she said she hates me

[thomas123]

Basically i said something stupid out of anger, something i said before but didnt get her upset or angry. but this time it did, bad. i said it before bed after she slept. and she replied with "i hate you for saying that" in the morning. I called her once, didnt answer. the second time and all the times afterwards it went straight to voicemail so i was blocked. Only other way of contacting is thought facebook, which thankfully i am not blocked there. but it seems as though im muted so my messages go to her inbox without a notification. She just moved into a sublet 15 min away from her university and i forgot to ask for her address, so i cannot visit her realistically, other than wasting time at her university hoping to encounter her which is unlikely. this happened on wendsday morning so this is the third day since it happened. Ive had time to think over my mistakes and ive hopefully learned from it, but not knowing the fate of our current situation is driving me nuts. I dont know if its over or not. but it feels like it. What is likely to happen? is i hate you final? or can it be an emotional response to extreme anger?

[GemmaUK]

Sounds like she is done with your anger issues.

 

Leave her and other women alone until you sort that out.

Take responsibility for your own stuff.

[thomas123]

Sounds like she is done with your anger issues.

 

Leave her and other women alone until you sort that out.

Take responsibility for your own stuff.

 

i have sorted it out, had plenty of alone time to do so. But i dont know if i should give it time, or give up.

[CC12]

or can it be an emotional response to extreme anger?

 

It could just be that, but it's not an appropriate response to conflict in a relationship. It's not cool to block someone and completely ignore them if you plan on resuming the relationship. What I mean is, if she's just doing this to punish you but has every intention to start talking to you again when she's less angry or when she feels you've been sufficiently punished, then that's not a person you want to be in a relationship with.

 

If it were me, I'd just assume the relationship was over. To me, that's what blocking/ignoring means. And I'm not going to put up with that punishment **** either. So I'd be done.

 

And you had to know that someone was going to ask, so: What did you say to her that pissed her off?

 

Have you apologized?

[thomas123]

It could just be that, but it's not an appropriate response to conflict in a relationship. It's not cool to block someone and completely ignore them if you plan on resuming the relationship. What I mean is, if she's just doing this to punish you but has every intention to start talking to you again when she's less angry or when she feels you've been sufficiently punished, then that's not a person you want to be in a relationship with.

 

If it were me, I'd just assume the relationship was over. To me, that's what blocking/ignoring means. And I'm not going to put up with that punishment **** either. So I'd be done.

 

And you had to know that someone was going to ask, so: What did you say to her that pissed her off?

 

Have you apologized?

 

i accused her of lying, i did try, via facebook since she didnt block me there but she hasnt read it yet.

[TaraMaiden2]

That doesn't really reveal anything in the way expected....

 

What do you believe she was lying about?

 

You see, in these one-sided accounts, you're always going to get the account from one party, phrased in such a way as to make the other party seem unreasonable, immature, selfish, cruel, unjustified, irrational and childish.

 

Naturally, we see black on white, get your side only and subsequently feel sympathy/empathy for you, and animosity for the nasty, unfair spiteful GF.

 

Right....

 

In order to ascertain whether her comment was uncalled for, and her subsequent actions irrational, you need to be more honest, and open, both with us and yourself.

[thomas123]

That doesn't really reveal anything in the way expected....

 

What do you believe she was lying about?

 

You see, in these one-sided accounts, you're always going to get the account from one party, phrased in such a way as to make the other party seem unreasonable, immature, selfish, cruel, unjustified, irrational and childish.

 

Naturally, we see black on white, get your side only and subsequently feel sympathy/empathy for you, and animosity for the nasty, unfair spiteful GF.

 

Right....

 

In order to ascertain whether her comment was uncalled for, and her subsequent actions irrational, you need to be more honest, and open, both with us and yourself.

 

basically, i said that when she told me she was going to sleep i didnt believe it and that she was probably talking to other people

[TaraMaiden2]

..."other people"....?

 

Do you think she's cheating on you?

If NOT: why would you throw a petulant paddy about whether she's going to sleep or talk to others?

It's her free time, she can do what she wants - at least she talked to you first!

 

If you think she's cheating, do you have any other proof?

If not, is it any wonder she's resentful of you accusing her of lying?

 

UNless it's another guy, and she's going to be verbally intimate with him, why shouldn't she talk with others?

[thomas123]

..."other people"....?

 

Do you think she's cheating on you?

If NOT: why would you throw a petulant paddy about whether she's going to sleep or talk to others?

It's her free time, she can do what she wants - at least she talked to you first!

 

If you think she's cheating, do you have any other proof?

