stress wreakes havoc on your body & health.

 

If your H can see what he's doing AND if he fully invests in MC & anger management there could be hope. Do you think he could? Is it past the point of no return?

 

Please, PLEASE stop searching for the ways you can change to please him. In all of the situations you describe there's NOTHING you could of done differently. I wish I could take that advise for myself. At least in my situation Mr Alien isn't always there.

[sandylee1]

I've only read the first page of responses, so hope I'm not repeating advice and views.

 

If my husband appears would up or uptight about anything, I stay out of his way. I don't like seeing angry faces, not that he gets angry much anyway. If we are both WFH, we are in different rooms .

 

That would avoid your H, making comments about how you were looking or anything else.

 

His treatment towards you is unacceptable though. It sounds like he was trying to pick a fight with you. This kind of snapping happens to some when they are under a lot of pressure and in several cases happens when people are having affairs. They start to pick at any little thing to make it seem like you're not getting along.

 

To try and even suggest you leave - I think something is going on and you need to get to the bottom of it.

 

If everything happened as you describe it - he was looking for an argument with you.