tlaw110 Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Hi everyone, so I've been in a LDR since September 2013 and just ended last month.. this have gotten so complicated. I am studying aboard so it's my girlfriend who's waiting for me to come back. But then because of an issue in March (this is what had happened: so I usually go back to her every 3 months when I have a 2 weeks break. then in January this year I have told her that I may not be back in March, but will be back in June for my internship. But then problem comes, in this 3 months January to March, I didn't mention a word saying that or confirming that I won't be back in March, until she asks me before my flight to Europe for vacation. And at that time she's very disappointed of me, and said I'll regret of not coming back... Then everything started to change since then...our relationship seems to be that "in-love" anymore, months passed by and came June when I came back for my internship for half a year. Then she started to get back her own interest - kpop stars. Then I started to blame her our relationship is fading and normal because of her chasing kpop stars. But then she said that it's my fault of what had happened during March. And she said that at that time she had thought a lot, and said she shouldn't give up in her own interest because of love, she said she wanted her live to have her family, me and her friends and also her interest, and said she wanted me to emphasize her and understand her. Then as time passed by, I always mentioned that we are like friends more than a couple, then she said she also know that there's a wall in between and trying to break it. Then in almost end of August, she said she wanna let this go and said I gave her pressure and was very exhausting. Then she said "it would be better if we be back as friends, since we look like friends and our relationship is "fading", at least I wouldn't have much pressure if we be back friends". And of course I wouldn't want to be back friends because I still have feelings for her, and she started saying again since March everything has changed since then... And actually I have asked her friends what she told them, she said when I came back in June, her feelings to me is like seeing a "friend", and said she's more happy to see her own friends, and mentioned also the incident in March...and her friend asked if she can get over this, she said "be back friends" Then our relationship now is not even like friends, we don't talk now. And yesterday I've texted her wanting to clarify of our relationship now. She said "I have already said it clearly, it would be better to be friends..." and I said but we don't look like friends now, she said "aren't you still can't accept it? I'm giving you time..." and at the end she said "the feelings had changed"... I NEED HELP HERE, why do you guys think she had said to be friends during break up? What's her intention? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Let's be friends is the biggest lie people tell each other in a break up. She doesn't want to be your friend. Friends talk & hang out. She wants none of that. All she wants is for this not to be nasty & ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I think when this is said after a breakup, it is usually an attempt by the person who wants it to hold onto a tiny piece of you and or the relationship, because something is better than nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Just say, "Bye Felicia"... Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Oh, if I had a nickel for every time being friends after breakup worked… I would still have zero nickels. Do not do this to yourself. Not now, not ever. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 in January this year I have told her that I may not be back in March, but will be back in June for my internship. I think you should have decided that together, not one-sidedly. Also, did you explain to her why you were not going back in March? I believe that would have helped a lot, so that she could be understanding. Like, was it a matter of money? Then she surely would have tolerated it. I guess she couldn't go past the way you handled the whole thing. And you, like many guys, underestimated the situation. Girls give you clues, and try to help you make the best decision, but some guys are just clueless till when you face the cruel reality of things. I started to blame her our relationship is fading And you just made it worse. why do you guys think she had said to be friends during break up? What's her intention? Ending up things with you on decent terms. She might have no feelings for you anymore, and in that case having you as a friend is a way to show you how she's over you. Or she may still have feelings for you that she's trying to let die or hide from you out of pride, in that case the door is still open. Whatever her case is, it's up to you to allow that or not. If I were you, I'd be blunt and ask her if she still has feelings for you. If she says she does, then ask her to start over. If she says she doesn't, tell her you don't feel like being friends now and that you'll be out of her life forever. Good luck with everything Link to post Share on other sites
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