If not, is it any wonder she's resentful of you accusing her of lying?

 

UNless it's another guy, and she's going to be verbally intimate with him, why shouldn't she talk with others?

 

i dont have any proof, i said it without thinking, let my emotions get to me. Its because when she says shes going to sleep, that should mean just that, and she actually does go to sleep and doesnt talk to anyone. I know i made a huge mistake, and now the ball is in her court. Most i can do is leave a voicemail using my home phone. apologies on facebook have been sent but she has not read them.

[TaraMaiden2]

"What we have here, is a failure to communicate".

 

You don't have any proof - but do you suspect?

 

And maybe she says she's going to go to sleep, because she wants to appease you, when she actually wants to talk to others.

In this specific case, you don't have a say. Why it should bother you, is beyond me.

If she wants to go to sleep, she'll sleep.

If she wants to talk to other people, she has that right, and why should you object?

 

(Again, if it's another guy, I take your point. But as you say, you don't have any proof....)

 

Are you insecure?

Is your jealousy and possessiveness driving a wedge in this?

The fact that you've tried to apologise would suggest that perhaps you see you were more in the wrong than she was....

 

If I were you, I'd take a step back, leave her be, and let her come round to talking to you in her own time.

The more you press your point, the more you'll just confirm your own insecurities, clinginess, and other undesirable traits...

 

....no?

[thomas123]

"What we have here, is a failure to communicate".

 

You don't have any proof - but do you suspect?

 

And maybe she says she's going to go to sleep, because she wants to appease you, when she actually wants to talk to others.

In this specific case, you don't have a say. Why it should bother you, is beyond me.

If she wants to go to sleep, she'll sleep.

If she wants to talk to other people, she has that right, and why should you object?

 

(Again, if it's another guy, I take your point. But as you say, you don't have any proof....)

 

Are you insecure?

Is your jealousy and possessiveness driving a wedge in this?

The fact that you've tried to apologise would suggest that perhaps you see you were more in the wrong than she was....

 

If I were you, I'd take a step back, leave her be, and let her come round to talking to you in her own time.

The more you press your point, the more you'll just confirm your own insecurities, clinginess, and other undesirable traits...

 

....no?

 

true, but it happened on wendsday, and its saturday now with no answer, she didnt tell me not to talk to her ever again or that shes breaking up with me or anything. but i feel as though saying she hates me is enough, and that she doesnt have to say anything more. she can just never talk to me again. which hurts, all i keep thinking about is the memories we've had together, i cant listen to certain songs or play certain games without crying as they remind me of her. Im hoping she will give closure, but she doesnt have to. I just feel like theres something missing, something she didnt say that will confirm our fate. Every day i wait it gets worse and worse, like a ticking timebomb. The more days that pass the more hope i lose. I find it odd that she didnt remove me nor block me on facebook. Its just as easy as doing it with the phone, so why didnt she..

[TaraMaiden2]

true, but it happened on wendsday, and its saturday now with no answer, she didnt tell me not to talk to her ever again or that shes breaking up with me or anything. but i feel as though saying she hates me is enough, and that she doesnt have to say anything more. she can just never talk to me again. which hurts, all i keep thinking about is the memories we've had together, i cant listen to certain songs or play certain games without crying as they remind me of her. Im hoping she will give closure, but she doesnt have to. I just feel like theres something missing, something she didnt say that will confirm our fate. Every day i wait it gets worse and worse, like a ticking timebomb. The more days that pass the more hope i lose. I find it odd that she didnt remove me nor block me on facebook. Its just as easy as doing it with the phone, so why didnt she..

 

You've totally avoided my questions.....

[thomas123]

You've totally avoided my questions.....

 

sorry, yes i should take a step back and wait for her, but that waiting is killing me inside, i dont want to have ruined a good thing with the most amazing person ive met. shes a sweet innocent girl, and....i cant. and youre right she can talk to whoever she wants whenever.

 

 

It hurts to see her online in chat, but getting no answer.

Edited September 26, 2015 by thomas123

[thomas123]

i know what to do but id like to know if its over or not...

[thomas123]

considering the fact that she hasnt deleted me from facebook or blocked me there as of yet, she may be holding back her full desicion about me, so im going to cease communication for about 2 weeks, and come back to confront.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think her behavior seems pretty predictable for her age.

 

You accused her of something you had no proof of, yelled at her and basically picked a fight because of YOUR insecurities. Any woman would be offended. She's royally pissed at you and now she's making you pay by leaving you to twitch in the wind wondering the fate of your relationship. Personally it all seems very childish to me but perhaps that's age and experience speaking.

 

And let's try not to take her comment out of context. She said she "hated you for saying that" NOT "I hate you". Maybe I'm wrong but they're not necessarily one in the same.

 

At this point there isn't much more you can do. You tried reaching out to her and apologizing in whatever ways you're still able. The rest is up to her. Looks like you're going to remain in limbo until she makes contact either way so I suggest you use this time to reflect on your relationship and especially your insecurities until then.

 

Good luck.

[thomas123]

I think her behavior seems pretty predictable for her age.

 

You accused her of something you had no proof of, yelled at her and basically picked a fight because of YOUR insecurities. Any woman would be offended. She's royally pissed at you and now she's making you pay by leaving you to twitch in the wind wondering the fate of your relationship. Personally it all seems very childish to me but perhaps that's age and experience speaking.

 

And let's try not to take her comment out of context. She said she "hated you for saying that" NOT "I hate you". Maybe I'm wrong but they're not necessarily one in the same.

 

At this point there isn't much more you can do. You tried reaching out to her and apologizing in whatever ways you're still able. The rest is up to her. Looks like you're going to remain in limbo until she makes contact either way so I suggest you use this time to reflect on your relationship and especially your insecurities until then.

 

Good luck.

 

shes a good person at heart, atleast thats what ive learned over the past year and a half, so she should at the very least give proper closure, to end the relationship if she feels its necessary. I left a message that says all I need to say. Now only time will tell.

 

thank you.

[TaraMaiden2]

shes a good person at heart, atleast thats what ive learned over the past year and a half, so she should at the very least give proper closure, to end the relationship if she feels its necessary. I left a message that says all I need to say. Now only time will tell.

 

thank you.

 

Dumpers don't - and never CAN - give closure.

 

If she's dumping you - This IS her closure.

 

'Closure' is something only you can give yourself.

If you let the whole thing drop, for the 2 whole weeks, as you have stated, and she doesn't contact you at all, in that time - then THIS - is your closure.

[thomas123]

Dumpers don't - and never CAN - give closure.

 

If she's dumping you - This IS her closure.

 

'Closure' is something only you can give yourself.

If you let the whole thing drop, for the 2 whole weeks, as you have stated, and she doesn't contact you at all, in that time - then THIS - is your closure.

 

you are correct, but then explain her reasoning for not cutting contact everywhere? She could have just as easily blocked me on fb as to prevent me from sending messages to her at all. but i still can.

[TaraMaiden2]

you are correct, but then explain her reasoning for not cutting contact everywhere? She could have just as easily blocked me on fb as to prevent me from sending messages to her at all. but i still can.

 

Her reasoning is feminine curiosity.

She wants to see if you're still connecting with her, chasing her, paying her attention, trying to get within her peripheral vision.

It's ego-based, in all likelihood, although she may just be watching you in order to avoid you while you're still an irritant....

[thomas123]

although she may just be watching you in order to avoid you while you're still an irritant....

 

whats the point of that? doesnt make sense. blocking me prevents me from being an irritant in the first place. she doesnt have to watch to avoid. this seems more like a cruel punishment as shes always at the top of my chat list when shes online.

[TaraMaiden2]

whats the point of that? doesnt make sense. blocking me prevents me from being an irritant in the first place. she doesnt have to watch to avoid. this seems more like a cruel punishment as shes always at the top of my chat list when shes online.

Like I said:

Ego-based.

[thomas123]

Like I said:

Ego-based.

 

from what ive learned about her the past year and a half, shes not that type of person. shes sensitive, extremely nice/friendly caring affectionate person. Granted deep down she might be different. but it seems unlikely.

[TaraMaiden2]

When people act in a particular way - believe them.

She's avoiding you even though she knows your activity.

Just rest on that, and carry on with your life.

 

You're really over-thinking this and asking too many questions that nobody can really answer. We can guess, based on long experience, but when push comes to shove, it is what it is.

You, here, her, there.

Separate.

 

Face it, deal with it, and then let it go.

[GemmaUK]

basically, i said that when she told me she was going to sleep i didnt believe it and that she was probably talking to other people

 

This is how my abusive relationship began.

Before I knew it what the heck was going on I was on call every single day from 5.30am until midnight with him constantly checking up on me.

 

I never did cheat on him.

I have never cheated on anyone, I don't even multi-date!!

 

Having experienced the same thing OP I would not suggest you confront her.

I would suggest you walk away and learn that dating and relationships do not mean that a person is at your beck and call and should not be expected to be. Everyone needs space and time for themselves.